Secrets of the Heart - 心の秘密

Chapter 2

When you were young, someone will always hold your hand when you cross the road. No matter who that person is, you’ll know that he/she is someone you can depend on, someone whom you can trust.

As you grow older, you would realize that nobody holds your hand anymore. You are dependant of yourself, to see the world in a different concept altogether. You are responsible to the things you do, the words you believe, the people you trust.

Trusting someone is never easy; getting someone to trust you is even more difficult in this reality world where dangers pound upon a blink of the eye.

I believe in some point of your life, you’re bound to get cheated at least once. You’ll feel sad, because you are in a lost. The world seems crashing down as you feel isolated once again. The person who’s holding your hand lets go, never spare a thought on what will become of you. You’ll feel angry, because you feel like an idiot. Your judgment has failed you and you won’t know whom to trust again.

You decided to walk alone, alone in the mist of darkest, alone in the valley of mistrusted region, wherever you go, loneliness is felt. Friends are no longer people you think you can depend on let alone entering your forbidden world of closed heart.

As times goes by, you’ve learned that trusting someone is a serious bet which you must bare the loss if one day the odds are against you. You tried to walk the road once again. This time, you tried to hold others hands. Making people believe in you and trust you may not seems as easy as you think. The responsibility of not letting go is much tougher than just holding onto one’s hand.

Finally, someone trusts you. You are no longer alone but in the warm of true friendship as you may say. From this moment on, your life begins to change. Dark alley becomes busy street of joy & laughter. You have relived life once more, you said.

And let this moment prolongs, as you hold the hands of trust and leading them to light and somewhere safe. . . .

When you looked at person, sometimes you wish you would know what she is thinking about. Are you inside her thoughts? What makes her smile as those bright eyes grew every time? Are the one who made her happy today?

Edwin used his hand to support his chin as he continued to look at Janet.

The history of Malaya that was written on the board brought in so such boredom that some of the students were already napping with their heads on the desk.

Not Edwin, as he was concentrating on his view from his side.

Janet was seated right beside the window and he was situated furthest away from her horizontally. He was contented with the seat as he could steal a glance at her and won’t be caught.

“What is she thinking and why is she always smiling?”

Edwin thought to himself.

Suddenly he felt someone kicking his chair.

“Ah Win… Mrs. Chong is calling you.”

Edwin stood up knowing he was caught with his guard down.

“Edwin Ng, top student last year. What has happened to you? Can’t even answer a simple question?”

An angry Mrs Chong walked towards him.

Edwin turned left and right fearing for his life as she advances.

“Stand there young man! Very well, since you are not interested in my lesson, you might as well go stand outside till the class ends.”

Edwin then dragged himself out of the class and stood there till the next period.

“Good morning class?”

Miss Joanne greeted the class with her usual smile.

She was their Math teacher and also their form teacher.

Miss Lee was Edwin’s favorite teacher; given the fact was that she was teaching his favorite subject, Mathematics.

Edwin was always fascinated by numbers since young. Ironically his first encounter with numbers was with a pack of poker cards that his father left on the table. It taught him the fundamental addition & subtraction without the help of tutors or assessment books.

“Right class, before I go on. Just want to inform you that there will be a Math test tomorrow.”

The whole class groaned in common rhythm.

“Now, now, I don’t wish it to be a big surprise but I guess some of you will start to panic already. All the questions are pretty straight forward and if you have followed my lesson then there’s no need to be even scared of anything”

The groaned continued.

Edwin stole a glance at Janet. She wasn’t groaning but her worried expression was written all over her face. The smile was gone and her face was frowning. Then she covered her face in agony for a short moment.

-------------------------------------

Edwin saw Janet sitting alone in the canteen during their break. He slowly approached her.

“Hey… erm Janet… You ok?”

Edwin’s voice was shivering as he asked the question.

“EDWIN! I’m so damned for tomorrow’s Math test!”

Janet blasted everything to him.

“Hey, there’s still time mah! If you need help I can always help you revise.”

Edwin sat beside her.

“There’s no time! I’m hanging out with the gals tonight. My dad’s going to kill me and chopped me into pieces.”

“How could that be? It’s only a test right?”

“You know my grades last year huh? I barely passed. My dad grounded me throughout the holidays we had. I was only let go on the last week on one condition.”

“Which is?”

“I have to score at least a ‘B’ for all my Math test and exams.”

“Well, you can always go out on another day right?”

Edwin suggested the obvious.

“I can’t. I already promised the gals to KTV last week. They probably would not talk to me if I don’t keep my promise. Oh God, I’m so dead!”

Suddenly Janet grabbed Edwin’s hand.

“Win, you will help me right?”

“Yeahhh…?”

Edwin replied shyly.

“Then teach me whatever you know within this half and hour!”

Edwin looked at Janet in total shock.

“It’s impossible, how can I do that?”

“Then how???? Wah lau, you don’t expect me to copy right? Besides I won’t know how to copy in Math anyway. It’s either I know or I don’t.”

Janet covered her face again.

Edwin thought for a moment as he looked at her.

“Well, there’s something I can do actually.”

Janet looked at him with her eyes reddish.

“We can exchange our answer sheets you know…”

“Are you crazy? You are sitting so far away from me. How do we even have the chance to do that?”

Janet replied in disbelieving.

“Eh… I’m not asking you to physically change our papers. I just want you to write my name down in your answer sheet. I will write your name in mine.”

Edwin explained patiently.

“Won’t Miss Joanne check our papers?”

“Don’t worry; she will usually call us to pass our answer sheets to the front. Then with all the answer sheets mixed together, it won’t be so obvious.”

“Oh…”

Janet was convinced that the plot will work.

“Just remember.”

Edwin continued.

“Yes?”

Janet eagerly anticipated.

“Don’t write your answers too neatly. You are supposed to be me so try to scribble as much as possible. I on the other hand will write as neat as possible.”

Edwin smiled as he reorganized his plot in his mind.

“Will it work? I mean what if Miss Joanne caught us? Won’t I get you into trouble too?”

Janet was still being pessimistic.

“Don’t worry, it will work. You just enjoy your outing ok?”

Edwin gave her the assurance once again.

“Ok… ok I promise I will study the moment I reach home ok?”

Janet rubbed her eyes.

“Sure…”

Edwin stood up and walked off.

The smiles were back on Janet’s face when the lesson began for the second half of the day. Edwin was satisfied with himself that he could do the least bit for her.

The plan worked perfectly.

------------------------------------

“Win, I’m sorry.”
Edwin thought he had heard some sniffing sound on the background.

“It’s ok…Janet.”
He consoled her.

“I’m sorry I had to ask you to exchange your answer sheets with mine.”

“It’s just a test mah. Ha ha.”

“I really tried to study when I reached home… but tiredness crept over me and I feel asleep on my desk.”

“Hahaha I’m imagining that scene in my head now”

Edwin laughed over the phone.

“Shit you! I’m crying over this ok?”

“Thanks.”

Edwin replied.

“For?”

“Crying over this…”

“It’s ok, I cry very often de. See you in school on Monday, enjoy your weekend.”

Janet said before she hung up.

The breeze blew into Edwin as he continued his journey to the library. He looked up at the swaying branches and wore a smile on his face.

“Is she smiling now as she looked out her window?”

Edwin wondered.

The library was rather packed with a lot of students yearning for an asylum to rest their souls. Edwin walked around and saw many of them surfing on their laptops and some sleeping on their thick textbooks.

Edwin had always wondered why they need to come all the way to the library to sleep and surf. Can’t they do it at home?

“Psst… psst… Win, over here…”

Edwin looked around for the source of the sound. It was the owner of the sound that he was looking for since his arrival.

“Huiyee, Sorry I’m late.”

Edwin sat down.

“Hiyo Edo”

A voice greeted him from behind.

“Oh yeah, Daryl too”

Daryl smiled at him before he got back to his laptop.

“Hey Daryl, stop playing games and be serious.”

Huiyee reprimanded him like a small boy.

Daryl switched off his game immediately and smiled at her.

“Wow… sometimes the two of you really looked an item.”

Edwin commented.

“With him?”

“With her?”

That comment brought the two of them to fake vomit spontaneously and broke some attention to their table.

“Joking, joking… lower your volume”

Edwin looked around apologetically.

“Ok… let’s discuss on our history project.”

“No wait.”

Daryl stopped Edwin.

