Book of Love 爱神の书

Chapter 13

Do you still remember the first crush you ever had in your life?
The first time of experiencing mixed emotions, the anxiety and excitement when you saw that person. When that person is happy, you would smile along.

When that person is sad, you would not know what to do to cheer up.
Who was he/she?

Your neighbor? Your childhood playmate? Your classmate?

I believe most of us, if not all us will experience our first crush in our life. We won't realize it until we were much older.
When we finally find a reason to explain why we sometimes blushed out of no reason.

My first crush happened at the age of 10.
She was one of the taller girls in class.

I being the fattest and biggest sized will always partner her during our class.
We would sit side by side during lesson.

We would hold hands when the class is gathered to go to other areas.

We would exchange stationeries and cards. I knew she like pencils a lot so I would give her those extras that I purposely bought.

She would really think that I had extras. It was not something that she could not afford but would not spend her pocket money on.

I like her smile and happiness when she receives my small gifts. We even acted in a play together, being husband and wife at the last year of primary school.

Years passed, we went to the same secondary school and stay in the same class for 2 years before finally separated.

She got prettier as she grew up and had her fair share of male seekers.

As for me, I've never really told her I liked her before. Maybe it's because of this that we've stayed as good friends. Maybe it's because of this that she would still smile at me when she sees me.

And we will always have so much to talk about except my feelings for her.

Mark didn’t have a good sleep that night.

He was tossing and turning over the comments he saw in Sharon’s blog.

No doubt Sharon later explained in her later entries that it was only a joke. She had posted to see if anyone is really concern about her. She certainly has got what she want as there were more than 30 over comments showing concern.

What if it’s not a joke?

What if she really has the intention of killing herself?

What if she killed herself next time?

What can he do to help her?

-------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day was as usual for Mark as he traveled to his office.

As he enters the train, there was no sight of Jade around.

She must have taken leave I suppose”

Mark thought to himself as he sulked all the way to work.

Just as he reached the ground level, someone tapped his shoulder.

It was Christine.

“Hey.. What’s the matter with you? I called you a few times”

“Really?”

“Yeah.. Is something bothering you?”

Christine looked serious.

"Nah it’s just some small thoughts lingering in my head, I will be fine”

Mark replied as they stepped into the lift.

"Oh yeah.. You better be, Boss is very anxious about the presentation later..”

"Presentation?” Mark covered his mouth.

"YEAH? Don’t tell me you didn’t finished the proposal package?”

Christine stared at Mark.

"Shit!! I haven’t”

"Quick, there’s still time. Let’s quickly get it done.”

Christine pulled Mark out of the lift when it reached.

Shaun was again shell shock when he saw Christine pulling Mark in.

"OH my God… Oh my God…” Shaun held his hands to his head.

"Stupid Idiot. Don’t think too much. Want to think, think after the presentation.” Christine quickly went to her desk.

The three of them sped through the morning trying to get the proposal package ready for customer presentation at 11.00am.

Mark’s boss wasn’t very please when he knew it was not ready for his review.

However, Mark managed to finish the proposal package with Christine’s guidance and Shaun’s help in the nick of time.

Mark went in and gave a good presentation to the visiting customers and they applauded him warmly when he finished.

Even Mark boss was surprised with the proposal and couldn’t help but brought out a thumbs-up sign to him.

Christine was standing by his side as Mark winked at her.

Christine was at the pantry when Mark came in.

"Hey thanks.. You’ve help me again” Christine looked at him.

“No worries, Colleagues must help each other mah.. Besides I won’t know when I will need your help.”

“Can I buy you dinner?” Mark suddenly suggested.

“Why?” Christine was rather shocked by the suggestion.

“Because I don’t really like to owe people favors you know”

“Because you are egoistic?” Christine smiled.

“Yeah.. Yeah Whatever.. See you later” Mark walked out of the pantry.

“See you later..” Christine replied softly.

