Journal of Life ~ what makes a good relationship?


Whenever there’s a quarrel or argument between my friends and their partners, they would end up asking me this old fashion question of ‘What makes a good relationship?’

Most of the time, I just shrugged and said that I don’t really know.

‘You must be joking, you love your wife so much and you always give in a lot to her’
That’s what some general comments.
It would always end with ‘and you are spoiling her for all the goodness.’

“You are just looking one sided.” That’s what I always remind them.

There are many things which we won’t know in a relationship.

Every relationship has similarities and differences. One thing we know, a relationship begins with two persons with a common view but ends with one person having different views.

I treat my wife well not because I have to, it’s because I want to.
I spoilt her because of all the sacrifices that she made for me in order for us to be together.

It’s not easy for someone to travel and live in a foreign place so far away from her parents and relatives and had so little friends to count on when she needs the support.

I remembered there was once when we quarreled and she was so distress with herself. Not because of the quarrel but because there’s no other place for her to go to other than my room.

It’s not easy to suddenly move into my house and stayed with my parents and aunt. She had to endure their differences in personality, behavior and ways of living.

I sometimes asked my wife why are we together? I’m not handsome or rich. There are many things she longed and I can only owe her at this moment.

Perhaps it’s just plain simple, it’s because I treat her same ever since the day I know her. I would plan for all the major things in life and allow my shoulders for her to lie on.

I know couples who don’t talk much after their marriage. They would just lie down on their bed and kiss goodnight before turning their back to each other. I know couples who still behave like courtship and no one would know they already have kids.

Maybe the definition of a good relationship is just keeping the same feeling towards each other the moment you feel that he/she is the one for you. Not just having the same feeling but also showing the same affection and attention as the first moment the relationship started.

Remembering the times when the two of you went for a late night show and walked all the way home? Or waiting for her outside her office with a bunch of roses as she knocked off?

Being romantic is not asking you to do something that is done in the movies. To me, being romantic to your loved one is doing the things that you ever did for her/him and made her/him remembered until today.

It’s the littlest and simplest things which we think it is no longer needed to be done that spur a relationship to go on.

So what if you know each other for 20 years or married for 5 years?
Didn’t the two of you fell in love with each other because of the way you were treated?

Redo the things which you ever did for your love, she may find it a bit silly and perhaps she would tell you that it’s no need to.

Just tell her, “Honey, I haven’t changed since day one….”

This is Love, nothing strengthen a relationship like rekindling one.

Journal of Life ~ The meaning of your life

“Remember, if you made a mistake, you simply need to press Ctrl-Z for undo and the software will undo the previous error made.” I’ll sure that we are very familiar with the Ctrl-Z command throughout whatever software that we were taught or used. Sometimes we might even ask ourselves this question “Why can’t life be as easy as the way it seems to be? Why can’t we erase the mistake that we’ve made and live like it never happened before?”

Everyday we are fed with enough frustration and stress to keep us thinking ‘life really sucks isn’t it?’ Have we ever taken a step backwards or even slow down to realize that there is obviously a better way to live?

Life is the most complex thing that you will ever come across. From creation to end, from existence to extinction. There’s no explanation yet and there shall be none even till the day that your life ends. As far as we all know that life is mystical, we still can’t understand a single bit of it. We are taught things and remembering them and in return teach others and the cycle goes on and on.

Life is made up of memories and only people who have memories will have a life… Sometimes you rekindled the sad times that made you cried your heart out and perhaps the happier times that still put a smile one your face.

Life is made up of experience, you will learn about one thing being shown and taught and you will remember it for a long long time. Though how much we want to remove our past experience and memories, we can’t. Because it is already part of our life.

Life is made up of feelings. You cry when you are sad, you fear when you’re alone. You will feel a sense of relieve when everything is over.

Life is made up of caring and sharing with others. Admit it; helping others makes your day no matter how tired you are. Even a simple pat on the back on a tired man can stir enough energy to last him on his task.

Life is made up of Love. “People who lived without loving are never considered to have lived before.” Love is the affectionate feelings developed between mutual parties through time, experience and memories unifies in one.

Life is You. Though there’s no spiritual prove, you are in control of your life. You can end if anytime, prolong it anytime, enjoy it anytime and love it anytime.

