Chapter 31
Do you still remember your first relationship? It’s a blessing if you tell me that you are still in the first relationship. Guess many of us out there aren’t exactly as fortunate as you might be.
I waited 21 years of my life before I had my first relationship. It’s not too long nor short, it just happened to the both of us.
I could still remember telling my ex-girlfriend the moment that we were together.
“So… What’s next?”
It wasn’t her first relationship so she was my mentor of love. She showed me the sensitive side of female which I didn’t know at all. She taught me how to treat a person nicely during a relationship. Most of the time it was to ‘give in’ even though sometimes all facts pointing to your victory.
We quarreled like many others relationships and often stood at the edge of break up because she felt I didn’t care about her. I didn’t realize the definition of ‘caring’ towards someone in verbal form.
I have to sms her ‘I miss you’ even though we just parted an hour ago. I have to sms her ‘I
love you’ even though I had just showered her with love and attention.
Throughout the times that we were together, I would proudly said that she had changed me a lot.
From a person who’s only convinced that ‘love is only based on physical attraction’ to someone who seems to understand the fundamental basis of love experience. That was the transformation within me after the relationship.
We finally let go of each other’s hand after four and half year journey. I felt ashamed that I wasn’t sad at all. Maybe the feeling had died; maybe we knew each other too well.
People sometimes ask me why I seem to understand girl’s thoughts and feelings. I guess that
journey did help me as I was able to carry the experience to another person.
Even if I would forget her one day, I would still remember the arguments that we had went through, the food that we shared, the movies that we watched and the sadness when we quarreled.
All these, for not repeating the same mistakes to the one that is in my life now.
This is Love, the experience and evolution of relationships.
The café was filled with customers longing for a good coffee break after a tiring day. Many came in groups and were happily chirping about their daily life and sipping in their coffee.
The laughter and sound that came from them did not bother Mark the least bit as he was too engrossed with the book within his hands.
“Chapter 11 – Your First Relationship with Jade”
Mark cleared his throat as he reads.
“It is of the most unusual places that the two of you first met. The arrangement seems like destiny sets it’s foot upon. Both of you continued from this meeting and became friends as time goes by….”
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University 1st Year.
“Don’t they have easier questions that these?”
Mark scratches his head as he tries to attempt his first examination as an undergrad. An hour had passed and Mark could only do three questions of the given ten.
“Shit… an hour more to go... better get my head cracking”
Mark tried to motivate himself but was distracted by the commotion in the front hall.
A female student looked lost as she dashed into the examination hall and started to apologize to the invigilator. She was stopped but managed to convince them for letting her in.
Mark stole a look at her as she enters. He had never seen her before.
“Was she in my lecture? How come I never seen her before?”
The girl walked very fast as she tried to find her desk.
Suddenly she stood in front of Mark’s desk.
“Table 27?”
The girl asked as Mark simply stared at her.
“Yeah?”
“Who are you? Why are you sitting at my desk?”
The girl blurted.
“I’m Mark Lee. This is my desk.”
Mark who was caught surprise replied the obvious.
“No way! My name is Jade. I’m suppose to sit here”
Mark shrugged as he pointed to the in-coming invigilator for assistance.
“Wait… what paper is this?”
“It’s Engineering Math… I guess.”
Mark offered her the question paper.
“OH MY GOD!! I’m in the wrong class!!!”
The girl screamed as she dashed out of her class immediately, leaving a strain of tears as she ran along.
The scream freaked Mark out as he tried to convince himself that he had forgotten how to do the remaining Math questions because of her.
As Mark walked out of the examination hall, he saw her sitting in a daze outside the examination hall.
“Are you ok? Managed to find your examination room?”
Mark tried to talk to her.
The girl just covered her face and looked down.
“Don’t take it so hard ok? There’s always sup-paper if we do well for the first time you know.”
Mark began to walk away from her.
“I’m sorry”
The girl finally replied.
“Come again?”
Mark couldn’t hear her the first time.
“I said I’m sorry, for creating such a commotion. I’m so damn! I could only answered three questions for my electronics paper. There wasn’t any time for me to check my last question.”
Mark looked at her while having the thought of giving her a slap for her illogical whining of nonsense.
“You did reasonably well, compared to me… I guess I should be the one worrying now… Hah!”
“So you are Mark right?”
The girl looked at him.
“Yup”
“Nice knowing you. I’m Jade, see you around.”
“Yeah. See you around Jade. Bye”
Mark waved goodbye as she took her bag and headed for different direction.
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“When the two of you met for the second time, there was already the feeling of likeness felt within each other. There were plenty of opportunities in knowing each other better with the help from both sides of friends.
Some said it was as if the match made in heavens that both of you meet. It would a waste of heaven’s arrangement if the two of you wasn’t paired up together.
Finally you advanced for her, asking her out for numerous dates of movies and shopping trips. You were amazed by her endurance and ability to pick out the best deal in a mall. She was in turned appreciative of your courage when the two of you watched horror movies together.
As time goes by, feelings developed and bonds strengthened. You chose a good time when you were certain that you were ready for this relationship and she is the one whom you’ll showered your love.
