Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Book of Love 爱神の书


Chapter 10



If there is machine which could tell you how much you are in love for this person whom you claim you could die for.

Would you dare to take the test?

Would you want to know how much you really love the person?

What if the results aren’t as good as you hope?
Does it mean you do not love the person anymore?

I believe the power of love fluctuates very frequently.
The start of a tiff and tussle over the place for dinner could see the love meter fell like stock market.

However,
After intense verbal apologies and actions to show your sincerity, the love meter will climb back gradually.

Every other minute will affect the love meter.

When you miss him, it will increase.
But when you realized that he doesn’t miss you as much, it will decrease.
When he buys you your favorite shoes, it will increase.
But when he tells you your collection of shoes can hold an exhibition, it will decrease again.

Love is immeasurable.
Sometimes it’s ironic but how you treat a person does not truly reflects your affections to him/her.

It still boils down to individual level of creativity and efforts.
Some people would do more than others.
Some would prefer his/her partner to do more than is expected.

So the love of the one who’s holding your hand is actually determined by you.


How you want to be treated.
Did he/she cook you breakfast?

How you want things to happen in your way.
Did he/she cuddle you to sleep?

The next time you tell a person “I don’t think you love me”
Ask yourself this question.

“What have you done for him/her?
Did you meet his/her requirements?
Did you do the things that he/she would want you to do?”

But you can’t answer those questions as he/she should be the one answering.


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Mark woke up to the sound of thunder before his alarm.
He got up against his will from his warm bed.
It was raining outside the window as he drew the curtains.

“Oh.. It finally raining”

Mark washed up and heads for the morning route.

“I always think it’s better to take public transport than to drive”
Mark thought as he enters the LRT from Bukit Panjang.

Mark had to make a decision when the LRT transit at Choa Chu Kang.
“Should I go to front or rear cabin today?”

Mark looked at his watch.
He was already 15minutes later than usual.

“Guess I won’t be able to see her today”
Mark gave up as he went for his preferred rear section of the train.

It was more crowded in rainy days than usual.

Maybe everyone was reluctant to come out from their home for work or school. Then the drivers call in sick and there’s insufficient drivers for the bus and trains in the rainy morning.

With the crowd increasing and the train/bus frequency reducing, this would most logical way of explaining morning traffic jams.

There was a smile on Mark’s face as he was impressed with himself over this theory.

When the train reached Yishun, Mark tried to push himself out of the crowd. There was a group of middle age women happily blocking his path.
His efforts came to a waste when the door finally closes on him.

“ Idiot! All these inconsiderate people ought to be shot.”
Mark let out a sighed.

“Missed your station?”

Mark turned back.
His aggression had melted to the owner of the voice.

It was Jade.
She was at the rear section today.
Mark couldn’t believe his luck.

“Don’t worry, the next stop is not far away”
Jade smiled as she shared some comfort.

“It’s ok, I’m going to visit our clients today. At first wanted to go back office to submit some paperwork but since I was blocked out then it’s ok”

There was a moment of silence among them.
Mark knew he had explained too much, far too much.
Lying is not one of his best acts in front of a girl.
Mark had to continue from his plot.

“Yeah.. So I will be going to Raffles place instead”
Mark wanted to smack his head.

“Why not Cityhall station? Why had to be Raffles place? Isn’t it too obvious?”
Mark’s mind was crying out loud.

“Oh.. Really? Guess we can chat more today”

Mark felt relieved, not because that he was great at telling a lie but she had actually believes what he said.

The man beside her got up at the next station and she offered Mark to take up the empty seat.

“Hey thanks, so how’s your day?”
Mark trying to soak in.

“I’m late… is that a great way to begin your day?”
Jade smiled.

“It’s ok, if your boss asks you why you were late. You just have to tell her that waking up later ensures adequate amount of rest and that will lead to less accounting mistakes.”
Mark tried to fake a laugh but soon realized it wasn’t funny.

“Is that how you tell your boss every time you late?”

“Nope, I just tell him I’m sick…. Sick of work…”
Jade finally laughed.