If the day comes when you realized that you want to end your life once and for all due to some unhappy memories, unpleasant experience. Read this passage and think one more time from the beginning before you made any mistake. Tell yourself that ending a life is something that cannot be revived by keying Ctrl-Z. Won’t it be better that you live through all the bad times and show others how good you are when the time comes for you to give advice?

“Although life sucks, living a rotten life leads to a fulfilling future, not because you lived through it but you’ve overcome it…”

Love yourself before you claim your love towards others.

This is Life, before the Love.

Journal of Life ~ The greatest love story of all

When was the last time you've read a love story so nice that you felt almost living in it?
Was it through some novels or movies that you watched?
Was it through the mouth of someone you know that truly describe the experiences of love and courtship?

You laid back and dream so much that you would experience such a life.
Everyone will have their definition of the greatest love story.

I would believe that you will never forget a really touching love story that has a happy ending.
If you ask me what is the greatest love story that I've read?
I would say it didn't come from any movies nor books.

But the whole love story is meaningful in a way because I was part of it.
Nope, not my love story... but my parent's

I personally think the greatest love story comes straight from your parent.
No disrespect to those people whose parent divorced but to me they would have gone through many years of love before it was end.

Ask yourself.

Have you ever ask your parents how did they know each other and how did your father manage to court your mum?
Where do they used to date and what present did your father buy for her?
I don't know how many of us would really know what happened then.

Its amazing that sometimes we come to know the things that we often won't have a stand to. It's like reading a story that was a prologue of your life.

My mum would tell us the things which my dad did when they were dating.
She said he would bring her to eat 'his' favorite food, either fishball noodles or duck rice.
They would go movie too at $1 per person. Finally he would walk her home because it was economical that way compared to taking bus.

Both my parents came from poor background and they had to live through so much thick and thin to be together. They had their quarrels, their happiness, their ups & downs throughout the many years since they met.

My mum sometimes would complain that she made a wrong choice in marrying to my dad, simply because her life didn't got better.
Deep down, she really care for him.

When she knew he had high blood pressure, she would find means and ways to restrict his diet and watch everything he eat. She would ask him to check his blood pressure everytime and put lesser salt in all her dishes.

My dad is just a simple man to me.
Someone who does his job duly and make sure that there is money enough to feed everyone.
He's not a romeo who goes through great effort and extend to love my mum.
He would just silently rub her back whenever she complained about her backache from doing so much house chores.
He would keep his mouth shut whenever they have an argument to avoid things get heated up.

I know there are people who will be telling me that they hate one of their parent who broke up the family and caused all the current hardship.

Despite what has happened now, what was it like before?
When both of them were still truly in love?

Wasn't that the greatest story of all time?
It's a pity that even the greatest story would have an ending.

Looking back, you are the fruit of their love.
Don't you think you should know the beginning of the greatest love story of all time?

If you don't know what I'm saying, try asking your mum regarding the courtship between them.

I hope it would bring a gentle smile from her face, as she sit back and rekindle the wonderful memories.

This is Love, the greatest love story of all time, the love of your parents.

Journal of Life – Negative Emotions.


We all know that humans are born with emotions and logical thinking. That ability perhaps is the greatest difference between us and those mammals caged inside the zoo.

Somehow when we are in love, we could be blinded by our logical thinking and filled with negative emotions that sometimes we cannot control.

In the beginning, there were only the two of you.

You would call her everyday and she would send lovely messages every opportunity that she could. Everything would be so lovely and complete between the two of you that you would have thought that only the two of you survive on this lonely planet.

That would not be the case as time proved otherwise.

You would want to have some time with your friends, some time on your hobby and perhaps some time to catch up on your sleep.

She would want some time to go for her spa sessions, some time to go shopping.

Soon enough, you would begin to feel a gap between the two of you.

Possession

The feeling of jealousy arises when you see her paying more attention to other channels. You would have felt that you are her only companion in life.

You would have wanted him to be by your side in whatever you are doing. The feeling of anxiety aroused you that he could be flirting with someone else when he didn’t pick up your call.

Last but not least, anger.

The feeling that spur you in blowing everything at her when things don’t go your way. Sometimes verbal but worst of all physical harm to the person whom you claim you would love forever.

I’m very glad I don’t know anyone who abused their love ones.

The closest family abuse incident I had was from a secondary school friend whose father would beat him with his golf stick. He was not a good student and perhaps from the consent beating, anyone would give up. Most of the time, he would hide his wound in school to avoid teachers from questioning.