“You got to tell us first. How did our Math genius got a ‘D’ for his test?”

Huiyee nodded eagerly as she looked at Edwin.

“It’s like you can sleep through the whole of yesterday and I still won’t believe you would score a ‘D’”

Huiyee nodded again.

“Careless mistakes. I did the problems too slow to counter check.”

Edwin replied.

“Who are you kidding?”

Daryl rebuked his reply.

“I don’t think Miss Lee would believe it either.”

Huiyee added.

“Up to you to believe what you wanna believe. We are here to do our project, not to gossip about me”

Edwin was pretty annoyed by his friends.

“Ok, since you don’t want to talk about yourself. Let’s talk about Janet.”

Daryl continued the bombardment.

“What’s with her?”

Edwin asked.

“How did a person who barely passed her Math exams last year got Full marks for this test? The difficulty for this test is not really low you know. Conspiracy brewing you know?”

Daryl keeps penerating deeper and deeper.

“How the hell I know? Maybe she studied very hard? Come on give people a break.”

“Edwin, you like her is it?”

Huiyee suddenly asked.

[To be Cont]

Secrets of the Heart - 心の秘密

Chapter 1

Everyone in this world has a talent.

Some of those can sing pretty well, some of those started drawing or painting at a very young age. There are those who are not talented in skills but have features that will bring them far and in demand. Finally there are groups with very intelligent brains who never seem to do his revision for exams.

Everyone is born with a reason, a reason that sometimes we seek and use our lifetime in searching.

When we know what our talent is, we’ll know the reason why we exist. We exist because of what we had that was determined by our genes.

The talents that we discover; the looks that we have and the intelligence that we developed; makes us special and perhaps is the reason that made us fall for one another.

Do you know what your talent is?

If you do, make full of it…because only a small handful of people have the same talent as you.

“No one choose to ignore you, only you chose to be alone from them”

“Growing up in Singapore sure is a tough thing. Our competitiveness for growth and prosperity is the result of the constant emphasis of continous improvement.

Life is strange right from the beginning, when you had to throw away your toys to pick up a musical instrument at a tender young age, or to learn a sport which you only see it on television.

The only ‘toy’ that grew up with an average child would most probably be his personal computer. The friends that he had would most probably people he had never met in his life and maybe won’t have the chance to.

The importance of education meant hours and hours spent on studying, enrichment courses and more tuition after school.

Have adults ever think about our feelings when we had to go through all these?
I do not believe life in 1997 was like this for a 14year old.
How big a difference can ten years make?
Life sucks right the very minute.
I hate being me.”

“Win…”

Edwin stopped writing when he heard his elder sister calling.

“Win, Ah Pa asking about the result of your Math test last week.”
His sister opened the door and found a shocked look staring at her.

“What’s wrong?”

“Oh… nothing”
Edwin put his diary away from her sight.

“The results for the Math test?”

“Just tell Ah Pa I’ve passed that’s all”

“Pass is not good enough you know. Every year there’s so many people who passed and graduated from university. What matter most is the grade, THE GRADE my dear brother? It’s the grades that differentiate all of us.”

“Then tell him it’s a ‘D’”
Edwin looked away from her.

“D? It’s not acceptable you know? How can you go to University with this kinda result?”

“Jie, I’m just not as clever as you.”

“Then you got to study harder. You can always put up for something which you don’t have with determination.”
His sister was frustrated with his lack-lusted reply.

“Oh… that maybe that’s the thing I’ve lacked too, together with the intelligence.”
Edwin scaractiscally shot back.

“What’s the commotion?”
Their dad overheard the noise and checked out.

“Ah boy only got a ‘D’ for his Math test. Secondary two final exams are only a few months time. Tell him to either spend his time studying or start praying.”
His sister fumed out of the room.

Edwin’s father sat on his bed. The room was very untidy and was stacked with the inventory of groceries due to the nature of his business.

“What happen to you, my boy?”
His father appeared disappointed.

Edwin didn’t reply as he kept his head down.

“What happen to my smart boy who was the top student last year?”

“I’m sorry, Ah Pa”
Edwin apologized.

“Are you stressed over anything? You can share with me if you want to, like when you were young?”
Their eyes met as his father seek an answer from his lost boy.

“Ah Pa… I will work harder for a better grade.”


“It’s ok my son, as long as you’ve tried your best. I’m grateful for whatever result you bring back.”
His father smiled and patted on his head.

“Pa, would you let me help you with the shop if I failed? You had to mend the shop and take care of us at the same time.”
Edwin suggested.
”No, I can manage. Besides, your uncle is helping me so there shouldn’t be any problem.”

“But you have to pay Jie’s University school fees, if not let me go out and work? Then I can bring back some money to help the family too.”
Edwin continued his plead.

“I said ‘No’, study is more important than anything else.”
His father’s voice rose.

“Ok…”
Edwin lowered his head.

“Too bad your mother left us early; a house cannot do without a woman to manage.”

Edwin’s father looked at the over stacks of instant noodles, can food and drinks in his room as he walked out.

There was a sigh as he shook his head once again.

All was quiet again in the room as Edwin packed his journal into his bag. He walked out to the living room and saw his sister again. His father had gone back down to the shop below.

“Don’t look at me, you have only yourself to blame if you failed everything and be worthless in the rest of your life”
Those blunt words cut deep into his heart.

“Jie, grades and examinations are that important in life?”

“Grades get you a better school, a better course and finally when you graduated, a better job with high pay awaits you.”

“Is that what life is all about?”
“WHAT ELSE MATTERS?”
His sister started to raise her voice.

“You think I like to stay in this 30 year old shop house? It cramped and filthy and there are groceries all over my room!”

Edwin didn’t dare spoke a word as she continued.

“I hate to be poor; I hate it when my friends invite me to their condominium and show off their latest designer bags and cosmetics. What do I have? I don’t even dare telling anyone where we lived. I want to be rich and stay in my own apartment someday.”

“You don’t wanna stay with us anymore?”
Edwin innocently asked.

“If I have a choice, I won’t. Get lost and stop bothering me.”
His sister grabbed a box of tissue paper and threw at him.

It missed and Edwin picked up the box.
He knew his sister was crying as he laid the box next to her.

“I’m sorry, Jie. I will work hard too. I want to give Ah Pa a good life too.”

Edwin walked down from the staircase to the shop.

His father and uncle were busy counting the inventories and checking the incoming stocks. Business was not good these days as the opening of supermarket chain had brought prices lower than them.

Edwin’s father stopped when he saw him walking down the stairs.

“Ah Pa, I’m going to the library.”

“Coming back for dinner?”

Edwin nodded.

“Ok, be careful and watch out for cars when you cross the road.”
His father reminded him.

Edwin nodded again as he walked out of the provision shop.


The history of the provision shop was traced to the mid 1980s when both his parents first met each other as they shop for groceries daily.

Edwin’s father took his courage and started talking to his mother.
After spending a lot of effort in the courtship, his father finally got her hand and they got married not long after.

It was his mother idea to take over the shop when the late shopkeeper had intentions to sell his business. The intention was for memorial purposed but it was profitable too.

Business was a lot better those days and all the patrons will usually buy groceries and chat on the latest news.

Edwin’s father bought a colored television right in front of their shop and would sometimes put some chairs for their customer to sit and continued their chat while viewing the show.

Two years into their marriage, his sister was born.
Six years further and Edwin came to this world. By then the business of the provision shop had gone downhill.

A sickness took away their entire savings and the life of their mother. It was one of the most painful moments when you just got to know your mother at the age of four and she left you just like that.

From that day onwards, the world came crashing down on them. Every meal seems to be getting lesser and lesser. Sometimes his father would borrow money from his relatives to meet ends.

Electricity and water supply cut off became a natural thing throughout their growing up.

Edwin had always wondered why his fellow classmates can afford latest hand phones, game consoles and laptops when he couldn’t. All he had was a hand phone with practically no other features beside calling and sending messages.

It didn’t matter to him anyway, he could do less with all the valuable items they had. He had his family, his father and an elder sister whom he respects. The phone was a birthday present from his sister last year and that worth more than anything else.

Edwin stopped and turned to look at the shop once again.
It looked the same every time he sees it. Although it was not grand, it was home to him and he was grateful.

As he continued his journey, he heard a ringing tone from his bag.

“Hello?”

“Hello Edwin, it’s me.”