The thin ice between them had shattered.

“So Jade, you like to read a lot?”

“What do you think I carry a book everyday in the train for? To whack those perverts? Hee hee…”

“Oh… here we go again.. please don’t rub it in can? I’m hurt enough”
Mark trying to forget the peeping tom incident.

“So what sort of books you read? Romance? Science-fiction? I don’t really know what sort of categories are there. I’m not a hardcore reader myself.”

“Ha… I read everything that is interesting. It can be Mitch Albom’s for one more day, Stephen Covey’s Seven effective habits and even childhood favorite Roald Dahl”

“Yeah.. Roald Dahl I know… hahhaa guess we do have something in common after all”


“Yeah…”
Jade pushed up her specs.

“So what book you reading now?”

“Oh.. it’s about Greek Mythology.. you know those ancient roman gods and goddess… Hercules.”

Mark couldn’t believe what he had just heard.
“I know I know! I’ve read them too!”

“Really?”
Jade looked at him surprisingly.

“Yeah… so which Roman god or goddess interests you the most?”
Mark knew he had just struck gold.

“Psyche… you know her?”

“Wife of Eros?”

“Yeah.. you actually know her… You know not many I know heard of her. Majority only knows Eros and Aphrodite.”

“I know Psyche. I’ve read about her stories with Eros”

“Yeah… Its really sad to be tricked in marrying the ‘ugliest’ creature but turned out to be Eros instead.”

“Maybe that’s what love is all about?”

“Pardon?”
Jade looked at Mark.

Mark looked at Jade.
Something prom him to ask this question. It was not the first time he was asked. But it was the first time he asked someone.

“Jade”

“Yeah?”

“Do you know love?”

[To be Cont]

Book of Love 爱神の书

Chapter 9.5

If I speak in the different languages of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift to see the future and comprehend mysteries and have the knowledge of the world and move the mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
If I give all my possession to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not loved, I gain nothing.

If I had a Book of Love of my own,
What love story of me can I write on it,
How many chapters my love story will be,
What will I write in chapter 10?
How about you?



It was the longest night that Mark has to go through, the countless events that has happened in the past few days, one after another, leading to a new one every time, he couldn’t seems to catch hold of any of them but just allow them to rattle through his mind. Psyche words has caused Mark to wondered, has not move on because he has Loved or was it because of the guilt, if it was love then did guilt came together? The last message made the night quiet only on the outside.

The sound of an incoming email broke silent after sometime. It was a friend request on friendster. The girl name was Jolyn Ng, Mark has no impression who she is and decided to peep into her profile before adding her. Immediately he recognizes that she was Feng one of her secondary school mates, she was with Ming one of the guys that Mark’s used to hang out with in the secondary school days who passed away 3years back because of leukemia. Mark Remembered seeing them together since they were 13.

She has exactly 100 pictures uploaded in her profile, most of picture was with a guy but it wasn’t Ming. As far as Mark remembers just a year before Ming pass away Mark meet Feng and this same guy at Bugis. At Ming’s wake, Mark remembers that Feng was there and all the others that knew their 12 years relationship with Ming was consoling her. He saw her weeping that night.

Mark flip thru the pictures, they were taken in Phuket, different islands and in the hotel room, in Genting, and other in town making up the 100 of them. Mark saw the joy in her from those picture and wondered,

“So love wasn’t really about the time you spend together?
They were together 12 bloody years?
How did she move on so quickly?
If time could not measure, what else is not going to fade away?”


Then Mark began to question himself, if what he had with Jade was really love?
If Love is present, why did I feel guilty, if my love for her was true and right, why was guilt the one that tell me to let go.
If guilt was the one that captive me for the past 6 year, why didn’t the love that I had with Jade when we were together save me?

Mark began looking at the dusty bible that he has stop reading ever since he was with Jade at the corner of the work desk, he open it up again where the divider was last place. And saw;

faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

[To be Cont]

Written by Guest Writer
MArk Lee
http://y2koutsider.blogspot.com/