Chapter 10 – Finale
[ Chapter 1 - A Lost Beginning ]

Everything that has an end will definitely have a beginning.
Everything we do, we said have a purpose. A purpose sometimes we do not wish to let anyone know.
How did you know your best friend?
Was it in school or just neighborhood?
What was the first conversation about?
What makes both of you the best of friends?
Maybe only you & your best friend will know.

“Anybody sitting here?”
“Nope.. please sit down..”
“Hi my name is Janice.. and you are?”
“My name is Mabel Soo, nice knowing you Janice”
“Class.. today's the first day of your secondary school life so please fill up the forms for your particulars” said Mrs Siu.

“Oh.. why we have always have to fill up so many forms…. “
Janice complained as she start filling.

“Yeah.. hey Janice.. your initials are 'SM?'”

“Yeah loh because my Chinese name is Huang Shu Mei…”
“So cute… then mine should be SM too.. Soo Mabel…”

Janice winked back.

Mabel returned a smile and she saw a logo on Janice’s notes… with a very unique of design of S(43)M.
“Janice… why is that logo designed as S43M?”
“Oh.. this is my Chinese name initials 'Shu' is the fourth sound of Hanyu Pinying and 'Mei' is the third mah.. so in hanyu pinying is Shu4 Mei3…”

“You sure is a very creative person Janice... Hey, wait a minute! my class register is 43!!~… hmm.. I was wondering whether can I use the same logo as you Janice?”

“Yeah its so coincidence that both of us are SM43… but meant in a different way.”

“I guess its fate that we will become the best of friends..”

And so it begins the blossom of a beautiful friendship.
The 2 girls were always together, studying exams, shopping and can't get enough of one another. They laughed together, cried together and people would have thought that they were lesbians.
As best of friends, they shared everything throughout their 4 years in secondary school..

Everything until one day in 1997.

“Jan… can I tell you secret?”
“What Mel?”

“I have a crush on someone in class…”
“Orhh.. now I know why there’s scribbling on your table..
“Do I really like him?, Will he like me? Will we be together?” S(43)M
aiyoh so mushy and who is he???”

“It's Ken…” Mabel blushed.
“Of all people in the world?~!?~?” Janice exclaimed.

“You know, he’s always there to make me happy throughout the boring class”

“Teasing you is making you happy.. oh god…”
Janice smacked her forehead in disbelief.

“Promise me that you would not tell anyone?”

“Alright, I Promise you”

Janice nodded in acknowledgment.

“But Mel, you're not going to let him how you feel?”
“Nope, I just want to enjoy the moment of being someone's secret admirer whether he knows or not it's not important.”
“It is important you know, what if he likes you too?”
“I don't know Jan, I guess I just don't have the guts to confess”

The night was hot and humid as Janice just couldn't close her eyes to rest.
She was sleepless that night as she tossed and turned with the same thought.

“My only best friend in class.. perhaps in my whole life.. why do we have to fall for the same person?”

Janice got up and walked towards her study table.
The calender on her table showed 12th of February.

Valentine's Day is only 2 days ahead.
“Valentine’s Day is coming.
My only best friend, I will definitely help you, I will let you have the happiness that you always wanted.”
Janice thought as she sat at her study table.

“Nothing comes a better time to bring the 2 of them together I suppose.. I will be the Cupid”
Janice took out a piece of paper and a pen and began writing.

Afraid that Ken would notice her handwriting, Janice took all her effort to write the neatest handwriting in her life. Every words that came out slowly but neatly arranged.

How should I begin? As Janice thought.

“Hi Ken.. or maybe I should call you Pig head with a pea brain,

You won’t have guessed that you will receive a Valentine’s day letter will you?

Yeah right, not in this life that is.

You’ll never noticed about the girls around you.Maybe you were gay and like guys more.

Maybe you think nobody will like you..Maybe you think all the good girl out there have already been taken up?”

Ken is as always such a irritating person..

Guess what? You are wrong all along!

I’m a good girl,not only consider myself pleasant looking but also having personalities.!

Most importantly, I’m always around you, through good times & bad.

I was there on your first day of school.

I was there when you failed your 1st mid-year exams.

I was there when you went to the chapel and cried.

I was there when you enjoyed the camping trip.

I was there when you got punished by the vice principal to apologize on stage.

I was there when you lost in your basketball & table tennis.

I was there… always did.. always will..

