Secrets of the Heart - 心の秘密


Chapter 6


The two of you were quiet as there was nothing much to say over an incident that nobody wanted. You could sense that something, somewhere, somehow is wrong when you looked at her.

As you look at the person in front of you, she did not say a word but just kept her head down. Suddenly you heard some sniffing sound as you saw her tears start flowing down from her cheek.

How did you felt at the moment?
A tingling feeling right inside your heart perhaps?

There could also be this sense of awkwardness that ran through you as you continued to look at her reddish eyes. You tried to ask her what happened but there was none replied.

How did you felt when the girl whom you liked cried in front of you?

I would say it’s one of the most painful feelings that could happen to anyone. You would feel helpless as there’s nothing you think you could do to help her.

Somehow you would always ask yourself whether you are the reason which she is crying about.

Was it something I said? Was it something I’ve done?

Guys with their rational mind and attitude will always look into the deepest truth to understand why his mate cried. If there’s a problem then we should resolve it. If there’s a mistake then we must correct it, they say.

How often do we find ourselves trying too hard to solve a problem that linked to a series of misconception?

If you ask me what I would do in front of her.
I would probably wait… and then hand her a piece of tissue.

I won’t ask her why she is crying. It’s not the reason that made her cry that matters; it’s the attention that you gave her that she is yearning about.

And I would probably tell her… “Don’t worry, I’m here.”





“So… what is it that you want to show me?”
Edwin walked closer to the pond.

The pond looked rather old and natural. From the looks of it, it didn’t look as if there was anyone maintaining it.

Edwin was surprised to see a pond in the middle of a park or in his sense the surrounding trees made it looked like they were in the middle of a jungle.

“I bet you never know such place exist right?”
Janet looked at her frightened friend.

“Yeah…”
Edwin walked towards her as both of them sat near the edge of the pond.

“I used to come here when I was young… with my mum”

“Uhuh…”
Edwin nodded.

“My mum would bring me here during the weekends, just the two of us.”
Janet looked at the pond.

“She would sit there and recite stories to me throughout the day where the trees practically shade us from the sun.”

“It must have been really nice”
Edwin too looked at the pond and pondered.

“You know why she brought me here?”
Janet suddenly asked.

Edwin shook his head.

“She once told me that this is the place where he proposed to her. It was the happiest day of her life.”

Edwin paused for a moment and sat down beside her.


“Everything changes when he was promoted to Director; he seems to care more about his work than us. He always come back after ten and hardly speaks a word to my mum before turning to bed.”

“Maybe he has his own stress at work?”

“I don’t know, I only know it’s wrong to ignore the one you love. No matter how tired you are, the tiredness will be gone the moment you see your love ones.”

Edwin looked down.

“Perhaps that’s the reason why his father was always smiling when both his sister & him comes back from school.”

“Tell me more about your mum?”
Edwin sudden suggestion led to Janet’s surprise.

“I… I just want to know how it feels to have a mum”

“Edwin, I’m sorry.”
Janet took a deep breath.

“It’s ok, just tell me”

“Most people I know are closer to their mothers than their fathers. Maybe mothers are natural care givers who constantly watch you grow. Their job is not only to feed and dress you when you were young. They watch over our every move as you grow. They beat and scold you when you do the wrong things and yet every beating hurts them more than you.”

Janet took a pause to look at Edwin who stared at the pond before continued.

“Mothers always tell you what is right and what is wrong and they always expect you to follow their rules…”

“They would always tell you that you won’t know how they feel till the day you become a parent yourself. This is what my mum used to tell me.”

“She’s like a good friend, a confider whom I have absolute trust in telling her everything about what happen in school, which guy I had a crush on and how my friends treat me unfairly and no matter how many times I complain to her, she would always listen readily.”

Janet stopped talking as she could not control her own emotions.

“Jan, you ok?”
Edwin looked at her.

He was shocked to find her whole body trembling and shivering. Before he moved closer, Janet let out a wail and burst out crying.

Edwin wasn’t sure what to do next.

“Was it my fault to make her cry like this? It’s all my fault…” Were the thoughts that circulated his mind as he looked on.

There was a sudden reaction in him that prompted him to move closer to Janet and wrapped his hands over her shoulders.

Janet just lay on his shoulders and continued crying.

“I really missed her… really really missed her and I really really hate him so much for ruin this family.”

“It’s ok, I’m here…. Don’t worry.”
Edwin patted her back as she smothered.

After a while, Janet had calmed down and she held her head up.

“Feeling better?”
Edwin asked.

Janet just nodded and that brought a smile to his face.

“Janet, Can you promise me something?”

“Huh?”

“Don’t cry in front of me again.”

Janet was taken aback by the request.

“Why?”
“Because I just don’t like to see people cry. I love to see every one of them happy in front of me. If you have any problems, you can tell me I will surely help you.”

Edwin smiled.

“You are so heartless and lack of emotions”
Janet smacked his head as she stood up and moved on.

“Let’s go somewhere else.”

“Ok…”

Edwin stood up and brushed himself.

“Don’t cry in front of me…. because it hurts me so much every time I see a tear dropped from your eyes…. It hurts even more when I’m the one who made you cried.”

Janet stole a glance at Edwin who was clumsily following behind as they walked out of the forested areas.

“Thank you… Nobody has ever said that to me…”

The two of them walked out and took a bus.

“Let’s go shopping!”
Janet pressed the signal for alighting.

“Shouldn’t we do some revision?”
Edwin pointed to his bag.

Janet glared at him.
“You say you’ll help me with anything right?”

“Yes…?”

“I want to shop now!”
Janet folded her arms.

“Ok… but we have to revise after you get your stuffs ok?”

Janet was busily trying out clothes, shoes, bags, cosmetics, wallets, dress, accessories, more shoes, more bags and practically everything that can be put on a girl.

Edwin was carrying her bag for her as she tried on her stuffs.
There was a loud melody ringing through her bag.

“Hey Jan, I think there’s a call incoming”

“Can you take a look who is calling?”
Janet was still in the changing room.

Edwin found her phone.

“The number is not inside your phonebook.”

“Then help me answer it will you? Damn I’ve grow fatter.”

“Hello?”

“Janet, this is Elane, your father’s in hospital now! He suffered a heart attack.”

“Sorry can you repeat that?”
Edwin wanted to make sure.

“Who are you? Did I call the wrong number?”
Elane was shocked by the male voice at the receiving end.

“No no. I’m Janet’s friend. She is busy now so she asked me to answer this call on her behalf.”

“Then ask her to go to SGH A&E now!! The doctors are still trying to revive him. Just bring her come at once. I will call again.”

Elane hung up before Janet came out of the changing room.

“Damn… I think I have to go on diet. So who called?”
Janet walked out with a dissatisfied look on her face.

