Book of Love 爱神の书




Chapter 23


Someone once told me that “When you are in a relationship, you will be living two persons’ life from now on. Whatever decision you made, whatever situation you faced, it will the fate of two of you.”

When you are in a relationship, you will think about the person more than yourself. You might worry about her health, her studies, her job, her future, her life and practically everything about her.

When something happened to that person, you will be dreadful. You will feel like throwing away everything that you are currently doing just to rush to her.

Everything that is linked to that person will be directly and completely linked to you.

You won’t understand until you experienced it.

Somehow you would want the person to worry less about you.

When you experience the feeling of living the life for another person, whatever you do is not only responsible for your life.

You would eat less oily stuffs, you would smoke less, you might have to skip soccer matches on Saturday night so that both of you can catch a movie.

You would have to be more cheerful and you would listen to whatever he/she says.

You might be able to kick away some old habits if she doesn’t like it.

You begin to wonder sometimes that why are you doing all this?

Isn’t this your life and you are in total control?

As much as I would want to tell you, our life is in their hands now.

All because that person is in charge as both of you continued to walk the road.

This is Love; this is both your life and hers.





The sound of a car whisked through the quiet streets leaving a series of echo as it disappear, soon it was quiet all over again in the neighbourhood. Everyone was tucked comfortably in their beds recharging the energy for tomorrow’s work.

When the world is asleep, the night can be really quiet.
All the quietness can give people a sense of uncertainty & loneliness.
The lonely and quiet night that affects one’s mood.

Christine sat in front of her computer with a few folders on her desk.
She took a last sip from her coffee mug as the sentimental music surrounded her ears from her headphone.

Christine looked at the time, it was close to midnight. She had just finished one of the many proposals she brought back from office.

It was just one of the usual nights that she stayed up so late. All means of going to bed early had long been given up due to their ineffectiveness.

Whenever Christine tries to lay down to sleep, her thoughts will be filled with negative feeling of loneliness. She had to work until she is totally drained, that way she will be able to sleep the moment she lay down.

Christine continued her thoughts about the presentation and customers audit that was coming up as she got herself back to hitting the keyboard.

Then she stopped. Apparently her brain had stopped working and there was no way she could continue.

But she was still quite awake. She then began surfing around at http://thefashionwalker.com for online sprees that may interest her.

After buying a few sets of clothes from Taiwan, nothing else interests her as she continued to surf other websites.

Her attention turned to a web link among her favorites.

It was Mark’s blog.

Christine noted his address the first time he asked her “Do you know love?”

All these while, Christine had been reading Mark’s journal daily. Keeping tracks of his events and feelings.

Deep down she had wished that someday perhaps she might see herself been mentioned in his blog. Someone which Mark would want to declare to cyberspace the person whom he loved the most.

That was only a wishful thought.

Christine sighed as she surfed back to her own blog to post an entry.

“The most painful feeling about love is not losing it but never able to get it stared.

Where it all began…

I disliked him the first day I saw him, the first day when he entered our company. He’s not those hunky type and also not very chatty. Well
I guess nothing about him is great.

Then somehow I was attracted to him slowly. I don’t know why but sometimes I think he’s a very deep person, someone who seeks the true meaning of love. Then again, there are times when he’s really childish with his lame jokes.

I remembered the first year when we were having our dinner and dance. He asked me to partner him because he didn’t know any other females in the company.

I obliged only out of pity or I thought so.

It was after the dinner and dance that we went out together for supper. He was telling me about his army days and tried to impress me with his participation of triathlon.

His mood changes when I asked about his girlfriend and his first reply shocked me to my grave.

“I killed her”

He told me the truth later on with much relieved from me that I’m not having supper with a murder.


The night ended on a low note as he didn’t speak much while sending me home.

I would never declare to the world that I like him.

Maybe it’s because that we are working in the same company. Whether we are together or not, there will be lots of rumors flying everywhere.

Maybe I will forget him… slowly… if time allows me to.

I will …”

Christine stopped writing and posted her entry to the cyberspace. It was maybe the only place where she felt free and easy to disclose any thoughts that were buried within.

She walked to her bathroom and wash up.

Christine looked into the mirror as she wiped her face.
Her red and puffy eyes were the evidence of long endurance of sadness.

Christine’s mobile phone beeped as it continues vibrating on her desk.

It was a sms from Mark.

“Hey Chris and Shaun, I’ve got up with some trouble and currently ended up in SGH. Please help me to inform boss I won’t be reporting to work…”

Christine didn’t know what to do as her brain was temporarily froze by the news… until she saw a tag reply on her blog.

“If a person so important to you then will you tell him or will you show him?”

It was from Eros, again.

Christine was very much curious about this Eros character but she had more important thing on hand as she hurriedly got change and went out of her house.

There was no reply from Mark as she kept calling.

Finally it got through…

“Hello..” Mark answered half awakened.The reply came brought his life back to him.“You stupid idiot!!! What happened to you??? Which ward are you in right now??? I’m on my way there.”
Christine raised her voice as she tried to control her steering wheel.

“Har?? Who are you?”
Mark began to wake up a little.

“Chris lah”

“Hey Chris, its ok man. I’m fine.”

“Just tell me which ward are you in now?”

“Orrh.. I’m at Ward 78.. Bed 1”
Mark felt threatened somehow.

It didn’t take Christine too long to reach SGH.

As she enters his ward, Mark waved and greeted her.

“Hey….Chris..”

Mark took a glance at her as she enters, Christine was spotting a ponytail and wearing her specs.

“What happen to you? Anything serious?”
Christine sat down beside him.

“Nah… I’m ok, man.. You look very different without makeup you know.”

“What do you expect? Me to put on makeup to visit you? I know I’m ugly without makeup.. So be it..”

“Hey.. I didn’t mean that, I just wanna tell you that you looked different. You know in office, I always see you in office wear and pretty much glamorous types of dress code. Now I see you in singlet and flip-flops, I find you cuter you know.”

“Idiot.. Why didn’t you just die?”

Christine took a pillow and attempts to suffocate him.

“Hey watch it… you are hurting me.. Ouch!!”
Mark grabbed his chest in pain.

“Sorry.. Sorry…”
Christine stopped only to realize Mark was faking it.

“So tell me what happen?”

Mark then told her about Sharon, how he got to know her and realize her ran away case when they are back.

He also told Christine about Sharon’s blog and her suicide thoughts and all the stories that had him ended up here.

