Book of Love 爱神の书

Chapter 9.5

If I speak in the different languages of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift to see the future and comprehend mysteries and have the knowledge of the world and move the mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
If I give all my possession to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not loved, I gain nothing.

If I had a Book of Love of my own,
What love story of me can I write on it,
How many chapters my love story will be,
What will I write in chapter 10?
How about you?


It was the longest night that Mark has to go through, the countless events that has happened in the past few days, one after another, leading to a new one every time, he couldn’t seems to catch hold of any of them but just allow them to rattle through his mind. Psyche words has caused Mark to wondered, has not move on because he has Loved or was it because of the guilt, if it was love then did guilt came together? The last message made the night quiet only on the outside.

The sound of an incoming email broke silent after sometime. It was a friend request on friendster. The girl name was Jolyn Ng, Mark has no impression who she is and decided to peep into her profile before adding her. Immediately he recognizes that she was Feng one of her secondary school mates, she was with Ming one of the guys that Mark’s used to hang out with in the secondary school days who passed away 3years back because of leukemia. Mark Remembered seeing them together since they were 13.

She has exactly 100 pictures uploaded in her profile, most of picture was with a guy but it wasn’t Ming. As far as Mark remembers just a year before Ming pass away Mark meet Feng and this same guy at Bugis. At Ming’s wake, Mark remembers that Feng was there and all the others that knew their 12 years relationship with Ming was consoling her. He saw her weeping that night.

Mark flip thru the pictures, they were taken in Phuket, different islands and in the hotel room, in Genting, and other in town making up the 100 of them. Mark saw the joy in her from those picture and wondered,

“So love wasn’t really about the time you spend together?
They were together 12 bloody years?
How did she move on so quickly?
If time could not measure, what else is not going to fade away?”

Then Mark began to question himself, if what he had with Jade was really love?
If Love is present, why did I feel guilty, if my love for her was true and right, why was guilt the one that tell me to let go.
If guilt was the one that captive me for the past 6 year, why didn’t the love that I had with Jade when we were together save me?

Mark began looking at the dusty bible that he has stop reading ever since he was with Jade at the corner of the work desk, he open it up again where the divider was last place. And saw;

faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

[To be Cont]

Written by Guest Writer
MArk Lee
http://y2koutsider.blogspot.com/

Book of Love 爱神の书

Chapter 9


How long did you take to forget the last person you loved?
That person, who knew everything about you.
That person, who you gave your first kiss to.
The person who knows,
What you like most.
What you hate most.
What makes you cry.
What makes you laugh.
What songs you keep inside your mp3 player.
Which date is your birthday?
When was the last time you cried?

That person who was your universe and the source of life.
Then a sudden twist of fate and wicked destiny shipwrecked your relationship with that person.

You cried endlessly as there was no other means of releasing your downfall.
You even took sleeping pills just to make yourself weak and sleepy.
Every time you hear the song played on radio will stir your emotions once more.

Although you don’t accept, the truth is always the most painful piece of information you have to bear.The person is no longer with you.

You tried to forget, you make new friends.
You thought all the late night partying will relocate your mind.
You just can’t forget that person.
You can only slowly remembering him/her less.

Until one day when you are bathing and suddenly that person came to your mind.
That’s probably the time you know you had already forgotten him/her.



Mark had never seen such a tree in his life as he advanced ahead.

It was the only tree in the park with red leaves.
There was a warm yet sad feeling felt through him as he looked at the red leaves.

“The tree nice?”Mark turned around.

A young man stands behind him.
The man looked a few years younger than him as he walked forward.

“You’re Glen?”
“Yeah… and you are Mark?”

“Yup… you know it’s kinda gay to see two men standing in front of a tree in the evening.”
“Well, this is the tree at its nicest”
Glen walked towards a bench not far away.

“Let’s sit there”Glen offered.

As the wind blew gentling through the setting sun, the two men sit side by side admiring the beauty of nature.