“Janet, Elane just call. Your dad is in SGH now. I think he suffered a heart attack and they are still trying to revive him”

The clothes fell onto the floor as Janet took the news with a stunned reaction.

Both of them rushed out of the shopping center and managed to hitch a cab easily as it was not rush hour. Inside the cab, Janet was all stone and speechless as the taxi along the expressway.

Edwin held onto her cold hands and tried to calm her down.

“Don’t worry, don’t worry. Nothing’s going to happen.”

Janet didn’t say anything but just keep looking out of the window.

“I’ve no feelings for this guy.”
Janet suddenly spoke.

Edwin looked at her in shocked but never dare asked her why she meant that. He was her father after all.

There were total silent for the next few minutes.

Edwin was still holding her hands as it started to tremble. There was a sudden voice in his head as he looked the worrying face of Janet.

** Dad… Please don’t leave me…**

“Janet…”

“Yeah?”

“Did you say something just now?”
Edwin asked as he was 100% sure he heard that statement.

“Nope…Why?”

“Nothing…”
Edwin too broke out in cold sweat as they arrived in the hospital.

“What took you so long?”
Elane called out to them as soon as she saw them arriving.

“What’s his situation now?”
Janet asked impatiently.

“I don’t know… doctors are still inside with him.”

“Shit! How did all these thing happen?”
Janet kicked a chair and created a commotion.

“Relax… relax… cool down…”
Edwin grabbed her hands…

** Dad, I’ll promise to be a good girl…. Please pull through… **
It was the same voice again…


[To be Cont]

Secrets of the Heart - 心の秘密


Chapter 5


There are many people walking around in the mist of the crowd as you ponder your steps forward.

As you take a step closer into the territory that you once conquered, your emotions slowly and endearingly crept all over your soul.

You stopped and looked around.
Everything looks quite different from the day you last saw it.
It was then you realized how long it had been since the last time you were here.

To go back to the place in your heart that once only special to you?

I believe there are many places that are special to everyone of us throughout the times we live.

It could be your school garden where you used to grow vegetables for your science project. It could be a park where you use to walk with your ex. It could also be the place where you used to grow up or work.

As you looked around the surroundings, some structures would have been gone; others would have been refurnished with time.

Then you looked at the mass crowd of people walking past you everyday and wonder whether how much it means to them walking past it everyday.

Finally you smiled and wondered if there’s another person who had this special place in his or her heart the same as you.

There are many special places inside our hearts.
As we grow older we venture into more and more unchartered territories, leaving behind only the traces of memories for the place that we used to go.

Have you ever taken a day off from everything that you do and go back to that special place?

I believe everyone should because wherever the place might be now, I’m sure it will always be in your heart no matter what or when.





The night was filled with the sound of crickets over at the second storey bedroom. It was way pass midnight and the whole family was sound asleep except for one.

Edwin was lying motionlessly on his bed as the minutes count down.

Uncertainty crept all over his shoulder as he looked up to the ceiling above. A sense of unsuppressed fear was gaining momentum to overcome his excitement.

Question after question rang in his mind as Edwin had not used so much of his brains for a long time.

“What is that she wanted to meet me?”
Edwin sighed.

“Has she developed a liking for me?”
Edwin shook his head many times in the night as he lay in his bed.
Tiredness overcame his mental worrying as he closed his eyes.

--------------------------------------

“Edwin?”
Edwin slurped and looked again. It looked very vague but he was sure that was the voice of Janet.

Edwin looked around him; there were nothing but an empty grass patch surrounding him.

“Yes?”
He just stood there as she slowly appears.

“How are you?”
Janet asked.

“I’m fine… I guess...”
Edwin was too shy to look into her face.

“Thank you…”
Edwin looked up and caught her smiling face.

“Come; let me take you to a place…”
Janet grabbed his hand as she guided him through a series of woods.

“Where are you taking me to?”
Edwin asked as he moved behind her.

Janet just turned and smiled once again.
“I want to bring you, to a place where no one has ever been.”

Edwin could not remember how long it took them to walk but Janet finally stop when they saw a bare patch of grass surrounded by trees and thick bushes.

Edwin saw something right in the middle of the patch of grass. It looked like a box or something.

“Where is this place?”
He could not stop his curiosity.

“Win, do you trust me?”
Edwin nodded.

“Ok…”
Janet pulled him closer to the box.

Edwin was getting afraid because this is not a place that you could find in Singapore. He began to walk slower behind her.

“What is this?”
Edwin asked as he looked at the wooden chest in front of him.

“Win, do you want to know what am I always thinking?”
Janet looked at him.

“Sometimes…”
Edwin nodded shyly.

“This is my heart….”
Edwin looked on as Janet unlocked the wooden chest.

“All my secrets are inside this wooden box.”

Edwin felt his sweat rolled down as Janet lifted up the box. There was a moment of anxiety mixed with fear. He felt his body getting warmer and more sweat broke out.

Suddenly…
-----------------------------------------

Edwin opened his eyes and broke out a cold sweat.
His body was drenched as he found himself lying on his bed.

“Was it a dream?”
Edwin thought as he looked out the window.
It was breaking dawn as the sun was slowly rising from the far east.
Everything seemed peaceful and quiet in his neighborhood.

“I guess it was a dream after all.”

It wasn’t a night of good rest as he closed his eyes once more.

“Ah Win… Ah Win…?”
Edwin opened his eyes and saw his father shaking his shoulder.

“Yes… Pa?”
Edwin turned himself sideways to make him comfortable.

“I thought you said you are going today?”
Edwin’s father was packing the cans of food in his room.

“Oh shit!”
Edwin jumped out of his bed.

“What time is it now? Pa?”
His father was shock with his reaction.

“It’s nine…”

“Oh shit, Oh shit…”
Edwin quickly grabbed his clothes and dashed to the bathroom.

“Are you late for your appointment? You forgot your towel.”
Edwin’s father knocked on the bathroom.
Edwin opened the door and smile at his father.
“Don’t worry Pa, all is fine…”

“You need money to take a taxi?”
Edwin shook his head as he took the towel from his father.


Edwin had to change three buses to finally reach his desired destination Yishun on time as promised.

He tried to look around but there was no sign of Janet anywhere. He then waited patiently and loiters around for a while before his phone rang.

“Win, where are you?” The sound of an agitated Janet stormed across the receiver.

“I’m here! At Yishun already, I wasn’t late. I mean I reached just in time but I could not see you.”
Edwin tried his best to explain.

“It’s ok, Heehee. It’s my fault, my fault” Janet changed her tone completely.

“So where are you?”
Edwin countered.

“Ehh… me arh.. Just got on the bus..”

“Oh.. Ok”
Edwin was more glad than angry to realize he wasn’t late.