It was Friday evening as the clock continued to tick. .. It was a day of life reborn. When the time hit 6.00pm sharp, all the office staffs in the company had already packed their bags and roaring to go.

“Bro.. you not going off?” Shaun made his way out.

“Nah.. you go ahead.. I got to touch up this proposal and send to boss”

“Ok.. but make sure you don’t end up like our Super-woman there” Shaun pointing to Christine who was still engross in her work.

“Yeah.. you take care man.. enjoy your weekend.”

“You too…” Shaun replied as he left.

Mark stretched himself and checked around. All the staffs had left.

Then he walked over to Christine’s desk.

“So where do you want to go for dinner?”

Christine stopped her work and looked up. “Oh.. it’s still on?”

“Why not?”

“Ok.. Where do you want to go?” Christine started packing.

“Let’s go to East Coast?”

“Wow.. I didn’t know you were such romantic…” Christine cheekily made fun of him.

“No lah… East Coast is Cheaper.. It’s nearing month end.. ” The smile on Christine’s face was gone within seconds.

They hitch a cab and reached East Coast for dinner.

After dinner, Christine decided to go for a walk.

“Arhh… the sea breeze.. You know how long I hadn’t feel the breeze already?”

“You only know about work…”

“Thanks for the dinner anyway, it was really great.”

“It’s still early, you want to go for a drink?” Mark suggested.

“Nah.. I’ve got to go back office tomorrow..”

“But it’s a Saturday!! Get a life!”

“It’s really important…” Christine shrugged her shoulders.

“Then let me send you home?”

“Ok…” The both of them took the bus before changing to train as Christine lived Sengkang.

“You have a good night sleep ok?”

Mark tried to encourage her.

“It’s a wonderful night Mark, thanks” Christine said before the lift door closes.

As Mark walked out of the neighborhood, he heard someone screaming and crying from afar. It sounded like a woman. He took a step closer to find out where the cries were coming from.

“Stop treating me like this!!!” The women cried.

“Shut up bitch, You’ll do as what I say” The man slapped and kicked her.

“Ooi! What are you doing? Police” Mark shouted as he ran forward.

The man ran away in fright.

“Miss.. Miss… are you ok?” Mark tried to hold her up.

She was still covering her head and crying in fright.

“It’s ok now..” Mark held her hands…

The women was still shivering when Mark slowly moving her hands down. Mark looked at the women…

He too got a fright.

She was Jade…

[To be Cont]

Book of Love 爱神の书


Chapter 12


“I love you dear”

Your lover brushes your hair as he/she tried to kiss you.
You asked out of curiosity because it’s the 19,784th times he/she had told you since the relationship starts.

“What do you love me for?”
Most people I know are physically attracted to the female species that they ‘hunt’ It could be their eyes, their smiles and naturally their bodies.

When a man decides that he like that someone, the first attraction would be to satisfy his sense of chauvinist ego.

The girlfriend must be able to bring the better side of him.
The girlfriend must know his likes and his hate.
The girlfriend must know all his friends and be sporting enough in front of them. Never show any temper or unpleasantness.
The girlfriend must also let him spend time with his buddies without knowing his whereabouts.

When a girl decides that she like that someone, the first attraction or maybe only attraction would be the guy would love her unconditionally.

Unconditionally means the guy must give in to her in all situations.
Unconditionally means the guy must pamper her, surprise her, call her every now and then, miss her, sings her birthday songs on her birthday, being romantic and funny.
The guy must also have a mega memory system to store in the exact time and location of 1st date, 1st time hold hands and 1st time kiss.

We know we can’t fulfill everything on the list. Anyone who could ought to be shot because he/she is practically showing to the world that it can be done.

At the end of the day, I love you because you are you.
Because you are trying your best to fulfill the above requirements.
And I know you are trying very hard…




The ambience at the chalet was romantic as the sound of singing could be heard from within.

“Happy birthday to you... Happy birthday to you... Happy birthday to Mark Lee! ~ Happy birthday to you!!”
The song ended with a peck on his cheek.