“You think you are hero or something? Thank goodness you are ok.”

“Hey Chris, why did you sound like my mum?”

“Because I care about you!”

Both of them stopped and looked eye to eye for a moment.

“It’s late, I got to be going… will visit tomorrow.”
Christine walked out quickly from his ward trying to hide her blushed face.

Mark just felt a little strange but he slept right through it

------------------------------------------

Morning came and Mark was ushered for x-ray scans for his lungs.
The doctor had told him everything was fine and he could be discharged this afternoon.


As Mark lay back on his bed to enjoy some last moment of recuperation, his mobile phone rang again.

“Hey Mark…”

It was Shaun.

“Wassup? bro”

“What did you do to Christine?”

“What do you mean by what I did? I didn’t do anything to her.. What happened to her?”

“Ohh… she called in sick too… same as you.. still don’t wanna confess there’s something between the two of you ?”

“There’ s nothing between us all along… you better go do your job now as you are the remaining person in our team.”

Mark threatened to hang up the phone.

“Ok.. ok.. You have a good rest man.”

--------------------------------

Christine went straight to bed after getting her medication.
She slept through the morning and woke up finally when she felt hungry.

As she sat down and ate her porridge, her mind was still in a daze.

Then she flipped open her laptop and key it.

“Who are you Eros?”

To her surprise, the reply came very fast.

“I’m someone you know.”

“Don’t try to be funny…”

“I’m not.. ”

Christine paused for awhile before Eros type in another line.

“Shall we meet?”


[To be Cont]

Book of Love 爱神の书

Chapter 22

When the love begins to fade, another feeling begins to take over your mind and heart. This feeling is the opposite of love and is as dark as any feeling that may be.

This is the feeling of hatred that comes after loneliness.

It develops when the person whom you love cheats you over and over again. All the empty promises that never delivered. All the words and actions that triggered your jealousy and unhappiness.

You’ll feel that the world is against you. Nobody cared for you like before, nobody even know how you felt today.

You’ll find a slight happiness when you realized that you are alone. When you are alone, you have all the time in the world to understand yourself. Who you really are, what you really want in life.

I use to hate everybody. People who are better than me, people who are worse than me.. people whom I have no concern with.. practically everybody.

I've forgotten when I've developed with this kind of hate towards all living things. I guess I just want people to hate me in return. This gives me a sense of feeling of loneliness, the feeling of being alone. The sense of self-discovery I should say..

Everyone always say you need the support of people around you but deep down in actually fact, you yourself have to be strong because help doesn't come that often as you required. I don't need anyone, any friends, and family members at the end of the day all that matters is that I have myelf..

It’s this kind of attitude problem that I don't give a damn towards this whole world rather be a selfish grouch than a helpful soul who everyone abuses whenever there's a chance..

Maybe the only way to make me stop loving you is to hate you because the more I love you, the more pain I will suffer when u leave me… selfish may be the word which describe everything about me maybe… or is it that loving is been selfish all along?

Mark’s eyeball nearly popped out when he saw the scene. He just ran as fast as he could to the edge of the rocks.

“Sharon?! Sharon!!” He shouted.

The sea was calm and there was no response.

Mark hesitated for a moment as glimpse of his past memories rattled his mind once more for the fear for history to repeat itself.

He no longer takes it to the sea after that incident. In fact the death of Jade had left such a big scar in his mind that it indirectly created his phobia of water.

His heart was pumping heavier than before as he faced one of his greatest fear at the moment. Mark was angry about his fear and had to calm himself self down.

He continued to shout to the waters to see if there’s any response.

“Sharon.. it’s me.. Mark!~ Hey listen… can you hear me? Don’t do anything stupid ok? There’s still a lot to live for…”

Still there was no sign of anyone.

“Shit…!! Whatever the fuck.. ”

Mark thought to himself as he took off his shoes and shirt jumped into the sea. He swam around the place diving deep right into the sea with as much oxygen his lungs could hold onto.

The sky was already dark and it made him really difficult to the search and rescue .

As he desperately searched for Sharon, his mind was thinking about his ex-girlfriend. He couldn’t saved her that day, he had to save Sharon this time.

Mark battled the waves to swim further into the sea. He was tired and breathless but kept going on as his sub-consensus continued to push his body going forward.

Mark the felt something pulling one of his leg as he began to lose control of himself. It wasn’t something pulling but one of his leg was cramped by the swim.

The feeling was intense he was struggling and gasping for air.
Mark tried to swim back to shore but was too weak.

“Help… Hel…”

Mark continued to brawl against the handicapped of his legs but ended in vain as he sunk into the sea.

“Shit…. I’m done for this time…”
That was his last thought before he passed out.

-----------------------------

“Mark? … Mark….”

It was the sound of Jade, his ex-girlfriend.

“Jade…? Is that you? I tried my best to save her already.., I couldn’t save you that day… I couldn’t save her today”

“Mark… I never blame you for anything…”

Mark couldn’t move towards the sound but there was a light that hurt his eyes whenever he tried to look at it.

“Jade.. will you forgive me?”
Mark asked.

“Silly.. I’ve never blame you, why should there be any forgiving?”

“Then can we be forever like this?”

“No Mark, you don’t belong here… I know there’s someone other than me in your heart right now. It saddens me to share your love with her but I guess it’s better this way. I don’t want you to love me forever, I’m glad you truly loved me once…”

“Jade…”
-------------------------------------------------

Before he knew it, he was choking out water as a force was pump right into his ribcage.

Mark coughed and coughed as he vomited all the water out.

His eyes were slightly opened and there were a lot of commotion surrounding him. A crowd had gathered at the shore where Mark was rescued.

“He’s awaken already… ”

“What a relieve… we almost lost him”

“Has the ambulance arrived yet?”

“What happened to him? Suicide?”

“I don’t know, he looked very desperate. I was having my routine night swim then I saw him jumped in with his clothes on. He looked as if he was looking for something. Then he began to struggle in the waters. Luckily I reached him in time.”
A man with a husky voice replied to the crowd.

A lot of voices surrounded him but none belonged to Jade.
So was he dreaming or did he really communicated with her?

“Mark.. you ok?”
A familiar voice caught his attention. Mark turned and looked at the person.

“Sharon… is that you?”
Mark was too weak to move but he tried to turn to look at her. He finally remembered why he jumped into the waters.