Janice thought about the times when they've spent together.
The paper had patches of wetness as her tears dropped as she continue writing.

Being a secret admirer is indeed torturing as I can’t bear the looks of your happiness with other girls & yet I can’t stand seeing you all alone.

On this 14th Feb 1997 Valentine’s Day, I’ve pluck up all the courage that I never think I could to tell you this.I like you, Ken,

I really do…

But I can’t bear the sight of looking at you when telling you this.. therefore I choose this letter to be my confider, my representative.

If you accept me, please come to the school gate tonight at 9.00pm.

I will wait for you….

Just like I’ve always been

If I never see you, it will mean that you do not intend to accept me,

therefore I will carry on my life without you.Just like I’ve always been.

Luv,S(43)M,12th Feb 1997 "

Finally she had completed the letter and dried her tears.
She had just gave up on her own happiness for her best friend.

The next morning, after mailing our the letter, Janice went up to Mabel.
“Mabel, I’ve got a surprise for you! Meet at 9.00pm tomorrow at the school gate ok?”
“Janice.. what are you up to?”
“Aiyah just go lah…”

Janice went back to her desk feeling both sad & happy at the same time.
She start writing “Happy Valentine’s Day to Myself S(43)M 1997” on her desk as a memorial for her Cupid's job.

It was Valentine’s Day as the school was filled with love and for once, the principal allowed dedications of love songs to be air on the PA systems. Everyone was giving or given stalks of roses.

“Ken!” Janice called.
“What?”
“Don't forget tonight!” Janice reminded as she left.

“Tonight? Oh yeah! Need to help out at parents' stall.. but how she know? I don't remember telling her about this.”
Ken thought as he walked into the class confused.

“The next song 'Heaven Knows' is going out for a secret admirer that I've been secretly admired for a long time. Nobody will know who is he except me and himself... From Mabel Soo Sec 4H.”

There were cheers throughout the entire and everyone was surrounding Mabel asking who her secret admirer was.

“Jan! What have you done???”
Mabel rushed to her table.

“Something that you always wanted but never have the guts to do right? Besides I never reveal the person mah... just relax..”

Janice pat on her back.
“And don't forget tonight's meeting at the school gate at 9pm? Don't be late”

Janice walked out of the classroom to wash her face.

Her eyes were swollen with the lack of sleep and crying.

Night came and there’s no not a single soul at the school gate.
Mabel was standing alone at the school gate. Janice was hiding behind the side gate.

There was no sign of Ken.
“Don’t tell me Ken did not liked her, how can he be so cruel?”

Janice thought as droplets of rain began to fall.

Mabel too felt the rain and was starting to make a move.
Didn’t want her best friend to go home distraught, Janice ran up to Mabel and gave her the biggest hug.

“Happy Valentine’s Day Mabel!”

“Aiyoh Janice.. what you doing?? Its that the surprise that you are going to give me?”
“Of course! Valentine’s day is also friendship day… we are the best of friends..” Janice took out the camera and took a picture of both of them together before the rain drenched

the 2 of them.

It was the Valentine's that Janice would never forget throughout her life...

“Good evening on 14th Feb 2008, this is the evening news from Singapore. Headlines for today, governments throughout the world has finally agreed through recommendations from World Lovers Organization that 14th Feb will be recognized a public holiday from next year onwards....Happy Valentine's Day.”

It was 9pm and tonight looks cloudy and clear as Janice walked towards the school gate.

“Memories sure is a great thing.. too bad the letter didn’t did it’s purpose I suppose. Maybe I didn’t write good enough”

Janice spoke as she stared at the school gate once more.

“Did I wrote the letter for myself?”
“Why did I always come back here every year this day?”

Janice said while letting out a sigh.

“Because you still cannot forget…”

There was a figure behind the gate but it was too dark to make out who it was.

“Or you were hoping that I’ll really be here on one of the Valentine’s day…?”

[THE END]

Chapter 9

[ A Lost Chance ]

Have you ever regret of saying or doing something that you shouldn’t?
How did you felt when the guilt rushed among you?

Everyone would have done or said something that they shouldn’t. The results can be very devastating depending on which angle.

If given a chance.. what is the words or action that you would want to change the most?

Is it something that cause someone to cry?
Or is it telling someone you’ve always like that you like her/him?

A few months have past through the chapters of confession.

Everything seems back to normal as the Ken, Janice & Mabel often meet up and rekindles the good old times. Some of the gatherings among old school pals Derrick, Kelvin, Michelle where everyone has changed so much since secondary school days.

