To Whom We Trust

When you were young, someone will always hold your hand when you cross the road. No matter who that person is, you’ll know that he/she is someone you can depend on, someone whom you can trust.

As you grow older, you would realize that nobody holds your hand anymore. You are dependant of yourself, to see the world in a different concept altogether. You are responsible to the things you do, the words you believe, the people you trust.

Trusting someone is never easy, getting someone to trust you is even more difficult in this reality world where dangers pound upon a blink of the eye.

I believe in some point of your life, you’re bound to get cheated at least once. You’ll feel sad, because you are in a lost. The world seems crashing down as you feel isolated once again. The person who’s holding your hand lets go, never spare a thought on what will become of you. You’ll feel angry, because you feel like an idiot. Your judgment has failed you and you won’t know whom to trust again.

You decided to walk alone, alone in the mist of darkest, alone in the valley of mistrusted region, wherever you go, loneliness is felt. Friends are no longer people you think you can depend on let alone entering your forbidden world of closed heart.

Sometimes you asked yourself why life is like that to you. Why all the bad things “only” happens to you and you are the “only” one suffering in this world where all the rest are enjoying a fruitful journey of self-discovery.

As times goes by, you’ve learn that trusting someone is a serious bet which you must bare the loss if one day the odds are against you. You tried to walk the road once again. This time, you tried to hold others hands. Making people believe in you and trust you may not seems as easy as you think. The responsibility of not letting go is much tougher than just holding onto one’s hand.

Finally, someone trust you. You are no longer alone but in the warm of true friendship as you may say. From this moment on, your life begins to change. Dark alley becomes busy street of joy & laughter. You have relived life once more, you said.

And let this moment prolongs, as you hold the hands of trust and leading them to light and somewhere safe. . . .

Anntonii

A Love Letter to Heaven

Ying ,
“The same smile will always be there along with the rosy cheek that blushes each time happiness is felt within you. The eyes of innocent youth will look forever the same..” Some things haven’t change isn’t it?
I wish so much everyday that I could see you once more, not only in dreams but in reality. I wanted to feel you so much but I guess it seems impossible now. The days that you’ve gone has come to a hundred and it seems like only yesterday we were having those little strolls along the park behind our house.

Sometimes I want to tell you how much I love you, how much I’m willing to do for you, how much I would rather give half my life to God in exchange for your presence.
But I guess all this ain’t gonna be true once more. You had left me to walk with God in heaven. The little angels send me a dream of you last night. It was about how we first met. Of course, I would not forget about it .. but yesterday was like history relived.

You will never forget will you?
That question which I asked you became one of the weirdest question I’ve ever approach a girl. Till now.. I’m still confused that you actually answered a ‘No’ to a “excuse me are you a virgin?’ kind of question. Many people would think its crazy to remember such a small thing.. but that’s me … blame it on my emotional hormones.
Know what is a miracle?

Knowing you was a blessing but having you by my side was a miracle indeed. Somehow I never thought I was of your standards. You were like the angel with the most beautiful wings spread open whereas I was only a lowly being who look so inhumanly from young. That’s why I’ve always treasure your attention so much. Time… I think is a very strange thing. When you’re with someone you love. It always seems so short… but when you’re missing someone… time always seems so long.

One of the happiest moments in my life would be our first date. Those days of being young are coming back to me once more. You looked great with the red dress with floral design all over. I never think cosmetics make us a better person, especially you. For you had the rosiest cheeks without the enhancement of artificial product.
Remembering back the date.. when we said walking was a form of romantic expression when money was really the main problem? I remembered how we walked from the whole east coast beach to your house at katong. No one has ever calculated how much we’ve walked over the years.

Perhaps a few hundred kilometers ?
I bet you won’t forget the story I told you about the 3 stars that never seems to separate? Well maybe you would like to hear the story once more…..


“ Long Ago .. in the ancient times of Rome,... there lives a very poor farmer by the name of Heron. He worked night and day ... over the fields of grains.. to harvest food ... to him life was so miserable that he never thought he would love someone... until... the day when the boss came to collect his tax with his daughter , Zoenith. Heron tried so hard to impress his beloved... it was a love at first sight... Then he told Zoenith.. tat he will climb up the highest mountain in Rome to catch a falling star in return for her love Now Zoenith did like Heron.. but due to the strong rejection from her father .. she could only avoid him when she knows he was going to the highest mountain... she ran away from home to find him and there she was... finally found him on the cliff of the highest mountain The Boss send many men to search for Heron .. and wanted his head back for reward they look high and low.. for this young farmer... and finally they reached the tip of the highest mountain as they approach... Zoenith begins to plead for their mercy to let Heron go but Heron stood still as he holds Zoenith's hand He spoke of real sincerity. Knowing u was a blessing ... but for you to be with me by my side .. is a miracle... indeed.. let this day not be the day as we are parted... but for this day tat we are united..' even if we were to go through hell together... Heron tighten his grip of Zoenith's hand as they jump down the cliff together now Venus .. The Goddess of Love... saw what happen she understands the true love between this young couple... at she send a shinning star... to fetch them ... and bring them to the evening sky and in the nights of Rome... people will see 3 stars.. Heron, Zoenith.. and the middle start between them which symbolize their Love... For either one which will stop glowing ... the others will simply dies off As their love is not tested by time ... but will last longer than time.....”