“Happy birthday 23rd birthday dear! Quick, blow the candles and make a wish”
Jade pestered as Mark tried to finish off 23 candles at one go.

“Thanks Dear” Mark replied the kiss.

“So what wish did you make?”

“Am I supposed to tell you? Anyway my three year wish is half complete already”
Jade looked at him confused.

“I wished you were my girlfriend for my 21st birthday, it came true last year. Then I wished you will stay as my girlfriend on my 22nd birthday and you did despite the quarrels and arguments we had.”

“So you still wish I’m your girlfriend next year?” Jade making her guess.

“Don’t wanna tell you!” Mark displayed his resilient.

“Ok loh…” Jade grabbed a portion of the cake and smear it on his face.
Mark returned the favor and the cake was pretty much wasted and uneatable after the couple’s tussle.

The two of them lie on the bed after the washed up.

“Dear…” Jade asked.

“Yeah?”

“Why did you like me?”

“Because you have an angelic face with a devilish body that any guys will die to go with?”
There was a grin on Mark’s face.

“Is that what all guys want?”

“Nope… but it sure is nice to have!”

“No tell me honestly…” Jade sounded serious this time.

“Ok… I like you because you looked demure most of the time yet when it comes to enjoying you are bubbly fun, loving. You are always here for me. You understand me and mature enough to forsake my childishness some times.”

“I’m really glad to have known you”
Mark added as he brushed her hair.

“Is this what you like in women? So if one day another girl with the same attributes as you mention, will you fall for her?”

“I guess not...”

“Why?”

“Because I have you. You are irreplaceable.”

“Dear, I’m glad to have to known you too”
Their eyes exchange contact followed by a passionate long kiss.
The moon was covered by the clouds as much as their innocent youth.
His 23rd birthday wish had come true... within an hour.


“Sir… Sir” Sharon looked at Mark.

“Mark?”

“Yeah… Yeah”
Mark returned from his ‘time travel’ from his memory.

“We are closing already” Sharon smiled at him and left to clear other tables.
It was half past nine on his watch.

Mark quickly packed his laptop when he realized that he was the only customer left in the café.

“Mark?”
Sharon called out to him before he left.

“Yes Sharon?”

“Is there anything wrong? I saw you in a daze just now”

“It’s ok, nothing really. I can manage”

“Ok… feel free to drop by if you need someone to talk”

“Nah... it will affect your job”

“It’s ok; my boss normally goes off at dinner time and only return about now to close the accounts”

“Thanks, you really make my day”
Mark replied before he left.

--------------------------------------------------------------

It was close to eleven when Mark finally reached home and had a shower.
As he sat down on his computer table.

His thoughts were still on the question asked by Psyche.

“What sort of women do you really like?”

Finally he replied to the tag board.

“The girl whom I liked was someone demure yet lively when it comes to having fun. She was mature and understanding to love and care for me.”

“I suppose that’s what Jade used to be”
The reply came within minutes.

Before Mark could react, another tag came along.
“Do you think you can find another person like Jade?”

“Nope I can’t because she is irreplaceable”

“Irreplaceable or are you afraid to commit to another relationship?”
Finally, someone knew how he felt all along.

“Psyche, who are you? Why are you doing this to me? Every question you ask will stir great emotions in me. I’m trying to let go of the past yet every time you have to rack it all up again”

“You are not letting go, you are only hiding from the past.”
Psyche replied.

“Do I know you? Do you even exist? Can we meet up?”

Mark was more than eager to know the identity of Psyche. Somehow he felt that Psyche is related to him in a way. A way he could not explain. It was as if Psyche had see through his heart, his mind and everything of him.

"The moment is not right for us to meet now, we will finally meet one day. Its only a matter of when"
Came the reply.

Mark waited awhile before he realized it was her last entry again.

He then got up and stretched himself before decided to head for bed.
Something on the floor caught his eye.

It was the serviette which Sharon had pass to him.
The thought of her brought out a smile in him as he decided to visit her blog.