“My name is Glen, or Yang if you’ve seen the book”Glen finally spoke.
“The person whom I’ve written about is June, or Ying”

“What happened to her?”Mark wanted to know.
“She died… of brain cancer”
“And you didn’t do anything to help?”

“How can I help? What can a 16-year-old student do at that time? Besides I don’t even know she was sick”

“What about you? What happened to you?”
Glen turned the attention to Mark.

“I just watched my girl died in front of me”

“How long had it since been?”

“Coming to five years”

“And you blame yourself all these while? You caused her death?”

Mark tried not to look into his eyes.

“If I’ve listen to her that day, if I’ve not insist on going. She would have accompanied me and got drown”

“How long are you going to blame yourself?”

Mark didn’t answer.

“Forever?”

There was no response.

“Do you think it’s fair for the next girl who you may like? To carry the sorrows and memories of your ex girlfriend?”

“Then you asking me to forget about her?”
Mark finally responded.

“But did you ever ask yourself, you are holding on because of love or guilt?”

“I really don’t know…”

“It’s time to let go, letting go doesn’t mean you are to forget about her all together. Letting go is about safekeeping her in a special of your memories. This girl will always be a part of you, even when you’ve got yourself a family in future.”

Glen looked at Mark before continued.

“You know what was her last wish before she died?”
Mark shook his head.
“She hopes that I will not blame her that she left me just like that”

“So did you blame yourself?”

“I wish I could because I find life so meaningless. But on the other hand I have to promise her I will live well and June will always be in my heart and my memories for as long as I live.”

“Thanks…”
That was the only thing that Mark can offer.

“Live a fruitful life… because you should not waste your life over this”

“I will…”

The sun finally set as Glen made his way to the tree for one last touch.

Then the two men then head for separate ways.
It was the first time and probably the last time that both of them will see each other.

Mark had his answers.
It was something he knew all along but refused to accept.
He could not let go because of guilt.
Because he was the one who incidentally killed her.

When Mark reached home, he sat in front of his computer for a long time.

Then he entered his post.

“Today I met someone who went through the same ordeal as me. He is much younger than me but somehow I feel that he’s much more mature.

The time that he spent with her is much lesser than I am with Jade.
He didn’t even realize that the girl died until he received the parcel from her father.

Sometimes the purest of all love comes when you are young and innocent. Knowing the love for each other is more important than the practical world and reality.

Maybe he is right, I’m still walking in circles, as I could not let go of the past.

I know it’s hard to forget that someone whom suddenly disappear from you life totally.

I will try and I hope I will succeed.”


Mark then took a bath and watched some TV before returning to bed.

As he was about to switch off his computer, he saw a tag.

It was Psyche again.

“Do you know what would be Jade’s last wish?”

“It’s not important anymore”
Mark typed on his tag board.

“So you finally decided to let of her?”
Psyche replied.

“The best things in life aren’t always the things you need, they can be the things you miss very much. If that makes her happy, I will let go”

There was a moment of pause before Psyche replied with the longest post Mark has ever seen.

“At Last, the road is long, somehow there’s still a lot of undiscovered path for us to venture. Sometimes we find ourselves trapped in some unwanted situations, We are what we make up of ourselves, if we worked our ways according to our hearts, there’s no need to feel upset when u fail but rejoice when u succeed!”

Mark suddenly felt that Psyche is someone who knows him very well. Whatever thoughts he had, Psyche seems to be able to know before hand.

“Can you finally tell me who you are?”
Mark asked again.

“I’m Psyche, Wife of Eros.”

“What is your purpose of posting?”
Mark asked in frustration.

“To see how much you know about love.”
That was Psyche’s last message of the night.

[ To be Cont ]

Book of Love 爱神の书

Chapter 8


“If you have one chance to go back to the past and correct one thing.
Which date will you go to?

Right…

Before your final exams?

Before both of you went separate ways?

Before you made the decision to take on certain things, certain responsibility and certain commitments?

Before the girl of your dream knows her current boyfriend?

To go back in time?

Though we’ve seen it on television and big screen and we all know this is not impossible.

But our little wondering minds somehow always raise this question when we are in the moment of doubt.