I wish we would become like Heron and Zoenith.. I wish I can kill myself now to join you in heaven but I will never forget the final words you’ve said to me.
“ Live for me……..”
Did you know you were very selfish? You didn’t even give me a chance to reply. Maybe you had everything planned in mind didn’t you?

My mum always said we’re fated in life. If you’re rich in your past life, you will be poor this life… I think I must be a flirt in my past life.. that’s why I’m so devoted to you now. My mum always has her own ways of saying things. Like the ‘talking tree’ She used to bring me to my kindergardens and she would always tell me that tree communicate by swinging their branches. She would never think that I could still remember all these things.. maybe because I’m an adult now… and ‘Adults have an answer to everything in life’ she used to tell me.

Deep down in my heart, I don’t wish to be an adult I wish that I would be a child once more. Adults always hide their emotions. They tried to be strong on the outside but fragile in the inside.

I loved my mum very much .. I bet you didn’t realize it too. Sometimes I guess being an adult, you would feel silly just to go up to her and tell her you love her. She would think I’m crazy or something. At times when I’m down I wish I could cry on my mother’s lap once more.. as she would pat my back and tell me “ go on.. cry all you want and everything will be better afterwards”


Your memories of her maybe rather an unreal one. As you often complained she looked so stern. She broke down too .. the day at your funeral.. as she told me … she never really took care of you during your period of illness.. I didn’t blame her… I knew you will be gone one day after that day you told me that you've diagnosed with liver cancer.. I tried not to blame anyone.. even if I want I would only blame God .. for not giving us enough time to spend with each other

I think you must be lonely being alone in the clouds of heaven sometimes. You always dread about loneliness didn’t you? I could remember the times you often complained about the loneliness you felt being the only child in your family…Loneliness is something which we all will feel throughout our lives. I do hope the angels above can spread their wings of love upon you.

I will be strong, I will be mindful of my actions, my speech and my desire. I will lead life as much as you want me to, I will live for you. Taking life each day as it comes, nothing will be too big a barrier, nothing will be too small to be left unnoticed. I will wake up each day a happier person because life itself is a gift, a gift from the creator of heavens.

As I looked back to the days we’ve spent, knowing that memories will only be there for me to relive once more. I thank the lord above for the gift of life, even though sometimes life is miserable when we fall, the strength that we develop to pick ourselves up is something not things that are taught, these are the things that we are supposed to learn.

Lastly,

I love you, and you know I really do.

Please wait for me….


Love, Yang

-Dry your Tears-

“It is a mixture of salt content with some long chemically hard pronouncing minerals terms that will surely confuse everyone.”
That’s almost everyone’s concept if you would to ask them what they really know about tears. Fact is, everyone cries but few bother asking.

For all we know, crying is the first thing that comes after birth.
When we are growing, crying often gives advantages over the slightest mistake made over a clumsy fall.

As we grew older, crying helps to relieve the inner grief that is unbearable. Sometimes we tried to hold back, but Mother Nature filled every human being with so many emotional cells that sometimes it seems that tears are free to flow from within.

It’s a lie that men don’t cry, for there’s nothing chauvinist for a man to shed his tears but for a fruitful course that is.

Adults cried quietly, trying to hide the attention of those weary eyes.

I cried many times in my life, sometimes over silly things, sometimes over a sad movie, sometimes over a failure, sometimes over a relationship.

Its funny to say, but I sometimes enjoyed crying alone. Given a choice, I would prefer to remain youth forever and cry in the arms of my parents when I’m sad. I know this won’t happen. I’m grown up now, I made my decision, I walk my own route. And if we made a wrong choice, we faced the consequences ourselves.

Crying heals inner pain, for the lost of someone or something special is sometimes impossible to explain with understanding human terms. It is a better way of express of sadness & grief than any form of action put together.

Every person who cries will need a shoulder for support. A strong firm shoulder who can shelter the sadness from the touch of wrath. So next time you ever see a person crying, lend him/her your shoulder, cry with him/her if you want…

After shearing the tears of agony, you must remember to pick yourself up. Though many people has taught you that its no use crying over spill milk, you must remember to fetch another pail of fresh milk and continue in life. Many people are stuck in the whirl of disbelief when they are sad and often resulting in loss of confidence, self-esteem and self-respect. When you do that, you would realize that people won’t support you as much as you hope they will.

So remember…
“ To cry is a gift, not a burden in life. ”

-My Ambition-

Anyone who had been to school will surely be asked of this question. Most of the time, we would write long essays to becoming a great professional to help the society when we grow up.