“Yeah.. it’s me.. what happen to you?”

“I… tried to save you…”
Then he passed out.

The ambulance came shortly and Mark was warded in the hospital for observations.

The second time Mark regain conscious, he found himself on the bed of the hospital. It was already 3am.
“Ah boy woke up already..”
His mother was the first to react alerting his father who had already slept on the chair.

“Ma… How come you are here?”
Mark lifted himself to sit down.

His mother got up and sat beside him. Before Mark could ask another question, his mother gave him a tight slap in his face.

“Why can’t you get over her? Why do you have to kill yourself?”

“Ma.. it’s not what you think. I didn’t commit suicide.”

“Then why the hell you jumped into the sea? You fancy a swim at night?”
His father threw his authority in.

“I… saw someone jumped so I went to save her.”

“You are trying to be a hero, and when was the last time you swam? It’s already so long. Can’t you just shout for help when you saw the incident? I could have lose you, you know?”

Mark’s mother began to weep again while his father comfort her.

“I’m sorry… I won’t do this again.. I promise.”
Mark lowered his head.

“You better be responsible of your own life… your mother’s tired. Since you are already awake then I will send her home to rest.”

“Ok pa… Please take care of her.”

“By the way, the girl who accompanied you in is still outside. I’ll call her in.”

Mark’s father said as they walked out of the ward.

Mark leaned back to the pillow and waited.

The door slowly opened, and Sharon stuck her head in to peep into the room.

“Come in lah.. there’s no one here.”

Sharon walked in with her large bag. She quietly sat at the couch near his bed. Mark looked at her and sighed.

“You ok already? You looked tired..”
She finally asked as she looked at him.

“Why did you want to run away? Why did you want to commit suicide? Is life so meaningless to you?”

Sharon didn’t reply him, instead her tears slowly dripped onto his bed sheet.

“I’m sorry…”

“Why are you telling me this? I know you have a sad history.. I guess everyone has a skeleton in their closet but we have to look forward right?”

“I guess so…”

Mark adjusted his position.

“Then why did you jump? Do you know I nearly got drown while trying to save you?”

Sharon was shocked when she heard this.

“I didn’t jump… although this thought ever appear on my mind.”

“I just ran away from home. I just wanted to find a place peaceful and quiet so I went to the beach. In fact I didn’t know you were there. I just happen to saw the commotion and realized it was you…”

“Then who was it that jumped into the water?”

“I don’t know but I heard a man was swimming there. Maybe you saw him taking a plunge….?”

“Maybe I saw wrongly, maybe I was too worried about you.”

“I didn’t mean to cause you to be like this…”
Sharon just didn’t know how to continue.

“It’s ok, please go home ok? I believe there are guys out there who won’t mind your past. As long as the two of you have a future ahead.”

Mark held her hand firmly.

“Don’t make the people around you sad & worried ok?”

“I will… I think I will go home now. Guess my aunt must be worried too. ”

Mark nodded.

“You have a good rest ok? I will come visit you tomorrow”

“Yeah…”

Sharon walked towards the door but turn back again. She walked straight up to Mark and kissed him on his left cheek before whispering.

“Thanks for saving me... somehow...”

Mark lay back on his bed as Sharon walked out. He saw his hand phone on the side cabinet and took it.

“Hey Chris and Shaun, I’ve got up with some trouble and currently ended up in SGH. Please help me to inform boss I won’t be reporting to work…”

Mark sent the sms to both Christine and Shaun. He put down his phone and went to rest. Before he fell into sleep, his phone rang.

“Hello..” Mark answered half awakened.

The reply came brought his life back to him.

“You stupid idiot!!! What happened to you??? Which ward are you in right now??? I’m on my way there.”

It was Christine.

[To be Cont]

Book of Love 爱神の书



Chapter 21



Sometimes it is ironic to say that love gives you the most blessed feeling that you’ve ever experience. When most of the times during your life, the thing that hurt you the most is love too.

Whether it is the time when you are secretly in love with someone or the time you were rejected, the feeling of hurt left a deep cut in your broken heart. Even when the both of you are finally together, you have to endure each other’s bad points and may finally break off in the end.

Guess love is a scary thing, so scary that many people had been hurt by love with some taking their own life with it.

With the possibility of getting hurt at some point,

Why do we still find love so mesmerizing?

The process of finding love is tough for there are obstacles that we can’t solve. However the end result is something that nobody can describe. Even the best poet or story writer can’t tell you what love is all about. Because love is something you need to experience.

To experience love is experience the upper and lower of your extreme emotions.

To experience love is to prepare to face the feeling of Festive, Contented, relaxed, calm, complacent, satisfied, serene, comfortable, Peaceful, Joyous, Ecstatic, Enthusiastic, Inspired, Glad, Pleased, Grateful, Cheerful, Excited, Cheery, Lighthearted, Buoyant, Carefree, Surprised,Optimistic,Spirited,Vivacious,Brisk,Sparkling,Merry,Generous,Hilarious,Exhilarated,Jolly,Playful,Elated,Jubilant,Thrilled,Restful
Silly, Acceptance, Agitation, Alarm, Amusement, Anger, Angst, Annoyance, Anticipation, Apprehension, Apathy, Awe, Bitterness, Boredom Betrayal, Cautiousness, Comfort, Contentment, Confidence, Courage, Depression, Disappointment, Discontentment, Disgust, Desire, Delight, Determination, Elation or Euphoria, Embarrassment, Ennui, Envy, Ecstasy, Fear, Friendship, Frustration, Glee, Gladness, Gratitude, Grief, Guilt, Hate, Happiness, Honor, Hope, Horror, Humility, Impatience, Inadequacy, Irritability, Joy, Jealousy, Kindness, Loneliness, Love, Lust, Limerence, Melancholy, Modesty, Nervousness, Negativity, Nostalgia, Pain, Patience, Peace, Phobia, Pity, Pride, Rage, Regret, Remorse, Resentment, Sadness, Self-pity, Shame, Shyness, Sorrow, Shock, Suffering, Surprise, Suspense, Unhappiness, Vulnerability, Worry, Yearning and Zest at some point of you life.

This is the feeling that keeps us going, to seek true love. To love and to be loved in return.

This is Love, emotionally.

“What had happened to Sharon?”
Mark thought for a while as the waiter went on to clear the tables.

“Was the previous post in her blog really true? If that’s true then it’s really bad.”

“Hey”
Mark called for the waiter.

