[Our Parent’s advices]

A lot of us take advice seriously from our friends, our colleagues or classmates.
It could be regarding a new job offer or the girl whom you always want to know.

What should you do, how would you do it.
It’s not new to you because we are doing it almost every other day.

Our parents were among the first person we approached for an advice.
Most of the time, they would tell you what you shouldn’t be doing.

My mum is a typical negative minded person.
She would oppose in almost anything I want to do.

Like the design course I wanted to apply after O levels.
Like my choice of friends and the places I wanted to hang out.

She would say no to almost everything that came out from my mouth.
To her, having a steady job means more than anything in this life.

My passion, my dreams were something that is unpractical and perhaps unreasonable.
So I grew up my life listen to all her rejections even until this very day.

All my ventures, my proposals simply went down the drain the moment I speak to her.

My father on the other hand, never gives any advice.
He would only listen to what I want to say then let me say all the things I want.
Then he will not comment on it.

Normal reactions would be “Can do arh?”

You can say he’s more constructive in a way because he’s mentally challenging the possibilities in the problem.

There’s only one advice which he told me and sadly until today I still didn’t the importance of his advice.

“When are you going to get your driving license?”
I remembered he told me shortly after I came out from the army… almost 10years ago.

I would think it’s a bother to go through all the lessons and exams without the need of wanting a car. However, a license can be useful even if you don’t have a car.

My dad had the foresight and asked me to go for it.

I didn’t then, I had to now…

Looking forward, how will I advice my son one day?
If he comes to me with a problem, how would I help him?
If he comes to me with a passion, will I brush his hope away?

I hope not.

A lot of us failed to understand how much influence we have on others.

You'll never realized how much you can affect another person's emotions just by behaving negatively infront of him/her

[ Leaving Home ]

“When are you finally going to clean up your room?”
My mum will nag about this all day long as I sank deep inside my own world.

“Maybe tomorrow…. ”
I guess this answer would come almost immediately as the dreadful noise pollution continues.

“If I feel like doing it….”
This would be the heart’s answer.

How I miss those words.
How I miss the 30 over years that I’ve stayed with my parents.

Maybe some of us will laugh at the fact everyone will go out and build their own home at certain points of their lives.

Being independent and growing up.
That’s adulthood and the true facts of life.

Recently I’ve finally moved out from my parents and have a place of my own with my wife. It took us a lot of effort to raise the funding to purchase our flat.

The first night of our stay, I couldn’t sleep.
I remembered that telling my wife that I missed mum’s nagging.
She would always nag across the room before we go to bed.

It would either be about my messy room, about me being overspending or simply complaining what a hard life she is having. Sometimes I would answer back with a sense of rebel and most of the time I will end up at the losing end.

It was all quiet as we switched off our lights.

No nagging, no complaining, no sound.

I know all of us always have the urge to leave home one day.
We know we will be the kings and queens of our own little palace.
We can cook whatever we want and we can always leave the cleaning to tomorrow.

That’s probably the good side.

I’ve realized there are so many things which I won’t have know until I moved out.

Doing your groceries shopping is an art.
Some days you can be at the supermarket and realize that there’s no vegetable at all.
Buying the correct things at the correct supermarket can save you some dollars.

Cooking is not putting in all the ingredients and expects it to turn nicely as how our mums would cook. Doing laundry and mopping the floor exerts more energy than climbing stairs.

As we slowly get use to managing the whole house ourselves, I learn to appreciate all the nagging that I used to have.

As far as I hate nagging, it is still a communication skill that only women perfect the art.

It is an art of driving a message across your ears, bypassing your logic senses and directly hit your brain and memory.

Somehow no matter where you go, how far you’ve been, you will always remember your mum’s nagging.

These days, we only go back on Sunday.
She doesn’t really nag anymore.

“When you step out of the house, you are an adult now. Soon you are going to be someone’s father; I don’t need to nag at you anymore”

I know I might be labeled a sissy in front of my friends
(ok never mind that, all of them don’t read my blog)

I missed her nagging and miss her.

Thanks for all the nag that I’ve received in my life.

You’ll never know how much you miss it until you missed it.

[A Letter to My Child – Part II]

Dear Son,

Time seems to move very fast when you are busy.
You are in your 31st week and we’ll be visiting the gyne later on.

Your mum and I have decided on your name.

You know, a name is the actually the first emotional gift that a parent gave it their child to unify the bond between them. Every individual child’s name is special in their parent’s ear and every name has a different meaning.

Perhaps due to the fact that I was born in an uneducated parents and being Taoist, there wasn’t any English name for me.

One of the earliest questions that I was ever asked was, “What’s the meaning of your name?”
I went home and asked my parents as I was totally unaware.

“Oh, cos one of cousin was named Wen Yi, so we followed his “Yi” and named you “Shun Yi” loh” my mum explained.

“Har? Like that only arh?” and I thought I was special.

“No lah, we want you to be filial and righteous that’s why we named you “顺义” which is 孝顺，讲义气!” my mum followed after seeing my dreadful look.

31 years on, I looked back and asked myself whether I’m a filial & righteous guy.
I hope I’m, I wish I’m more.

Your mum’s name” 红梅” was named by her grandfather.

Her explanation of her name’s origin was based on the first sight of the newborn where your great grandfather resembles one “林黛玉” character in Dream of the Red Chamber 红楼梦.
I never had a chance to ask him why he wanted to name her this way.

Both your dad and mum grew up using our English name rather than our given name.
But we’ll never forget the story and meaning behind our name.

