Book of Love 爱神の书



Chapter 21



Sometimes it is ironic to say that love gives you the most blessed feeling that you’ve ever experience. When most of the times during your life, the thing that hurt you the most is love too.

Whether it is the time when you are secretly in love with someone or the time you were rejected, the feeling of hurt left a deep cut in your broken heart. Even when the both of you are finally together, you have to endure each other’s bad points and may finally break off in the end.

Guess love is a scary thing, so scary that many people had been hurt by love with some taking their own life with it.

With the possibility of getting hurt at some point,

Why do we still find love so mesmerizing?

The process of finding love is tough for there are obstacles that we can’t solve. However the end result is something that nobody can describe. Even the best poet or story writer can’t tell you what love is all about. Because love is something you need to experience.

To experience love is experience the upper and lower of your extreme emotions.

To experience love is to prepare to face the feeling of Festive, Contented, relaxed, calm, complacent, satisfied, serene, comfortable, Peaceful, Joyous, Ecstatic, Enthusiastic, Inspired, Glad, Pleased, Grateful, Cheerful, Excited, Cheery, Lighthearted, Buoyant, Carefree, Surprised,Optimistic,Spirited,Vivacious,Brisk,Sparkling,Merry,Generous,Hilarious,Exhilarated,Jolly,Playful,Elated,Jubilant,Thrilled,Restful
Silly, Acceptance, Agitation, Alarm, Amusement, Anger, Angst, Annoyance, Anticipation, Apprehension, Apathy, Awe, Bitterness, Boredom Betrayal, Cautiousness, Comfort, Contentment, Confidence, Courage, Depression, Disappointment, Discontentment, Disgust, Desire, Delight, Determination, Elation or Euphoria, Embarrassment, Ennui, Envy, Ecstasy, Fear, Friendship, Frustration, Glee, Gladness, Gratitude, Grief, Guilt, Hate, Happiness, Honor, Hope, Horror, Humility, Impatience, Inadequacy, Irritability, Joy, Jealousy, Kindness, Loneliness, Love, Lust, Limerence, Melancholy, Modesty, Nervousness, Negativity, Nostalgia, Pain, Patience, Peace, Phobia, Pity, Pride, Rage, Regret, Remorse, Resentment, Sadness, Self-pity, Shame, Shyness, Sorrow, Shock, Suffering, Surprise, Suspense, Unhappiness, Vulnerability, Worry, Yearning and Zest at some point of you life.

This is the feeling that keeps us going, to seek true love. To love and to be loved in return.

This is Love, emotionally.

“What had happened to Sharon?”
Mark thought for a while as the waiter went on to clear the tables.

“Was the previous post in her blog really true? If that’s true then it’s really bad.”

“Hey”
Mark called for the waiter.

“Yes Sir?”

“Do you still have the newspaper report that you mention?”

“No Sir, we’ve thrown away our old newspaper. But there’s a poster at the entrance; maybe you can take a look. Our café manager had put up to look seek Sharon’s whereabouts too. We had these posters in all our outlets.”

Mark went to the entrance, the poster was placed right where he entered the café, and how could he miss it?

There was a few pictures of Sharon on the poster.

“Missing Person. Sharon Tang age 22. Last seen one week ago. Wearing a blue polo-t and Evisu jeans. She should be carrying with laptop and mobile phone. However all efforts to reach her ended in vain. Anyone who have seen her please call 6345-7878 or approach any staff within.”

When Mark reached home, he went straight to his mother.

“Hey mum, do you still keep the old newspaper?”

“Yah, they are at the storeroom, what’s the matter?”
His mother was puzzled with the interest.

“Never mind, it’s ok. I was just looking for some old news.”

Mark dug out the stack of papers and speed read through the papers and before he finally saw the report.

Apparently Sharon looked plan for and was well equipped as all her belongings going off with her.

There was also transaction activities going on with her atm card therefore the police had classified this case as a case of ran away from home.

Nevertheless her auntie was hoping that she could be reached and urged the public to ask her to go home.

“Judging from the reports, Sharon should indeed have run away from home. But why? What was the reason behind this?”

Mark started his rounds of thoughts as he lay on his bed.
Finally he had to give up due to lack of information and he didn’t even know Sharon that well to help.

Knowing that it’s helpless, Mark decided to surf the web and went to Sharon’s blog to see if there’s more information available.

The blog was not updated since the day she was declared ‘missing’. Her last blog had given a glimpse of things to come.

“
This entry is probably the last entry I’m going to post.
It tells the darkest secret buried deep inside my heart.
Maybe it’s not important anymore but it sure is good to say it out finally.

For all those who know me, there’s one thing you didn’t know about.
About my life.