“It’s terrible and horrible for letting girls wait for you, you know!” Edwin remembered how angry and pissed his sister was when she came home one day.

“I’ll be here soon..”

Edwin then went to the bus stop and kept looking at his watch momentarily.

Half past nine, a quarter to ten and the clock keep ticking slowly, suddenly ‘soon’ felt like forever to him.

He watched the on coming traffic in daze.

“Ooi”
Edwin then heard someone from behind tapping his right shoulder. He turned but there was no one. Before he knew it, he felt a tick on his left cheek as he turned back again.

“Haahaa!”
Janet couldn’t stop laughing with Edwin holding his painful cheek.

“Hey Janet”
He greeted shyly.

“Hey I’m hungry, can we go for breakfast first?”

“Ok, so what do you want? I’m not very familiar here.”
Janet thought for a while before pointing across the road.

“Let’s go to Swenson’s”

Edwin took a gulp as he thought of the three ten dollar notes in his wallet.

“Aiyah, don’t worry lah. I’ll treat ok?”

“How can I let you?”
Edwin put up his defensive ego.

“It’s ok Win, take it as my way of thanking you for the Math test and for me being late ok?”

Edwin still hesitated for a while.

“Oh.. Come on, you can treat me lunch later ok? Let’s go I’m really hungry.”

The bill came close to forty dollars and Janet did not even bother about taking the spare change remains.

“Come, let’s go”
She commanded.

“So where is this place that you want to bring me to?”

Janet smiled at him.
“Well we have to walk awhile to reach there. That’s why we must have a really good breakfast!”

The weather was cooling even though it was close to noon. Janet was counting the steps as she walked and Edwin followed behind closely.

The two of them come to a park right inside the neighborhood of Yishun. The park was quiet and filled with much forestation. It was a place which Edwin had never been before.

“There… over there.”
Janet pointed to the front as she led Edwin on.

They came to a place somewhere in the middle of the park where Edwin saw a pond. It looked a bit old and unmaintained with insects nesting all over.

As they edged closer and closer to the pond, Edwin’s heart pumped faster and faster.

“This is the place…”
Janet finally stopped as they reached the pond.

Edwin’s heart skipped a heartbeat as he froze in front of the pond.
He looked around the area and cold sweat drip down from his forehead.

The place which they are standing on is the same as his dream…
The only difference is instead of the wooden box, it was a pond that lies in front of him.

[To be Cont]

Secrets of the Heart - 心の秘密


Chapter 4


What would you do to gain the attention from people surrounding you?
Would you shout for attention or would you do something silly just to let everyone know you need their time and space.

There was once a story I’ve read on the net that tells the story of a workaholic father and his young son. The son would ask money from his father everyday and his father would give him all the spare change that he had left.

Every time the boy received the money, he would become very happy and hide in his room for a long period. After a while, his father became curious on his son’s intentions.

“Surely a young boy like him doesn’t need so much money. Is he hiding something from me?”

The father tried to check on the boy’s room but could not find the money that he had kept.
He had the final draw when the boy asked him for $5 one day.

“You don’t need $5, what do you want $5 for?”

His son just smiled at him and rose out his hand.

“How can you ask for so much money at such a young age! What is it that you are hiding? Don’t you know the value of money? Don’t you know how hard I’m working outside to earn the dollar?” The father finally couldn’t endure any longer and gave his son a tight slap on his cheeks.

The boy was shocked and ran back to his room crying.

Guilt ran over the father as he slowly opened the door to his son’s room. His son was hiding under his blanket as gentle cries could still be heard.

“I’m sorry son, I didn’t mean it… I’m just too frustrated at work. Here’s five dollars”
The father apologized and placed a five-dollar note on his bed.

The boy didn’t cried anymore as he happily picked up the note.
“Dad?”

“Yes son?”

“How much do you earn per day?”

“I earned a hundred a day. Why are you asking me this question?”
The father felt another rush of rage upon.

The boy smiled as he took out an old tin can and poured onto his bed.
Out from the tin can came out all the coins in varies value as the boy carefully did a final count.

With the five-dollar note in his hand, the boy let out a big smile.

“I have a hundred dollars with me Dad, can I employ you for a day so that you no need to go to work?”

The actual story could be more in depth or longer but I guess the meaning behind it is almost the same.

It’s unexplainable sometimes that we might do things that we might probably never do just to grab someone’s attention. It could be faking a tummy ache or flu just to feel the comfort that we received from the ones who cared.

Asking a person whether he or she needs a doctor doesn’t mean you cared although it’s a practical approach. If a person really needs a doctor, he or she would probably ask you to bring them.

It’s the little things that you do or say that show your concern and attention. A porridge cooked by you could be a better remedy than a doctor’s prescription sometimes.

“Jolynn?”

Adrian called out to her as she walked pass his class.

“Yeah? Oh it’s you, Adrian. What do you want?”

Jolynn was caught surprised by his calling.

“Hmmm… was wondering how is Janet recently?”

Adrian walked out from his class and walked with Jolynn along the corridor.

“She’s not really doing that good.”

“What happened?”
Adrian sounded anxious.

“She was grounded by her father on our last holiday. She had to endure through lessons & lessons of tuition and piano practice. I think the only times that she came out of that house is the time when her father bring her out for dinner.”

“That bad huh?”

“Yeah… her result sucks totally last semester, don’t you know?”

“I…”

Jolynn stopped walking and looked at Adrian.

“And it was mainly because of you.”

“Well... I didn’t mean it”

“One way or another. My best friend definitely suffered because of you.”

Jolynn started walking once more.

“Jol?”

Jolynn stopped and turned.

“You wanna join my ktv next week?”

“Why should I?”

Jolynn folded her arms.

“Let me make it up to Janet ok? Let’s take it as my sincere apologies over what happened. ”

“Yeah and you would probably bring all your girlfriends and spike her once more?”

“Please trust me can or not? I don’t have any girlfriends, be it in school or outside. I just want to make it up to her.”

“We’ll see how it goes…”

Jolynn continued her journey to the washroom.

Adrian smiled and began to make his way back to his class.

“Adrian?”

He stopped & turned this time and finds Jolynn staring at him with her arms fold.

“Can you promise me not to hurt her anymore?”

Adrian let out a guilty smile.

“I never wanted to anyway.”

“Good..I'll bet she still has some feelings for you”

Those were the last words before the two of them continued their journey.

Jolynn let out a sigh as she approached the washroom.

“I hope she's coping better than I am”

Jolynn washed her face as she looked at herself in the mirror.

Adrian approached the two of them during their break.

“Hello?”

“Wassup Adrian?”

Jolynn replied with Janet staring aimlessly in the blanks.

“Are both of you free next week?”

“Why? Wanna ask me out?”

Jolynn sounded sarcastically.

“Just wondering if you would be free next week, I'm organizing an outing.”

