Book of Love 爱神の书
Chapter 4

If you weren’t existed in this world, how would the lives of the people around you be?
Will they be happier?
Will they be sadder?
Will this world still be the same?

All of us asked ourselves this question at least once in our lifetime. Some were asked upon by others.

What is the meaning of existence?
Why were you created to suffer at the point of birth?

Some people are born rich while others struggled to survive through a day’s meal.
Some people are born smart while others struggled to get themselves through colleague.

You looked at those who are financially stronger than yourself.
You envy their abilities to get what they want.

Then you would ask yourself
“Why were you born?”

Be it a mistake, a moment of extended pleasure or even planned for by your parents.

Your very existence means a lot to the people around you.

You give your parents someone to scold when you don’t well for your grades.
You give your classmates your notes to copy or normally it would be vice versa.
You give your friends moments of laughter when all of you get together.
You give your first love to your crush.
You give your first girlfriend your first kiss.
You give your parents their first allowance.
You give your wife her first wedding ring.
You give your child their first breath of life.

Then you looked back at all the memories that you’ve gain and all the others that people remember you for.

Isn’t it wonderful that because you are existed to experience the meaning of life?

“Love is you, you have to love yourself before you learn to love others”

“Do you know Love, Mark?”
The voice was familiar.
It came from someone whom Mark hadn’t heard a long time.

“Where are you Jade?”
Mark tried to sweep the white mist that was surrounding him.

“I’m nowhere or you can say everywhere”
The voice replied.

“You haven’t answered my question.”

“I… know Love..”
Mark replied.

“Love is you, you love yourself before you can love others”

“Then do you love yourself?”
The voice continued.

“I… I don’t know”

“Mark, if you don’t love yourself then how can you start loving others?”

“Why must I start loving others?”

“If you don’t love others, how can you go on?”

Mark didn’t answer.
“Mark, let go of me in your inner heart. Let me go, I don’t belong to this world anymore.”

“We promised to be together forever didn’t we? Isn’t that what love is all about? Eternity?”

“If you love someone very much then will you let go of her?”

His eyes were wide open by the sound of the morning alarm.
Mark tried to close back his eyes to go back into his dream.
As much as he wanted, he just couldn’t get back to the dream anymore.

Finally he picked himself up and washed himself.

Mark looked into the mirror and there were dark circles surrounding his puffy eyes.

He had dream about the past, something which he had tried to put behind after such a long time.

As he log on to his blog, Mark looked at the phrase that Psyche had left.

“Do you love yourself in the first place?”

Mark stared blankly until a knock on his door brought him back to reality.

“Are you going to work today?”

“Yes mum, I’m changing now”

As Mark left the room, a picture of Mark and Jade was hanging behind the door.
The picture was taken a long time ago.

Mark went out quickly after taking a quick breakfast.
It was later than his usual time.

The MRT was still as packed as always. Mark had board from the front cabin as he tried to avoid the girl from yesterday. More importantly he was trying to avoid the middle age women who gave him a dress down.

As Mark squeezed into the middle area of the cabin, one of his files knocked onto someone and dropped on the floor. Mark bended down and tried to pick up his file.

“Sorry…”

“It’s ok..”

As both eyes met, both pair of pupil expanded with surprise.
It was the girl from yesterday.

“Are you trying to look at my underwear today?”

The girl’s glared could instantly kill him.

“Eh… hey, I didn’t mean it yesterday. It wasn’t purpose.”

“So you mean you are on purpose today?”

Mark was lost for words and sweat came rolling down as he was afraid that she will scream and calling him a ‘pervert’

“Nah.. I don’t think you are such a person”
The girl pushed up her specs and smile.

There was a feeling of relived felt through all the veins throughout his entire body as his blood continues to flow once more.

“Phew… I’m glad you understand”

“Of course, I’m not a beauty anyway, even if you want to prey, you would have prey one someone wearing less, someone sexier?”

“Don’t say yourself like that ok? Well these aren’t the most encouraging words but if I’m really a pervert I will surely and definitely prey on you”

The iceberg seems to crush in between them.

“Why are you in the front cabin today?”
Mark asked.

“To avoid you loh! You know how embarrassed I was yesterday?”
The girl tried to cover her face as she blushed once more.

“Ok, you deserved an apology. I officially and sincerely apologized to you”

Mark spoke as he bow down his head for a moment.

“Next stop…Yishun station”
Announced over the announcement system.

“I would be alighting next, so where do you alight?”

“My workplace is at Raffles place”

“Wow.. office lady yeah?”

“Yeah.. kinda, I’m an accountant.”
The train had stopped and the doors had open.

“Oh.. before I forget, my name is Mark, see you tomorrow at front cabin?”
Mark handed her his namecard as he made his way out.

“See you Mark… my name’s Jade”

Mark stood at outside the platform as the door closes.

“Her name’s Jade?”

----------------------------

“Hey bro, you are late today… “
Shaun greeted Mark as he entered the office.

“Yeah, I had a bad night”

“Tell me about it man…”

“I dreamt about Jade last night”

“Jade? You mean your university’s sweetheart?”
Shaun stopped typing and turned to face Mark.

“Mark.. you still can’t let go?”

“I don’t know”

“I mean, sorry to say this but she had gone for so long”
Shaun walked over and pat on his back.

“You ought to get your life going”

“I did ok? I’ve got so many girlfriends after her”

“And all of them you really loved?”

Mark didn’t answer as he knew Shaun had saw through him.

“Come on bro, don’t think too much”

“Ok, let’s get started on this busy day”
Mark replied as he switched on his desktop.

He logged onto his blog.

Mark then keyed in.

“I used to love myself very much, then something bad happened. I realized that I do not love myself anymore.”

Before he got electronically buried in the tons of emails that clients all over the world sent.

Soon it was noon.

“Hey Boss is bringing us out for lunch today”
Christine announced after she came out of the boss office.

“Great! Let’s have a good lunch!”
Shaun cheered.

“Please leave me out… I want to catch a short nap in the office”

“Ok loh, you don’t want to see him right? After he screwed you yesterday?”
Christine trying to bitch.

“Nah. Work is work. I’m just very tired”
Mark replied.

“Ok, maybe we will get you something when we are back later”
Shaun looked at his tired friend.

“Yeah…”

Mark went to make himself a cup of coffee as the group left for lunch.

As he came back, he log on to his blog once more.

As Mark looked at his tag board, there were full of unanswered questions as the next reply came.

“If you love someone very much then will you let go of her?”

It was sent by Pschye.

[To be Cont]