Can we change the past?
Can we redo the things that were wrong?

So what if we can?
Won’t we make another mistake again?

To live through a decision is a life experience gain. We will not know what will happen if we chose the wrong thing.

But we will overcome, that’s make us special.
As none of us live our life the same from the other.

I know I can’t do anything to save you.
But I will live well for you,

Because I love you.


Mark looked at Christine with the strangest pair of eyes.
It was unbelievable but there’s stopping him in asking the obvious.

“Is that friend of yours happens to be called Yang?”

Christine looked at Mark really surprised.

“I don’t know… I know him as Glen during our poly days. That was like Three years ago.”

“Three years ago? Then why are you reading this book now?”
Mark couldn’t understand.

“Oh... This book, recently we had a class reunion and people were asking about him as he was not around. Then we talked about old times and this book just appeared as we talked. I bought it out of curiosity as I’ve never read it before.”

Mark didn’t answer.

“Any problem?”
Christine looked at Mark.

“Is there any way that you can contact this Glen person?”

“Oh… I have his phone number in my organizer. You can help yourself.”

Christine pointed to the back of her car.
Mark flipped through the pages of her organizer.

“Glen Chong?”

“Yeah that’s him I suppose.”

Mark took down the numbers in his mobile phone.

As the car approaches the restaurant, Christine couldn’t help but asked.

“Mark, is there any problem?”

“No.. it’s no big deal.”
Mark replied as they went for dinner.
It was about nine when Mark reached home.

After washed up, Mark went online.

There wasn’t anyone who tagged on his blog.

Mark then decided to post an entry.

“I was often view as a weak person by those who don’t know me well enough. Being emotional and sensitive doesn’t make you a weak person. In fact if you ask me, I would say it takes greater courage for a grown man to cry in public than those who think they are really strong.

You don’t determine a person’s strength based on the reactions he developed.
I fell and am currently very determining to pick myself up.”

With that, Mark went to bed.

When he woke up in the morning, he saw a short message on his mobile.

“Sorry Mark, don’t think I can pick you up today. I scratched the rear of dad’s car when I parked yesterday night. Got a bashing from him and banned to use the car until further notice. Sorry”

“Women I know sure are bad in parking...”
Mark let a smile out.

Mark heads for the train as usual.
He chose the front cabin hoping to see Jade.
But his wish didn’t came true as Jade was nowhere to be seen.
Mark reached the office a disappointed man.
The pile of presentation slides he had to do for his project made his day worse.

All the concentration in his work made time go faster then before.
Mark was still digging when Shaun tapped his shoulder.

“Bro, since when are you so workaholic?”

“Why?”
”It’s almost seven already!”

“Wow… “

“You are wicked! You knew appraisal is coming next month eh?”

“Nah... Not really interested in the appraisal anymore”

Mark lay back on his chair and stretched himself.

“Arrrgghh.. I’ll call it a day then!”

As Mark left the company, he picked up his phone and dialed the numbers Christine gave him.

No one picked up.

“It’s really sucks man. Can’t even get a person that I want to find”

Mark head home after eating some finger food on the way.

As it was a tiring day, Mark fell asleep the moment he lay on his bed.

However his dream was rather short lived as his phone kept trembling on his table.

Mark got up and looked at his clock.

It was 3am in the morning.

“Yeah? Who’s that?”
Mark answered without looking at the caller.

“Who are you?”

“I’m Mark, who the hell are you then?”

“You asking me, didn’t you called me earlier?”

“I did?”

“Yes, I just dialed back a missed call.”

“Oh.. Are you Glen?”

Mark suddenly remembered.

“Yeah.. Do I know you?”

“Well.. You don’t actually but I know you”

“What is it regarding?”

“Hey Glen, I got your numbers from a colleague of mine. Christine”

“Ok, what do you want?”

“I need to ask you regarding a book, the title is calling ‘The book of life at 15’?”

“It’s a nice book, what about it? I wasn’t the author”

“No.. I just want to ask you… Are you Yang?”

There was no immediate reply this time.
When the reply came, the voice became hoarsen.