Adrian looking at Janet for response.

Jolynn sensed Janet's uncomfortable behavior and tried to cut short the conversation.

“So where's the outing anyway?”

“Well, it's just a ktv outing, nothing much actually.” Adrian tried to convince them.

Adrian spent the next five minutes trying to persuade their participation.

The group separated as the school bell sounded for the lesson.

Janet reached out immediately after school. It was something which her Dad had commanded her to do so and spends every effort in making her comply to it.

The whole house was empty as she walked through the living room and threw her bag on the sofa. Within minutes, the phone sounded.

“Yeah.”

Janet answered with a lack-lusted tone knowing the receiving end.

“How is school today?”

“School is much better than this empty prison.”

“You know what you've promise me don't you?”

Her father's commanding nature took over.

“Yes I know, be home before 3pm every day and start my own revision”

“Good. Don't forget that you are having tuition later”

“Yes I know, the tutor is one of your subordinate isn't she? Didn't realized that you would abuse your authority like that.”

“It's not necessary for you to know how I work, just fulfill your requirements. Having a strong academical background is good for building a strong foundation for your future. You don't know how important studying actually is until the day you step out to the society.”

“I'm not one of your subordinate so please don't talk to me like that!”

Janet couldn't stand his authoritative ways any longer.

“Your tutor will buy you dinner when she arrive.”

Janet did not response.

“I need to go for meeting now, Bye.”

Janet threw the receiver down.

Gushes of water descended onto her head as she attempts to cool her emotions with the shower head. Tears flowed with the rushing water down from her cheek right to her feet.

“Mum... I missed you...”

Memories of her sad past came back once more as she recall the times spent with your mum & dad. Her mum would help her with her homework and her dad would reward her with gifts when she had done well for her exams.

Her world then came crashing when her mum decided that she could no longer stand the way her father working day in and day out and always neglecting the family. Her father's defense was always for the sake of the family finances.

Both of them finally divorced when Janet was in secondary one. Her father being the financially stronger claim her custody to her mum's dismay. All the happy times came to end when the family was broken into pieces.

Her mum got remarried and now residing in Perth and Janet has never seen her again till the day when she last saw her in court.

Janet dry herself as she finishes her shower.

A bottle caught her attention below the sink.

She took up and open the cap. A strong stench of antiseptic smell filled the bathroom as she held the bottle of 'Dettol' in her hand.

“Will I die?”

Janet paused for a while.

“Maybe it's better that I do”

There was a moment of silence as she slowly lift the bottle towards her mouth.

Janet was suddenly shocked by a loud knock at the door and dropped the bottle onto the toilet floor. She got back to her senses and got dressed.

“Janet?”

Janet opened the door and found a woman fanning herself furiously with a stack of papers.

“yeah?”

“hi... I'm Elane. I'm your father's friend?”

“yeah... so you are my tutor.. Please come in”

The two of them went through revision before settling down for dinner. The suicide thought came but left as Janet got busier with her school work.

The half bottled antiseptic was then kept inside the cardboard.

------------------------

Edwin then felt his mobile phone trembling inside his bag.

“Hey Edwin, You want to come out this Saturday? Janet.”

Edwin was caught totally by the sms and he had to check a few times before he confirmed the sender and the receiver.

“What should I reply?”

His panic face caught the attention of Daryl and Huiyee.

“What's wrong?”

Huiyee asked.

“Oh... it's nothing...”

Edwin tried to brush off the concern.

“Ok man, your face is really pale now. Maybe you are too tired? Go wash up?”

Daryl patted on his shoulder.

Edwin took his mobile phone into the toilet and sat inside the cubicle.

[ Is Saturday tomorrow or next week's?]

Edwin asked.

The response came almost immediately.

[ Of course it's tomorrow!]

[ I guess I would be free, which subject you need help in?]

Edwin replied with his logical senses.

[ Who studies on weekends? I just want to go out ]

Janet replied.

[ Oh.. ok.. so where do you want to go? ]

[ Where do you normally spend your weekend? ]

Janet shot back the question.

[ I revised for all my subjects ]

Edwin being truthful.

[ No wonder you are so good in your grades, so you stay at home for your revision? ]

[ Nope, I do my revisions outside ]

[ Can you bring me to that place tomorrow? ]

Janet requested.

[ Sure but you have to revise a bit ]

[ Ok, I will revise with you.. but you'll have to follow me to my place after we're done]

[Where?]

Edwin was getting nervous.

[ You will know tomorrow... Meet you outside the Yishun MRT at 10am? ]

[ Ok... see you]

Edwin confirmed the arrangement.

He got back to his friends who were busy searching for data for their project.

“Edwin.. why are all you stunned? “

Huiyee looking at him being disorganized.

“I'm ok.. don't worry..”

----------------------

“Dad I need to go out tomorrow.”

Janet seek her father's permission as he sat by the ouch.

“Be back by 9pm. No later than that.”

That was all he answered and it was all she needs.

---------------------

“Ah pa, I don't think I will eat dinner tomorrow.”

Edwin returned to the shop house and found him packing up.

“Going out?”

Edwin nodded.

“With girl?”
Edwin nodded initially but keep shaking his head

His father smiled then pass him two ten-dollar note.

“Here, take it. You'll need it for your meals.”

“Thanks Ah pa, I will return you the change.”

-----------------------------------

Janet looked at the messages between Edwin and her.

She felt something which she had long forgotten. She was smiling as she looked at her phone. Although Janet wasn't sure of the reason, she only knows she needs to thank Edwin.

For passing her test...

For that simple smile that she had long forgotten...

[To be Cont]

Secrets of the Heart - 心の秘密

Chapter 3

Do you think all of us are judged on the intelligence we have?

Our ability to do something may bring extra attention from the ones we loved and the people around us.

When you just able to understand the people whom bred and fed you. Your parents tell you that learning the piano is good for your upbringing and a bright future.

From that day on, you will be put to countless hours of learning to play the piano. From the time that your little fingers were only able to touch the keys one by one, to the time when you sit for your graded piano examinations.

You’ll never really know whether you liked playing the piano, you only know playing the piano will bring happiness to the people around you.
Perhaps the happiness would manipulate your weak mind in thinking so.

Then will hard work always bring success?

What if you are not really up to the standard or you are really not gifted in the things in what people want you to achieve.

Will you been labeled as a ‘failure’ because of something that you are not able to achieve.

I’ve seen a lot of hardworking people in my life. They put in extra efforts than others and often spending more time of their in trying to achieve something which others could do.

If they passed, their parents would be the proudest person in their life. However if they failed, then their parents will blame on their lack of concentration and laziness which lead to the eventual failure.

Reality is cruel because it only recognizes those who passed, not those who’ve tried.

