Secrets of the Heart - 心の秘密

Chapter 1

Everyone in this world has a talent.

Some of those can sing pretty well, some of those started drawing or painting at a very young age. There are those who are not talented in skills but have features that will bring them far and in demand. Finally there are groups with very intelligent brains who never seem to do his revision for exams.

Everyone is born with a reason, a reason that sometimes we seek and use our lifetime in searching.

When we know what our talent is, we’ll know the reason why we exist. We exist because of what we had that was determined by our genes.

The talents that we discover; the looks that we have and the intelligence that we developed; makes us special and perhaps is the reason that made us fall for one another.

Do you know what your talent is?

If you do, make full of it…because only a small handful of people have the same talent as you.

“No one choose to ignore you, only you chose to be alone from them”

“Growing up in Singapore sure is a tough thing. Our competitiveness for growth and prosperity is the result of the constant emphasis of continous improvement.

Life is strange right from the beginning, when you had to throw away your toys to pick up a musical instrument at a tender young age, or to learn a sport which you only see it on television.

The only ‘toy’ that grew up with an average child would most probably be his personal computer. The friends that he had would most probably people he had never met in his life and maybe won’t have the chance to.

The importance of education meant hours and hours spent on studying, enrichment courses and more tuition after school.

Have adults ever think about our feelings when we had to go through all these?
I do not believe life in 1997 was like this for a 14year old.
How big a difference can ten years make?
Life sucks right the very minute.
I hate being me.”

“Win…”

Edwin stopped writing when he heard his elder sister calling.

“Win, Ah Pa asking about the result of your Math test last week.”
His sister opened the door and found a shocked look staring at her.

“What’s wrong?”

“Oh… nothing”
Edwin put his diary away from her sight.

“The results for the Math test?”

“Just tell Ah Pa I’ve passed that’s all”

“Pass is not good enough you know. Every year there’s so many people who passed and graduated from university. What matter most is the grade, THE GRADE my dear brother? It’s the grades that differentiate all of us.”

“Then tell him it’s a ‘D’”
Edwin looked away from her.

“D? It’s not acceptable you know? How can you go to University with this kinda result?”

“Jie, I’m just not as clever as you.”

“Then you got to study harder. You can always put up for something which you don’t have with determination.”
His sister was frustrated with his lack-lusted reply.

“Oh… that maybe that’s the thing I’ve lacked too, together with the intelligence.”
Edwin scaractiscally shot back.

“What’s the commotion?”
Their dad overheard the noise and checked out.

“Ah boy only got a ‘D’ for his Math test. Secondary two final exams are only a few months time. Tell him to either spend his time studying or start praying.”
His sister fumed out of the room.

Edwin’s father sat on his bed. The room was very untidy and was stacked with the inventory of groceries due to the nature of his business.

“What happen to you, my boy?”
His father appeared disappointed.

Edwin didn’t reply as he kept his head down.

“What happen to my smart boy who was the top student last year?”

“I’m sorry, Ah Pa”
Edwin apologized.

“Are you stressed over anything? You can share with me if you want to, like when you were young?”
Their eyes met as his father seek an answer from his lost boy.

“Ah Pa… I will work harder for a better grade.”


“It’s ok my son, as long as you’ve tried your best. I’m grateful for whatever result you bring back.”
His father smiled and patted on his head.

“Pa, would you let me help you with the shop if I failed? You had to mend the shop and take care of us at the same time.”
Edwin suggested.
”No, I can manage. Besides, your uncle is helping me so there shouldn’t be any problem.”

“But you have to pay Jie’s University school fees, if not let me go out and work? Then I can bring back some money to help the family too.”
Edwin continued his plead.

“I said ‘No’, study is more important than anything else.”
His father’s voice rose.

“Ok…”
Edwin lowered his head.

“Too bad your mother left us early; a house cannot do without a woman to manage.”

Edwin’s father looked at the over stacks of instant noodles, can food and drinks in his room as he walked out.

There was a sigh as he shook his head once again.

All was quiet again in the room as Edwin packed his journal into his bag. He walked out to the living room and saw his sister again. His father had gone back down to the shop below.