“Someone finally found the book. You found it?”

“Sorry I don’t understand you”

“I hid it well enough in between the shelves. Nobody would know the book is there unless the whole library is tearing down and the shelves are moved.”

“Hey Glen, can we meet up? I need to ask you something.”

“Regarding?”

“Regarding Ying….”

“Her name was June..”

“June?”

“Yeah, tell you what. Let’s meet at the park near Bedok reservoir tomorrow evening?”
“The park is so big, how do I find you?”

“Don’t worry, you look around the surroundings when you get there. You will know where to walk towards”

“Alright…”
Mark replied as he hung up the phone.

The night was long as he tossed around in bed.
What should he ask him?

“How did he manage to let go?”

Or is it simply because he wants to know the person who went through the same ordeal as him?

Mark sped through all his work in the day.
He had to leave office early as it was quite a journey from Yishun to Bedok.

It was evening when he got there.
The sun was setting and the park was rather quiet.

As Mark walked around the park, he kept looking high and low for the directions.

Something caught his attention.

It stood quite a distance from him.

As the sun continued to set, the rays set upon it and caused it to let out a glowing scene.

Mark walked towards it as he admires its beauty.

He had never seen such a thing in his life.

It was a tree full of red leaves.

[To be Cont]

Book of Love 爱神の书

Chapter 7

Someone ever tell me that love is like a maze.
Once you are in it, it’s very hard to come out.

When the two of you are in love, you walk through the maze together.
You will encounter difficulties that block your advancement.
You count on each other’s support.
All will be well because loving her means much more to you than anything else.

Then one day, one of you decided that life is probably better to walk alone. The two of you parted ways and seek other hands to hold.

You continue to walk through the paths that once lay previously by the two of you.
You begin to feel trap in this maze.
No one is there for you anymore.

I believe most of us would experience once in our lifetime.
A time when we felt all alone deep down in our hearts.
A time when even our closest friends don’t even understands us.

As times goes by, you’ve learned that trusting someone is a serious bet which you must bare the loss if one day the odds are against you. You tried to walk the road once again.

This time, you tried to hold others hands. Making people believe in you and trust you may not seems as easy as you think.

The responsibility of not letting go is much tougher than just holding onto one’s hand.

Finally a hand reached out to hold you in darkness.
You are now holding another person’s hand as you continue venturing the unknown.

Truth is... you’ve never walked out of the maze.

Because once you step into the maze of love, there’s not coming out.



He waited patiently for the reply.
But deep down Mark knew that she will not reply anymore.
That was her style.

Mark was affirmed that it was a ‘She’ instead of a male.
That was the least bit he could derive after the exchange of post.

The night ended like the few nights before.
There were more questions than answers each night.

As Mark lay on his bed, his mind wondered.

“If it’s not my fault, then whose fault was is?”

Mark had a good sleep that night.
It was one of the best sleep he ever fallen into since the incident took place.

Somehow he was touched by what ‘Psyche’ said.
Maybe he shouldn’t hold onto it, maybe he should let go.

The morning came and Mark was not woken up by his alarm clock.
Instead it was his phone ringing non-stop.

It was Christine.

“Yeah.. What do you want?”
Mark didn’t like to hear her sound first thing in the morning.

“Hey Mark, I’ve got my license yesterday and driving my dad’s car to office today. I come and fetch you to work?”

“It’s not necessary”
Mark’s ego took over.

“Oh…come on, I need someone to sit besides me. It’s on the way mah and you can save on the waiting time for bus and train.”

“Alright.. then..”
Mark reluctantly accepted the offer as he got himself up.

Christine was driving her father’s Volvo as she arrived earlier than the scheduled time.
Mark was rather surprised when he saw her waiting.

“So early?”

“It’s my first trip mah.. I have to drive slowly and safely.”

“Don’t worry, though I don’t drive to work. My driving skills are better than you think”
Mark said as he got into the car.

The internal atmosphere of the car was as cold as the morning as both of them did not shared a word. The air-conditioning only made it worse.