In the end, there will be a limit to everyone’s ability to learn or absorb and although hard work doesn’t always bring success, it certainly makes it sweeter when you’ve finally achieved.

The class had just ended and the students were taking their breaks to the washrooms. Jolynn was loitering at the corridor when she caught Janet staring out the window.

“So you are joining us tonight right?”
Janet stared at Jolynn as she sat down by her side.

“What's with tonight?”
Her pupils enlarged as she couldn't remember committing to any plans to her best friend.

“You mean you've forgotten about it?”
Jolynn's question was like a hot knife slicing a cold butter.

Janet shrugged.

“Wei...! It's Adrian's KTV outing? Didn't you say you were going?”
Jolynn pulled her sleeve.

Janet's train of thoughts ran backwards to the day when Adrian approached both of them during their break.

“Well, it's just a ktv outing, nothing much actually.” Adrian tried to convince them.

“So what's the occasion?” Jolynn question in doubt.

“Hmm... it's my birthday next week so my bros decided to organize this ktv outing. It's not going to be a big affair, just couple of guys and gals from school.”

Jolynn looked at Janet for some response.

“We'll see about it ok? If there's something on then I suppose we won't be able to make it.”
Janet started packing her stuffs.

“Ok.. sure, I hope you will be there.”
Adrian smiled before he left.

“Jan?”

“Yeah?” Janet looked up to her friend.

“You are damn fake you know that?”

“Huh??” Janet was rather shocked by her friend's remark.

“Didn't you tell me before that you liked him?”

“Did I? I did huh?” Janet looked surprised.

“How can a person changed her feelings so quickly? Unless you never really liked him in the first place.” Jolynn's words became more harsh.

“Well.. He's already got someone outside. Why would I like someone knowing we won't have a future?” Janet replied.

“Then have you ever seen him with anyone outside with your own eyes?”

Janet shook her head.

“I suppose these are only rumors from his class. Besides with his looks, rumors are bond to happen isn't it?” Jolynn tried to put some logic into her own reasoning.

“It's easier for him to have girlfriends than rumors..Oh.. whatever”
Janet started to walk off but Jolynn pulled her hand.

“Jan.. go to that outing ok? Accompany me?”

“You decide...” Janet then walked off.

“Jan, you remember now?”

“Oh.. you mean that outing.. it's tonight already?”

Jolynn nodded.

“Ok, I suppose I won't have anything to do tonight.”

Jolynn smiled.

“And.. I would like to learn that Fish Leong's song anyway...”

Janet smiled at her friend.

“So it's fixed... Don't back out if not I'm not going to talk to you again...”
Jolynn walked out of the class as the break ended.

Janet stare out the window again as the next lesson resume.

It was History lesson and everyone was dreaming away. Janet was one of them too as she looked at the swaying leaves on the branches.

“I wonder how much he had changed. It's been so long since we last went out together. I hope he's still as sweet as he used to be.”
Janet thought as she let out a smile.

Her smile stopped when there was a slight commotion in class.

“Edwin Ng, top student last year. What has happened to you? Can’t even answer a simple question?”
Janet saw Mrs. Chong walking towards Edwin as she speaks.

“Stand there young man! Very well, since you are not interested in my lesson, you might as well go stand outside till the class ends.”

Edwin then dragged himself out of the class as it continued.

“What should I wear tonight? Blouse or jeans? Heels? Hmmmm...”
This was all Janet could think of throughout the next half and hour.

“Good Morning class”
Miss Joanne greeted the class with her usual smile.

Janet hated Math all her life. She could understand what is the meaning of knowing all the equations and formulas in calculating something which you won't see. Math should just be something to do with everyday life and who uses algebra?

“Right class, before I go on. Just want to inform you that there will be a Math test tomorrow.”
The whole class groaned in common rhythm.

“Now, now, I don’t wish it to be a big surprise but I guess some of you will start to panic already. All the questions are pretty straight forward and if you have followed my lesson then there’s no need to be even scared of anything”
The groaned continued.

Janet was caught as she digested the information. All her smiles were gone as she knew how much she could possibly do with her knowledge.

“Oh my god.. I'm in deep shit this time round.”
The fear for her father who grounded her last holiday was enough to make her staring at her lunch during break.

“Oh well... maybe I should stay at home and revise throughout the night...”
“Hey… erm Janet… You ok?”
Janet turned around and saw Edwin.

“EDWIN! I’m so damned for tomorrow’s Math test!”
Janet blasted everything to Edwin for the next half an hour.
She was confused with herself, every time she had anything that she couldn't solve, she would turn to Edwin. Edwin will always come out with a solution to bail her out.

“We can exchange our answer sheets you know…”
“Are you crazy? You are sitting so far away from me. How do we even have the chance to do that?”
Janet replied in disbelieving.
“Eh… I’m not asking you to physically change our papers. I just want you to write my name down in your answer sheet. I will write your name in mine.”
Edwin explained patiently.

“Ok… ok I promise I will study the moment I reach home ok?”
Janet rubbed her eyes as Edwin made his move.

There was a sense of relieve throughout her deep emotions. At least she could go out without fearing anything tonight.

“Ooi Janet, I heard there's a Math test for your class tomorrow?”
Jolynn rushed upon hearing the news.

“Yeah...”
Janet just continued walking.
“Then how? Are we still going tonight? If you fail then your dad will literally kill you!”
“It's ok Jol, everything is going to alright. We are still going tonight because I promised you.”
Jolynn felt relieved too.
“Then see you tonight girl.” Jolynn waved goodbye to her friend as she walked back to her class.

The smile came back to Janet once more as she looked out the window for the remaining periods of the day. Somehow the day looks fine all over again.

--------------------------
“Attention, attention, Babes incoming!”
Someone shouted for attention as the girls arrived at the ktv.
There were a lot wolf whistle and howling in the room as Janet and Jolynn arrived.
“Wah... you guys can give us a break?”
Jolynn was brushing off the attraction yet enjoying every minute of it.
“Hey its great to see you gals!”
Adrian was sitting in the middle of the couch of the group which mainly from his class.
“Babes, Please sit beside our birthday boy.”
Terence ushered them towards the couch.
“You ok?”
Adrian looked at Janet while the rest of the group was singing.
“Yeah... I'm fine”
Janet looking at her glass.
“Thanks for coming, I really appreciate that.”

“Well.. Jolynn asked me to come so I guess I just accompanied her.”
“So you prepared for your test already?”
“It doesn't matter, I will be able to make it.”
The short conversation ended without further new topics.
“So it's your birthday, why didn't your girlfriend come? She’s busy?”
Janet suddenly popped out the question.

“Since when do I ever have a girlfriend?”
Adrian was shocked by her straightforwardness.

“You don't? Who are you bluffing? Hah!”
Janet took a sip of her glass.

“Yeah, I'm single. Unfortunately someone keep rejecting me”
Adrian leaned back onto his couch.