“Janet?”

“Yes…”

“So what is it regarding?”
Edwin was surprised to receive the call.

“The Math test”The voice over the receiving end got smaller.

“Yeah? What’s with the Math test?”
Edwin replied.

“You got a ‘D’?”

“Yeah… I’ve got a ‘D’ and I have to go for remedial classes starting next week. So what did you get?”
Edwin laughed over the phone.

“I’ve got full marks…”

“Wow.. that’s great you know!”

There was no response from the phone.

“Janet, you still there?”
Edwin thought his phone was not functioning.

“Win, I’m sorry.”
Edwin thought he had heard some sniffing sound on the background.

“It’s ok…Janet.”
He consoled her.

“I’m sorry I had to ask you to exchange your answer sheets with mine.”

[To be Cont]

Just had a wishful thought that if I would to ever publish a book,

what would it be like.

How would it looked like?

Well... I like it simple... and so it is..

Book of Love 爱神の书

Chapter 32

If you can erase one love chapter of your life, which one would it be?
Would it be the one that slither across your heart like a razor-sharp knife?
Or would it be the one chapter that you saw your beloved fall for your best friend?

As much as we want to remember all the memories that we’ve gone through, there will always be a dark hurting secret conceal within our hearts. Waiting... and waiting, till the day it came out to haunt us again.

If I can erase one love chapter of my life, maybe I would erase the earlier portion of my life when I fell into the depths of distress over my looks. Throughout my life, I’ve always tell myself that love is all about the physical attraction.

One of my crush ever told me in the face, “you have a very good character, you know how to make people laugh and happy, you are so talented and everything seems so nice about you but… I don’t really want to go out with you.”

You can really imagine what kind of mental torture that was to me. I was just another extremely over-weight, ugly nerd trying my best to find love and to be with the person whom I like.

Was it fate that made me this?
Was it the love from my parents who over fed me caused this?

Friends boycott me when they go out with group dates with fellow female classmates.

Seriously at the point of life, I really hate myself.
I hate being me.

Sometimes I wished that I could exchange all the ‘talents’ that I’ve discovered. My ability to write, to joke and create atmosphere, my ability to draw and my ability to sing just for being someone handsome one day. People adore you because your looks.

I guess there are many people who are like me who often asked this question.

“Is love really about physically attraction only?”

I was proven wrong twice in my life as those liked me as who I am and not how I looked liked. As I get older in life, I witness more cases which I didn’t think possible at the age of 16.

I sincerely hope that you will be proven wrong one day because this is what love is all about. How you looked like will get you love faster than others, who you really are will get you the love that last longer than others.

This is Love, who you are, is after all more important than anything else.

Two weeks had passed since the day when Mark read through the Book of love. His journey came to a halt after he reached Chapter 11 where he rekindled the wonderful memories of Jade and her sufferings.

Mark woke up and led his life in guilt and almost lost his sense of direction literally. The last two weeks were merely home to work and back to home.

Work perhaps was the only source of meaning in his life now. His boss had employed two new staff to his department.

“Mark, Shaun. These two are new here and will be joining our team with immediate effect. They are Jervoise and Faith.”

“Welcome to the team!”
Mark shook their hands warmly.

Being a senior, he was in charge of training them effectively. Shaun had help but the two of them were no longer as close to one another.

It was a long day when he finally reached home.

Mark saw an envelop on his table as he entered his room. He picked up and tore open without hestitation.

A pink colored paper reveals itself from the envelop as Mark sat by his bed.

“Hello Markie Dear!

How are you?
I don’t suppose you will be good since I’m no longer by your side.

How many years have I been gone already?
Three years? Four or Five?

Don’t be afraid, I’m not a ghost or something. I wrote this letter many years ago when I came to know about my illness and sent to a friend. I’ve told her to only send out this letter in the month of my birthday in 2007.

I don’t know when I will be gone but the doctors already told me everything about my illness. They are not very optimistic about it.

If you are not sad over me then I will be angry with you. But if you are really sad, three years is considered well enough for me already.

If you are currently living a good life with a good relationship then I will have no regrets. What I fear most is that you are still living in my shadows, Mark.

Live your life, Mark.

Remember me as part of your memories but not part of your life. You have to find your own life.

Treat the girl like how you’ve treated me and I will be happy for the both of you. I’m really grateful to God for the moments that we’ve met till the day we went steady.

I will pray for you, my dear.

I love you.

Jade.”

The feeling of lost was filled with content.
Mark was surprised that he didn’t shed a tear this time. He only felt the feeling of warmness that ran across his body.

It was the feeling of relieved and he didn’t felt so free since the day Jade died. The memories seem a little vague as more experience of life creeps in.

Mark kept the letter back to the envelop and walked over to his door. He took out the picture which was hanging behind his door.

The picture of their memories together.

He took the picture together the envelop and kept them in a box filled with the journal and letters he wrote.

After safekeeping the box in his cabinet, Mark took out the book from his bag and started flipping again. There were still some pages after Chapter 11 and Mark began to develop the interest in finding out.

There were a few more chapters on the quick relationship that he tried to have after her death. Those fruitless and non-meaningful relationships that Mark had used to covered his loneliness. He was surprised that all these were recorded too.

Then he flipped to the last few pages.

“Chapter 15 - The person you loved the most.”

It is the game of fate that brought the two of you together. She caught you looking at her since the first day you’ve met.

Though only glances were exchanged throughout the two years, there was a feeling of closeness and familiarity between the two of you.

The first time that you tried to communicate with her ended up in a mess as you were accused of spying on her.

Maybe because of this incident that turned the events between the two of you. The ice was broken and the two of you began to cultivate the relationship.

It was through an accident that she began to know you more. You made efforts to take care of her and making sure that she was on her way to good health.

Despite bearing the same name, She is the person whom resembles your ex girlfriend the most in terms of her character and personality.
Through her, you felt as if you know yourself better.

Deep down you would have gone for her if not for the obstructed feeling of your previous relationship.

You knew it in yourself that you really loved this person.

Fate can only arrange your meeting, you have to express your love yourself and let destiny take its due course.”

There was a smile on his face as Mark closed the book.
He knew it all along, that he liked Jade during the two years of discovery.

As he prepares himself to sleep, he heard his hand phone ringing.

“Yeah?”

“Mark? It’s me Jade…”

“Oh Jade… how are you? Need anything?”
Mark sat up on his bed.

“I know it’s kinda late but just wondering if you could come out for a while. I really need someone to talk to.”
Mark could hear Jade’s voice becoming softer.

“Oh… well who says it’s late? In fact I’m so bore now that I don’t know what to do next… Thank goodness you call.”
Mark tried to soften the atmosphere a little.

“I’ll come to pick up you ok? Give you a ring when I reached...”

“Alright…”
Jade replied as she hung up.

---------------------------------

Mark arrived at her void deck nearing midnight. Jade was already sitting at the benches by herself.

“Wah…. How long have you been sitting here?”
Mark called out as he approaches.

Jade looked up with a faint smile.

“After I’ve call you?”

Mark sat down beside her.
“What happened?”

“Can we go to somewhere else?”

“You got anywhere in mind?”

“Mark, where would you go when you have lots of problem in your heart?”
Jade asked as she turned her head from him.

“Oh… I know this place… A friend brought me there not long ago. I think it’s not bad.”
Mark suggested.

------------------------------------

Mark parked his car somewhere near Clark quay as they approaches. Both of them walked to the railings and sat there while looking at the Singapore river.

Mark handed over some beer to Jade as he thought she might need them.

“Thanks… you really know me”
Jade smiled.

“So can you tell me what the problem is now? I mean I’m just worried about you.”

“I saw Don just now.”
Jade just whispered.

“Then did he hurt you or anything?”
Mark tried to search for any visible hurt.

“He told me… that he had regretted on the things that he had done. It was all a setup; he didn’t have an affair with another girl. He just wasn’t ready to get married.”

Mark looked on.

“Because he thinks that people would despise him because of his limp. So he tried to push away the wedding… tried to get me in giving up on him…When he realized that he had caused my miscarriage, he felt as it he was crucified by guilt.”
Jade let out a sigh as he looked at the night sky.

“You still loved him?”
Mark could only ask this question at this point of time.

“Deep down I knew you would ask me this question. I tried to ask myself that... but all I get is confusion and misconception. I really don’t know…”
Jade replied as she sips her beer.