It was a nicely decorated blog with pink floral designed skin.
There were a lot of entries, photos, songs and video displayed.

As Mark scrolled down the blog, he sped through the entries.
Most of them were talking about the gossips revolving her colleagues and friends.
Then he found an unusual entry.

“Today he did it again. I never know why he had to do it. Why must he treat me like this? Have I done anything wrong in the past to deserve all these? I hate myself because I do not have the courage to face him. I do not even have the courage to face myself. The bottle of sleeping pills… when will I ever have the courage to finish it up?”

[To be Cont]

Book of Love 爱神の书


Chapter 11


The two of you were walking back as he pestered to send you home after the movie date. The night was silent and clear.
As he clears his throat, he asked,
“Can you be my girl? ”
“Can I hold your hand every time we go out?”

Do you still remember how you were asked to be someone’s girlfriend/boyfriend?

Whatever how the question was pop out.
Wherever the location it was.
It could be over the phone, it could be by the beach.
It could also be in school.

You will remember, no matter where, when and how,

The day you were asked to go into a relationship.

You will be surprised the moment you were asked, even though you already knew you would be someday.
You just didn’t know when.

It was now.
You had the choice. You made the choice.

The decision gave birth to a new relationship, registered under the laws of yours. You have given half of your life to the person whom you feel loves you the most.

You demand attention; day in day out because you feel you deserved it. You expect to be treated like a king/queen, as all your desires must be fulfilled within his/her abilities. You demand that he spend all his time with you rather than his/her group pathetic friends.

Until, he/she stopped giving you attention all together.
Then you questioned his/her love for you.

“If you love me, you should do this for me”
He/She would probably have a question in their minds too.

“If you love me, would you do this me?”







“I beg your pardon?”
Jade sounded confused as she pushed up her specs.

“Oh… I just ask you what’s your view on ‘Love’, you know like “what is love to you?””
Mark tried to salvage the situation.
He knew he almost blew it, how can he ask someone whom he barely know this question?

“Oh... that kind of question..”
Jade sounded relieved too.

“I couldn’t remember when was the last time I was in love. All I know is love is something that can bring your emotions to the extreme. You can be the happiest woman on one minute yet the saddest person the next. I really don’t know about love”

Jade then tried to look away from Mark.
But Mark already saw the redden eye before she tried to hide.

“Oh well... Life sucks huh?”
Mark tried to steer the ship back in navigation before it crashes.

“Yeah… it really sucks... If only I had more courage.”

“More courage for??”

“Nothing...”
Jade still looked away.

“Next Stop Raffles Place Interchange”
Came the announcement.

“It’s my stop, I ought to be going”

“Ok. Me too”

Jade walked ahead of Mark and soon mixed into the out going crowd.
Mark was walking slowly behind.

He boarded a cab and travel back to his office.

Then he realized.
“Shit! Why didn’t I ask for her number?!”

It was about 10.30 when Mark finally reached office.

“Bro! You are the luckiest bastard in the universe!”
Shaun greeted Mark as he sit down.

“How come? Did I win anything?”

“Boss is sick… so nobody knows you were late!”

Christine walked over and gathered the two of them.

“Hey, boss is sick but there’s a few report we need to rush for him. He needs it when he’s back”

“I seriously wonder, are we busier when boss is around or when he’s not?”
Shaun sarcastically whined.

Christine frowned as she passed two stacks of files each to Shaun and Mark.

As she laid the files on Mark’s desk, there was a memo pad stick on top of the files.

“Are you ok? Chris”

Mark looked at Chris before she left.
She looked back.

Mark gave her the thumbs up and quick winked.
Christine smiled back and left.

“Man.. I really can’t stand her at times”
Shaun started backstabbing sessions.

“Well.. if you put the energy you used to whine into kinetic energy in doing work.. you will definitely achieve more!”

“Bro, since when you become so sarcastic?”

“Since the day I learn from the Master himself!”

The rest of the day was raining and everyone had their fair share of workload, even though the efficiency was only 50%.