“Yes Sir?”

“Do you still have the newspaper report that you mention?”

“No Sir, we’ve thrown away our old newspaper. But there’s a poster at the entrance; maybe you can take a look. Our café manager had put up to look seek Sharon’s whereabouts too. We had these posters in all our outlets.”

Mark went to the entrance, the poster was placed right where he entered the café, and how could he miss it?

There was a few pictures of Sharon on the poster.

“Missing Person. Sharon Tang age 22. Last seen one week ago. Wearing a blue polo-t and Evisu jeans. She should be carrying with laptop and mobile phone. However all efforts to reach her ended in vain. Anyone who have seen her please call 6345-7878 or approach any staff within.”

When Mark reached home, he went straight to his mother.

“Hey mum, do you still keep the old newspaper?”

“Yah, they are at the storeroom, what’s the matter?”
His mother was puzzled with the interest.

“Never mind, it’s ok. I was just looking for some old news.”

Mark dug out the stack of papers and speed read through the papers and before he finally saw the report.

Apparently Sharon looked plan for and was well equipped as all her belongings going off with her.

There was also transaction activities going on with her atm card therefore the police had classified this case as a case of ran away from home.

Nevertheless her auntie was hoping that she could be reached and urged the public to ask her to go home.

“Judging from the reports, Sharon should indeed have run away from home. But why? What was the reason behind this?”

Mark started his rounds of thoughts as he lay on his bed.
Finally he had to give up due to lack of information and he didn’t even know Sharon that well to help.

Knowing that it’s helpless, Mark decided to surf the web and went to Sharon’s blog to see if there’s more information available.

The blog was not updated since the day she was declared ‘missing’. Her last blog had given a glimpse of things to come.

“
This entry is probably the last entry I’m going to post.
It tells the darkest secret buried deep inside my heart.
Maybe it’s not important anymore but it sure is good to say it out finally.

For all those who know me, there’s one thing you didn’t know about.
About my life.

Sometimes I asked myself why I was born into this world. I guess I was born in the wrong world, in the wrong time and in the wrong family.



My parents never loved me at all; all they cared was gambling day in, day out. I have to take care of myself from primary school, washing my own clothes and their stinking ones too.

When they win, I would get a $2 pocket money. When they lose, I would get a beating worse than a dog. I can only cry in bed with the swollen wounds. The swollen arm is painful but not as painful as my heart that my own parents treated me worse than a stranger.

Then maybe my plead was heard by God.
He took away my mother by an accident when I was in secondary school one day.

All I remembered was that I didn’t shed a tear for her, even though she had gave birth to me. To me, it was probably the only thing that she had given to me, a miserable life.

My father turned from gambit to an alcoholic after the death of my mother, later he too suffered his fate as he was down with stroke a year later. He died when I was about to finish my secondary school.

After secondary school I came out to work. I met a lot of different men along the way. There were rich ones and some nice looking too. No matter how nice they look or how well they treated me, there was only one thing in their mind. It was my body.

I lose my virginity to a guy whom I didn’t know his real name. He didn’t want me to know but I know he has his own family and doesn’t want me to know his background.

I thought he loved me but our relationship ended within a few months. Then it sparks a round of high rolling sexual relationships I have with many people.

“When you love me, you have to please me. Then I will love you more.”

I was taught to know that love involve sex until I met him.
He changed my opinion towards guys totally.

He treats me with respect and didn’t dare to hold my hand when we go out. He was not a nerd or anything like them, he was simply letting nature take its path.

The two years that we are together will probably the best times I ever had with anyone in my life. We never had anything more than petting.

I moved in to live with Aunt Rosy. She treated me like her own daughter even though she was singles herself. Then I got a job in a café and everyone treated me so well that I felt family for the first time.

I felt that maybe for once, I can lead a normal life.
It was then I decided to tell him my past. All of it.
I guess it shocked the life out of him as he didn’t say a word till we parted our ways that night.

Things started to change as times goes by.
We met up less often.
He was rather speechless for the rest of our outings.

Gradually he didn’t even hold my hands anymore.
Then we barely see each other again.

It was only yesterday that I received his sms.
He had asked for us to break up. There was no reason given.

When I tried to call him, he didn’t pick up.
After dialing for almost a hundred times, I rested my case.
Then I received another sms from him.

Sharon, it’s really nice to be with you over these years. I really like you a lot but there are things which I cannot accept. I hope you will understand.

As I lay my phone near my bed.
Tears just dropped bit by bit.
I cried the whole night, right up till this moment as I type this blog.
My visions are blurred by the tears that came and my eyes are swollen with sadness.

I will start my new journey on my own this time. You may not see me again but I really thank you for reading this.

Good bye everyone.
Good bye Jason, you know I will still love you.

Sharon.”


Mark didn’t realize his keyboard had been wet by the tears that came.

“Sharon must have been hurt a lot.”
Mark wiped his eyes as he switched the website to his own blog. He was hoping to put out a notice to anyone who happens to bump into his miserable blog.

To help spread the word and find Sharon.

Mark realized there was a tag left by someone.

It was Sharon

The date she had left was after she had gone missing and it was only yesterday.

“So if my analysis is correct then she should be still alive!”
Mark exclaimed to himself as he read the tag.

“Have you ever heard the sound of waves that calls upon?
Have you ever felt the coldness of water that surrounds you?
Have you ever asked the depth of the ocean that rises above?”

“Waves, Water, Ocean? Shit!! She must be at the beach now.”
Mark suddenly felt a strong hunch that she will be there.

But which beach? Should he call the police? But nobody will believe what he says.

“So Changi beach? East Coast beach? Pasir Ris beach? West Coast beach?”
Mark scratching his head as he got more agitated.

“Cool down.. Think think think…”

Mark walked in circles.

“Ok, base on my understanding. The café that Sharon works has a branch at East Coast, so if anyone had seen her would already inform the aunt. West Coast seems too far and deserted to go and the beach there is not easy to find. Pasir ris beach always got a lot of people fishing.”

“Changi beach!”
Mark grabbed his stuffs and head out of the door.

Mark took a cab right from his house to Changi beach.
He was hoping deep inside that he was right about the location.
There was another thing he hoped.

That Sharon will not commit suicide.

It was close to evening when he arrived. Mark ran through the beach, looking for possible outcome from his derivations.

There was no person in sight.

