Secrets of the Heart - 心の秘密 Chapter 15

Hi, can I tell you something?
Can you promise not to tell anyone?
Why?
Because it’s a secret.

I believe a lot of us grew up listening to this sentence.
It was so common during our younger days when we felt that secrets were something which is very special and should not be told to another person unnecessarily.

Instead, our secrets were traded.
"I’ll only tell you my secret if you tell me yours, first”

To our young and innocent minds, we often believed that secrets we said will not be told to another person. How wrong we were.

As we grew older, we don’t believe in that anymore.
We will feel that a secret is something which we will only tell certain people.
Perhaps we would only let our parents, our love ones or a very best friend know.

There are times however we realized that even our very best friends would not keep the secret that we entrusted to them.

We felt the hurt when someone else came to us asking about it.
As we entered adulthood, our secrets became a very personal thing.

These secrets are something which might has happened to us a long time ago. It could have been something unpleasant, something that we don’t want to rake it up all over again. It could have been a past relationship which you would not want your present partner to know.

For whatever reason it may be, we won’t really want to talk about it.

And so we sealed & locked our secrets away, buried deep inside our hearts.
Fearing that we do not have the courage to face it.

As more secrets were buried, our hearts slowly become a hurt locker waiting yearning for attention.

Over a while, we tend to forget about them and move on with life.
Until something happened that made us think back and pondered over the secrets that we buried deep.

What sort of secrets do you have?
Will you tell someone or will you bring it to you grave?
Will you smile knowing that it’s safe because no one else knows about it.

All of us have secrets, deep inside our hearts.

We kept them deep not because we don’t want anyone to find out, we are only waiting for the right person to tell…


“Dad?”
The silence broke as they were walking out to the taxi stand.

“yeah?” Janet’s father replied.

“You sure you can help me keep an eye on him?” Janet asked

“Sure, he will be alright” Her father reassured her.

“Promised to sms me if he wakes up?”
“Well, you ought to have a good rest you know. You have classes tomorrow?”

“No… promise me…” Janet rise out her hand showing her last finger.
Janet’s father was caught by her actions.

“Even though you had broken the promise once…”

It was something that they would do when she was a little girl.
“Daddy, promise me that you will love me and mummy always”

A little Janet would always ask her father to cross his last finger with her, he never really understand why is there a need. After he crossed his fingers, Janet would run in joy to her mother’s side.

“Mummy, Daddy promised with his pinky!”

Her mother will kiss her last finger to acknowledge the promise, the promise she deemed broken the day when they were divorced.

He smiled as he looked at his daughter. It’s been a while since the last time he had a good look at her. She certainly takes after her mother and had already grown up so much.

No matter how old she is, she will always remain as Daddy’s little girl.
He never really broken his pinky promise as he never stopped loving the two of them.
“Alright, I will sms you the first moment he wakes up”
He raised his last finger to make the cross.

“First, I would need to settle my admission here. I requested to be discharged so that I can readmit here in SGH. They still need to run some ECG scan tomorrow to confirm I’m alright”
A taxi arrived the moment they reached the stand.

“Dad, please take care of yourself”
He smiled as she got in.

“If you don’t take care of yourself, how can you ensure I study hard and lock me in?”
Janet looked into his eyes.

His smiled got wider.

“I will….”
His eyes looked upon the taxi as it drove off towards the exit.

It was way past midnight when Janet’s father came back wearing the patient’s attire.
The corridor was cold and quiet as the two men stood outside the Intensive Care Unit room.
Edwin’s father kept staring at Edwin in hoping for a slightest response while Janet’s father was looking through his mobile phone for work updates.

“Sir… I just want to say thank you”
Janet’s father was taken aback by the breaking of the silence.

“Sorry Sir, I’m not an educated man, I don’t know what other words I can used to express my thanks for contacting me and sending me here”

Edwin’s father looked at him with his eyes reddened.
Janet’s father gave a pat on his shoulder.

“Don’t worry about it”
“Mr, you can go home actually, I’ll be fine here with my son”
Edwin’s father felt a little bit guilty.

“Oh it’s ok; I’ve already transferred here from SGH. In fact I’m still under observation for my recent heart attack. The doctors helped to arrange for me to transfer here so that they can conduct more test tomorrow”

“I’m sorry that I have to bother you”
Janet’s father smiled back.

“Don’t be, we are fathers. I understand how you feel now. In fact I just get to know your son; he came with Janet to see me when I was hospitalized.”

“Your son… is a very bright child”
“Eh... yes he is. I’m very proud of him. He is nothing like me”
“How can you say that?” Janet’s father was surprised by his negative comments.