Janice did not know whatever happened that night even though Mabel did told her that the 2 of them had met up.

The headquarters at US had requested Mabel to be stationed there for another 2 years and if the chances were good, she may have to remain there for good.

There was a mini celebration before the flight to celebrate the job progress of Mabel.

“I’m gonna miss you, Jan & you too.. Ken..”
Mabel said as she began to hugging them.
“Mel.. I don’t know when will I see you again.. promise me you take care of yourself ok?”

Janice hugged Mabel again.

“Take care, Mabel” Ken said.

“You better take care of Janice when I’m gone ok? If not I will take the earliest flight back to kick you!”

Mabel joked.


Soon after the goodbyes and sending off, Mabel had went onboard.

“Want to get a drink somewhere?” Ken suggested.

“Sure, why not? But its gonna be on you!”

“Janice, you damn cheapo! You are earning more than me you know, you should be giving me the treat!!”

Ken knocked her head.

They reached a café near Janice’s place.
As they were whining about each other’s job and rotten bosses.

Ken broke the ice.

“Janice, why is it that I’ve never hear you mention about dating other people?”

Janice blushed.

“Because I’m a lesbian..”

“Lesbians also dates mah.. only they date females instead of males.

But I’ve never hear you mention about your girlfriends before”

“Don’t talk about me lah, there’s nothing interesting in me.” Janice revoked.

“Why I never hear you talking about your dates too?”

“Because I never had any!”

“Didn’t you & Mabel got something?”

“Nope… never, we are just good friends”

“Ken, or are you gay?” Janice burst out laughing.

“Nope, its because I’m still waiting for the chance to tell that someone that I liked her”

“Then when you going to tell… ?”

“I don’t know… maybe tonight…”

“I like you Janice… “ Ken held Janice’s hand.

All her laughter and smile broke into pieces as this was one of the last thing she would be able to imagine.

“Ken.. stop it.. its not funny” Janice tried to loosen her hand.

“No I’m serious… this time..” Ken looked into her eyes.

“Why me? Why not Mabel? She liked you all along..”

“Why you? Why not you? Why is it that it have to be somebody else? Why can’t we be together?”

“Its impossible Ken, we cannot be together..”
Janice broke free… and dashed out of the café heading home.

Ken was left all alone.

There was something tingling in his heart.

Somehow he can felt the pain that was piercing through.

Maybe the pain was as much as how Mabel felt that night.
The feeling of rejection.

The only chance that he had was gone.
Ken tried calling Janice but she would not pick up.

2 weeks have past, there was still no response from her even though Ken have constantly tried to contact Janice.

Ken had turn to the last resort as he gone up to her flat.

An old woman opened the door.

“Auntie, are you Janice’s mother?”

“Yes.. who are you?” The woman looked at Ken.

“I’m Ken.. you remember? Janice’s classmate during secondary school. You always cooked dinner for us whenever we come over to study”

“Oh.. so you are Ken…”

“Yes.. Auntie.. is Janice around?”

“Nope.. she’s not around” Janice’s mother spoke as she was closing the door to him.

“Then when will she return? It’s ok, please let her know I will wait downstairs for her.”

“Ken?” She reopened the door.

“You mean you didn’t know? Janice never told you her Hotel is sending her to Australia for further studies and attachment. She had left 2 nights ago. ”

There was the last words before the door was closed once more.

“All is lost..”

Ken thought as he walked slowly down to his car.

“When will I ever see her again?”

There were tears in his eyes as he think back about the times he had share with Janice.

Maybe Janice was the one after all.
She was the one who’ve accompanied him throughout all the good & bad times in his life.
“She’s gone now… why do I have to wait until today to find out that she is the one that I really loved?”

[To be Cont]

Chapter 8

[ A Lost Secret ]

“Psst… Can I tell you something? But promise me you won’ tell anyone?”
“Ok I promise.. I will keep this secret forever with me..”
“Really?”
“Really.. A secret is always a secret..”

Ever tell someone a secret?
Or ever been told a secret that you have to hold down your body to prevent it from leaking out?

I believe everyone has secrets.

It can be just about everything. About family, friends, wrongdoings, relationships..
One of the best secrets when we were young is involving secret admiration for someone.

Who would have forgotten the feeling you got when you finally let the secret out?

Was it guilt?
Was it a relieve that finally you need not bear the burden of knowing and can’t telling?


