A Love Letter to Heaven

Ying ,
“The same smile will always be there along with the rosy cheek that blushes each time happiness is felt within you. The eyes of innocent youth will look forever the same..” Some things haven’t change isn’t it?
I wish so much everyday that I could see you once more, not only in dreams but in reality. I wanted to feel you so much but I guess it seems impossible now. The days that you’ve gone has come to a hundred and it seems like only yesterday we were having those little strolls along the park behind our house.

Sometimes I want to tell you how much I love you, how much I’m willing to do for you, how much I would rather give half my life to God in exchange for your presence.
But I guess all this ain’t gonna be true once more. You had left me to walk with God in heaven. The little angels send me a dream of you last night. It was about how we first met. Of course, I would not forget about it .. but yesterday was like history relived.

You will never forget will you?
That question which I asked you became one of the weirdest question I’ve ever approach a girl. Till now.. I’m still confused that you actually answered a ‘No’ to a “excuse me are you a virgin?’ kind of question. Many people would think its crazy to remember such a small thing.. but that’s me … blame it on my emotional hormones.
Know what is a miracle?

Knowing you was a blessing but having you by my side was a miracle indeed. Somehow I never thought I was of your standards. You were like the angel with the most beautiful wings spread open whereas I was only a lowly being who look so inhumanly from young. That’s why I’ve always treasure your attention so much. Time… I think is a very strange thing. When you’re with someone you love. It always seems so short… but when you’re missing someone… time always seems so long.

One of the happiest moments in my life would be our first date. Those days of being young are coming back to me once more. You looked great with the red dress with floral design all over. I never think cosmetics make us a better person, especially you. For you had the rosiest cheeks without the enhancement of artificial product.
Remembering back the date.. when we said walking was a form of romantic expression when money was really the main problem? I remembered how we walked from the whole east coast beach to your house at katong. No one has ever calculated how much we’ve walked over the years.

Perhaps a few hundred kilometers ?
I bet you won’t forget the story I told you about the 3 stars that never seems to separate? Well maybe you would like to hear the story once more…..


“ Long Ago .. in the ancient times of Rome,... there lives a very poor farmer by the name of Heron. He worked night and day ... over the fields of grains.. to harvest food ... to him life was so miserable that he never thought he would love someone... until... the day when the boss came to collect his tax with his daughter , Zoenith. Heron tried so hard to impress his beloved... it was a love at first sight... Then he told Zoenith.. tat he will climb up the highest mountain in Rome to catch a falling star in return for her love Now Zoenith did like Heron.. but due to the strong rejection from her father .. she could only avoid him when she knows he was going to the highest mountain... she ran away from home to find him and there she was... finally found him on the cliff of the highest mountain The Boss send many men to search for Heron .. and wanted his head back for reward they look high and low.. for this young farmer... and finally they reached the tip of the highest mountain as they approach... Zoenith begins to plead for their mercy to let Heron go but Heron stood still as he holds Zoenith's hand He spoke of real sincerity. Knowing u was a blessing ... but for you to be with me by my side .. is a miracle... indeed.. let this day not be the day as we are parted... but for this day tat we are united..' even if we were to go through hell together... Heron tighten his grip of Zoenith's hand as they jump down the cliff together now Venus .. The Goddess of Love... saw what happen she understands the true love between this young couple... at she send a shinning star... to fetch them ... and bring them to the evening sky and in the nights of Rome... people will see 3 stars.. Heron, Zoenith.. and the middle start between them which symbolize their Love... For either one which will stop glowing ... the others will simply dies off As their love is not tested by time ... but will last longer than time.....”

I wish we would become like Heron and Zoenith.. I wish I can kill myself now to join you in heaven but I will never forget the final words you’ve said to me.
“ Live for me……..”
Did you know you were very selfish? You didn’t even give me a chance to reply. Maybe you had everything planned in mind didn’t you?

My mum always said we’re fated in life. If you’re rich in your past life, you will be poor this life… I think I must be a flirt in my past life.. that’s why I’m so devoted to you now. My mum always has her own ways of saying things. Like the ‘talking tree’ She used to bring me to my kindergardens and she would always tell me that tree communicate by swinging their branches. She would never think that I could still remember all these things.. maybe because I’m an adult now… and ‘Adults have an answer to everything in life’ she used to tell me.

Deep down in my heart, I don’t wish to be an adult I wish that I would be a child once more. Adults always hide their emotions. They tried to be strong on the outside but fragile in the inside.

I loved my mum very much .. I bet you didn’t realize it too. Sometimes I guess being an adult, you would feel silly just to go up to her and tell her you love her. She would think I’m crazy or something. At times when I’m down I wish I could cry on my mother’s lap once more.. as she would pat my back and tell me “ go on.. cry all you want and everything will be better afterwards”


Your memories of her maybe rather an unreal one. As you often complained she looked so stern. She broke down too .. the day at your funeral.. as she told me … she never really took care of you during your period of illness.. I didn’t blame her… I knew you will be gone one day after that day you told me that you've diagnosed with liver cancer.. I tried not to blame anyone.. even if I want I would only blame God .. for not giving us enough time to spend with each other

I think you must be lonely being alone in the clouds of heaven sometimes. You always dread about loneliness didn’t you? I could remember the times you often complained about the loneliness you felt being the only child in your family…Loneliness is something which we all will feel throughout our lives. I do hope the angels above can spread their wings of love upon you.

I will be strong, I will be mindful of my actions, my speech and my desire. I will lead life as much as you want me to, I will live for you. Taking life each day as it comes, nothing will be too big a barrier, nothing will be too small to be left unnoticed. I will wake up each day a happier person because life itself is a gift, a gift from the creator of heavens.

As I looked back to the days we’ve spent, knowing that memories will only be there for me to relive once more. I thank the lord above for the gift of life, even though sometimes life is miserable when we fall, the strength that we develop to pick ourselves up is something not things that are taught, these are the things that we are supposed to learn.

Lastly,

I love you, and you know I really do.

Please wait for me….


Love, Yang