Secrets of the Heart - 心の秘密

Chapter 3

Do you think all of us are judged on the intelligence we have?

Our ability to do something may bring extra attention from the ones we loved and the people around us.

When you just able to understand the people whom bred and fed you. Your parents tell you that learning the piano is good for your upbringing and a bright future.

From that day on, you will be put to countless hours of learning to play the piano. From the time that your little fingers were only able to touch the keys one by one, to the time when you sit for your graded piano examinations.

You’ll never really know whether you liked playing the piano, you only know playing the piano will bring happiness to the people around you.
Perhaps the happiness would manipulate your weak mind in thinking so.

Then will hard work always bring success?

What if you are not really up to the standard or you are really not gifted in the things in what people want you to achieve.

Will you been labeled as a ‘failure’ because of something that you are not able to achieve.

I’ve seen a lot of hardworking people in my life. They put in extra efforts than others and often spending more time of their in trying to achieve something which others could do.

If they passed, their parents would be the proudest person in their life. However if they failed, then their parents will blame on their lack of concentration and laziness which lead to the eventual failure.

Reality is cruel because it only recognizes those who passed, not those who’ve tried.

In the end, there will be a limit to everyone’s ability to learn or absorb and although hard work doesn’t always bring success, it certainly makes it sweeter when you’ve finally achieved.

The class had just ended and the students were taking their breaks to the washrooms. Jolynn was loitering at the corridor when she caught Janet staring out the window.

“So you are joining us tonight right?”
Janet stared at Jolynn as she sat down by her side.

“What's with tonight?”
Her pupils enlarged as she couldn't remember committing to any plans to her best friend.

“You mean you've forgotten about it?”
Jolynn's question was like a hot knife slicing a cold butter.

Janet shrugged.

“Wei...! It's Adrian's KTV outing? Didn't you say you were going?”
Jolynn pulled her sleeve.

Janet's train of thoughts ran backwards to the day when Adrian approached both of them during their break.

“Well, it's just a ktv outing, nothing much actually.” Adrian tried to convince them.

“So what's the occasion?” Jolynn question in doubt.

“Hmm... it's my birthday next week so my bros decided to organize this ktv outing. It's not going to be a big affair, just couple of guys and gals from school.”

Jolynn looked at Janet for some response.

“We'll see about it ok? If there's something on then I suppose we won't be able to make it.”
Janet started packing her stuffs.

“Ok.. sure, I hope you will be there.”
Adrian smiled before he left.

“Jan?”

“Yeah?” Janet looked up to her friend.

“You are damn fake you know that?”

“Huh??” Janet was rather shocked by her friend's remark.

“Didn't you tell me before that you liked him?”

“Did I? I did huh?” Janet looked surprised.

“How can a person changed her feelings so quickly? Unless you never really liked him in the first place.” Jolynn's words became more harsh.

“Well.. He's already got someone outside. Why would I like someone knowing we won't have a future?” Janet replied.

“Then have you ever seen him with anyone outside with your own eyes?”

Janet shook her head.

“I suppose these are only rumors from his class. Besides with his looks, rumors are bond to happen isn't it?” Jolynn tried to put some logic into her own reasoning.

“It's easier for him to have girlfriends than rumors..Oh.. whatever”
Janet started to walk off but Jolynn pulled her hand.

“Jan.. go to that outing ok? Accompany me?”

“You decide...” Janet then walked off.

“Jan, you remember now?”

“Oh.. you mean that outing.. it's tonight already?”

Jolynn nodded.

“Ok, I suppose I won't have anything to do tonight.”

Jolynn smiled.

“And.. I would like to learn that Fish Leong's song anyway...”

Janet smiled at her friend.

“So it's fixed... Don't back out if not I'm not going to talk to you again...”
Jolynn walked out of the class as the break ended.

Janet stare out the window again as the next lesson resume.

It was History lesson and everyone was dreaming away. Janet was one of them too as she looked at the swaying leaves on the branches.

“I wonder how much he had changed. It's been so long since we last went out together. I hope he's still as sweet as he used to be.”
Janet thought as she let out a smile.

Her smile stopped when there was a slight commotion in class.

“Edwin Ng, top student last year. What has happened to you? Can’t even answer a simple question?”
Janet saw Mrs. Chong walking towards Edwin as she speaks.

“Stand there young man! Very well, since you are not interested in my lesson, you might as well go stand outside till the class ends.”

Edwin then dragged himself out of the class as it continued.

“What should I wear tonight? Blouse or jeans? Heels? Hmmmm...”
This was all Janet could think of throughout the next half and hour.

“Good Morning class”
Miss Joanne greeted the class with her usual smile.

Janet hated Math all her life. She could understand what is the meaning of knowing all the equations and formulas in calculating something which you won't see. Math should just be something to do with everyday life and who uses algebra?

“Right class, before I go on. Just want to inform you that there will be a Math test tomorrow.”
The whole class groaned in common rhythm.

“Now, now, I don’t wish it to be a big surprise but I guess some of you will start to panic already. All the questions are pretty straight forward and if you have followed my lesson then there’s no need to be even scared of anything”
The groaned continued.

Janet was caught as she digested the information. All her smiles were gone as she knew how much she could possibly do with her knowledge.

“Oh my god.. I'm in deep shit this time round.”
The fear for her father who grounded her last holiday was enough to make her staring at her lunch during break.