You asked her to be your girlfriend on that night when the two of you were drained by the sudden rain. She said she was feeling cold and you just hugged her to make her feel warm.
“Can I hug you like this forever?”
You didn’t know whether it was the right phrase to use. It just came out from your mouth right before your thought.
All she did was only to smile at you and laid her head on your chest as the rain continued to pour on the bus stop.
The three years that both of you were together was perhaps the best of times in you life so far. You would feel tired after a long day of lectures and tutorials but the sight of her would charge back the cells. You felt happiness through her cute behavior and yet felt comfort when she listens to your complain.
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“Dear, why do we have so much to talk about everyday?”
Mark asked as he brushed her hair.
“Because talking to you, is my happiest time of the day.”
Jade replied instantly.
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It was a match made in heavens yet with a twist fate signifies the beginning of a broken relationship. Jade was ill not long after celebrating your birthday as she was diagnosed with a cancerous disease.
Jade put up a brave front and fought hard to recover. She kept it all within her family and never let a single word on it throughout the entire relationship.
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“Jade was ill? How can this be? She had never appeared sick to me.”
Mark couldn’t believe what the book had written.
“We were always together, except those few days when she told me she had to work part-time.”
As Mark tried to recall his memories, something struck him.
“Dear, why are you so tired nowadays?”
Mark asked Jade as they were lying on the beach at Sentosa.
“I don’t know, maybe school and work is really tough”
“Then you should resign and concentrate on your studies... I think I’m catching up with you on the GPA already”
Mark replied proudly.
“I can’t….”
“Why not? You in need of money?”
“No… nothing… I just have to work for that few days every month.”
“Then are you going with me for the diving course?”
Mark asked eagerly.
“….ok… I guess…”
Jade replied lethargically.
“No way Jade is sick… I don’t believe it.”
Mark wasn’t convinced by the written text. Every single chapter that was written was what happened to him but he just couldn’t believe it and had to carry on reading.
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Jade was a brave and strong girl. Her therapies and medication wasn’t effective as she had rejected the conventional chemotherapy and radiotherapy treatment because she didn’t want to deteriorate herself in front of you.
Worst of all, Jade didn’t want you to know about her illness.
No matter how mentally strong a person is, her strength will always be tested in the dark lonely nights when you were not there for her. Jade could only cry herself to sleep, fearing that she would never wake up again.
Finally Jade couldn’t take the pressure and sadness from her family anymore.
On the day of your dive, Jade made her final decision.
Her hesitation was overcome by your eagerness.
As both of you sets out in the sea with the diving gears, Jade took her last breath as she had tampered with her own equipment.
Jade drowned herself as the current came.
If she would to die, she would die in her most natural self.
Jade did not die because of your stubbornness nor accident.
She died because of eternal love.
Because she could truly tells you that you are the person she had loved the most in her life.
This is Love, where it begins with nothing but ends with everything.”
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Mark stopped reading and closed the book in his hands. The crowds in the café began pointing towards his direction as he buried in his own arms and cried.
For all the blame that he had cast upon himself that he killed Jade, there was a hidden truth within the dead.
Jade had not died because of him.
Jade had died for him.
So that all the wonderful memories of their relationships will be eternally locked within his heart.
Mark had tried so hard to fight the tears but he just couldn’t control it. It was the worse moment of his life since the day he saw her body laid within the coffin.
There were still so much that they could talk about. There were still so much things to shop and there were still so much moments of laughter and enjoyment.
Sharon was shocked by Mark’s sudden strike of emotions as she ran towards him.
“What’s wrong? Mark?”
Mark couldn’t reply her as numbness could be felt all over his body.
Sharon didn’t know what to do but to hug him and comfort him as the bystanders watched and pointed.
“Is your friend alright? Is he drunk or something?”
The manager asked Sharon as he came by.
“I don’t know… I don’t think so.”
Sharon nodded her head.
“Why don’t you take time off and send him home?”
She suggested.
Mark then waved his hands to decline the offer.
He gathered all his stuff and walked out of the café.
There were many unnecessary comments made by the café patrons. Mark just ignored them, they might cry with him if he would to tell them his story.
Mark headed for his room as he reached home.
He lay on his bed as the night passed thinking about the memories of Jade.
All is clear now, even though she is gone forever.
Mark took the book and read through it again.
As Mark finished chapter 11, he flipped to the next page.
“Memories are the closest thing to reality that a person can get as he rekindles the lost time. Sometimes things happen so quickly that we can’t react to the consequences, all the remains will only be memories buried deep inside.
Memories are kept inside the heart and not the brain. What your brain remembers are logical lessons that you’ve learned each day, what your heart remembers are the emotional experience that you’ve gathered each day.
The book of love governs one’s love experience and memories.
You can erase any part of your love experience. Simply tore the whole chapter out from the book. All the memories within this chapter will be gone for you and the opposite party. Two of you will live your life without even the least bit of impression.
So if you can erase a love chapter of your life, which would it be? "
[To be Cont]