“I’ve no education, no skills, and no knowledge. I don’t know anything about the world; I don’t even know how many countries are there in Asian. The furthest place I’ve been is Genting with his late mother”

“Sometimes… I think my children despised and look down on me”
Edwin’s father tried to look away as his eyes started to get watery.

“You know what makes a good father?”
Janet’s father looked at him.

“I know, a good father is one who earns a lot of money and give them the best that he can afford. A big house, a big car and all the latest computers or things that their friends have”
Edwin’s father voiced roughened while thinking about his daughter Meiyee.

“You really think so?”
Edwin’s father nodded.

“Do you think my daughter is proud of me as a father?”
“Why not? You are so capable and must be earning a lot of money”
Edwin’s father replied almost immediately.

“You’re wrong, she’s not proud of me. In fact she kinds of hate me to the core”
“How can she do that? You worked so hard to maintain this family, to pay for all the expenses”
Edwin’s father was confused that his understanding was not proven.

“Sometimes we think of the things that we don’t have and believe by having it we will be happy.” Janet’s father looked at Edwin’s father in the eye.
“Sometimes the things we really need are actually with us all along.”

“My elder daughter moved out of our house because she hates being poor. I don’t see there’s anything good with our broken shop house”
Edwin’s father lowered his head.

“Even if you were rich, will you move away from your broken shop house?”
Edwin’s father shook his head.

“Why?”

“Because it is the place where I first met my wife, it is the place where we fell in love and it is the place where both my children were born. It is also place where I last seen her, the last time when I held her hand as she lay in my arms.”

“Because it is a place where you call home” Janet’s father simplified his believes.
“I’m sure she will understand one day”

“A father is the pillar of the house, the one who supports his family both financially and emotionally. We cannot be down or look down on ourselves just because we are not better than someone else. “
Janet’s father paused before continued.

“My daughter hates me because she thought I had driven my wife away. I don’t see a need to explain or let her know the truth, I can’t bear to see the image of my wife destroyed in the eyes of her. ”

“So I built a fence around her and want her to concentrate on her studies for her own good. I can’t be with her forever right…”

“She’s already lost her mum... no I have already lost my wife to be exact. So do you think that makes me a good father?” Janet’s father smiled.

“Sorry Sir, I don’t know what happened between you and your wife so I can’t comment. All I know is she is still alive, your daughter can still see her one day. Unlike my wife who has passed away many years ago.”

“I’m sorry about that” Janet’s father came over to lay a pat on his shoulder.

“I don’t know how to face her… I promised her that I will take care of both our children. I promised her that I will not let them suffer but truth is… they never lived a day of happiness in their life”

Edwin’s father suddenly kneeled down at the door.

“I’m a simple man. I’ve never done anything to hurt anyone or do anything bad in my life. Why is heaven treating me like this? What wrong have I done? The only women whom I loved left me at such a young age. My daughter despised me, move out of the house because of our family’s condition and now my son is lying unconsciously inside.”

“Why….” Edwin’s father couldn’t control himself anymore.

A nurse on duty came out to see the commotion but was assured by Janet’s father that everything was alright.

“You need to get a hold of yourself and be strong for them; your children still needs you”

Janet’s father tried to lift him up but Edwin’s father seems inconsolable.

“Ah Pa…”
Edwin’s father stopped.

A teary Meiyee stood not far away, hiding behind entrance.

“Ah Pa… I’m sorry…”
She came over and hugged him as hard as she could.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry Ah Pa, and I shouldn’t have left the house”
Edwin’s father was lost for words.

“I was thinking the whole night yesterday and I realized that this was not something that I wanted. I want a place where I can see you face every day never mind the groceries that is stacked all over”

“Ah Pa I never despised you. To me you are the greatest father a daughter can ask for, I’m really sorry for being childish yesterday”

“Please forgive me” Meiyee pleaded with her father.

“My Child, I wasn’t angry with you..No parent will be angry with their child regardless of what situation”
Meiyee helped her father on his feet again.

“Aunt Grace told you that we were here?” Meiyee nodded her head while wiping her tears.

“You have a very strong father and someone whom you should really be proud of”
Janet’s father spoke as Meiyee looked at him.

“Yes I know.. I heard everything when I was at the door. Perhaps I was fueled by the situations that happened yesterday that I shifted the blame on my father”

“Although I don’t have branded bags, latest mobile phones or sport the latest trend. I have a family that adores and care about me. A family that whom I will never leave them out of my sight again”
Janet spoke with guilt in her sentence and tried not to look into her father’s eye.

“Jie… Ah Pa.*cough* cough*”

The sound came from the room muted everyone outside and turned towards that direction.

Edwin was sitting up on his bed and let out a faint smile.

[To be Cont]