“Where are you heading?”
Shaun asked as he finished packing up at the dot of six.

“Home? I suppose”
Mark continued to pack up as Shaun walked past him.

“Spoilsport.. Spoilsport… ”
Shaun uttered as he left the office.

The rain finally stopped when Mark step out of the office.
Feeling hungry, he opts to go to the café to grab a quick bite before going home.

His entrance was greeted by the smile of the oncoming waitress.

“Hello Sir, Welcome back”

Mark looked at her badge. It spelled Sharon.
Then he remembered she was the one who served him the other day.

Mark ordered some sandwiches and coffee for dinner.

While waiting to be served, Mark took out his laptop and carry on doing his report. Instead of doing his report, Mark was entering his blog entry.

“Today is a strange day. I met this lady onboard the train again. It was almost the sixth hundred times that I saw her since the first day. However it was only the second time we’ve ever communicate. Her name is Jade. She carries the same name as my ex-girlfriend. Is this what people call fate? Destiny? Would she replace her one-day?

Although no one is there to tell me, I wish I know the answer.
What is right? What is wrong?”

Mark stopped typing and shifted his laptop when Sharon served him the drinks.

“Sir, you blogged too?”

“Yeah… Am I too old for that?” Mark tried to hide his embarrassment.
“Nonsense, there’s no age limit for anything. It’s great to have an online journal you know. A place where you can write the darkest things.”

“So Sharon… you blog too?”

“Yup! All my friends blog too. It’s like our form of communications nowadays. Maybe it’s a sign of telling others we are still alive when we post our daily events on cyberspace.”

“Sir, Do you mind giving me your blog address?”
Sharon asked.

“Don’t call me Sir, it makes me feel old you know. I’m Mark.. incase you’ve forgotten.”

“I’ve not forgotten lah! Just being nice mah”
The bubbly girl couldn’t hide her cheerfulness.

As he wrote down his blog address on a piece of serviette, Mark gave a bright smile. It was something that Mark missed a long time.
The innocence youthfulness he once had.

“Here you go”
Mark handed over the piece of serviette.

“Hee.hee.. here’s my blog.”
Sharon quickly wrote on another serviette before she literally jumped to the next table to clear up.

“http://smiles-a-million.blogspot.com”

“Such a cheerful person”

Mark finished up his sandwich and shifted his laptop back to his view.
Before his fingers could type onto the address bar, Mark stopped as he realized that there was a tag on his tagboard again.

“What sort of women do you really like?”

Signed, Psyche.

[To be Cont]

Book of Love 爱神の书


Chapter 10



If there is machine which could tell you how much you are in love for this person whom you claim you could die for.

Would you dare to take the test?

Would you want to know how much you really love the person?

What if the results aren’t as good as you hope?
Does it mean you do not love the person anymore?

I believe the power of love fluctuates very frequently.
The start of a tiff and tussle over the place for dinner could see the love meter fell like stock market.

However,
After intense verbal apologies and actions to show your sincerity, the love meter will climb back gradually.

Every other minute will affect the love meter.

When you miss him, it will increase.
But when you realized that he doesn’t miss you as much, it will decrease.
When he buys you your favorite shoes, it will increase.
But when he tells you your collection of shoes can hold an exhibition, it will decrease again.

Love is immeasurable.
Sometimes it’s ironic but how you treat a person does not truly reflects your affections to him/her.

It still boils down to individual level of creativity and efforts.
Some people would do more than others.
Some would prefer his/her partner to do more than is expected.

So the love of the one who’s holding your hand is actually determined by you.


How you want to be treated.
Did he/she cook you breakfast?

How you want things to happen in your way.
Did he/she cuddle you to sleep?

The next time you tell a person “I don’t think you love me”
Ask yourself this question.

“What have you done for him/her?
Did you meet his/her requirements?
Did you do the things that he/she would want you to do?”

But you can’t answer those questions as he/she should be the one answering.