“Impossible.. if there's someone out who's able to do that to you. I wanna be the first to know.”

Adrian suddenly leaned forward to Janet's ear.
“Yeah... That person is you.”

Janet’s heart skipped a beat as the two of them froze in motion. The background was filled with singing and laughter but all was silence in Janet’s heart.

“Very funny…”
Janet got up from her seat and went to the washroom.

She was quiet for most of the night as the group was went on to celebrate Adrian’s birthday with song singings and cake cutting.

It was close to eleven when Janet reached home only to find her father sitting by the couch.

“Where have you been?”
Her dad’s authoritative voice sounded across the quiet living room.

“I was over at Jolynn’s place..”

“What did the two of you do?”

“Dad, I was revising tomorrow’s Math test with Jolynn.”

“Oh? There’s a test tomorrow? Since when you’ve become so independent?”

“Since the day you grounded me last semester.”
Janet then walked past her father without even looking at him.

As Janet locked her door, she couldn’t remember the last time since she spoke to him nicely over anything. He was always controlling her movement, limiting her freedom and restricting her privacy.

Janet sat by her study table and looked at the photo frame.

“Mum… now I understand why you left dad. So what if he’s the head of a multi-national company. He just treats his family like his subordinates and keeps on pushing them for higher grades.”

Her thoughts were distracted by the sound of her phone.
It was a sms by Adrian.

“Thanks for coming, you looked really pretty tonight..”

Janet lay on her bed looking at her phone.

“Should I reply….?”

Tiredness crept upon her as she closes her eyes and fell to a deep sleep.

-----------------------

The plan worked perfectly.

Janet was shocked by her result when she got back her test papers, or otherwise Edwin’s result. She could not overcome another greater shock when she overheard the rumors about Edwin’s result.

Guilt over ran her emotions as she called Edwin to apologize. It won’t change the result but only reduce her guilt.

There was an unread message from her phone when she hung up.

“Hey Janet, you want to come out this Saturday? Adrian”
----------------------------

“What answer you want to hear? Tell me.”

Neither of them replied.

“If the answer you want to hear is ‘Yes’ then I say yes loh. Is this what you want? Then tomorrow you can spread to the whole class.”
Edwin sounded very serious.

“Hey relax… relax, we are just joking.”
Daryl cooled him down.

“Yeah… besides, both of you are super not compatible. You are so intelligent and she is so hyped & Ah Lian”
Huiyee added.

Edwin sighed.
“Can we finally start our project?”

The lazy afternoon in the library finally came to life as the group discussed their history project. They had to put up with a sketch to perform about the Dutch ruling in Malaya in the seventeen century.

Edwin then felt his mobile phone trembling inside his bag.

“Hey Edwin, You want to come out this Saturday? Janet.”

[To be Cont]

Secrets of the Heart - 心の秘密

Chapter 2

When you were young, someone will always hold your hand when you cross the road. No matter who that person is, you’ll know that he/she is someone you can depend on, someone whom you can trust.

As you grow older, you would realize that nobody holds your hand anymore. You are dependant of yourself, to see the world in a different concept altogether. You are responsible to the things you do, the words you believe, the people you trust.

Trusting someone is never easy; getting someone to trust you is even more difficult in this reality world where dangers pound upon a blink of the eye.

I believe in some point of your life, you’re bound to get cheated at least once. You’ll feel sad, because you are in a lost. The world seems crashing down as you feel isolated once again. The person who’s holding your hand lets go, never spare a thought on what will become of you. You’ll feel angry, because you feel like an idiot. Your judgment has failed you and you won’t know whom to trust again.

You decided to walk alone, alone in the mist of darkest, alone in the valley of mistrusted region, wherever you go, loneliness is felt. Friends are no longer people you think you can depend on let alone entering your forbidden world of closed heart.

As times goes by, you’ve learned that trusting someone is a serious bet which you must bare the loss if one day the odds are against you. You tried to walk the road once again. This time, you tried to hold others hands. Making people believe in you and trust you may not seems as easy as you think. The responsibility of not letting go is much tougher than just holding onto one’s hand.

Finally, someone trusts you. You are no longer alone but in the warm of true friendship as you may say. From this moment on, your life begins to change. Dark alley becomes busy street of joy & laughter. You have relived life once more, you said.

And let this moment prolongs, as you hold the hands of trust and leading them to light and somewhere safe. . . .

When you looked at person, sometimes you wish you would know what she is thinking about. Are you inside her thoughts? What makes her smile as those bright eyes grew every time? Are the one who made her happy today?

Edwin used his hand to support his chin as he continued to look at Janet.

The history of Malaya that was written on the board brought in so such boredom that some of the students were already napping with their heads on the desk.

Not Edwin, as he was concentrating on his view from his side.

Janet was seated right beside the window and he was situated furthest away from her horizontally. He was contented with the seat as he could steal a glance at her and won’t be caught.

“What is she thinking and why is she always smiling?”

Edwin thought to himself.

Suddenly he felt someone kicking his chair.

“Ah Win… Mrs. Chong is calling you.”

Edwin stood up knowing he was caught with his guard down.

“Edwin Ng, top student last year. What has happened to you? Can’t even answer a simple question?”

An angry Mrs Chong walked towards him.

Edwin turned left and right fearing for his life as she advances.

“Stand there young man! Very well, since you are not interested in my lesson, you might as well go stand outside till the class ends.”

Edwin then dragged himself out of the class and stood there till the next period.

“Good morning class?”

Miss Joanne greeted the class with her usual smile.

She was their Math teacher and also their form teacher.

Miss Lee was Edwin’s favorite teacher; given the fact was that she was teaching his favorite subject, Mathematics.

Edwin was always fascinated by numbers since young. Ironically his first encounter with numbers was with a pack of poker cards that his father left on the table. It taught him the fundamental addition & subtraction without the help of tutors or assessment books.

“Right class, before I go on. Just want to inform you that there will be a Math test tomorrow.”

The whole class groaned in common rhythm.

“Now, now, I don’t wish it to be a big surprise but I guess some of you will start to panic already. All the questions are pretty straight forward and if you have followed my lesson then there’s no need to be even scared of anything”

The groaned continued.

Edwin stole a glance at Janet. She wasn’t groaning but her worried expression was written all over her face. The smile was gone and her face was frowning. Then she covered her face in agony for a short moment.

-------------------------------------

Edwin saw Janet sitting alone in the canteen during their break. He slowly approached her.

“Hey… erm Janet… You ok?”

Edwin’s voice was shivering as he asked the question.

“EDWIN! I’m so damned for tomorrow’s Math test!”

Janet blasted everything to him.

“Hey, there’s still time mah! If you need help I can always help you revise.”

Edwin sat beside her.