Then Mark saw a figure sitting at the edge of the rocks that linked out to the sea.

The figure stood up… and to Mark’s horror.

That figure threw itself into the sea.


[To be Cont]

Book of Love 爱神の书


Chapter 20


What will be the most difficult thing you will do for the one you now love?

For some, it would be to forget about the past relationships that they had gone through.

No matter what went wrong, what happened between the two of you earlier, you will still somehow remember the person deep inside your heart?

Most of them will admit that we still think of the pervious person that we once shared.

It could be a song both of us used to sing in karaoke.
It could be a movie both of us shed our tears to.
It could even be a path or place we used to go.

The smallest of all memories that unfolds itself slowly through the deep emotions inside you.

Sometimes we are angry with our current partners for remembering their ex. Once the jealousy starts, it never ends.

But have we ever asked ourselves why we can’t forget about them?

I did not forget about her, that someone who used to share my life with. I remember what I did that angered her, what I did that made her very happy. I remember all the arguments we ever had and all the tears she shed for me.

I remember all these so that I can treat my current girl all the corrected thoughts and feelings.

People once told me “To live is to first learn to love. You will only know about life when you start to love.”
I find it only half true.

I would believe “To live is to first dare to love, then experience the heartache of losing it and finally finding the courage to love correctly again.”

Only then you will know what love and life is all about.





The plane departed Shanghai on a Sunday afternoon. Christine was again sleeping on the plane and Mark had to be contented with the entertainment system again.

He had always wanted to know how Christine is able to sleep on the plane. Little did he knew this time Christine wasn’t sleeping. She was only avoiding him.

The plane arrival at Changi Terminal 1 on Sunday night.

Mark and Christine parted their ways at the airport, as both parents were there to fetch them. As both of them walked out of the arrival hall, Mark had to pretend he didn’t know Christine at all to avoid her father.

Mark did get an eyeful of her father as Christine hugged him.
He was glad he didn’t walked out together with her based on her father’s physical build.

Once reached home, Mark and had a good bath and dinner before unpacking his luggage.

As he separates out all the dirty laundry, Mark found a uniquely looking pen inside.

“Wow... that looks expensive. I wonder whose pen is it. Maybe Chris? Nah.. Shouldn’t be. It certainly looks like a men’s pen to me. Maybe it’s Zhong Liang or Wenbin’s”

Mark thought for a moment relating to his China counterparts.

“Whatever! Finders’ Keepers!” That was the only conclusion drawn on his mind as he kept his pen in the drawer.

Mark was drained from the flight then he went to bed immediately after unpack his stuffs.

As he lay down on his bed, Mark is sure looking forward to tomorrow.
Not because that he loved to go to work but having the chance to see Jade again.

The night was quiet as his sweet dreams blossoms.


Morning came and Mark was all ready to go out after having breakfast. He had time his move very precise so as to be able to see Jade on the train.

It seemed rather childish to some people that Mark HAD her phone numbers, he could simply dial her up and ask to meet up.

But he didn’t. He wanted to play a game.

To Mark, this was call the game of destiny.

To find someone in the crowds, without the aid of anything, anyone. Just purely analytical sense and luck.

Maybe this is what fate is all about.
Finding the right person at the right time.

This was how he founded his first girlfriend, Jade.
He had never play this game since.

But when he reached the MRT station, Mark had decision to make.
It was as if the simplest decision he had to make.

A simple choice that stands at fifty-fifty chance.

But Front or Back cabin?

Mark stood at the middle of the platform with deep thoughts analyzing the situation.

The last time he saw her, she was in the front cabin. However he did not see her the very day.

“Could she went back to the back cabin since we already settled our differences?”

Before Mark could make up his decision, the train arrived at the platform. As it was the timing of the train Jade would usually take, Mark had to hop onto the train to make up his mind again.

Mark was squeezed and pushed by the fellow commuters to the inner portion of the cabin. As it was rather jammed at the early peak hours, it was near impossible for him to move.

A earlier determined Mark had to give up for the day. He just looked out of the window as the train continued its journey.

“Maybe we are not fated at all.”

His thoughts began to stagnant before he heard a voice behind him.

“So… we meet again? Hee hee”

The voice was crystal clear and sends waves of excitement through the spines of Mark. It was the voice he had shared long conversations with and longing to hear again.

Mark turned around to look for the source but he looked in vain. There was nowhere that he could see her.

“Here lah…”

The owner of the voice waved at Mark, she was sitting just beside him as he stood.

“Jade? Hey!”

Mark got a pleasant shock as he finally locates her.

Jade had her spectacles removed and put on light makeup. Whatever triggered the transformation didn’t matter. What matter most was the outcome.

Jade looked really glorious without her specs.
Gone was her usual long sleeves and blouse office style ‘uniform’.
Instead a low cut floral dress fitted right through her curvy figure.

It was not as amazing like the ‘ugly duckling tale’ as Jade didn’t looked that bad in the beginning. It was really more towards those pretty girl-next-door transform into a highly impressive socialite kind of scene.

Jade was definitely more feminine than before and Mark looked at her from a different prospective.

As his mouth opened, all that he could ever say out was

“Wow…”

Jade looked at the stunned Mark.

“Do I looked that bad? It took me a lot of courage to start wearing this you know.”

Jade started to adjust her dress.

“No.. you look great.. really. I’m totally speechless.”

Mark literally mouth-watered.

“Well.. looks like we are fated to meet again.”
Jade smiled. She looked exceptionally sweet this time.

“Yup.. how come you are in the middle of the train? You should be at the last cabin as usual?”

“Well, my card ran out of money so I have to top up. Then the train arrived when I reached the platform, so I just board in the middle.”
Jade shrugged.

“That’s really great!~”
Mark couldn’t believe how lucky he felt.

If her card was fully topped or he chose either end of train, both of them would not have met.

The two of them paused for a moment before Mark continued.

“So how are you?”
Mark started the usual round of talks as he did not where to start again.

“I’m fine, your soup really helped. You gotta teach me how to cook them one day.”

“Why not this weekend?”
Mark just blurted out.




“Hmmmm… I have to confirm with you again. It’s still too early to say mah. Maybe there are other guys who wanna date me too?”

Jade winked.

“Oh ok… we’ll see how again.”
The tone of his voice brought out the disappointment in him.

“Anyway, you’ve got my numbers right? You can always sms me nearing weekend.”

Jade relight his hopes one more.