Sometimes I asked myself why I was born into this world. I guess I was born in the wrong world, in the wrong time and in the wrong family.



My parents never loved me at all; all they cared was gambling day in, day out. I have to take care of myself from primary school, washing my own clothes and their stinking ones too.

When they win, I would get a $2 pocket money. When they lose, I would get a beating worse than a dog. I can only cry in bed with the swollen wounds. The swollen arm is painful but not as painful as my heart that my own parents treated me worse than a stranger.

Then maybe my plead was heard by God.
He took away my mother by an accident when I was in secondary school one day.

All I remembered was that I didn’t shed a tear for her, even though she had gave birth to me. To me, it was probably the only thing that she had given to me, a miserable life.

My father turned from gambit to an alcoholic after the death of my mother, later he too suffered his fate as he was down with stroke a year later. He died when I was about to finish my secondary school.

After secondary school I came out to work. I met a lot of different men along the way. There were rich ones and some nice looking too. No matter how nice they look or how well they treated me, there was only one thing in their mind. It was my body.

I lose my virginity to a guy whom I didn’t know his real name. He didn’t want me to know but I know he has his own family and doesn’t want me to know his background.

I thought he loved me but our relationship ended within a few months. Then it sparks a round of high rolling sexual relationships I have with many people.

“When you love me, you have to please me. Then I will love you more.”

I was taught to know that love involve sex until I met him.
He changed my opinion towards guys totally.

He treats me with respect and didn’t dare to hold my hand when we go out. He was not a nerd or anything like them, he was simply letting nature take its path.

The two years that we are together will probably the best times I ever had with anyone in my life. We never had anything more than petting.

I moved in to live with Aunt Rosy. She treated me like her own daughter even though she was singles herself. Then I got a job in a café and everyone treated me so well that I felt family for the first time.

I felt that maybe for once, I can lead a normal life.
It was then I decided to tell him my past. All of it.
I guess it shocked the life out of him as he didn’t say a word till we parted our ways that night.

Things started to change as times goes by.
We met up less often.
He was rather speechless for the rest of our outings.

Gradually he didn’t even hold my hands anymore.
Then we barely see each other again.

It was only yesterday that I received his sms.
He had asked for us to break up. There was no reason given.

When I tried to call him, he didn’t pick up.
After dialing for almost a hundred times, I rested my case.
Then I received another sms from him.

Sharon, it’s really nice to be with you over these years. I really like you a lot but there are things which I cannot accept. I hope you will understand.

As I lay my phone near my bed.
Tears just dropped bit by bit.
I cried the whole night, right up till this moment as I type this blog.
My visions are blurred by the tears that came and my eyes are swollen with sadness.

I will start my new journey on my own this time. You may not see me again but I really thank you for reading this.

Good bye everyone.
Good bye Jason, you know I will still love you.

Sharon.”


Mark didn’t realize his keyboard had been wet by the tears that came.

“Sharon must have been hurt a lot.”
Mark wiped his eyes as he switched the website to his own blog. He was hoping to put out a notice to anyone who happens to bump into his miserable blog.

To help spread the word and find Sharon.

Mark realized there was a tag left by someone.

It was Sharon

The date she had left was after she had gone missing and it was only yesterday.

“So if my analysis is correct then she should be still alive!”
Mark exclaimed to himself as he read the tag.

“Have you ever heard the sound of waves that calls upon?
Have you ever felt the coldness of water that surrounds you?
Have you ever asked the depth of the ocean that rises above?”

“Waves, Water, Ocean? Shit!! She must be at the beach now.”
Mark suddenly felt a strong hunch that she will be there.

But which beach? Should he call the police? But nobody will believe what he says.

“So Changi beach? East Coast beach? Pasir Ris beach? West Coast beach?”
Mark scratching his head as he got more agitated.

“Cool down.. Think think think…”

Mark walked in circles.

“Ok, base on my understanding. The café that Sharon works has a branch at East Coast, so if anyone had seen her would already inform the aunt. West Coast seems too far and deserted to go and the beach there is not easy to find. Pasir ris beach always got a lot of people fishing.”

“Changi beach!”
Mark grabbed his stuffs and head out of the door.

Mark took a cab right from his house to Changi beach.
He was hoping deep inside that he was right about the location.
There was another thing he hoped.

That Sharon will not commit suicide.

It was close to evening when he arrived. Mark ran through the beach, looking for possible outcome from his derivations.

There was no person in sight.

Then Mark saw a figure sitting at the edge of the rocks that linked out to the sea.

The figure stood up… and to Mark’s horror.

That figure threw itself into the sea.


[To be Cont]