“Mel?”

Janice called Mabel when she reached home.

“Yes dear?”

“I’m sorry… I’ve told Ken about it”

“About what?”

“About you having a crush on him when we were in Secondary school. I’m sorry.. I know I’ve promised not to tell anyone. ”

“Its ok Janice, you don’t have to feel sorry about anything. It’s been so long, if you haven’t tell me about it. I properly would have forgotten him anyway.”
Mabel been so calm as always.

“Mel, I’ve given him your numbers too…”

“You what?! Thanks for the kindness!”

The calmness seem shaken.

“Ken said he’s got something to ask you, so I obliged his request mah.”

“Mel, can I ask you something?”

“Yes Jan?”

“Do you still like him as before?”

There was a paused at the back of the receiver.

“Mel.. still there?”

Then the line was cut off…

Ken was back at home with his mobile phone & a piece of paper in his hand.

“It’s been so long.. will she remember me?”

Weeks past, every night Ken would spend some time thinking of whether it’s appropriate to call Mabel.

“If I don’t call, I’ll never know what happened 10years ago… and even if she don’t like me now. I should be grateful that she once did…”

Ken finally dialed the numbers.

The voice he heard remain as sweet as her smile.

“Hello…”

“Hi.. is this Mabel?” Ken trying to subdued his nerves.

“Yes.. speaking.. you are?”
“Hey.. erm… it’s me.. Ken.. Ken Kuan from Sec 4H..”

“Oh.. hi Ken.. how are you these years?”

“I’m fine.. I’m been traveling quite a lot actually. From UK to US..”

“You want come out for coffee?”

“Now?” Mabel looked at her watch. It was about 9pm.

“If you don’t mind.” Ken softened his voice.

“Ok, see you at East Coast McDonald’s? I’ve been wanting to go there ever since I return.” Mabel replied.

As Ken drove towards East Coast, his heart sank as the destination gets nearer. Thoughts begin to wonder.

What am I going to say?
Should I tell her that I’ve only received her letter today?
Do I really like her in the first place?

Mabel was already at the café. She smiled when she saw Ken.
Everything could have changed but not the smile.

Not the smile that once caught the heart of Ken.

Ken sat down and they begin talking like old friends. It seems that 10 years is indeed too long for a catch up. Mabel have left for UK to study Banking and was found a job in UK followed by a stint of 5 years in US. On & off she will fly back to Singapore for her gatherings.

And so they talked. It was like the old times, when Mabel would always listen to Ken talking. Ken would always trying to tease her and she would always smile back.

They were walking along the beach after Ken suggesting to get a breather.

“Mabel…”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry…”

“For?”

“Making you cry that day.. and everything else…”

“It’s ok Ken, I’ve never once blame you at all”

“By the way Mabel, can I ask you something?”

“Yes…?”

“Are you S(43)M?”

“Eh…. Yes… but how did you know it’s me?”

Before Mabel could react, Ken shot another question at her.

“Do you ever liked me before?” Ken finally asked.

“…………” Mabel stopped walking.

“I….” Mabel tried very hard but words didn’t seems to come straight out from her.

“I don’t know Ken.. maybe I did… its been 10 years already. Even if I did during that time, all may be forgotten now.”

“It’s ok Mabel, I know it’s a bit silly to ask this question to you suddenly right now”

“Silly? So what if I do like you now? Will we be together now?”
Mabel turned to Ken with her eyes beginning to turn teary.

Ken was shot in the heart. He wasn’t expecting this.

“Mabel, I know you liked me all along. But I can’t tell whether is it Love between us.

I guess I’ve always treat you more like a younger sis…”

“Then maybe I shouldn’t have come back…” Mabel broke down.

It was the second time that Ken had made her cry.

To think getting your secret revealed by your best friend was painful enough.

To be rejected by someone whom you’ve liked for the past 10 years was even a greater pain to bear.

Mabel hugged Ken and just let it all out within her..

She was glad she finally said it out. Even though it didn’t meant anything to her now.

She just hugged Ken until her tears had dried up.

“Mabel, We are still good friends right?”
“Yes… we’ll always be good friends… forever”

They just sat at the beach throughout the night as Mabel slept on the arms of Ken.

Dawn has broke.

Everything looks clearer in the mist of dawn as the sun rose.

”Everything is clearer now…”

Ken looked at Mabel.