“Follow your heart right?”
Mark toasted his beer with hers.

“Oh Mark… you are such a wonderful guy. Sometimes I wish that you were the guy in my life instead.”

“But Don is irreplaceable in your heart right?”

Jade didn’t reply. Both of them just looked up into the sky.

“Look at the Orion’s belt. It’s beaming bright tonight.”
Mark pointed into the direction of the stars above.

Jade stood up and looked at the stars.

“You know how long it took those stars to be together?”
Mark asked Jade as she shrugged.

“Millions of years maybe? But in the end they are together right? Time will change everything right?”

Jade just smiled back and look at the sky again.

“Jade, I have to tell you something.”

Jade turned and looked at him.

“Jade…. I…..I like you…”

Their eyes locked in serenity.

“Mark… not this joke now..?”
Jade wasn’t convinced.

“Look… I’m really serious. I like you; you are the one whom I loved the most at this moment.”
“Why do you have to tell me now?”

“Because I have to… let you know”

Both of them didn’t utter a word to each other for awhile.

“I ought to be going…”
Jade finally spoke.

“Ok, I’ll send you back.”

The journey home was all quiet inside his car. The atmosphere was all moody as both of them didn’t speak a single word to each other.

“Hey… Thanks for the ride and the company…”
Jade thanked Mark as she got off his car.

“Sure… no problem… anytime?”

“And Mark… maybe you are right…. Though some things are irreplaceable, time may just change everything.”

Mark reached home close to 3am.
He was physically tired but he didn’t have the urge to sleep yet.

Mark took out the Book of Love and flip to the page after he had stopped. As he turned, the title was something that he wondered all along…

“Chapter 16 - The person that loved you the most.”

[To be Cont - Ending on Next Chapter ]

Book of Love 爱神の书




Chapter 31


Do you still remember your first relationship? It’s a blessing if you tell me that you are still in the first relationship. Guess many of us out there aren’t exactly as fortunate as you might be.

I waited 21 years of my life before I had my first relationship. It’s not too long nor short, it just happened to the both of us.

I could still remember telling my ex-girlfriend the moment that we were together.
“So… What’s next?”

It wasn’t her first relationship so she was my mentor of love. She showed me the sensitive side of female which I didn’t know at all. She taught me how to treat a person nicely during a relationship. Most of the time it was to ‘give in’ even though sometimes all facts pointing to your victory.

We quarreled like many others relationships and often stood at the edge of break up because she felt I didn’t care about her. I didn’t realize the definition of ‘caring’ towards someone in verbal form.

I have to sms her ‘I miss you’ even though we just parted an hour ago. I have to sms her ‘I
love you’ even though I had just showered her with love and attention.
Throughout the times that we were together, I would proudly said that she had changed me a lot.

From a person who’s only convinced that ‘love is only based on physical attraction’ to someone who seems to understand the fundamental basis of love experience. That was the transformation within me after the relationship.

We finally let go of each other’s hand after four and half year journey. I felt ashamed that I wasn’t sad at all. Maybe the feeling had died; maybe we knew each other too well.

People sometimes ask me why I seem to understand girl’s thoughts and feelings. I guess that
journey did help me as I was able to carry the experience to another person.

Even if I would forget her one day, I would still remember the arguments that we had went through, the food that we shared, the movies that we watched and the sadness when we quarreled.

All these, for not repeating the same mistakes to the one that is in my life now.

This is Love, the experience and evolution of relationships.





The café was filled with customers longing for a good coffee break after a tiring day. Many came in groups and were happily chirping about their daily life and sipping in their coffee.

The laughter and sound that came from them did not bother Mark the least bit as he was too engrossed with the book within his hands.

“Chapter 11 – Your First Relationship with Jade”

Mark cleared his throat as he reads.

“It is of the most unusual places that the two of you first met. The arrangement seems like destiny sets it’s foot upon. Both of you continued from this meeting and became friends as time goes by….”

-----------------------------------

University 1st Year.

“Don’t they have easier questions that these?”

Mark scratches his head as he tries to attempt his first examination as an undergrad. An hour had passed and Mark could only do three questions of the given ten.

“Shit… an hour more to go... better get my head cracking”
Mark tried to motivate himself but was distracted by the commotion in the front hall.

A female student looked lost as she dashed into the examination hall and started to apologize to the invigilator. She was stopped but managed to convince them for letting her in.

Mark stole a look at her as she enters. He had never seen her before.
“Was she in my lecture? How come I never seen her before?”

The girl walked very fast as she tried to find her desk.
Suddenly she stood in front of Mark’s desk.

“Table 27?”
The girl asked as Mark simply stared at her.

“Yeah?”

“Who are you? Why are you sitting at my desk?”
The girl blurted.

“I’m Mark Lee. This is my desk.”
Mark who was caught surprise replied the obvious.

“No way! My name is Jade. I’m suppose to sit here”

Mark shrugged as he pointed to the in-coming invigilator for assistance.

“Wait… what paper is this?”

“It’s Engineering Math… I guess.”
Mark offered her the question paper.

“OH MY GOD!! I’m in the wrong class!!!”
The girl screamed as she dashed out of her class immediately, leaving a strain of tears as she ran along.

The scream freaked Mark out as he tried to convince himself that he had forgotten how to do the remaining Math questions because of her.

As Mark walked out of the examination hall, he saw her sitting in a daze outside the examination hall.

“Are you ok? Managed to find your examination room?”
Mark tried to talk to her.

The girl just covered her face and looked down.

“Don’t take it so hard ok? There’s always sup-paper if we do well for the first time you know.”
Mark began to walk away from her.

“I’m sorry”
The girl finally replied.

“Come again?”
Mark couldn’t hear her the first time.

“I said I’m sorry, for creating such a commotion. I’m so damn! I could only answered three questions for my electronics paper. There wasn’t any time for me to check my last question.”

Mark looked at her while having the thought of giving her a slap for her illogical whining of nonsense.

“You did reasonably well, compared to me… I guess I should be the one worrying now… Hah!”

“So you are Mark right?”
The girl looked at him.

“Yup”

“Nice knowing you. I’m Jade, see you around.”

“Yeah. See you around Jade. Bye”
Mark waved goodbye as she took her bag and headed for different direction.

-------------------------

“When the two of you met for the second time, there was already the feeling of likeness felt within each other. There were plenty of opportunities in knowing each other better with the help from both sides of friends.

Some said it was as if the match made in heavens that both of you meet. It would a waste of heaven’s arrangement if the two of you wasn’t paired up together.

Finally you advanced for her, asking her out for numerous dates of movies and shopping trips. You were amazed by her endurance and ability to pick out the best deal in a mall. She was in turned appreciative of your courage when the two of you watched horror movies together.

As time goes by, feelings developed and bonds strengthened. You chose a good time when you were certain that you were ready for this relationship and she is the one whom you’ll showered your love.

You asked her to be your girlfriend on that night when the two of you were drained by the sudden rain. She said she was feeling cold and you just hugged her to make her feel warm.

“Can I hug you like this forever?”

You didn’t know whether it was the right phrase to use. It just came out from your mouth right before your thought.

All she did was only to smile at you and laid her head on your chest as the rain continued to pour on the bus stop.

The three years that both of you were together was perhaps the best of times in you life so far. You would feel tired after a long day of lectures and tutorials but the sight of her would charge back the cells. You felt happiness through her cute behavior and yet felt comfort when she listens to your complain.

-----------------------------------------

“Dear, why do we have so much to talk about everyday?”
Mark asked as he brushed her hair.

“Because talking to you, is my happiest time of the day.”
Jade replied instantly.

-----------------------------------------

It was a match made in heavens yet with a twist fate signifies the beginning of a broken relationship. Jade was ill not long after celebrating your birthday as she was diagnosed with a cancerous disease.

Jade put up a brave front and fought hard to recover. She kept it all within her family and never let a single word on it throughout the entire relationship.

-----------------------------------------

“Jade was ill? How can this be? She had never appeared sick to me.”
Mark couldn’t believe what the book had written.


“We were always together, except those few days when she told me she had to work part-time.”

As Mark tried to recall his memories, something struck him.

“Dear, why are you so tired nowadays?”
Mark asked Jade as they were lying on the beach at Sentosa.

“I don’t know, maybe school and work is really tough”

“Then you should resign and concentrate on your studies... I think I’m catching up with you on the GPA already”
Mark replied proudly.