I have read and hear cases of wife beating and physical abuse in relationships.

In my mind, I only have one question for those people.

If you would harm the person whom you truly love, what sort of a person are you?

The fundamentals of love begin with giving and caring for each other. If you abuse your love ones then you do not really love them. You are merely using them as a venting pot.

The strangest thing however, is not the existence of abusers but the existence of those who lived to be abused.

If you let a person whom claims he loves you harm you, what sort of a person are you?

Is your sacrifice worth the love he proclaimed when he was sane?
Are you the greatest lover in the world to live in the shadow of his torture?

I hope not.

Because we are responsible being.
We are responsible not only for ourselves but also the actions and words that cast upon us.

We choose to love each other therefore we are together.
If you choose to hurt me, we will not be together anymore.
Because it only meant you loved yourself more than anyone else.

Negative emotions are always lurking within a relationship and waiting to strike.

I sincerely hope that anyone reading this would not verbally or physically hurt or cause hurt to your love ones.


(This passage is dedicated to Carmen Lee of "Choose Love, Not Abuse" Campaign that has quite a lot of good response from the Media. Sorry I couldn't attend your invitation for the Dating Violence Awareness Week. For more information, please visit: www.chooselovenotabuse.com )

Journal of Life – The rainbow after the rain


There was a huge shower all across major parts in the northern and eastern part of Singapore during the evening. As the rain drizzled, I guess many people were either stuck or chose to be drenched as they continued their journey.

I guess times like these would probably leave you with an unhappy feeling.

Why it had to rain now?
Why am I stuck here when I’m supposed to go back to my home and relax in front of my couch?

The rain finally stopped right before seven.

I was on board a bus on my way home stared aimlessly outside the window.
Something caught me within the mist of dark clouds that was surrounding.

It was a rainbow.

I remembered telling everyone how happy I will become whenever I see a rainbow.
It didn’t changed today as I continued looking outside the window as the bus travels from Woodlands to Tampines.

I thought to myself, “Why must the rainbow come only after the rain?”

Scientifically apart, could it be that the heavens decided to let the human embrace its wonders after a dark and unbearable thunderstorm?

To tell everyone that no matter what happens in life, be it a light drizzle that dampens your day or a thunderstorm that hurts you. At the end of the storm, sometimes you will see a rainbow.

To tell people that in the mist of all the dark color, there lies a ray of hope.

Just like every relationship, there will be quarrels and arguments.

From how we see things from all the unhappiness, there is a ray of belief and hope.

It’s how we see things in life, actually.

This is Life perhaps...

Secrets of the Heart - 心の秘密

Chapter 12

Everyone takes a bus some time in their life.
For me, it was the first transport that I ever took.

My grandfather used to bring me on different long bus journey. We would do nothing, just look out the windows and observe the many places which the bus travels.

He said it was the cheapest way of enjoyment because we only pay less then a dollar for the bus ticket and we get to enjoy almost an hour of time.

For many of us, we do it when we were young and probably still doing it almost everyday. Be it to work, to school or another location for shopping, it would definitely be one option of travel.

As you stood aimlessly at the stop and waits for its arrival, you notice a group of people moved as it approaches. There seems to be many different numbers that they waited.

Different numbers would mean different journey, something which you won’t know until the day you take it yourself.

As you observed the group of people that took the same bus with you at the same time, have you ever notice that there would be a few of them whom you would always see?

Somehow their schedule is the same as yours, boarding the same bus almost everyday as you. Although you’ve never spoken to any of them, deep down however, you would feel a strange sense of bonding. Somehow you look forward in seeing them each day as they board the bus at the different sections of the journey.

Where are they going?
Where do they work or study?

We probably won’t ask them because we would be mistakenly regarded as a stalker to them out of our curiosity.

I love to take the bus.
I love to look out in the window on the journey as the bus moves.
I love to look at the many people who board and alight from the journey.

I love to take the bus with my wife now. I would show her the places which I’ve been to as the bus travels.

I would tell her the stories that my grandfather used to tell me when we were traveling.

Someday, perhaps I will also do the same thing to my kids.

For many of us, we would probably take for granted on the journey because we are driven by the destination of where we want to go.

Take a step back as you travel on your next trip.
Make some observations during your journey.

Remember, it’s the cheapest form of entertainment and it’s not the destination but that journey that matters, my friend.