“Don’t look at me, you have only yourself to blame if you failed everything and be worthless in the rest of your life”
Those blunt words cut deep into his heart.

“Jie, grades and examinations are that important in life?”

“Grades get you a better school, a better course and finally when you graduated, a better job with high pay awaits you.”

“Is that what life is all about?”
“WHAT ELSE MATTERS?”
His sister started to raise her voice.

“You think I like to stay in this 30 year old shop house? It cramped and filthy and there are groceries all over my room!”

Edwin didn’t dare spoke a word as she continued.

“I hate to be poor; I hate it when my friends invite me to their condominium and show off their latest designer bags and cosmetics. What do I have? I don’t even dare telling anyone where we lived. I want to be rich and stay in my own apartment someday.”

“You don’t wanna stay with us anymore?”
Edwin innocently asked.

“If I have a choice, I won’t. Get lost and stop bothering me.”
His sister grabbed a box of tissue paper and threw at him.

It missed and Edwin picked up the box.
He knew his sister was crying as he laid the box next to her.

“I’m sorry, Jie. I will work hard too. I want to give Ah Pa a good life too.”

Edwin walked down from the staircase to the shop.

His father and uncle were busy counting the inventories and checking the incoming stocks. Business was not good these days as the opening of supermarket chain had brought prices lower than them.

Edwin’s father stopped when he saw him walking down the stairs.

“Ah Pa, I’m going to the library.”

“Coming back for dinner?”

Edwin nodded.

“Ok, be careful and watch out for cars when you cross the road.”
His father reminded him.

Edwin nodded again as he walked out of the provision shop.


The history of the provision shop was traced to the mid 1980s when both his parents first met each other as they shop for groceries daily.

Edwin’s father took his courage and started talking to his mother.
After spending a lot of effort in the courtship, his father finally got her hand and they got married not long after.

It was his mother idea to take over the shop when the late shopkeeper had intentions to sell his business. The intention was for memorial purposed but it was profitable too.

Business was a lot better those days and all the patrons will usually buy groceries and chat on the latest news.

Edwin’s father bought a colored television right in front of their shop and would sometimes put some chairs for their customer to sit and continued their chat while viewing the show.

Two years into their marriage, his sister was born.
Six years further and Edwin came to this world. By then the business of the provision shop had gone downhill.

A sickness took away their entire savings and the life of their mother. It was one of the most painful moments when you just got to know your mother at the age of four and she left you just like that.

From that day onwards, the world came crashing down on them. Every meal seems to be getting lesser and lesser. Sometimes his father would borrow money from his relatives to meet ends.

Electricity and water supply cut off became a natural thing throughout their growing up.

Edwin had always wondered why his fellow classmates can afford latest hand phones, game consoles and laptops when he couldn’t. All he had was a hand phone with practically no other features beside calling and sending messages.

It didn’t matter to him anyway, he could do less with all the valuable items they had. He had his family, his father and an elder sister whom he respects. The phone was a birthday present from his sister last year and that worth more than anything else.

Edwin stopped and turned to look at the shop once again.
It looked the same every time he sees it. Although it was not grand, it was home to him and he was grateful.

As he continued his journey, he heard a ringing tone from his bag.

“Hello?”

“Hello Edwin, it’s me.”

“Janet?”

“Yes…”

“So what is it regarding?”
Edwin was surprised to receive the call.

“The Math test”The voice over the receiving end got smaller.

“Yeah? What’s with the Math test?”
Edwin replied.

“You got a ‘D’?”

“Yeah… I’ve got a ‘D’ and I have to go for remedial classes starting next week. So what did you get?”
Edwin laughed over the phone.

“I’ve got full marks…”

“Wow.. that’s great you know!”

There was no response from the phone.

“Janet, you still there?”
Edwin thought his phone was not functioning.

“Win, I’m sorry.”
Edwin thought he had heard some sniffing sound on the background.

“It’s ok…Janet.”
He consoled her.

“I’m sorry I had to ask you to exchange your answer sheets with mine.”

[To be Cont]