Mark woke up to the sound of thunder before his alarm.
He got up against his will from his warm bed.
It was raining outside the window as he drew the curtains.

“Oh.. It finally raining”

Mark washed up and heads for the morning route.

“I always think it’s better to take public transport than to drive”
Mark thought as he enters the LRT from Bukit Panjang.

Mark had to make a decision when the LRT transit at Choa Chu Kang.
“Should I go to front or rear cabin today?”

Mark looked at his watch.
He was already 15minutes later than usual.

“Guess I won’t be able to see her today”
Mark gave up as he went for his preferred rear section of the train.

It was more crowded in rainy days than usual.

Maybe everyone was reluctant to come out from their home for work or school. Then the drivers call in sick and there’s insufficient drivers for the bus and trains in the rainy morning.

With the crowd increasing and the train/bus frequency reducing, this would most logical way of explaining morning traffic jams.

There was a smile on Mark’s face as he was impressed with himself over this theory.

When the train reached Yishun, Mark tried to push himself out of the crowd. There was a group of middle age women happily blocking his path.
His efforts came to a waste when the door finally closes on him.

“ Idiot! All these inconsiderate people ought to be shot.”
Mark let out a sighed.

“Missed your station?”

Mark turned back.
His aggression had melted to the owner of the voice.

It was Jade.
She was at the rear section today.
Mark couldn’t believe his luck.

“Don’t worry, the next stop is not far away”
Jade smiled as she shared some comfort.

“It’s ok, I’m going to visit our clients today. At first wanted to go back office to submit some paperwork but since I was blocked out then it’s ok”

There was a moment of silence among them.
Mark knew he had explained too much, far too much.
Lying is not one of his best acts in front of a girl.
Mark had to continue from his plot.

“Yeah.. So I will be going to Raffles place instead”
Mark wanted to smack his head.

“Why not Cityhall station? Why had to be Raffles place? Isn’t it too obvious?”
Mark’s mind was crying out loud.

“Oh.. Really? Guess we can chat more today”

Mark felt relieved, not because that he was great at telling a lie but she had actually believes what he said.

The man beside her got up at the next station and she offered Mark to take up the empty seat.

“Hey thanks, so how’s your day?”
Mark trying to soak in.

“I’m late… is that a great way to begin your day?”
Jade smiled.

“It’s ok, if your boss asks you why you were late. You just have to tell her that waking up later ensures adequate amount of rest and that will lead to less accounting mistakes.”
Mark tried to fake a laugh but soon realized it wasn’t funny.

“Is that how you tell your boss every time you late?”

“Nope, I just tell him I’m sick…. Sick of work…”
Jade finally laughed.

The thin ice between them had shattered.

“So Jade, you like to read a lot?”

“What do you think I carry a book everyday in the train for? To whack those perverts? Hee hee…”

“Oh… here we go again.. please don’t rub it in can? I’m hurt enough”
Mark trying to forget the peeping tom incident.

“So what sort of books you read? Romance? Science-fiction? I don’t really know what sort of categories are there. I’m not a hardcore reader myself.”

“Ha… I read everything that is interesting. It can be Mitch Albom’s for one more day, Stephen Covey’s Seven effective habits and even childhood favorite Roald Dahl”

“Yeah.. Roald Dahl I know… hahhaa guess we do have something in common after all”


“Yeah…”
Jade pushed up her specs.

“So what book you reading now?”

“Oh.. it’s about Greek Mythology.. you know those ancient roman gods and goddess… Hercules.”

Mark couldn’t believe what he had just heard.
“I know I know! I’ve read them too!”

“Really?”
Jade looked at him surprisingly.

“Yeah… so which Roman god or goddess interests you the most?”
Mark knew he had just struck gold.

“Psyche… you know her?”

“Wife of Eros?”

“Yeah.. you actually know her… You know not many I know heard of her. Majority only knows Eros and Aphrodite.”

“I know Psyche. I’ve read about her stories with Eros”

“Yeah… Its really sad to be tricked in marrying the ‘ugliest’ creature but turned out to be Eros instead.”