And…

When was the last time you took a long bus journey with the one you loved?

The silent and watery eyes stared blankly at the ceiling wall above. There was not a moment of life except the rotating sound of the table fan. Outside the window were only a pale of darkness before dawn slowly peeked itself in.

Soon the room was lit with rays of sunlight.
As the eyes turned its focus at the window, she recalled earlier.

“Jo, you normally wake up so late?”

Janet was already changing her school uniform.

“I’m not feeling well, Janet.”

Janet sat down beside her and felt her forehead.

“Nope, no fever.”

“Yeah, I just feel like sleeping in today.”

“Ok, you better take care you know”
Janet spoke as she tied her hair.

“Jan, I think there’s breakfast on the table. I told Mum to cook for us before she goes for work.”

“You have a good rest ok?”

“Jan, please remember to lock the door ok? The keys are on the dining table.”

“Sure… by the way, your house seems a lot quieter than mine.”

Janet spoke before she left the room.

As Jolynn tried to go back to sleep, her handphone broke the silence in the room.

[ You going to school today? ]

It was a message from Adrian.

[ I’m not feeling well, don’t think I will be going after all ]

The phone rang almost immediately.

“Yeah?”

“Hey, what happen to you?”
Adrian spoke of real concern.

“I’m fine I guess, just feeling very tired.”

“Need to send you to a doctor?”

“Nah, I guess I didn’t get enough sleep. I’ll feel better afterwards, I hope”

“Jol, actually I’m outside your house.”

Jolynn felt a sense of disbelief as the door bell rang. She threw her handphone on her bed and rushed out to the living room.

“Oh my god, why are you here?”
Jolynn opened the door and saw Adrian standing.

“I was just…”

“Waiting for Janet?”
Jolynn finished the sentence for him.

Adrian looked lost and couldn’t find an answer to dispute her assumption.

“She already left for school… *cough*”
Jolynn felt her throat itched.

“You alright?”
Adrian wanted to feel her forehead through the door but Jolynn took a step backwards.

“I’m ok, there’s nothing wrong with me”

“Hey, I just wanted to know whether you are fine.”

“I’m fine, thank you. And the person that you are looking for already left the house.”
Jolynn tried to cut short the conversation.

“Can we talk then? Can you let me in?”

Jolynn let out a sigh and opened the door for him.

Adrian sat on the sofa as Jolynn dragged herself to the opposite end.

“What is it that you want to tell me?”
Jolynn showed lesser patience due to her insomnia.

“It’s about the other night.”
Adrian spoke slowly.

“I just wanted to apologize to you for what I did, I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for? Taking me as Janet the other night?”

Adrian did not reply to her question.

“Adrian, you didn’t reply to my question the other night, what is it that she has that I don’t?”

“Jolynn, what are you saying? I don’t quite understand.”
“If it’s the looks, I don’t think I’m any uglier or fatter than her, am I not?”
Jolynn took a good look at herself.

Adrian was uncertain about her intentions.

“Jolynn, why are you comparing yourself with Janet?”

“Because we are in love with the same person! And I want to know why that person only care about Janet and not me!”

Jolynn moved towards Adrian.

“Do you think she would do this?”

Jolynn began kissing his forehead then moved slowly down to his right ear and finally reaching to his lips.

Adrian was stuttered by her actions as their lips locked in emotions.

“Tell me, who is the person that you are thinking now?”
Jolynn whispered in his ears.

“Janet…. Or me?”
Jolynn continued to blow gently into his ear.

“Jolynn… I….”
Adrian was stopped Jolynn’s finger as she placed it on his lips.

“Shhss… Don’t interrupt… let me tell you what my definition of love is. No.. Let me show it to you.”

Jolynn began to unbutton herself as she continued kissing him.

“Janet… Janet…?”
Janet felt someone gently tapping her shoulder.

“Idiot, don’t disturb my sleep!”
She let out a huge slap to the intruder.

“Ouch!”
Edwin exclaimed while the bus driver looked at them.

“What the two of you do last night?”
The curious driver poked.

“Nothing, Uncle! We are only classmates.”
Edwin blushed.

“Young man, you like her is it?”
The bus driver laughed.

“No no no… Uncle”

“Then how come you are not angry when she slapped you?”

“Errmmm….”
Edwin was lost for words.