Time passed too quickly when you least expected. The train arrived at Yishun at the rate that Mark could not accept. He wanted to continue the journey to Raffles Place but he hesitated.

It was Monday morning and his boss needs to have a meeting with him and Christine to discuss about last weekend’s presentation and follow up on the responses.

“Hey.. I got to alight.”

“Yeah.. you have a great day ahead ok?”

“Alright, bye…”

Mark bid farewell before pulling himself out of the train before the door closes. The route to office from the train station seemed longer than the train journey.

--------------------------------------

Mark was the first to reach the office. The quietness of being alone was disturbed with the voice of a fully charged soul.

“Dude! My brother! Congrats on your presentation!”

Shaun opened up his arms and shouted the front door as he enters.

“Hey man! Thanks”

“So.. did you.. and Chris… erhm.. you know .. you know..”
Shaun was elbowing him as he bitched.
“What? What do you want to ask?”
Mark shot back.

“Well… only a blind person won’t know she carries a torch for you. Didn’t the two you have a good time at Shanghai?”

“Yeah.. we spent through midnight!”

“WICKED!!!”

“Shut up Shaun, we were only rushing through the presentation.”

“Chey!! Spoiler! Boring bastard.”

“Hi guys, good morning! I’ve bought breakfast for everyone.”
Christine entered the office.

“Oh hiya Missy Tan. Oh my… you smell damn nice”
Shaun breathed her up as she walked past.

Christine stepped on his foot as she placed his breakfast on his table.
“Of course it’s nice. It’s Gucci.”

“Morning Mark.”
Christine placed his share too.

The three of them then spend the rest of the morning clearing up the unread emails.

Boss had initiated a debrief at 1100hr.

“Mark and Chris, both of you had done a great job. I have receive various compliments from Sales side and our China counterparts. Even our MD looks forward to an aggressive sales after your performance.”

“Thanks Mr. Lee, for the chance”
Mark replied.

“Keep up the good work both of you, and take the rest of the day off. You must be tired from the flight yesterday. See you tomorrow.”

“So where are you heading?”
Mark asked Christine as both of them went out of their boss’s office.
“I need to go for a spa treatment, I initially wanted to take half day but since he gave us time off.. better still.”

“Alright, I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”
Mark bid goodbye to Christine and Shaun.

As it was still early, Mark decided to take his lunch at the café where Sharon works. It had been awhile since the last time he saw her.

A stranger greeted Mark when he reached the café.

Apparently there was no sign of Sharon at the café at all as Mark scanned around.

After taking his lunch, he approached a staff at the café.

“Excuse me, is Sharon on leave today?”

The staff looked at Mark strangely.

“Sir, you didn’t know?”

“What?”

“Sharon no longer works here, in fact she had been missing for a week already, there was a newspaper report of her case few days ago but since then there was no news of her.”

[To be Cont]

Book of Love 爱神の书


Chapter 19


Everyone would want their relationship to be as romantic as what they see in the movies, as mushy and die-heartedly in the novels they read.

However Love is practical, although we wish it isn’t.

When two people get together, it’s the celebration of the union of two lost souls that found each other in the mist of hope.

As the mist begins to clear, the relationship will start to get practical.
The two of you will have arguments even with the slightest thing. What to have for dinner? Which blouse to buy? Whether should he stay in his current job or otherwise.

Money & time becomes the two most important factors in a relationship.

Monetary on, how he would disagree on you spending half your monthly pay on a bag then expect him to foot the bill for every outing.
How she would nag him on his spending on video games and technology gadgets.

Time on, how she would disagree on the coffee sessions that you’ve spent with your band of brothers.
How he would feel that you are not spending enough time with him.

As the relationship gets longer and deeper, the more problems will arise with money and time.

Then you looked back and ask yourself.

“Is this love? Or is this purely how two people allocate their time and money? Why can’t love be pure? ”

Perhaps one day you will find yourself in this situation when you talk about time or money. Love is no longer as innocent as we wished.

To maintain a relationship, you have to manage your time and money. For which any of those you can’t supply enough, you will probably lose the relationship.

This is Love, practically.



The loudness of the ring tone could be heard across the room. The phone rang for a long time with echoes of melody and vibration trembling sound swept through.

Neither of them was waken by the phone as it continue making it’s presence felt.

Mark was lying awkwardly below the bed while Christine was peacefully tucked in.

The phone or actually the caller didn’t give up, after awhile the phone rang again.

Mark was awaken by the ringing sound as he crawled himself out of the couch towards the phone.

“Yeah….Wassup?”
Mark spoke with his eyes still closed.

“Hello, who are you?”
A man spoke across the speaker.

“I’m Mark Lee lah, you call this number you don’t know who am I?”

“I’m sorry”
The caller hung up.

“Crazy….”
Mark then lie back on the floor with the phone in his hand.

Then the phone ring again.

“Yeah… what do you want?”

“Who the hell are you??!!”
It was the same man again.

“I’m Mark Lee lah! What the hell you want?”
Mark was agitated by the ignorance.

“Then where the hell is Christine?”

“She’s still sleeping, what the hell you call my number to find her?”

“Hello, Mr. Mark Lee. Please open your bloody eyes and looked at the phone carefully? Whose fucking phone is this?”

The man was clearly in rage.

It was then Mark realized he had answer Christine’s hand phone.

“Oh... shit… I’m sorry”
Then he hung up the phone.

All the commotions had woken Christine up.
She rubbed her eyes and stared at Mark who was below her bed.
Their eyes met as Mark stared back.
Then the next moment was one of the most embarrassing moments in his life as Christine screamed her voice out as if she was been slaughtered.

“Why are you here?!!! What did you do to me?”
Christine threw everything on the bed on him.

“Hey… we never did anything ok. Come on… think back, you were the one who asked me to stay.”

Mark defending himself.

“I where got so cheap! You idiot… you must have ‘spike’ the drink I had and rape me…”

Mark was equally amused and amazed by Christine’s split personality within such a short period.

“Hey Chris, Use your brain to think lah… If I would to rape you, why the hell would I be sleeping UNDER your bed?”

Mark let a sigh.

“Besides, you really think it’s like the movies arh. Rape until no feeling?? Come on… I was tucking you in bed then you asked me to accompany you. I obliged because you were crying.”

“I was crying? Ha Ha Ha very funny.. Since when?”
Christine folded her arms.

Christine’s phone rang again.

Mark stopped her before she answered.