“Maybe that’s what love is all about?”

“Pardon?”
Jade looked at Mark.

Mark looked at Jade.
Something prom him to ask this question. It was not the first time he was asked. But it was the first time he asked someone.

“Jade”

“Yeah?”

“Do you know love?”

[To be Cont]

Book of Love 爱神の书

Chapter 9.5

If I speak in the different languages of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift to see the future and comprehend mysteries and have the knowledge of the world and move the mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
If I give all my possession to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not loved, I gain nothing.

If I had a Book of Love of my own,
What love story of me can I write on it,
How many chapters my love story will be,
What will I write in chapter 10?
How about you?


It was the longest night that Mark has to go through, the countless events that has happened in the past few days, one after another, leading to a new one every time, he couldn’t seems to catch hold of any of them but just allow them to rattle through his mind. Psyche words has caused Mark to wondered, has not move on because he has Loved or was it because of the guilt, if it was love then did guilt came together? The last message made the night quiet only on the outside.

The sound of an incoming email broke silent after sometime. It was a friend request on friendster. The girl name was Jolyn Ng, Mark has no impression who she is and decided to peep into her profile before adding her. Immediately he recognizes that she was Feng one of her secondary school mates, she was with Ming one of the guys that Mark’s used to hang out with in the secondary school days who passed away 3years back because of leukemia. Mark Remembered seeing them together since they were 13.

She has exactly 100 pictures uploaded in her profile, most of picture was with a guy but it wasn’t Ming. As far as Mark remembers just a year before Ming pass away Mark meet Feng and this same guy at Bugis. At Ming’s wake, Mark remembers that Feng was there and all the others that knew their 12 years relationship with Ming was consoling her. He saw her weeping that night.

Mark flip thru the pictures, they were taken in Phuket, different islands and in the hotel room, in Genting, and other in town making up the 100 of them. Mark saw the joy in her from those picture and wondered,

“So love wasn’t really about the time you spend together?
They were together 12 bloody years?
How did she move on so quickly?
If time could not measure, what else is not going to fade away?”

Then Mark began to question himself, if what he had with Jade was really love?
If Love is present, why did I feel guilty, if my love for her was true and right, why was guilt the one that tell me to let go.
If guilt was the one that captive me for the past 6 year, why didn’t the love that I had with Jade when we were together save me?

Mark began looking at the dusty bible that he has stop reading ever since he was with Jade at the corner of the work desk, he open it up again where the divider was last place. And saw;

faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

[To be Cont]

Written by Guest Writer
MArk Lee
http://y2koutsider.blogspot.com/

Book of Love 爱神の书

Chapter 9


How long did you take to forget the last person you loved?
That person, who knew everything about you.
That person, who you gave your first kiss to.
The person who knows,
What you like most.
What you hate most.
What makes you cry.
What makes you laugh.
What songs you keep inside your mp3 player.
Which date is your birthday?
When was the last time you cried?

That person who was your universe and the source of life.
Then a sudden twist of fate and wicked destiny shipwrecked your relationship with that person.

You cried endlessly as there was no other means of releasing your downfall.
You even took sleeping pills just to make yourself weak and sleepy.
Every time you hear the song played on radio will stir your emotions once more.

Although you don’t accept, the truth is always the most painful piece of information you have to bear.The person is no longer with you.

You tried to forget, you make new friends.
You thought all the late night partying will relocate your mind.
You just can’t forget that person.
You can only slowly remembering him/her less.

Until one day when you are bathing and suddenly that person came to your mind.
That’s probably the time you know you had already forgotten him/her.



Mark had never seen such a tree in his life as he advanced ahead.

It was the only tree in the park with red leaves.
There was a warm yet sad feeling felt through him as he looked at the red leaves.

“The tree nice?”Mark turned around.

A young man stands behind him.
The man looked a few years younger than him as he walked forward.

“You’re Glen?”
“Yeah… and you are Mark?”