“Mark?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you still think about your ex-girlfriend?”

“What do you want me to say?”

“Oh.. nothing, it’s just a passing remark”

Christine switched her attention back on the road as she monitored closely.

“Sometimes..”
Mark replied as he looked away from her.

“Yes? You were saying?”
Christine couldn’t catch what Mark said.

“Nothing.. keep your eye on the road”

“Oh.. ok..”

That was the last conversation they had throughout the half and hour journey to office.

“Hey Chris, Thanks for the ride”

“Yeah.. can I send you home too?”

“See how.. “

“Ok”
Christine replied.

As Christine was taking her briefcase from her car, the backseat revealed a book hidden by a pile of notes.

It was the “The Book of Life at 15”

“Hey Chris, you read that book too?”

Mark pointing to the book.

“Yeah, the book of life at 15?”

“Yeah.. tell me.. how do you get to know? Which library you borrowed from?”

“Har? Library? You gotta be kidding me. I bought it”

“Oh…”
Mark turned disappointed.

“It was recommended to me by a friend who’ve read it countless of times”

“Really?”

“Yeah.. I have this ex-classmate who went round urging us to read, telling us how touching the story is. So I just got a copy”

Christine looked at Mark.

“The story’s very good you know… Have you read it too?”

“Yeah…”

Mark said as he opened the office door for Christine.

Both of them was quite surprise to see Shaun so early.

Shaun was even more surprise to see the two of them walking together.
“What happened to the two of you? Is there something that I don’t know?”

Shaun smiled cheekily.

“Idiot.. don’t be a pain”
Christine walked away.

“Wow.. that’s fearsome.. what did you do to her last night?”

“Shaun, don’t be a cock!”
Mark told him as he put down his stuff.

“Cock?”

“Yeah.. don’t start crowing in the morning unless you are told to.”

As Mark was loading the emails, he received an email from his customer.
The customer whose shipment was delayed few days ago.
The email was addressed to his boss but kept him in copied as well.

“To Mr Lee,

It is a pleasure to see such well dedicated staffs in your company. Our company recognized the effort that Ms Christine had put in trying her best to satisfy our demands.

It was not easy dealing with all the operations side, third party logistics and freight forwarding.
It was Ms Christine’s dedication that she stayed till the early morning to get everything resolved.

Though our parts did arrive late, we appreciated the effort.
Hope that our communications and relationships will further strengthen.

Signed Mr Andrew Bernard”

Mark thought back the words that Christine told him.

“If not for me, boss might have fired you already”

“Man.. I need to apologize and thank her”

As the day end, Christine walked over to Mark’s desk.

“So.. can be my guide?”

“Yeah.. why not we go for dinner first?”

“You treat?”

“Yeah it’s on me…”

As they got into the car, the mood was much better than morning.
Christine was rather surprise with the reception though.

“So how do you find the story?”
Christine asked.

“It’s very nice.. but I didn’t finish it”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I don’t know”

“Hey.. tell you a strange thing. This friend of mine, there was rumors that his girlfriend passed away due to some illness. He tried to commit suicide but was rescued. But seems like he’s got over it finally… after reading that book.”

[To be Cont]

Book of Love 爱神の书

Chapter 6


Sometimes you wonder, if life has an expiry date?
Does love has as well?

Will you wake up one day and realized that you no longer loved the one who is sleeping beside you?

Or you suddenly realized that the person who’s currently holding your hand is not the one whom you loved most?

It really depends on you.
Every organs in our body will spoil one day if we do not maintain it. Every relationship will part its way if they never maintain it.
Life & Love deteriorates through time.

I believe there’s an expiry date in everything for if there’s a beginning, there will be an end.

What matter most is the times that were spent among this period.
Love will expired one day but memories will not.
Hopefully it is this that keeps us going on till the day when we are all expired.
I can only sercertly hoped that my life will end first before my love.



Mark stared at the librarian.
“What do you mean by that statement?”

The librarian replied rather surprised.
“Nobody else has borrowed the book, any problem?”