“My wife used to hit me when I was courting her. I never hit back, although sometimes it really hurts on the flesh but somehow in the heart I was quite please with it…. Haha!”

“Uncle, you are a weird man…”

“Yeah yeah, better wake your friend up. I have to prepare for my next trip.”

“Janet…? Wake up?”
Edwin tried again, this time more cautious of her reactions.

“huh….”
Janet woke up rubbing her eyes.

“Yawn…Are we at school yet?”
She stretched herself to see the empty bus.

“What happened?”
Janet stared at Edwin.


“I thought you were supposed to wake me up when we reached school?”
Edwin rebuked her stare.

“How can you sleep when I slept?”
Janet questioned him.

“How did I know you slept when I was already sleeping? If I was already sleeping and you went to sleep, how would I wake myself and you up when we reached school?”

“Idiot… Don’t confuse me with all your theories.”
Janet sat up and brushed her skirt.

“Where are we now?”

“Pasir Ris Bus Terminal, please kindly get off the bus if you don’t mind.”
The bus driver answered them.

“Sorry Uncle…”
Janet got off the bus real quick leaving Edwin behind with her bag.

“Janet, wait!”
Edwin tried to catch up with her.

“I’m very hungry now, can we find a place for breakfast?”
Janet suggested.

“But we need to go to school, if not our attendance will be affected and we can’t sit for the final examinations.”
Edwin tried to convince her.

“Of course we need to go to school. What’s the time now?”

“Eight thirty”

“Aren’t we already late?”
Edwin nodded.

“What’s the difference from reaching the school at ten and now? No difference right?”
Edwin nodded again.

“So?”
Janet woke the debate literally.

“And finally Edwin… are you hungry?”

Edwin just couldn’t find a way to shake his head as they walked towards the fast food restaurant.
Adrian felt his back as Jolynn used her finger to linger.

“Jol…”

“Yeah?”

“How did we end up like this?”

“Isn’t it something that you wanted?”
Jolynn kissed his back again.

“Is it really something I wanted?”
Adrian mumbled to himself.

“I need to go to school today”
Adrian got up from the bed and wore back his school uniform.

“For?”

“I need to return Vincent his notes.”

“Then I’m going with you.”
Jolynn got up too.

“Aren’t you not feeling well? Please stay at home and rest”

“Nope, from now on… where you go I will follow”
Jolynn took her uniform from the closet.

Adrian walked out of the house and light a cigarette while waiting for Jolynn.
As they walked, Jolynn tried to hold his hand.

“Adrian, am I your girl friend now?”

Adrian did not reply.

“You think she would have given in to you?... like what I did?”
Jolynn smiled as she looked at Adrian.

She knew she had overtaken her best friend in the race. A race where she could not afford to lose and could anything to get herself forward.

“Love is about the sacrifices one needs to make in order retain a relationship. Love is never noble but just a selfish act of personal attention.”

Jolynn let out a grin as she reminded herself on that.
“What time is it already?”
Janet commanded to know.

“It’s almost ten. Hey don’t you have a watch?”
Edwin couldn’t take much longer.

“I lazy to take a look myself, it’s faster to ask”
Janet replied as they walked towards the school gate.

“Will we get caught?”
Edwin showed his timid side.

“Trust me, at ten in the morning, everyone will be having meetings with the teachers. This is the best timing!”

“What if they cancel the meeting today?”

Janet stopped and stared at him.

“Edwin, keep your unlucky mouth shut!”

Both went through the front gate cautiously and true enough, there was no one around.

“Hey you two!”
Edwin heard someone shouting at them.

“Oh shit…”
Janet turned around.

“Late huh? Go stand in front of the Principal office now!”
The discipline master ordered.

“I thought you say it’s flawless?”
Edwin whispered to Janet.

“Shut up! Edwin.”

“Today seems to have a lot late comers. All of you better have a good explanation.”
The discipline master said as he led them towards the principal’s office.

“Jan?”
Janet looked up as she felt her name called.

“Jol??... You’re late too? I thought you not coming?”

“Janet? Who’s this guy?”
“Adrian?”
Janet stood frozen at his voice

“Jan, you and Edwin came in together?”
Jolynn was shocked as Edwin came closer.

Jolynn stared at Edwin, Edwin looked up to Adrian, Adrian glanced at Janet and Janet watched Jolynn.

The four of them stopped and began looking at each other with different perspective.

[To be Cont]