Often teachers & doctors were the most popular career ambition that an average 10 year old would think of. Many years later, when we advance our studies, there’s likely a chance that the same question that will be posed again but in a totally different manner.

From “What is your ambition?” to “Describe your dream career and give reasons for your statement” You see, as you grow older, you would realize that things are not as easy as it seems. Doctors need to study in Pure Science, straight As in biology, chemistry & mathematics to stand a chance to study the course of becoming one. Even so, it takes 6 years to complete. Been a teacher too have its own difficulties such as been able to tolerate a bunch of defiant student like us. Another thing about been a teacher, is that you have to set the perfect example all the time. Any misconception you tell your students will land you in their parent’s hot soup.

When you are 16, your ideal ambition will be to become a singer/artist. As you know, artist commands a great fame & paycheck and there’s many admirers waiting for you to adore. For a sports enthusiast, their likely ambition is likely to represent the nation pride in international games. Because you know that sports are something that you no need to study, just practice, practice & more practice.

Finally, you’ve completed your studies. You take the first step into the working society. You will realize that everything you used to hope for is now where near the state you are today.
If you don’t know, there’s no ambition in the real world. People only live by year to year resolution.

From “Ambition” to “Ideal Career” to “What do you see yourself 5 years down the road..”
Sad.. but true. There’s only a small fraction of percentage that people end up doing what they want in the beginning. Sometimes even if they finally do what they want, they might feel that they have made the wrong choice. A designer who has to rush projects for client is someone who will dislike his/her job one day.

I used to think that ambitions are set to encourage yourself to reach a certain goal. Now I look back, I feel that ambitions are set to tell yourself that there is no ideal world.

Nevertheless, “My Ambition” is still a favorite topic for the young. Maybe the sole purpose is to let their creative brains to yield some fruitful thoughts.

My ambitions is to be a
1. Freelance Writer
2. Freelance Comic Artist
3. Freelance Fashion Designer
4. Freelance Photographer
5. Freelance Entrepreneur.
6. Freelance Song Writer/Singer.
7. Full Time Loving boyfriend/husband.
8. Full Time Committed worker.
9. Full Time Caring son.
10. Full Time Helpful Friend.

Though, it may looks a handful too much, at least I know there are some things which only needs to be done when I’m free… that’s why its call freelance.

If you have the time, let’s say waiting for bus/someone. Think of this “What is your ambition last time it was asked and how far are you away from it actually?”
You may be surprised but I’m not, because life is meant to be like that.

“ Don’t stop to celebrate small success but build on them to achieve greater ones..”

Anntonii Lim

Time Capsule

Everyone have their own time capsule hidden somewhere at some point of time. It’s just that nobody seems to notice they have kept a hidden time treasure till the day it was rediscovered. A time capsule is often a box kept of memories, which may be lying way beneath your wardrobe. You often don’t know when the box was kept and why was it there. But the joy of finding it is better have having a dream of long time ago.
As I was clearing my shelves this New Year, I stumble upon a box which I have long forgotten its existence. Opening this “Pandora” box came mixed feelings of happiness and sad. I was happy because I have found things that I thought had been thrown away. Christmas Cards, letters sent by people whom I used to know…. I was sad because I had lost so many friends over the years.
Some of these cards & letters was dated almost a decade ago and most of the senders I have already lost contact was as long as the cards showed. Some kind of friend I was.
As I picked up the yellowish papers and cards, I had this warm feeling that many years ago, I was well liken by so many people. Every festive season, my mailbox will be filled with well wishing cards, some were hand made, some were bought with the price tag not remove.
As our life continue to get busier each day, we are sometimes outpaced by the demands of luxurious living. We meet new people each day, we forget old friends each day. Those people who have been with you at some point of time can only be relived when you have the time.
And time is easily wasted because we will never have enough of it to do all the things we can or we want. Friendship is tested beyond time, to see a friend whom you never see in a long time is happier than finding your missing wallet.
I slowly repacked the letters & cards back in the wooden box and put it back beneath the shelves. The time capsule will be kept for a long time before I rediscovered it again. Lying unknown to anyone but myself. Till the day its reopened, it will continue to bear the memories of my life and the great friends I have known throughout the years.

I believe everyone have their own time capsule. It’s just that we are often too busy to notice it. Look around your room, your wardrobe, your drawer and anywhere that you think you have kept something before and trust me the feeling is great when you find it.

Not because you have found your lost items, but because it rekinders your memories once more.


“ Time is often short, because we fail to halt……”


Anntonii

My First Post...

The time is late...This is my first time trying out this service. Everyone has their first time, i guess. But not all first timers are generally happy with their results, some could be devastated with the outcome. I guess this may be the only place in the world where I can voice whatever I want, whereever i want. Making crude remarks to those people who really annoyed me. Let this little space on the web be the little treasure box where maybe 20 years later... when technology advances much ahead of me... I can still remember I once own this place... a tiny place deep down in my heart where I once lived...