[ * Binding & Bonding Love *]

People always say finding love is very difficult. Often they have spend countless of attempts to seek the lost souls of their counterparts. Many past attempts had failed me, leading me thinking that finding love is tough and would propably never go into a relationship.

Then without a speed warning, love hit me as I start my first relationship 4 years ago... on this day.. rather on this night.. with someone I barely know enough.

Then I thought, finding love is already so hard.. keeping it shouldn't be anything harder I guess.

Times passed, I have to live in 2 person's shoe now.. as so to speak.

I must know certain dates, I must know her likeness, hateness, fear, rage, feelings, emotions, goals.. every little things which I don't even cared for myself.

I must know what to say.. what not to.. How to react, how not to.. when to there for her.. when not to.. The things which I like but she don't.., the things I dread but she loves..

I've never paid so much attention to myself for almost 20 over years.. but there I was, keeping every little things about her..

I never give up.. because I knew she too was doing the same things that I'm doing for her. From there on.. I view love as more realistic feeling than romantic soap operas.

Loving someone doesn't mean you go up to the sky and pluck the moon to please her.

Loving someone means you have to understand her, her needs, her feelings to please her.

Understanding people isn't that hard...? well think again.. when most of the time we are complaining people don't understand us..

Over the years in a relationship.. I begin to fall into the trap like every attached male adults in Singapore.. working headlessly towards the fundings for future marriage, for house, for car..

I’m probably too busy or too drained out over my work.. and my studies.. All these to work towards the goal a good life towards the future.. I’m a calculative person & will do what my means to have a balanced life.

Time flows as little did I know I've already lost the little things that we used to do together..

Things like going to Bras Basah or the park behind my camp to just sit down and talk... our movies sessions have decrease & we don't meet as much as we do in the past.. I'm a simple person when it comes to relationship.. as walking with her in a park would have be enough..

I guess people would just say the relationship have matured or saturated.. What's already happened will not change.. I can only blame myself for putting too much commitment in my studies & job that I may have neglected her.. her needs, her feelings, her emotions..

Looking back.. I can't say I've done alot for her as her boyfriend.. I can't ask for much to be pleased...

Looking back, I finally understand the meaning of binding & bonding of a relationship. Time will pass, Things will change but the memory of love will remain as both of us walk together towards the future.. 4 years is not a very long time to understand one totally.. but it's enough to let you know that the person is very special to you.. deep within your hearts...

I find a part of Collin Raye's "Love me" very meaningful...

""If you get there before I do

Don't give up on me I'll meet you when my chores are through

I don't know how long I'll be But I'm not gonna let you down

Darling wait and see

And between now and then Til I see you again I'll be loving you Love, Me."

Anntonii Lim