“Eh.. Nothing then”

Mark walked towards the couch and sat down in daze.
“What could have happened?”Then he looked towards the rows of table that was opposite.
There were a group of students doing projects as reference books flooded across the table.


“Oh.. I get it.. He must have done that”

Mark thought as he realized how the person managed to write the wordings without borrowing the book.

It’s rather simple, as he didn’t borrow it.
He only wrote on it.
This ‘Yang’ person Mark was curious to find out.

Mark didn’t have any plans as he returned the book.

“Will he come back for this book?”
Mark wondered.

It took quite a while before the librarian placed the book back to its original location.

Mark waited.

No one came to the book.

After a while, he found it rather pointless, as there was no basis that he can approach anyone who touches the book to be ‘Yang’.

Mark then went for dinner before heading home.

After the showers, Mark sat down and looked at his computer.
His blog was rather pathetic as there wasn’t any reader.
The only person who ever tagged was Psyche.

Mark then went on to log in a post.

“Its rather strange lately, I have experience things that I’ve not seen in my life. Exciting it seems but everything seems to come back haunting. I know it was my fault and I know she’s not there to forgive me anymore.
Sometimes I wished to held her hands once more but I know I can’t anymore.
It’s a fact, she died in my arms.
I knew the waves were strong but insist on going scuba diving.
Jade was never a strong swimmer and yet she accompanied me because she didn’t want me to dive alone.”

Mark couldn’t type anymore as his emotions took over.
He posted the entry and went for a smoke near the window.

Everywhere was quiet below his house except his heart was pounding strongly as he recalled the incident.

The strong current that came without notice washed Jade away.
Mark just watched as she struggled for oxygen.

He swam as fast as he could but the currents that came after kept forcing him away each time he got nearer.

After a while, Jade didn’t move.

Mark feared the worst as he continued to swim towards her.

“Jade!! Hang on!!”

Mark finally got to her and dragged her onto shore.
Jade didn’t response to the Cardiopulmonary resuscitation that came without stop.

Mark didn’t give up even though there was no pulse and breath for more than five minutes.
He just continued to rescue her even when the paramedics had arrived.

Jade was gone just like that.

“You killed Jade!! You murder!! I’ll never forgive you!! You killed my only daughter”

Jade’s mother came for bloodshed as her husband tried to restrain her when they were there to claim her body.

Jade’s parents didn’t allow him to attend her wake.
Mark can only sneak in during the night when her parents went to rest.

Mark put her favorite necklace and earrings on her as he dressed her for the very last time.
He cried when he laid the roses on her and he kissed her.
He will never forgive himself.
Someone who killed his love.
Her parents were right, he was a murder.

Mark thought he could lead a normal life bearing the workload that came each day.
He took up every project there is available to make sure he was really working his brains.

Not because of money as there was no point of having so much.

As Mark puffed his last breath of smoke out of the window, he sat down and looked at his blog.

He stared at the tag board before entering.

““If you love someone, you must learn to let go.If your love is felt, she will return one day.”

And he waited and Mark was surprised that Psyche replied immediately this time.

“So have you let go of Jade?”
Came the reply.

“No.. I haven’t and how do you know Jade?”

“You type in earlier right?”
Psyche replied.

“Who are you? Do I know you?”
Mark was really eager to find out.

“I’m Psyche”

“Do I know you?”

“No.. but I know you”

“How do you know me when I don’t know you?”

“I know everything about you.”

Mark felt a bit of cold wind swept across him.
Before Mark could type another question.

“It wasn’t your fault that day. Don’t blame yourself too much, what happened was not anyone’s fault. You can go on to blame yourself for your whole life or carry on living.”

Mark was lost for words as he could only asked.
“What do you mean that day?”

There was no reply.

[To be Cont]

Book of Love 爱神の书

Chapter 5

There was once a man who had a nightingale that could draw envy of everyone that heard it’s singing.

The man was very proud of his asset and vow to treat the bird with the finest food and best of living.

The one day, one of his sons asked.
“Father, do you think the bird love you?”