“Yup… you know it’s kinda gay to see two men standing in front of a tree in the evening.”
“Well, this is the tree at its nicest”
Glen walked towards a bench not far away.

“Let’s sit there”Glen offered.

As the wind blew gentling through the setting sun, the two men sit side by side admiring the beauty of nature.

“My name is Glen, or Yang if you’ve seen the book”Glen finally spoke.
“The person whom I’ve written about is June, or Ying”

“What happened to her?”Mark wanted to know.
“She died… of brain cancer”
“And you didn’t do anything to help?”

“How can I help? What can a 16-year-old student do at that time? Besides I don’t even know she was sick”

“What about you? What happened to you?”
Glen turned the attention to Mark.

“I just watched my girl died in front of me”

“How long had it since been?”

“Coming to five years”

“And you blame yourself all these while? You caused her death?”

Mark tried not to look into his eyes.

“If I’ve listen to her that day, if I’ve not insist on going. She would have accompanied me and got drown”

“How long are you going to blame yourself?”

Mark didn’t answer.

“Forever?”

There was no response.

“Do you think it’s fair for the next girl who you may like? To carry the sorrows and memories of your ex girlfriend?”

“Then you asking me to forget about her?”
Mark finally responded.

“But did you ever ask yourself, you are holding on because of love or guilt?”

“I really don’t know…”

“It’s time to let go, letting go doesn’t mean you are to forget about her all together. Letting go is about safekeeping her in a special of your memories. This girl will always be a part of you, even when you’ve got yourself a family in future.”

Glen looked at Mark before continued.

“You know what was her last wish before she died?”
Mark shook his head.
“She hopes that I will not blame her that she left me just like that”

“So did you blame yourself?”

“I wish I could because I find life so meaningless. But on the other hand I have to promise her I will live well and June will always be in my heart and my memories for as long as I live.”

“Thanks…”
That was the only thing that Mark can offer.

“Live a fruitful life… because you should not waste your life over this”

“I will…”

The sun finally set as Glen made his way to the tree for one last touch.

Then the two men then head for separate ways.
It was the first time and probably the last time that both of them will see each other.

Mark had his answers.
It was something he knew all along but refused to accept.
He could not let go because of guilt.
Because he was the one who incidentally killed her.

When Mark reached home, he sat in front of his computer for a long time.

Then he entered his post.

“Today I met someone who went through the same ordeal as me. He is much younger than me but somehow I feel that he’s much more mature.

The time that he spent with her is much lesser than I am with Jade.
He didn’t even realize that the girl died until he received the parcel from her father.

Sometimes the purest of all love comes when you are young and innocent. Knowing the love for each other is more important than the practical world and reality.

Maybe he is right, I’m still walking in circles, as I could not let go of the past.

I know it’s hard to forget that someone whom suddenly disappear from you life totally.

I will try and I hope I will succeed.”


Mark then took a bath and watched some TV before returning to bed.

As he was about to switch off his computer, he saw a tag.

It was Psyche again.

“Do you know what would be Jade’s last wish?”

“It’s not important anymore”
Mark typed on his tag board.

“So you finally decided to let of her?”
Psyche replied.

“The best things in life aren’t always the things you need, they can be the things you miss very much. If that makes her happy, I will let go”

There was a moment of pause before Psyche replied with the longest post Mark has ever seen.

“At Last, the road is long, somehow there’s still a lot of undiscovered path for us to venture. Sometimes we find ourselves trapped in some unwanted situations, We are what we make up of ourselves, if we worked our ways according to our hearts, there’s no need to feel upset when u fail but rejoice when u succeed!”

Mark suddenly felt that Psyche is someone who knows him very well. Whatever thoughts he had, Psyche seems to be able to know before hand.

“Can you finally tell me who you are?”
Mark asked again.

“I’m Psyche, Wife of Eros.”

“What is your purpose of posting?”
Mark asked in frustration.

“To see how much you know about love.”
That was Psyche’s last message of the night.

[ To be Cont ]