“Oh well... maybe I should stay at home and revise throughout the night...”
“Hey… erm Janet… You ok?”
Janet turned around and saw Edwin.

“EDWIN! I’m so damned for tomorrow’s Math test!”
Janet blasted everything to Edwin for the next half an hour.
She was confused with herself, every time she had anything that she couldn't solve, she would turn to Edwin. Edwin will always come out with a solution to bail her out.

“We can exchange our answer sheets you know…”
“Are you crazy? You are sitting so far away from me. How do we even have the chance to do that?”
Janet replied in disbelieving.
“Eh… I’m not asking you to physically change our papers. I just want you to write my name down in your answer sheet. I will write your name in mine.”
Edwin explained patiently.

“Ok… ok I promise I will study the moment I reach home ok?”
Janet rubbed her eyes as Edwin made his move.

There was a sense of relieve throughout her deep emotions. At least she could go out without fearing anything tonight.

“Ooi Janet, I heard there's a Math test for your class tomorrow?”
Jolynn rushed upon hearing the news.

“Yeah...”
Janet just continued walking.
“Then how? Are we still going tonight? If you fail then your dad will literally kill you!”
“It's ok Jol, everything is going to alright. We are still going tonight because I promised you.”
Jolynn felt relieved too.
“Then see you tonight girl.” Jolynn waved goodbye to her friend as she walked back to her class.

The smile came back to Janet once more as she looked out the window for the remaining periods of the day. Somehow the day looks fine all over again.

--------------------------
“Attention, attention, Babes incoming!”
Someone shouted for attention as the girls arrived at the ktv.
There were a lot wolf whistle and howling in the room as Janet and Jolynn arrived.
“Wah... you guys can give us a break?”
Jolynn was brushing off the attraction yet enjoying every minute of it.
“Hey its great to see you gals!”
Adrian was sitting in the middle of the couch of the group which mainly from his class.
“Babes, Please sit beside our birthday boy.”
Terence ushered them towards the couch.
“You ok?”
Adrian looked at Janet while the rest of the group was singing.
“Yeah... I'm fine”
Janet looking at her glass.
“Thanks for coming, I really appreciate that.”

“Well.. Jolynn asked me to come so I guess I just accompanied her.”
“So you prepared for your test already?”
“It doesn't matter, I will be able to make it.”
The short conversation ended without further new topics.
“So it's your birthday, why didn't your girlfriend come? She’s busy?”
Janet suddenly popped out the question.

“Since when do I ever have a girlfriend?”
Adrian was shocked by her straightforwardness.

“You don't? Who are you bluffing? Hah!”
Janet took a sip of her glass.

“Yeah, I'm single. Unfortunately someone keep rejecting me”
Adrian leaned back onto his couch.

“Impossible.. if there's someone out who's able to do that to you. I wanna be the first to know.”

Adrian suddenly leaned forward to Janet's ear.
“Yeah... That person is you.”

Janet’s heart skipped a beat as the two of them froze in motion. The background was filled with singing and laughter but all was silence in Janet’s heart.

“Very funny…”
Janet got up from her seat and went to the washroom.

She was quiet for most of the night as the group was went on to celebrate Adrian’s birthday with song singings and cake cutting.

It was close to eleven when Janet reached home only to find her father sitting by the couch.

“Where have you been?”
Her dad’s authoritative voice sounded across the quiet living room.

“I was over at Jolynn’s place..”

“What did the two of you do?”

“Dad, I was revising tomorrow’s Math test with Jolynn.”

“Oh? There’s a test tomorrow? Since when you’ve become so independent?”

“Since the day you grounded me last semester.”
Janet then walked past her father without even looking at him.

As Janet locked her door, she couldn’t remember the last time since she spoke to him nicely over anything. He was always controlling her movement, limiting her freedom and restricting her privacy.

Janet sat by her study table and looked at the photo frame.

“Mum… now I understand why you left dad. So what if he’s the head of a multi-national company. He just treats his family like his subordinates and keeps on pushing them for higher grades.”

Her thoughts were distracted by the sound of her phone.
It was a sms by Adrian.

“Thanks for coming, you looked really pretty tonight..”

Janet lay on her bed looking at her phone.

“Should I reply….?”

Tiredness crept upon her as she closes her eyes and fell to a deep sleep.

-----------------------

The plan worked perfectly.

Janet was shocked by her result when she got back her test papers, or otherwise Edwin’s result. She could not overcome another greater shock when she overheard the rumors about Edwin’s result.

Guilt over ran her emotions as she called Edwin to apologize. It won’t change the result but only reduce her guilt.

There was an unread message from her phone when she hung up.

“Hey Janet, you want to come out this Saturday? Adrian”
----------------------------

“What answer you want to hear? Tell me.”

Neither of them replied.

“If the answer you want to hear is ‘Yes’ then I say yes loh. Is this what you want? Then tomorrow you can spread to the whole class.”
Edwin sounded very serious.

“Hey relax… relax, we are just joking.”
Daryl cooled him down.

“Yeah… besides, both of you are super not compatible. You are so intelligent and she is so hyped & Ah Lian”
Huiyee added.

Edwin sighed.
“Can we finally start our project?”

The lazy afternoon in the library finally came to life as the group discussed their history project. They had to put up with a sketch to perform about the Dutch ruling in Malaya in the seventeen century.

Edwin then felt his mobile phone trembling inside his bag.

“Hey Edwin, You want to come out this Saturday? Janet.”

[To be Cont]