“Why not? I give it the best of the available there is. Its food and its living in the finest of cage to rest”

The son was puzzled.
“Father, if you love the bird so much why do you lock it inside a cage?”

The man had no answer.
He was afraid that the bird would fly away and never return.

“If the bird loves you, it will never fly away from you”
The boy continued.

The man looked at his son and did what he was told to.
He slowly released the cage and set the bird free.

The nightingale flew up upon the sky and circle around the man.
The man then tried to whistle and signal the bird to return.

However the bird did not comply.
It flew higher and further away from the man never once turn it’s head to look back.

The man was devastated.

Days passed, weeks went by.
There was no sign of the bird.
Every day the man would look up in the sky in vain hoping that the bird will return one day.

The man had given up all hopes of finding the bird.
Finally he realized that love is something that cannot be forced.
As the man slowly walked into his house, he heard the nicest chirping sound that ever produced.
It sounded like a beautiful ballad being played in the open.

He looked up and saw two nightingales flying towards his house.
It looked the same one that he had let go.

The nightingale had found itself a love mate and brought it with her back to the old man’s house. It was chirping merrily along with the male nightingale as they landed on the old man’s hands.

“If you love someone very much then will you let go of her?”

Cold sweat felt through Mark’s hand as he moved to the keyboard to type.

“Are you Jade?”

Mark knew it was impossible.
Jade had gone for such a long time.

There was no reply.

Again he waited, until the group was back from lunch.

“What happened to you man?”
Shaun looked at the pale Mark.

“You looked as if you’ve saw a ghost”

“Worse…”
Mark was trembling as he told Shaun about the ‘Pschye’ that replied his blog and the dream that he dreamt last night.

“Wow… that’s pretty exciting you know!”
Shaun exclaimed.

“I guess it’s just a coincidence because there’s no prove that implies these two events are directly related.”

Mark didn’t reply as Shaun went to fetch him a cup of warm water.

“Why don’t you take half a day’s rest? I’ll go tell boss on your behalf”
Shaun patted his back as he made his move into the boss’s office.
Mark slowly packed his briefcase and left the office.
He was still unable to recover from the events that had happened.

Was it really a coincidence?

Mark didn’t know for sure.

He had hoped it wasn’t.
He missed Jade very much.
It felt as if it was only yesterday when he last felt her hands.
But deep down he knew it was impossible.
He was the one who dress her up on her deathbed.
He was the one who put the roses in her cold hands.
He was the one who didn’t listen to her advice.
He was the one who caused her death.

Mark walked into a café nearby his office.
He just wanted a place to sit down and reorganized his thoughts.
As he tried to reach for his wallet in his briefcase to pay for his coffee, Mark felt something else inside.

It was the storybook that he borrowed yesterday.

“The book of life at 15”

Mark found a couch at the far corner of the café and began reading the book.

It was on her twelfth birthday when she was married to another family as part of daughter-in-law / servant deal.
Her mother-in-law was a wicked lady whose seventh year old son was a mentally handicapped.
The girl had to wake up in the wee hours to fetch water from the well that was several kilometers away.
She had to be back before five in order to prepare breakfast for the family.
There was once she was late due to the rain had caused a landslide somewhere near the well. She had to go further to fetch the water. However, she came back late and was severely beaten by her mother-in-law.

Mark took a yawn as he flips through the next page.
He then saw the same hand written quote somewhere below.

“If you love someone, you must learn to let go.
If your love is felt, she will return one day.”

Mark jumped up from his couch in surprised.

Mark was no longer interested in the story.
He then quickly flipped through all the pages to search for more hand written quotes.

Mark found the quotes.

“I know it’s my fault but I must go on, I must live for you”

The he eagerly flipped through again.

“I missed you very much, somehow I know you must be miserable alone”

Finally Mark came to the last page of the storybook.

It was supposed to be a blank page but there were paragraphs hand written on the page.

Mark began reading.

“Ying ,

“The same smile will always be there along with the rosy cheek that blushes each time happiness is felt within you. The eyes of innocent youth will look forever the same..”