“At least now I know who I really liked…”

[To be Cont]

Chapter 7

[ The Class of 1997 ]

Have you ever asked yourself whether you like to go to school?
Maybe to most people, School is something that you never look forward but always looked back to.

Secondary school is definitely one of the best times that can happen to anyone.

It was the age of discovery, the age when boy girl relationship begins to etch and form. Secondary school was a place for the transition of adulthood where many of you will have your first kiss or hug and most importantly staying out late.

It was a time when you don’t really have to study as much as the remaining portion of your life. You will always remember your class.

The class beauty, the class hunk and definitely the class joker who never fails to make your day. Finally, the discipline master who was as irritating as always.

Is your school still around?

Have you gone back to a place where you spend 4 or 5 years of your life in?

Make a trip down today for it doesn’t really have to be Teacher’s Day to go back to your old school.

“Let’s go in”

“You crazy arh?! I’m wearing skirt ok?” Janice protested.

“Don’t worry, there’s no one here on Sunday mornings, besides nobody is interested in looking at your white colored panty.”

“Ken!!! You pervert. Since when did you..”

Janice wanted to kick him but Ken had already climbed up the gate.

Janice leaned against the side gate trying to figure out how to climb in.

To her surprise, the side gate was not locked.

“Ha! Ha! Ha! You stupid fool”

Janice said as she entered the school and hurried to find Ken.

“This is the assembly area right? A place where everyone will gather and listen to the principal’s daily motivation talk.”

Ken looked at the carpark.

“Yup! You were always sleeping in the morning then…”

Janice recalled.

Both of them walked into the school compound.

Everything was old & distorted. The garden that once flourished with Sunflowers had gone. The classrooms, the canteen and the sports hall looked haunted enough.

“Let’s go to our Class 4H” Ken said as he begin climbing the stairs.

“Janice, so when did our school closed down?”

“About 4 years ago due to insufficient enrolment for the newer batch. There was even a big reunion & class gathering, I called you remember?”

“Did you..? And what did I say”

“You said gatherings are meaningless and hung up on me!”

“Did I do that?”

”Yes you did! You always do that especially to me”

When they opened up the classroom, it was filled with dusk but amazingly it was still quite neat.

“Hmm… so surprise that after the school close down, the classroom is still so tidy.”

“Its because we come back once every year to clean it. After the school closed, the next consecutive years a few of us volunteered to come back with Mrs Siu to help move out the furnitures and tidy up.”

“That’s why I tell you I come back every year!”

“Oh.. You have nothing better to do huh?”

Ken reverted as he walked slowly towards his own table.

Everyone would recognize the table he/she sits during class.
No thanks to all the vandalism that was created during their time.
Each drawing or phases craved on the table have their own meaning.

Ken noticed some tables that was not neatly arranged at the back.

He walked up to have a closer look. He was browsing the different wordings that was craved.

Something caught his attention. A phrase that was written on one of the table.

“Do I really like him?, Will he like me? Will we be together?”
S(43)M

“S(43)M!!! S(43)M is really in my class?”

Ken tried to look for more clues and he found a tortoise like figure on the edge of the table.

“Make no mistake , this is Mabel’s table! So Mabel is S(43)M… after all”

Nobody would make out the tortoise except Ken as it was really badly drawn. The tortoise liked craving was did by Ken during one of the breaks to add to the misery of all teasing.

“All the clues is pointing to Mabel as the one, except her confirming it..

Unless I bring this up to her if not we’ll never know”

Ken realized Janice was standing at the other corner of the classroom motionlessly.

“Ooi Janice, what you doing there?”

“Nothing much.. just pretty much looking at my table & staring into blank space”

“Want to go for lunch? Ken realized it was already 3pm.

“Oh.. I’m beginning to feel hungry again! Let’s go”

As both of them left, the table that Janice stood too have some scribbling on it..

“Happy Valentine’s Day to Myself”
S(43)M.1997

After lunch, as Ken drove Janice home, Janice remained silent all the way until her phone rang.

“Hello…. Is it? Really??? You’re back finally!! I missed you so much”

Ken tried to hear the conversation but couldn’t make out much.

“I’m actually with Ken right now, when you wanna come out?”

Ken looked at Janice surprised that his name was mention.

“Hang.. on”

Janice looked back at Ken.

“Its Mabel, she’s back from her US stint !!”

“Mabel’s back huh…”
Ken thought to himself..

“Maybe things will be clearer this time…”

[To be Cont]