“I can’t….”

“Why not? You in need of money?”

“No… nothing… I just have to work for that few days every month.”

“Then are you going with me for the diving course?”
Mark asked eagerly.

“….ok… I guess…”
Jade replied lethargically.

“No way Jade is sick… I don’t believe it.”
Mark wasn’t convinced by the written text. Every single chapter that was written was what happened to him but he just couldn’t believe it and had to carry on reading.

-----------------------------------

Jade was a brave and strong girl. Her therapies and medication wasn’t effective as she had rejected the conventional chemotherapy and radiotherapy treatment because she didn’t want to deteriorate herself in front of you.

Worst of all, Jade didn’t want you to know about her illness.

No matter how mentally strong a person is, her strength will always be tested in the dark lonely nights when you were not there for her. Jade could only cry herself to sleep, fearing that she would never wake up again.
Finally Jade couldn’t take the pressure and sadness from her family anymore.

On the day of your dive, Jade made her final decision.
Her hesitation was overcome by your eagerness.

As both of you sets out in the sea with the diving gears, Jade took her last breath as she had tampered with her own equipment.

Jade drowned herself as the current came.
If she would to die, she would die in her most natural self.

Jade did not die because of your stubbornness nor accident.
She died because of eternal love.
Because she could truly tells you that you are the person she had loved the most in her life.

This is Love, where it begins with nothing but ends with everything.”

------------------------------------------

Mark stopped reading and closed the book in his hands. The crowds in the café began pointing towards his direction as he buried in his own arms and cried.

For all the blame that he had cast upon himself that he killed Jade, there was a hidden truth within the dead.

Jade had not died because of him.
Jade had died for him.

So that all the wonderful memories of their relationships will be eternally locked within his heart.

Mark had tried so hard to fight the tears but he just couldn’t control it. It was the worse moment of his life since the day he saw her body laid within the coffin.

There were still so much that they could talk about. There were still so much things to shop and there were still so much moments of laughter and enjoyment.

Sharon was shocked by Mark’s sudden strike of emotions as she ran towards him.
“What’s wrong? Mark?”

Mark couldn’t reply her as numbness could be felt all over his body.

Sharon didn’t know what to do but to hug him and comfort him as the bystanders watched and pointed.

“Is your friend alright? Is he drunk or something?”
The manager asked Sharon as he came by.

“I don’t know… I don’t think so.”
Sharon nodded her head.

“Why don’t you take time off and send him home?”
She suggested.

Mark then waved his hands to decline the offer.
He gathered all his stuff and walked out of the café.

There were many unnecessary comments made by the café patrons. Mark just ignored them, they might cry with him if he would to tell them his story.

Mark headed for his room as he reached home.
He lay on his bed as the night passed thinking about the memories of Jade.
All is clear now, even though she is gone forever.

Mark took the book and read through it again.

As Mark finished chapter 11, he flipped to the next page.

“Memories are the closest thing to reality that a person can get as he rekindles the lost time. Sometimes things happen so quickly that we can’t react to the consequences, all the remains will only be memories buried deep inside.

Memories are kept inside the heart and not the brain. What your brain remembers are logical lessons that you’ve learned each day, what your heart remembers are the emotional experience that you’ve gathered each day.

The book of love governs one’s love experience and memories.

You can erase any part of your love experience. Simply tore the whole chapter out from the book. All the memories within this chapter will be gone for you and the opposite party. Two of you will live your life without even the least bit of impression.

So if you can erase a love chapter of your life, which would it be? "

[To be Cont]

Book of Love 爱神の书

Chapter 30

I guess many of us were born into this world due to the love blossom of our parents. They in turn were products of love of their own heritage. All these went back thousands of years since the first of homo-sapiens.

As we live and grow older, we sometimes ask ourselves.
“When do humans actually start loving one another?”

Why do we always feel nervously happy when we see someone we like and dull when we see someone we don’t?

Was all this the work of God or genetic human evolution?

Some believe love was spread by Cupid from ancient Greek mythology
So he was rightfully known as the God of Love and everything that got to do with love was associated with him.

If you believe in Cupid, then I suppose you would believe in Cupid’s arrow that created ‘Love at first sight’ too?

At some point of life we might actually see it happens when we see the one whom we like almost instantly.
Well Cupid’s arrow is not the only thing that is related to love.What if I tell you there’s a book existed in this world that can tell you everything you want to know about love?

Answers that you’ve always yearn of knowing.

The person whom you loved most?
The person that loves you the most?

A book so mysterious, that only few had seen it throughout centuries of time as nobody ever finds it. Tales and legends that come with it often ends up with the book missing after revealing the truth.

Would you want to take a look?

This is the book of love, ‘libro da amore’.

This is where it all begins in your life.

The dust was gone from the book as Mark brought it back to his room.

The words that were written on the cover captivated his imagination. On one hand, Mark was delighted that he wasn’t dreaming or having mental illusion about Psyche.

Now that he had the book, he would be able to prove his senses.

On the other hand, Mark was shivering with fear about the whole incident.

How did Psyche ever get to his blog… leave a few messages then erase them all and now this book?

Mark felt his heart accelerating as he flips open the book in the quiet night.

Behind the hard cover was a page written in calligraphy. The page had turned yellowish and from the looks of it, Mark wasn’t sure of how old is the book already.

‘Libro da Amore’ was written with a heart-shaped logo surrounding it.
There were a few words below.

Mark took a closer look and found them to be English.

‘Book of Love’

“I suppose Libro da Amore stands for book of love…”

As Mark flipped to the next page, a small note dropped off from the book.

Mark grabbed it before it hits the floor.
He hesitated for awhile before he finally studied it.

“Do you know love? I suppose you don’t, until now.

This is the book of love, lost over thousands of years and only a handful of those who were selected had seen it. Those who are not chosen will only see blank pages even if he’s got the book.

Everything you thought you knew will be written over the pages as you read. Do not be surprise by what you read as these are merely the reflection of the memories that had past you and destiny that is waiting.

Are you ready to know love?

I know you are because I am the book of love.

Psyche, Wife of Eros.”

Mark didn’t know what to do next.
Should he flip open the book? He thought for awhile before making a decision.

“Shit… What do I have to lose?”
Mark thought as he flipped through the first chapter.

Chapter 1 – Your First Love Journey.

This is your first experience towards love. Maybe you have forgotten the feeling but you will never forget the memories…

You developed an instant response to her calling when you met her. Her enchanting voice brought endless fun to you but time wasn’t on your side as you had to go home before the sun sets.

When you wait for her at the playground, you didn’t know what love is except the happy feeling that awaits you.

Every time you see her, all your unpleasant day will turn out to be fine. Both of you will play merrily on the playground and often forgets the time.

You didn’t know her full name, where she lives and who her parents were. You only know she would be there every afternoon and you will wait for her every day.

Then one day, she didn’t come to the playground as always.

You waited and waited till the sun sets and took a beating when you reached home.

Your last thought for that night was ‘what had happen to her?’ but you knew there was little that you could do at the age of nine.

You waited at the playground the next day and surprised to see the little girl walking over.

You would always remember that sentence as she speaks.
“My papa is going away; I will leave tomorrow.”

She then asked you to play catching with her right after finishing her sentence. There was a funny feeling deep inside you that instant.

You felt hopeless and weak because there was nothing you could do to ask her stay. You can only play your hearts out that day till night falls when you bid goodbye.

You won’t know when you will see her again and the pain that you felt wasn’t the beating by your parents. It was something deep inside of you, as if a part of you had gone.

You never really know who the young girl was as there was nothing you could do even today as your memories of her had jaded.

All that was, your first experience towards love.”

Mark closed his eyes as he refreshes the memories that had kept within. The book was right, there was such a girl in his life when he was young.

He remembered he was returning home one day when he first met her.
“Want to play catching?” she offered. Mark obliged, even though he knew the boys in the neighborhood will taunt him being a sissy for playing with girls. The rest of the story was written in this book that he was holding.

Mark lay down the book and walked towards the window. The morning sky was covered with thick grey clouds signaling the rainfall.

All this madness was really enough for one to take as Mark continued to stare outside his window.

The rain slowly descend upon the ground, soon it was raining heavily throughout his sight as Mark sighed. He thought he had forgotten all about this as it was happened so many years ago.