We hope to give you a name which is meaningful yet unique and easy to call.
We want to name you “Alvy Lim”
It may make you sound like a branded bag but there is a special meaning behind this name.

Alvy is Anntonii Lim Vanilla Yu

[ A Letter To My Child - Part I ]

Dear Son,

The date is 20th July 2010 and if everything goes smoothly, you will witness the world in 3 months time.

I don’t know when you will be able to read this.
Maybe in a few years time,
Maybe when you are older and perhaps bump onto my website while you surf one day.

I don’t even know your name yet.

Daddy & Mummy just want to let you know that having you is the greatest thing that ever happened in our lives.

The first time when I realized that your mum was pregnant, I was too lost for words.
Fear and uncertainty soon creeps upon me slowly.
What was I suppose to do?

Am I financially capable of giving you the best education like the rest of the kids?
Am I able to guide you as you learned your first lesson?
Sometimes I wondered how my own dad overcame his anxiety, he probably don’t care anyways.

Your mum was not really well during the first 3months while you had you.
All she ate was only porridge and vegetables.
No matter how hard I tried, she just couldn’t fill herself up.
I think I was really fanatic as I’ve had her go on many blood tests to ensure everything’s ok.

I bought her a notebook and asked her to write the journal of your growth, she would carefully slot in those ultrasound photos of you and write her thoughts about it.

She won’t let me look at it.
“It’s a Mother to Son thing” she said.

Soon the 4th month came and your mum got better every day.
The ever-slim tummy of hers grew bit and bit as you slowly grow.

We moved into our own house during her 5th month.
Your mum would do her best to help out in the house moving as she would not let me single-handedly do it myself. She walked over 1 kilometer from your grandma’s place carrying our pillow and bed sheet.

Your mum is always alone at home with you as she’s not working. She would still do house chores and laundry while I work late. Despite how tired she looked, she would always cook something for me when I reached home at night.

We would then lie on the bed and talk till the wee hours about the stuff I did and what she do for the day. You seem to love to kick at her at 11pm she said.

As I ventured through this mystical ride, an unexplainably huge stress laid upon me.

I need time & money but I have none.

I had to work longer hours, always looking for other source of income to supplement the family.
As I worked longer hours, it would also mean that my time for your mum is less.

I had to borrow from people & banks, something which I never thought I will do in my life.
We had to sacrifice for each other and had to spend our money wisely.

Despite all these situations, we never once said we are going to give up.
I never will.

My Son,

You will grow up one day,
You will experience your first fall, you will realize pain is something that you don’t like.
But you must remember to get up and move on.

Life is not about moving but falling.
All of us learned from falling because it’s the first thing that happened when we started to walk.

[我的老婆]

我的老婆是一个

从小就被宠怀的小公主，也从小就会到处欺负人。
生气时就会在马路大喊大叫的人，
也会长长因为生别人的气而发泄在我身上。

很怕肥又不漂亮的人，也长长花一大堆钱买护肤品。
追求高素质生活的人，也想拥有一个漂亮美丽的家。
老是说我没用的人，也一直向往着更好的未来。

但她也是一个

为了我而远离父母的人，想念他们时也只能打个电话。
为了我而学习如何抄菜的人，当我饿了也会有一盘面吃。
为了我而压抑自己的开支，很多东西想买也只能等待。

最重要的，
她为了我们而怀了我们的宝贝。

我永远都不会知道，也不会感受到怀孕有多辛苦。
我只看到一开始就每天不舒服的她。
躺在床上，每天等我下班回家的样子。
吃也不多，喝也很少。
不过日子一天天的过去，她也好了很多。
现在也有点盼望我们的小宝贝的到来。

我知道我的人生又会有很大的改变。
钱可能也会有很大的问题。
不过这一些都比不上一个妈妈的决心。

因为我老婆曾经对我说，

"当一个女人肯为一个男人而怀孕生小孩时，
这就意味着她有多爱他。
因为当女人怀孕时，她们的心理和生理都会改变"

亲爱的老婆，母亲节快乐！

[简单的幸福]

你,恋爱过吗？
你,曾被爱伤害过吗？

如果你没被爱伤害过,那我觉得你不曾恋爱过吧。

看着那影片播放的爱情故事，我有些感动。
男女主角的恋情怎么都那么感人，那么浪漫呢？
可能是因为两个人之间的爱情的如果不能轰轰烈烈的，
那回忆时也没什么好留恋的吧。

认识我的人曾经问我，
为什么在我的故事里从来没有诉说起我跟我老婆的爱情故事呢？
她们都相信我们的爱情一定很浪漫，一定很精彩。因为我是一个懂爱的人。

很好笑的事，我们故事一点也不浪漫。
我任为两个人,不是一定要在一个很浪漫的地方或情况下结缘。
浪漫的爱情可能会是一段很平凡的相遇。
你可能很早就认识她，又或者你也记不起是什么时候认识她。
一段恋情，也不一定要经过生离死别才称得上是个浪漫小说。

世界上往往最简单的东西偶尔是最不起眼的。
而最不起眼的东西也是我们往往会忽略的。包括简单的恋爱。

今天是否跟他吃了一顿饭？
今天是否跟她看了一场电影？
吃饭，看电影不都是一直在做的事吗？

但你有没有想过，
如果有一天是你自己一个吃饭，一个看电影。
自己一个人做这些平凡的事时？

你会寂寞吗？

可能到那时候，你才会明白。
什么叫做简单的幸福。

简单的幸福：是每天早上醒来时，看着你的那一刻。