“There’s no time! I’m hanging out with the gals tonight. My dad’s going to kill me and chopped me into pieces.”

“How could that be? It’s only a test right?”

“You know my grades last year huh? I barely passed. My dad grounded me throughout the holidays we had. I was only let go on the last week on one condition.”

“Which is?”

“I have to score at least a ‘B’ for all my Math test and exams.”

“Well, you can always go out on another day right?”

Edwin suggested the obvious.

“I can’t. I already promised the gals to KTV last week. They probably would not talk to me if I don’t keep my promise. Oh God, I’m so dead!”

Suddenly Janet grabbed Edwin’s hand.

“Win, you will help me right?”

“Yeahhh…?”

Edwin replied shyly.

“Then teach me whatever you know within this half and hour!”

Edwin looked at Janet in total shock.

“It’s impossible, how can I do that?”

“Then how???? Wah lau, you don’t expect me to copy right? Besides I won’t know how to copy in Math anyway. It’s either I know or I don’t.”

Janet covered her face again.

Edwin thought for a moment as he looked at her.

“Well, there’s something I can do actually.”

Janet looked at him with her eyes reddish.

“We can exchange our answer sheets you know…”

“Are you crazy? You are sitting so far away from me. How do we even have the chance to do that?”

Janet replied in disbelieving.

“Eh… I’m not asking you to physically change our papers. I just want you to write my name down in your answer sheet. I will write your name in mine.”

Edwin explained patiently.

“Won’t Miss Joanne check our papers?”

“Don’t worry; she will usually call us to pass our answer sheets to the front. Then with all the answer sheets mixed together, it won’t be so obvious.”

“Oh…”

Janet was convinced that the plot will work.

“Just remember.”

Edwin continued.

“Yes?”

Janet eagerly anticipated.

“Don’t write your answers too neatly. You are supposed to be me so try to scribble as much as possible. I on the other hand will write as neat as possible.”

Edwin smiled as he reorganized his plot in his mind.

“Will it work? I mean what if Miss Joanne caught us? Won’t I get you into trouble too?”

Janet was still being pessimistic.

“Don’t worry, it will work. You just enjoy your outing ok?”

Edwin gave her the assurance once again.

“Ok… ok I promise I will study the moment I reach home ok?”

Janet rubbed her eyes.

“Sure…”

Edwin stood up and walked off.

The smiles were back on Janet’s face when the lesson began for the second half of the day. Edwin was satisfied with himself that he could do the least bit for her.

The plan worked perfectly.

------------------------------------

“Win, I’m sorry.”
Edwin thought he had heard some sniffing sound on the background.

“It’s ok…Janet.”
He consoled her.

“I’m sorry I had to ask you to exchange your answer sheets with mine.”

“It’s just a test mah. Ha ha.”

“I really tried to study when I reached home… but tiredness crept over me and I feel asleep on my desk.”

“Hahaha I’m imagining that scene in my head now”

Edwin laughed over the phone.

“Shit you! I’m crying over this ok?”

“Thanks.”

Edwin replied.

“For?”

“Crying over this…”

“It’s ok, I cry very often de. See you in school on Monday, enjoy your weekend.”

Janet said before she hung up.

The breeze blew into Edwin as he continued his journey to the library. He looked up at the swaying branches and wore a smile on his face.

“Is she smiling now as she looked out her window?”

Edwin wondered.

The library was rather packed with a lot of students yearning for an asylum to rest their souls. Edwin walked around and saw many of them surfing on their laptops and some sleeping on their thick textbooks.

Edwin had always wondered why they need to come all the way to the library to sleep and surf. Can’t they do it at home?

“Psst… psst… Win, over here…”

Edwin looked around for the source of the sound. It was the owner of the sound that he was looking for since his arrival.

“Huiyee, Sorry I’m late.”

Edwin sat down.

“Hiyo Edo”

A voice greeted him from behind.

“Oh yeah, Daryl too”

Daryl smiled at him before he got back to his laptop.

“Hey Daryl, stop playing games and be serious.”

Huiyee reprimanded him like a small boy.

Daryl switched off his game immediately and smiled at her.

“Wow… sometimes the two of you really looked an item.”

Edwin commented.

“With him?”

“With her?”

That comment brought the two of them to fake vomit spontaneously and broke some attention to their table.

“Joking, joking… lower your volume”

Edwin looked around apologetically.

“Ok… let’s discuss on our history project.”

“No wait.”

Daryl stopped Edwin.

“You got to tell us first. How did our Math genius got a ‘D’ for his test?”

Huiyee nodded eagerly as she looked at Edwin.

“It’s like you can sleep through the whole of yesterday and I still won’t believe you would score a ‘D’”

Huiyee nodded again.

“Careless mistakes. I did the problems too slow to counter check.”

Edwin replied.

“Who are you kidding?”

Daryl rebuked his reply.

“I don’t think Miss Lee would believe it either.”

Huiyee added.

“Up to you to believe what you wanna believe. We are here to do our project, not to gossip about me”

Edwin was pretty annoyed by his friends.

“Ok, since you don’t want to talk about yourself. Let’s talk about Janet.”

Daryl continued the bombardment.

“What’s with her?”

Edwin asked.

“How did a person who barely passed her Math exams last year got Full marks for this test? The difficulty for this test is not really low you know. Conspiracy brewing you know?”

Daryl keeps penerating deeper and deeper.

“How the hell I know? Maybe she studied very hard? Come on give people a break.”

“Edwin, you like her is it?”

Huiyee suddenly asked.

[To be Cont]

Secrets of the Heart - 心の秘密

Chapter 1

Everyone in this world has a talent.

Some of those can sing pretty well, some of those started drawing or painting at a very young age. There are those who are not talented in skills but have features that will bring them far and in demand. Finally there are groups with very intelligent brains who never seem to do his revision for exams.

Everyone is born with a reason, a reason that sometimes we seek and use our lifetime in searching.

When we know what our talent is, we’ll know the reason why we exist. We exist because of what we had that was determined by our genes.

The talents that we discover; the looks that we have and the intelligence that we developed; makes us special and perhaps is the reason that made us fall for one another.

Do you know what your talent is?

If you do, make full of it…because only a small handful of people have the same talent as you.

“No one choose to ignore you, only you chose to be alone from them”

“Growing up in Singapore sure is a tough thing. Our competitiveness for growth and prosperity is the result of the constant emphasis of continous improvement.

Life is strange right from the beginning, when you had to throw away your toys to pick up a musical instrument at a tender young age, or to learn a sport which you only see it on television.

The only ‘toy’ that grew up with an average child would most probably be his personal computer. The friends that he had would most probably people he had never met in his life and maybe won’t have the chance to.

The importance of education meant hours and hours spent on studying, enrichment courses and more tuition after school.