Mark went back to the book and kept it inside his bag before preparing himself for work.

-----------------------

As Mark enters the train, there was no sign of Jade.

“Are you working today?” he smsed her.

“Yeah… why not?” He phone vibrated with an incoming message.

“Then are you in the train that had just left Bukit Panjang?”
Mark sends another message.

“Yup…” The reply came.

For the first time after so long, both of them didn’t get to meet.
Was it the rain? Was it the book? Was it something in his mind that made him guessed wrongly?

Mark could only daze at the moving scenery through the windows of the train.

“Have fun at work…”
Mark sent his last message as his train approaches Yishun.

-------------------------------

Mark reached the office early, or maybe Shawn was later than usual. The two of them hardly talked since the day Christine.

“Hey bro, what took you so long?”
Mark greeted Shaun as he entered the office drenched.

Shaun didn’t utter a word but gave a cold stare before he tried to dry himself.

“Oops… Sorry…”
Mark was apologetic over his earlier comments.

“Hey bro, you dry yourself up, I’ll get you a cup of coffee for you to get warm a little?”
Mark went off before Shaun could reply.

When Mark came back with two cups of coffee in his hands, there was no sign of Shaun. He tried to look around and found him inside the boss’s office.

Mark could only left the mug on his table before getting back to work.
His office phone rang and it was his boss who called.

“Hello Mark, let’s have lunch together ok?”
Mr. Lee suggested.

“Boss you treating? You promoted or something. That’s great, who else is going?”

“Nobody… just you and me. I’m going off for a meeting now. See you at that Japanese restaurant at Causeway point.”

--------------------

Mark’s boss was already there when he arrived. He was sitting at the counter of the sushi belt drinking his ocha.

“Hey boss, what’s up?”
Mark sat beside him and made his orders.

“Nothing, just want to give you a treat for your promotion. So, how are things? Coping well with Christine’s project?”

“Yeah… it really tough.. But I will get used to it.”
Mark replied before he devoured his sashimi.

“Mark…. Shaun tendered his resignation today.”

“He did? Wow that’s pretty fast?”
Mark just continued eating his sushi as his boss broke the news.

“Mark, you knew he was going to resign?”
His boss was surprised with the calm reaction.

“I guess so… Although he didn’t tell me anything but I guess this should be an overseas job which he had wanted.”

“Yeah… you know, China is a huge market. I’m quite sure Shaun will do well there. I lost a very good subordinate, now I’m losing another.”

Mr. Lee sighed before he drank his tea.

“China? Shaun is going to China? Not France?”
Mark was caught surprised this time.

“France? Since when you get this idea from? I happened to know Shaun’s future employers and I’m very sure that he is going to China.”

----------------------------

Shaun was his usual self when Mark came back to the office.

“Hey… I heard about you thing. So when’s your last day?”

“Can’t you count the calendar?”
Shaun was ruthless with his reply.

“Why are you going to China… and not France?”
Mark asked.

“I don’t need to reply you.”
Shaun didn’t even bother looking back at him.

“What about Chris?”

“If you like her so much, why don’t you go to France?”
Shaun’s voice raised a little.

“Ok chill.. I’m sorry for asking.”
Mark returned to his table.

The two of them didn’t speak to each other until Shaun left the office early at five thirty.

---------------------------

After work, Mark wondered the streets as he had no idea where to go. He then walked past the café which Sharon works.

“Hey Mark!”
Sharon greeted him as he entered.

“I’ll just have my usual coffee today, don’t feel like eating dinner.”
Mark put the menu away.

“Is something bothering you?”
Sharon tried to lure him in saying.

“It’s nothing… hurry, go do your work.”
Mark sent her away.

As the smell of coffee filled his surroundings, Mark took out the book from his bag. He flipped to the second, then the third. Each page records the love experience that he develops.

The girls that he used to admire in his primary school, the secret one-sided affair of the heart and the events that had taken place.

Mark was really amazed by what he had read. It was like a love journal written about him and his love life. This is really the book of love…

“What are you reading? How come the book is blank?”
Mark suddenly realized Sharon was trying to look at the book.

“It’s nothing.. I was just happened to write on it.”

“Oh… now you decided to keep a hardcopy of your blog… hee hee”
Sharon joked before she went off.

Mark then went back to the page he last set upon.

Chapter 11 – Your First Relationship with Jade

[To be Cont]

Book of Love 爱神の书



Chapter 29


What do guys know about love? I find it rather funny when female friends asked me this question. In their mind, they always felt that guys don’t know anything about love.

Even if they do know about it but they never seem to be emotional towards anything. I don’t think it’s true. I find guys are as emotional and sentimental as any species of any kind.

Maybe the fact of us being born as male species requires them to be dominant.

Ego, pride, whatever you name it. The feeling does not allow others to recognize them as the weaker kind that falls into wheels of emotion. In a relationship, the role of the male is to protect and possess the female as so to say.

Being protective means you have express yourself as mentally strong and not swayed into temptations. But not all guys are like that. As far as I know there are a couple of them who gets all emotional during a quarrel.

Guys do cry when they are sad. It’s a lie if they tell you they never cry before, for there’s nothing chauvinist for a man to shed his tears but for a fruitful course that is. Adults cried quietly, trying to hide the attention of those weary eyes.

I cried many times in my life, sometimes over silly things, sometimes over a sad movie, sometimes over a failure, sometimes over a relationship. But if you ask me whether I have cried before, my answer would most probably be a straight no in your face. But if you ask me what I know about love.

My answer would surprisingly be a ‘no’ too. All I can only tell you that love is a remarkable experience that only you alone can feel when it hits you.

Everyone’s definition and impression is different and there’s no right or wrong to it. There’s no logic or rational thinking towards love.

There’s only how you feel that leads you.

That’s why people always say “go with your heart” in a relationship.

A relationship is not measurable with any formula or logical explanation. If you like a person, you will really like him/her despite all the bad points that he/she has… and even you yourself won’t believe what decision you have made. When that time comes, you’ll know that you’re in love.

This is Love, all irrational and unbelievably true.



A drop of sweat fell across the face of Mark as he stared at his computer. It was already late at night and he had sent Jade back after dinner.

Mark was still thinking about his blog as he covered his face with his hands.

What happened?
Was it imaginative all along?
Was he suffering from some mental illness?

There was no way that those comments were gone just like that.

“Nobody else will know about my tagboard password… unless someone hacked into my account?”

Internally, Mark felt better with the theory of hacker if not he would have been seen as nuts.

“Oh well…. Whatever…”

Those were his last thoughts as he closed his eyes to sleep.

Time pasts as fast as the calendar was shaded.
Three weeks had passed and Mark hasn’t blogged since. However he would still check his tagboard to see if Psyche would leave a message.

But there weren’t any at all.
Mark & Jade got along more often other that the daily meet up before work. They would go out for her indulging shopping spree and spend time learning to cook soup from his mum.

They would still play their little game of ‘fate’.

Jade would not tell Mark which part of the train she was and Mark had to guess it. It’s most unusual that throughout the few weeks, Mark would get it correct every time.

Even though Mark doesn’t really believe it, maybe ‘fate’ really existed after all.

The atmosphere in the office however was as dead as a graveyard. Shaun was no longer himself as he would sulk at his desk all day. Mark didn’t know any reason except maybe Shaun was unhappy with his promotion.

Christine would always be there at eight-thirty and be home by six. Other than the usual conversations over work, she hasn’t talked much since.

“Hey guys, let’s go for lunch.”
Mr. Lee broke the office serenity.

“Boss, what for?”
Mark raised the issue.

“Oh… you guys forgotten? It’s Christine’s last day today.”

“Oh yeah…but I’m meeting some clients for lunch later. I gotta call them to cancel the meeting.”
Mark responded while trying to look for their name cards.

“It’s ok Mark, work is more important...”
Christine replied while looking at Shaun & Mr. Lee.

“So where are we going?”
She continued.

“Well… I’ve booked a table in a restaurant down town. The whole local sales team is joining us too. Francis personally wanted that because he felt you’ve done a great job during your stay here.”
Mr. Lee replied.

The four of them left the building but Mark was heading another direction.

“How did I forget about it?”
Mark scrutinized his low memory brain as he drove off.

It was already three when Mark returned from his lunch meeting. He saw Christine doing the final packing of her files.

Mark walked up and tried to strike a conversation.