“Hey, just want to tell you I accidentally picked up your phone just now. Please explain to your boyfriend.”

“Shut up Mark, don’t mock me for being single can?”
Christine answered the call.

“Hello… yeah Dad.. I just woke up.”

“What?!? What did he say to you????”
Christine pointed at Mark to signal her wrath.

“No daddy, it’s not what you think we did.”
Christine trying her best to prove her innocence as Mark looked on.

“Just go to the gynae, then will prove my innocence.”
Mark urged her on.

“It’s ok dad. Please trust me. I will take care of myself, sorry for didn’t call back when I touched down.”
Christine seems to cool down.

Mark decided to go back to his room after sensing everything was back to normal. His move towards the door was stopped by a sudden burst of loud scream of rage.

Before Mark knew it, he was kicked several times by a woman that was on a rampage.

“Never offend a women as most probably you will be killed, it’s only a matter of when.”

This thought lingered in his mind as he limped his way back to his room.

On the other hand, there was a feeling of happiness and fun felt throughout the bashing. It was as if back to old times when you made fun of the girl in school and she chased you a few blocks over it.

--------------------------------------


It was lunch time when the two of them finally meet.

Christine was still pissed from her body language.

“Hey Chris… I’m sorry ok? I was drunk too you know.”

“Jerk, don’t talk as if we had done it. We never ok?”

“Ok… My entire fault. I’ve been bash by you already. Let’s call it even? We still need to work together till this weekend.”

Mark scratched his head as he apologized. It was something he rarely did. Christine looked at Mark, who clapped his hands in a prayer manner.

“Please?”

“Has anyone ever told you, you look like a complete idiot when you tried to act cute? Ok, you are forgiven and you owe me a favor. Don’t forget.”
Christine turned her back towards a deeply-disgusted Mark and started walking.

“Let’s go for lunch before we link up with our colleagues.”

-----------------------------------------------

The week of exhibition was tough yet fruitful. Mark learned a lot of information and technology skills from his counterparts.

Every night, both Christine and Mark had to work through midnight before calling it a day. The schedule was tight and challenging but somehow the hardship was smoothened by their sheer perseverance.

Other than the limited hours of sleep they had, the two of them shared almost every moment together. It was as if the two were living together separated by a bedroom.

When the two of them had ran out of creative juice, they would opt out to walk the streets of Shanghai to regenerate their thoughts.

Mark would accompany Christine as she swift the bouqtiues of designers’ label, trying out various clothes, bags and shoes.

Christine would accompany Mark as he seek his pleasures in finding sporting gear as well as technological devices.

As soon as something came up in their minds, they would stop everything and head for a café to work on it. Somehow it was like half vacation, half work. Their boss didn’t care for less, all he wanted was a good performance on the actual to show for.

Their big day came as both of them prepared for the showcase.
With the response from the crowd, they certainly did their company proud with their sleek presentations.

Their seeds of labor bore fruits as the company received countless of queries over their latest product. It was something Mark had thought he was not able to achieve in his life. Maybe he only achieve because of Christine’s support.

Their boss was delighted as he voiced his support over the teleconference after the show.

“Great job guys, make sure you enjoy yourself tonight before your flight tomorrow.”

On the last night before they returned. Their counterparts in Shanghai had arranged a celebration for exhibition success. They had booked a ballroom in their hotel and ordered a few tables of dishes.

Midway through the feast Christine excused herself for being tired and uncomfortable stomach. Mark then volunteered to send her back to her room before joining them.
As they walked out of the ballroom, Christine walked towards the exit instead of the lift back to her room.

“Where are you going?”
Mark was quite surprised in seeing this.

“I’m going out for a walk, want to join me?”
Christine looked back at him.

Both of them walked along the streets of Shanghai, it was close to midnight and the crowd was getting lesser and lesser.

They came to a small bridge.
Christine walked towards the bridge and looked at the waters below.

“Mark, do you know the feeling of loneliness?”
Christine asked.

“Loneliness is not because you are alone, it’s because you are missing someone.”
Mark too walked up and looked at the waters.

“You ever felt lonely?... after that incident of Jade?”

“I guess guilt was the first and biggest feeling I had since that day. Somehow I just keep telling myself that I’ve killed her. Now that you asked, I also don’t know whether I was lonely or not but I know I was missing something in my life.”

“It must have been terrible.”

“Yeah… It took me a long while before I got my act together again. In fact I was glad that someone helped me. Although I don’t know who is she.”

“Huh? I don’t get what you mean.”

“Just take it as I have a Love advisor with me now. She refused to reveal her identity to me until she said it’s ready. But all these while, I feel that she knows me very well and is able to know how I feel.. Right deep inside my heart.”

“It must have been great to have someone to advise you.”
Christine’s tone softened.

“Christine, what do you think about love?”
Mark suddenly asked.

“Love is something that hurt you the most. I thought I ever told you that already?”
Christine smiled as she replied.

“Love hurt you the most, yet it can also give you the most blessed feeling you ever had right? I guess it’s this extreme that make love so mysterious. One sided love is even more painful you know.”

“Why is it so? I mean only I know that I love him will do. Why should I say out? and then what? A relationship is born? Until the day he no longer loves me? Then the relationship died?”

“Chris, you have someone in your mind now right?”

“How do you know?”

“That night when you were drunk, you said why you can’t be with the person you liked.”

“Oh…”

“Have you ever told the person?”

“Nope..”

“Then how do you know if the person doesn’t like you?”

Christine didn’t reply. The cold air blew towards them as they stood.

“Mark?”

“Yeah….?”

“I… like you………”

“Huh? Pardon”

“I like you-r way of showing concerns for me. I appreciate that. As a friend and colleague, really.”

“Well… anything for you! You’ve helped me a lot too.”
Mark repaid the compliment.

“Let’s go back to the hotel?”
Christine suggested.

“Yeah, we have a morning flight to catch tomorrow. Let’s go back and have a good rest.”Both of them then made their way back to the hotel.

As Mark slept soundly in his bed, Christine was in the other room alone crying as she keyed into her laptop.

“These few days are probably the happiest in my life, we spend a lot of time together. There was a period of time when I actually felt that we were already a couple.

But when he asked me do I like anyone, I just couldn’t bring myself to say out.

What’s so difficult?

Why I don’t even have guts to tell him that I like him?

What was it that I was afraid of?