Have adults ever think about our feelings when we had to go through all these?
I do not believe life in 1997 was like this for a 14year old.
How big a difference can ten years make?
Life sucks right the very minute.
I hate being me.”

“Win…”

Edwin stopped writing when he heard his elder sister calling.

“Win, Ah Pa asking about the result of your Math test last week.”
His sister opened the door and found a shocked look staring at her.

“What’s wrong?”

“Oh… nothing”
Edwin put his diary away from her sight.

“The results for the Math test?”

“Just tell Ah Pa I’ve passed that’s all”

“Pass is not good enough you know. Every year there’s so many people who passed and graduated from university. What matter most is the grade, THE GRADE my dear brother? It’s the grades that differentiate all of us.”

“Then tell him it’s a ‘D’”
Edwin looked away from her.

“D? It’s not acceptable you know? How can you go to University with this kinda result?”

“Jie, I’m just not as clever as you.”

“Then you got to study harder. You can always put up for something which you don’t have with determination.”
His sister was frustrated with his lack-lusted reply.

“Oh… that maybe that’s the thing I’ve lacked too, together with the intelligence.”
Edwin scaractiscally shot back.

“What’s the commotion?”
Their dad overheard the noise and checked out.

“Ah boy only got a ‘D’ for his Math test. Secondary two final exams are only a few months time. Tell him to either spend his time studying or start praying.”
His sister fumed out of the room.

Edwin’s father sat on his bed. The room was very untidy and was stacked with the inventory of groceries due to the nature of his business.

“What happen to you, my boy?”
His father appeared disappointed.

Edwin didn’t reply as he kept his head down.

“What happen to my smart boy who was the top student last year?”

“I’m sorry, Ah Pa”
Edwin apologized.

“Are you stressed over anything? You can share with me if you want to, like when you were young?”
Their eyes met as his father seek an answer from his lost boy.

“Ah Pa… I will work harder for a better grade.”


“It’s ok my son, as long as you’ve tried your best. I’m grateful for whatever result you bring back.”
His father smiled and patted on his head.

“Pa, would you let me help you with the shop if I failed? You had to mend the shop and take care of us at the same time.”
Edwin suggested.
”No, I can manage. Besides, your uncle is helping me so there shouldn’t be any problem.”

“But you have to pay Jie’s University school fees, if not let me go out and work? Then I can bring back some money to help the family too.”
Edwin continued his plead.

“I said ‘No’, study is more important than anything else.”
His father’s voice rose.

“Ok…”
Edwin lowered his head.

“Too bad your mother left us early; a house cannot do without a woman to manage.”

Edwin’s father looked at the over stacks of instant noodles, can food and drinks in his room as he walked out.

There was a sigh as he shook his head once again.

All was quiet again in the room as Edwin packed his journal into his bag. He walked out to the living room and saw his sister again. His father had gone back down to the shop below.

“Don’t look at me, you have only yourself to blame if you failed everything and be worthless in the rest of your life”
Those blunt words cut deep into his heart.

“Jie, grades and examinations are that important in life?”

“Grades get you a better school, a better course and finally when you graduated, a better job with high pay awaits you.”

“Is that what life is all about?”
“WHAT ELSE MATTERS?”
His sister started to raise her voice.

“You think I like to stay in this 30 year old shop house? It cramped and filthy and there are groceries all over my room!”

Edwin didn’t dare spoke a word as she continued.

“I hate to be poor; I hate it when my friends invite me to their condominium and show off their latest designer bags and cosmetics. What do I have? I don’t even dare telling anyone where we lived. I want to be rich and stay in my own apartment someday.”

“You don’t wanna stay with us anymore?”
Edwin innocently asked.

“If I have a choice, I won’t. Get lost and stop bothering me.”
His sister grabbed a box of tissue paper and threw at him.

It missed and Edwin picked up the box.
He knew his sister was crying as he laid the box next to her.

“I’m sorry, Jie. I will work hard too. I want to give Ah Pa a good life too.”

Edwin walked down from the staircase to the shop.

His father and uncle were busy counting the inventories and checking the incoming stocks. Business was not good these days as the opening of supermarket chain had brought prices lower than them.

Edwin’s father stopped when he saw him walking down the stairs.

“Ah Pa, I’m going to the library.”

“Coming back for dinner?”

Edwin nodded.

“Ok, be careful and watch out for cars when you cross the road.”
His father reminded him.

Edwin nodded again as he walked out of the provision shop.


The history of the provision shop was traced to the mid 1980s when both his parents first met each other as they shop for groceries daily.

Edwin’s father took his courage and started talking to his mother.
After spending a lot of effort in the courtship, his father finally got her hand and they got married not long after.

It was his mother idea to take over the shop when the late shopkeeper had intentions to sell his business. The intention was for memorial purposed but it was profitable too.

Business was a lot better those days and all the patrons will usually buy groceries and chat on the latest news.

Edwin’s father bought a colored television right in front of their shop and would sometimes put some chairs for their customer to sit and continued their chat while viewing the show.

Two years into their marriage, his sister was born.
Six years further and Edwin came to this world. By then the business of the provision shop had gone downhill.

A sickness took away their entire savings and the life of their mother. It was one of the most painful moments when you just got to know your mother at the age of four and she left you just like that.

From that day onwards, the world came crashing down on them. Every meal seems to be getting lesser and lesser. Sometimes his father would borrow money from his relatives to meet ends.

Electricity and water supply cut off became a natural thing throughout their growing up.

Edwin had always wondered why his fellow classmates can afford latest hand phones, game consoles and laptops when he couldn’t. All he had was a hand phone with practically no other features beside calling and sending messages.

It didn’t matter to him anyway, he could do less with all the valuable items they had. He had his family, his father and an elder sister whom he respects. The phone was a birthday present from his sister last year and that worth more than anything else.

Edwin stopped and turned to look at the shop once again.
It looked the same every time he sees it. Although it was not grand, it was home to him and he was grateful.

As he continued his journey, he heard a ringing tone from his bag.

“Hello?”

“Hello Edwin, it’s me.”

“Janet?”

“Yes…”

“So what is it regarding?”
Edwin was surprised to receive the call.

“The Math test”The voice over the receiving end got smaller.

“Yeah? What’s with the Math test?”
Edwin replied.

“You got a ‘D’?”

“Yeah… I’ve got a ‘D’ and I have to go for remedial classes starting next week. So what did you get?”
Edwin laughed over the phone.

“I’ve got full marks…”

“Wow.. that’s great you know!”

There was no response from the phone.

“Janet, you still there?”
Edwin thought his phone was not functioning.

“Win, I’m sorry.”
Edwin thought he had heard some sniffing sound on the background.

“It’s ok…Janet.”
He consoled her.

“I’m sorry I had to ask you to exchange your answer sheets with mine.”

[To be Cont]