“So… how’s lunch?”

“Lunch’s not bad… The restaurant really lived up to its fame.”
Christine replied without even looking at him.

“Oh…it’s a pity.”

“So how’s the meeting?”
Christine asked back.

“Oh… everything went smoothly. They were please with our proposal for the rework and I will bring two engineers down to their factory next month.”

“Oh… that’s really great.”

Suddenly the conversation had become so formal. Mark knew the topic had ended and he had to think about another topic fast.

“Ehh… so where’s Shaun? Didn’t see him since I came back.”

“Shaun? He’s on half-day leave today.”

“No again? Oh man He had been taking lots of leave and mc lately.”

“You better take care of him then, talk to you later I have to go and sign off my clearance.”
Christine left her table and walked out.

Mark then went back to his desk and looked at the small wrapped package that he had in his hand.


Christine had gone to human resource for her exit interview and a brief meeting with the sales and finances team. She was back in office just before six.

“Yeah… the timing is just right.”
Christine thought to herself as she walked towards her desk to pick up her files.

“Chris…”
Mark called out.

“Yeah?”
Christine turned back.

“I wanted to give you this…”
Mark took the present from his desk.

“For?”

“Well… it’s your last day and I… just want to thank you. Over the years, you’ve helped me a lot. I’m grateful to have a colleague and friend like you.”

Christine took the present from Mark.

“Thanks…. Mark…”

“So when are you flying off?”

“Tomorrow, morning flight at eight.”
Christine tried to divert her attention elsewhere.

“Wah! Why so fast? Didn’t you have to report to their main office here first?”
Mark was shocked by her reply.

“The Vice President is going back to the French HQ tomorrow and he asked me to join him in the flight.”

“Oh… guess I don’t even have the chance to treat you a nice dinner…”
Mark mumbled to himself.


“Yeah… I’ll be at home with my parents.”

“Ok… next time when I go France for tour, you must be my tour guide!”
Mark suggested.

“Sure…”
Christine tried to clear her throat.

“All the best in your life and career! Don’t forget me arh! When you reached there must stay in contact through msn.”

Mark wished her.

“Mark?”

“Yeah?”

Both their eyes met finally.

“Please take care of yourself…ok?”

“I will… Chris….”

Christine then dashed out of the office as she could not hold back her tears any longer. Her emotions had overtaken her rational behavior as she sniveled her way out to the car park.

Christine stayed in her car and cried her hearts out with her head resting on the steering wheel. She had never felt so hurt in her life and she was crying so hard that she finds it difficult to breath at times.

What was she crying? Who was she crying for? Was she crying for herself or somebody else?

Christine didn’t know for sure. It seems like leaving a person was bad enough, the fact that she won’t know when the next time she would see him again wrecked her heart.

In the end, she still couldn’t pluck up her courage to tell him. To tell the person whom she had sleepless nights over. To tell him that she liked him all along and how much it means to her that he would ask her to stay.


“Maybe we’re fated after all…”

Christine composed herself as the tears began to dry. She then started the engine and drove off.

---------------------

“Hey, what’s wrong with you?”
Jade looked at Mark as he didn’t eat his share of dinner.

“Oh… nothing. Just that today was the last day of a much closed colleague.”

“So…? You can always meet up for dinner.”
Jade said while she stirred her soup.

“She’s leaving for France tomorrow. I guess she’s going to stay there for good.”
Mark too started stirring.

“Orrrh!!! A female colleague!! I think you are in love with her. That’s why you can’t bear for her to leave.”
Jade teased him.

“Don’t be crazy lah. People already got boyfriend, moreover her boyfriend is my buddy at work.”

“If she’s single… would you date her?”
Jade asked in a spike of moment.

“If I date her, then I won’t date you already.”
Mark teased Jade back.

“Wah…. It’s because she’s attached then you asked me out… You heartless creep!!”
Jade complained.

“All the explanation will only get more complicated!”
Mark sighed.

As both of them continued to have their dinner, a moment of thought did came across Mark’s mind.

“What will happen if Christine was single? What would I do?”

“Crazy thought!”
Mark told himself as he looked at Jade smiling at him.

---------------------

It was seven-thirty in the morning when Mark opened his eyes and looked at the clock.

“She must be in the plane now.”
Mark thought to himself as he got up.

“Êtes-vous Mlle bien Christine?”

Christine was looking at the window when the Vice president asked whether she was alright.

“Yeah, Je suis bien”
Christine replied that she was fine.

As Christine tried to look for her lip palm, she felt a box-shaped object within her handbag. It was the present that Mark gave her yesterday.

Christine looked at the present for awhile before she slowly tore the wrapping paper.

----------------------
“Ah boy…”

“Yeah mum?”

“You came back late yesterday. There’s a parcel delivered to our house yesterday. It’s in the kitchen.”

Mark scratches his head as he heads for the kitchen.

The parcel had no return address except the fact that it was sent out from Italy and attention to Mark Lee with his current address.

“Funny… I don’t remember having any clients from Italy.”
Mark brought the parcel to the living room and began tearing the wrapping.

-------------------------

Christine stared at the present in her hands. She had thought her tears had dry up but it didn’t.

A tear flowed down her cheek… then another….

The tears fell onto the box with a pen inside.
It was the pen which Christine secretly gave to Mark when they were in China, except this was the female edition.

“It’s the same pen….”

As the plane took off its wings, Christine covered her mouth for she didn’t know what to say.

------------------------

A hard covered book showed itself as Mark finished tearing the parcel. The book was very thick and looked very old and dusty.

As Mark cleared away the dust, wordings appeared.

“Libro da Amore…”

As he cleared the lower portion of the cover, more words appeared.

Do you know love?

Psyche…


[To be Cont]

Book of Love 爱神の书



Chapter 28


During a relationship, there will be times when both of you had a really bad argument. It could be that she had done something really bad that hurt you bitterly or it could be something that he had done that brought out all the sorrows in you.

Then how far would you go to forgive a person?

It’s strange that many people claimed that they would do almost anything for the ones they loved.

But when it comes to forgiving someone, these people would be the first to omit from their list of ‘everything that I’m willing to do’.

I ever heard a story about a guy and his fiancée.

They knew each other for many years since secondary school. As a couple, they went through many ups and downs. Every time they would compensate each other’s mistake and forgive each other no matter what.

Time passed and soon both before finally decided to settle down and start a family. So wedding plans were made and they even bought a house and finished renovation.

As both their parents were rather traditional, both of them were not supposed to see each other on the night before their customary marriage.

The guy didn’t have any pre-wedding last bachelor’s night program so he decided to go to their new house.

When he reached, the first thing he realized were the two pairs of shoes left on the doorstep. One was distinctively his fiancée’s; the other was a pair of male sports shoe.

As he opened the door, he heard laughter coming out from the master bedroom. As much as the guy tried to be self-deceiving, he opened the doorknob to prove himself wrong.

The sight was disbelieving.


The guy stood at the front of his master bedroom and saw his wife to be and another man merrily enjoying on their bed. The stranger saw him and got dress almost instantly while the woman just froze at the sight.

The guy then closed the door and sat in the living room while both got changed and the man left the premises promptly.

His fiancée sat beside him and ask for his forgiveness.

That guy didn’t beat her, slap her or even scolded her.
He only asked her whether she loves him.
His fiancée could only nod while in tears.

“Then be my good wife from tomorrow on…”

He kissed her forehead and left the house.

Both of them got married as per plan the day after. Anyone who came to their wedding labeled them as the most matches made couple that they have ever come across.

The groom was handsome and successful in his career and the bride was pretty and very gentle. It was sounded as if a match made in heaven.

The guy didn’t talked anything regarding the incident ever since.

Then…

They got separated half a year after their blissful marriage.

Not because of the girl who strayed again but the guilt that left inside her on the day before their marriage kept haunting her since.

After 3 years of separation, they finally served their divorce letters.
Before the girl signed on the letter, she asked him.

“Why didn’t you scold me…? Why didn’t you beat me? I did something wrongful to you… You know how much guilt you’ve left in me?”

The guy only looked at her and smiles.

“Because I love you… therefore I will forgive you.”
Tell this story to a guy and most probably he will label the groom as the stupidest person on earth.

Tell this story to a girl and most probably she will protest that guys are often the easier sex to stray than girls.

I don’t know that was a script from the drama series or a true-life account but it was told to me by a good friend who apparently knew the bride.