Afraid that I will not be able to replace her in his life?.”

It was a blog entry that she had entered. The blog was a daily journal that Christine had kept for a while now. Nobody knew about her blog, even her best friends didn’t knew of it’s existence. It was something personal and only those who don’t know her personally will have access to her blog. Maybe Christine didn't want people to know about her life.

As Christine paused to wipe her tears, there was a reply in her tagboard.

“Seek and you shall find, ask and you shall be given. Love begins with nothing but ends with everything”

Her sender…

Eros.

[To be Cont]

Book of Love 爱神の书

Chapter 18

Some people say that a relationship is a test between two persons of different backgrounds, different personality, different taste, different faith and belief.

You may have a few things that you shared the interest with your partner.
Both of you may like singing endlessly in the karaoke.Both of you may like spicy food.
That’s about all of it. She may like English songs while you like Mandarin. You may like spicy fish but she likes spicy vegetables.

At the end of the day, the differences between you and the one you love is often greater than you think.

How would you feel when he disagrees with you over a thing you liked?

How would you feel when she tells you that your hobbies are really childish and impractical?

Would you tell yourself that this person don’t love you?
Because he/she doesn’t know what you really like and appreciates the things that you loved?

When two people are different, it doesn’t mean one is right the other is wrong. It only means you are different.

I find joy in knowing the differences we had. I learned about the things in life which I may not have the chance to like.

I learned from her that shopping can really be enjoyable by trying out a lot of outfits and shoes. She learned from me that shopping can really be about strategy location, promotions and pricing.

When we are different, we learn to look from each other’s point of view and hence understand each other more.

It often takes someone who doesn’t really understand what you do to tell you how to improve.

Because all of us are really different from each other after all.



Mark didn’t dare to respond to Christine, he was afraid any questions that came out might cause a tsunami of emotions.

The two of them didn’t talk much.
The five hour flight was already long; it was longer considering there was no communication with anyone.

Christine fell asleep while Mark tried to keep himself occupied with the entertainment system onboard.

The flight reached Pudong International Airport in the wee hours of the morning.

As they checked into the hotel, Mark suggested.

“Hey, you take a rest first ok? I will give you a ring for breakfast later.”

Christine smiled.

“It’s ok; I’ll be at the lounge. I need some alcohol toxification.”

“Alright Chris, I’ll join you at the lounge after I take a bath.”

“It’s alright Mark; you no need to accompany me.”

“Says who? I’m the one who needs accompany... so you have to accompany me instead.”

Mark pointed at her.

-------------

When Mark reached the lounge, Christine was already there. The bottle of Scotch whisky was already a third empty.

“Wow.. I didn’t know you are such a good drinker.”

Mark looked at her as he made himself comfortable. He ordered a mug of beer.

“I don’t drink as often as you think.” Christine replied.


“You know Chris, if there’s something bothering you. You can tell me, other than work which I personally think you are much superb. The rest of the stuffs I give you a sound advice.”

Christine looked away from him.

“I was thinking about Brandon.”

“I knew it!” Mark thought as he planned what to sway next.

“Well, sometimes one’s first love might not last as long as we want to. But the values that we learned from it will surely make us understand more about love.”

Christine looked back at him.

“We never got started.”
Christine stretched herself.

“It’s been so long already, we were in the same secondary school. Brandon was not really a guy who girls will fall over. He was kind of nerdy, buried in his books everyday. Not many people talked to him anyway.”

“Wah… that means you are a nerd too huh?”
Mark studied Christine from head to toe.

“You don’t look like one now, thank goodness”

“Didn’t I tell you it was ages ago? In fact I was the school prefect, the class monitor and the head of school library committee, mind you”

Christine’s mood seems to liven up a bit.

“Then what happened?”

“What I used to like about Brandon was his pureness and honesty. He doesn’t know how to woo girls and then one day, out of nowhere. Brandon just came to me and tells me he liked me a lot. I was really caught by him as I didn’t know what to do.”

Mark nodded.


“But my parents were very strict then, I wasn’t allowed to have my own time. I can only go to school and be home before my parents returned from office. There was no way that I can have a relationship then.”

Christine stopped for a while.

“But I think he’s cute and secretly liked him too.”

“Well Chris, I understand how you feel. The pain you get when you can’t be with the one you loved.”

Mark said as he down his beer.

“I wonder it was the cruelty of fate that led us to meet again in University. I was studying in New South Wales then and we met on the streets in Sydney one day. He turned out to be very much as good looking as you met just now.”

“Then why didn’t the two of you get together?”

“I don’t know, maybe it’s too long already. Maybe it was only puppy love then. Maybe I don’t know anything about love. We just didn’t hit it off that day as we walk our separate ways.”

“Mark?”

“Yeah?”

“Would you believe me if I tell you I’ve never been in a relationship before?”

“……….tell you honestly, I won’t believe.”

“Why?”

“Because you look really good, I won’t believe if you tell me no guys had ever gone after you? Some of our customers were always caught indirectly checking you out.”

“Thanks for the compliment Mark, you’ve made my day.”

Christine lifted her glass and initiated a round of cheers.


“Chris, I think you really need a rest. We’ve got a long rest tomorrow.”

Mark could sense the effect of alcohol taking its effect on Christine.
He then helped her back in her room. As he laid her on her bed, Mark looked at the tipsy Christine.

It had been a while since he last looked at someone who’s asleep. The simple blessing which he enjoyed during the times he shared with Jade.

“Maybe the simplest yet most blessed feeling is to wake up and looked at the person you loved.”

Mark thought to himself as he covered her with the blanket.

“Don’t go…”
Mark felt his arm been grabbed.

“I don’t like the feeling of being alone in the night.”
Christine’s eyes were closed and looked as if she was mumbling.

Mark brushed her hair as he comforted her.

“Don’t worry, I will be here.”

“Don’t go… Don’t go………I don’t want to be alone. I hate been alone. Why can’t be with the one I liked? Why does it always have to be me.”
Christine grabbed Mark towards her as she wailed.

“Ok, I promise you...”
Mark kissed her forehead.

Christine stopped struggling and let go of him. She fell into a very deep sleep. Mark noticed there was a trace of tears flowed from the corner of her eyes.

Mark covered her blanket and went over to the couch.
He sat down and watched her sleep.

A smiled appeared on his face before he too closes his eyes and took a rest.

“I promise you... I will help you find the one whom you loved…”

[To be Cont]