I ever asked myself what I would do if I were that guy.

Will I forgive?

I might… but I’ll never forget… and I would never want to see both of them again. That was the same answer that came from my wife when I told her this story.

When you can’t forgive someone you love, it doesn’t mean you don’t love the person deep enough. It’s only the threshold that different people can take when the situation comes.

So how much can you forgive?

Even if you can forgive but can you forget?

----------



“YES... I want to know. So can you tell me?”
Mark type furiously on his keyboard.

“You will know the answer very soon but do you dare to know the answer?”
Psyche countered him.

“Why not?”

“Very well… we will meet soon.”

“What do you mean???”

Mark knew the conversation has ended like before. He got up and went to bed straight.

Morning came and Mark was on his way to work.

As the morning train was as pack as always, the group of commuters on board squeezed Mark around. He felt someone knocking on his back a few times when the train was moving.

“What the…F...”
Mark’s irritation got over him.

“Hi Mark?”
Jade smiled at him, she was being squeezed and knocked onto him while trying to shield herself.

“Hey… how come I didn’t know you were behind me all along?”

“I did call you but you didn’t response. You looked distracted, are you ok?”

“I’m just tired... I suppose I didn’t have a good rest last night.”

“Hey what happened to you last few days? Didn’t saw you on the train.”

“Oh... Ehh... my colleague sent me to work during the last 2 days...”
Mark didn’t have a clue why he had to lie on that.

“You are really busy with your work huh?”
Jade winked at him.

“Of course… A man’s top priority is his career isn’t it?”
Mark winked back.

The train stopped at the station where Mark was alighting. Before he got down, Jade asked softly.

“Mark... Saturday still on?”

“I’ll call you ok?”
Mark reply as he alighted from the train and showed the ‘calling’ signage to Jade as the train moves.

“Hi all.”
Mark greeted both Shaun and Christine who only smile back.

The atmosphere in the office was no longer as lively as before. The three of them hardly struck a conversation. Everyone was engrossed in his or her work.

Even lunchtime was no different, Shaun would join his finance buddies and he didn’t even know where Christine was during lunch.

Shaun was getting moody all day long and Christine was the same came and left on the dot, not a single minute more or less.

Mark was busy taking over Christine’s project and has to hold meetings with the in house Engineers as well as external customers and contractors.
Everyone seems to focus only on his or her respective direction.

“Bye all”
Mark looked around before realizing he was the only person left in the office.

As Mark strolled along the route home, he took out his mobile phone and dialed Jade’s number. Even though they knew each other for awhile now, it was his first time calling.

“Hi…?”

Mark made the first interaction.

“Yeah Mark?”

“Oh… you know it was me...”

“Why not? I’ve got your numbers all along.”

“Oh… you didn’t delete them… Anyway I just called to ask you whether you are free this Sat.”

“Of course! I always wanted to learn how to cook the soup.”


Jade could be heard giggling over the receiver.

“Hey Jade... there’s something I need to confirm about.”

“Yeah?”

“Those soups you drank are actually cooked by my mum. I don’t really know how to cook actually… Sorry to disappoint you.”

There was no immediate response from Jade.

“Jade you still there?”

“Yeah of course… Don’t worry, I’m not angry or anything. So your mum willing to teach me?”

There was a sense of relieve over Mark as he heard the reply.

“I don’t see any problem in that, I will go buy the ingredients tomorrow.”

“Let’s get it together instead?”
Jade offered.

“Certainly, that would be great cos I’m never good in my groceries”

“So I’ll see you at Westmall? I’ll be driving tomorrow.”
Mark suggested.

“Ok, see you at nine. If you are late, you would have to treat me breakfast!”
Jade giggled over the phone again.

Mark hung up the phone and walked out to the living room.

“Ma…”
His mother was watching some Hong Kong drama.

“Yeah?”
She turned at looked at him.

“My friend wants to learn how to cook soup from you. She will be coming over tomorrow morning. Is that alright with you?”


Mark’s mother thought for a moment.

“But I’ve got mahjong session tomorrow!”
She frowned.

Mark’s face turned sour as he was about to go back to his room.

“But of course… Mahjong can play anytime…”

Those words added sweetness to dilute the sourness in his face.

“Thanks ma...”

“Is your friend that Sharon?”

“Nope… her name is Jade, the one who was hospitalized that time.”

“Jade?... Hmmmmm..”
Mark’s mother wondered for a moment before she turned her attention back to the television.

Mark slept well that night. He had a dream of his childhood where he used to follow his mother to the market.

Mark’s mother would hold his hand and teach him how to differentiate and select a fresh fish from the rest. She would also teach him the names of various vegetables as all looked the same to him.

It was something he missed…

-------------

It was 8.47am and Mark was already waiting in front of the supermarket at westmall.
Mark waited patiently as he strolls around the shops at the basement which was not even opened.

Half an hour had passed and there was still no sign of Jade. Mark decided to call her.

“Jade?”


“Yeah?”

“Err… we’re suppose to meet today right?”

“Oh is it??? Gosh! I’ve overslept!!!”

“Ohhhh… it’s ok then…”
Mark’s heart sank.

“Fool you!!! Hahahahaha I’m standing right in front of you.”

Mark looked around but didn’t see her in sight.

“Look further lah… I’m at bakery shop.”

Mark finally found her and walked towards her.

“Hey… you sure got me man!”

“Yeah… I know, you reached here at 8.47am right?”

“How do you know??”
Mark was very surprised by her reply.

“Heee heee… Don’t tell you. Let’s go for our breakfast first? I’ll treat since I’m late.”
Jade offered.

“Oh well…”
Mark agreed as they moved along to have their breakfast.

Both of them went back to the supermarket and Mark pushed a trolley from the entrance.

They strolled through the entire supermarket. Discussing on the soup which Jade wanted to learn and buying the ingredients that she wanted.

The feeling was special as they browse through the dairies and groceries. Mark was trying to convince Jade which fish is fresh from the little experience he had gathered.

Jade was obviously the better one in terms of shopping though. Mark simply gave up after awhile and just agreed in whatever Jade had told him.

“Can you don’t sound like my mother?”
Mark protested when Jade tried to convince him that carrots are good for blood circulation.

“If I’m your mother then you will be a healthy boy!”

Jade tried to knock him with the carrot in her hand.

The hour of shopping came to an end when Jade reminded him of the time.

-------------------

“Hello Auntie…”
Jade greeted Mark’s mother as she opens the door.

“Hi… so you are Jade. Come in..”
She ushered them in.

“Sit, sit… Mark, go get people some drinks.”
She ordered as both of them seated on the sofa.

“So Jade… are you getting better?”

“Yeah I guess so…”

“So what operation did you undergo? Is it serious?”

Jade was getting awkward when Mark answered his mother.

“Ma.. why you so kaypo? Anyway it’s just a small operation.”

“Oh… ok..”

“Oh…Auntie… I want to learn the fish soup you cooked for me the other time.. It’s really great!”

“Ok… I see you’ve bought the ingredients too.. Come let’s go to the kitchen.”


Mark stayed in the living room as both of them went to the kitchen. He dozed off as the cool wind blew at him from the fan.

“Wei.... wei.. wake up…”
Jade tried to tickle him.

“Oh… I fell asleep…”
Mark rubbed his eyes.

“Yeah… my soup is brewing at the moment.. Have to wait one more hours. Got anything nice to show me?”

“Hmmmmm… come I show you my blog?”

Mark explained the whole story of his blog while he switches on his computer. How he started it and all the entries that he entered. He also told her about how Sharon and her comments in his blog that led him to save her.

“The most exciting thing about my blog is this user named ‘Psyche’ I reckon it’s a she but I’ve never met her before. She always tagged questions that only my deepest heart knew. She is someone who knows a great deal about love. A very mysterious person, someone whom I really loved to meet..”

“Is there such a person? Wow….”
Jade was getting excited.

Mark then clicked on his blog website.

“You read through first, her questions always post on my tagboard. I need to go toilet.”
”Ok..”

When Mark came back, he found Jade staring at him with her arms folded.

“Yeah?”

“What Psyche you talking about? There’s no such person in your blog. Idiot.. I got fooled.”

“Huh?”

Mark then browsed through his blog and got the fright of his life.

True enough, Jade was right.

There wasn’t a single entry by Psyche.

[To be Cont]