Some things haven’t change isn’t it? I wish so much everyday that I could see you once more, not only in dreams but in reality.

I want to feel you so much but I guess it seems impossible now. The days that you’ve gone has come to a hundred and it seems like only yesterday we were having those little strolls along the park behind our house.

Sometimes I want to tell you how much I love you, how much I’m willing to do for you, how much I would rather give half my life to God in exchange for your presence.

But I guess all this ain’t gonna be true once more. You had left me to walk with God in heaven. The little angels send me a dream of you last night. It was about how we first met. Of course, I would not forget about it .. but yesterday was like history relived.

Knowing you was a blessing but having you by my side was a miracle indeed. Somehow I never thought I was of your standards.
You were like the angel with the most beautiful wings spread open whereas I was only a lowly being who look so inhumanly from young.
That’s why I’ve always treasure your attention so much.

Time… I think is a very strange thing. When you’re with someone you love. It always seems so short… but when you’re missing someone… time always seems so long.

One of the happiest moments in my life would be our first date.
Those days of being young are coming back to me once more. You looked great with the red dress with floral design all over.

I never think cosmetics make us a better person, especially you. For you had the rosiest cheeks without the enhancement of artificial product.

Remembering back the date.. when we said walking was a form of romantic expression when money was really the main problem? I remembered how we walked from the whole east coast beach to your house at katong. No one has ever calculated how much we’ve walked over the years.

Perhaps a few hundred kilometers ?

I think you must be lonely being alone in the clouds of heaven sometimes. You always dread about loneliness didn’t you? I could remember the times you often complained about the loneliness you felt being the only child in your family…

Loneliness is something which we all will feel throughout our lives. I do hope the angels above can spread their wings of love upon you. I will be strong, I will be mindful of my actions, my speech and my desire. I will lead life as much as you want me to, I will live for you.

Taking life each day as it comes, nothing will be too big a barrier, nothing will be too small to be left unnoticed. I will wake up each day a happier person because life itself is a gift, a gift from the creator of heavens.

As I looked back to the days we’ve spent, knowing that memories will only be there for me to relive once more.

I thank the lord above for the gift of life, even though sometimes life is miserable when we fall, the strength that we develop to pick ourselves up is something not things that are taught, these are the things that we are supposed to learn. Lastly, I love you, and you know I really do. Please wait for me….

Yang,”

The wreath inside him was released the moment he finished reading. Mark just couldn’t control himself as he cried in the café.

He knew there were eyes that were lurking on him as people surrounding him were surprised that a full grown adult crying in the middle of the afternoon in a café.

“Sir, are you ok?”
The waitress came on to check.

“Yeah.. I’m fine.. sorry”
Mark said while wiping his tears.

“Don’t be… it’s good to let your heart out once in a while. This book must really be a sad story.”

“No.. It’s not because of the book. It’s something within me. I’ve been bearing with it for a long time already.”

“Then you should let go. Carrying a heavy burden all by yourself is miserable”

“Yes.. I’ve finally thought through it.”
Mark let out a sigh.

“Great! Sir, please enjoy your coffee then”
Mark looked at the waitress’s nametag as he took a sip of coffee .

“Sharon, You know something?”
“Yes?”

“Coffee actually taste bitter when you are sad”

“Of course, when you are sad you won’t feel the sweetness”

“Oh before I forget. I’m Mark Lee”
Mark reach out his hand for a handshake.

The waitress smiled and shook his hand.

Mark walked out the café a happier person that day.
However, he was interested in finding out the person who wrote on the book.

Somehow he felt closeness to the person named “Yang”.

What had he been through?

Did both of them suffer the same fate?

The only answer was to trace the borrower from the library database.
Mark then proceeded to the library.

-------------------

“Hi, I would like to check the previous borrower of this book please?”
Mark approached the stern librarian.

“I’m sorry Sir, we do not provide such services”

“Why?”

“We do not review any particulars/information of any members to anyone”

“Look, I’m serious here. That person is a close friend of mine.
Somehow I lost his contact numbers and now I have something which I need to pass back to him personally.”

The librarian did not response.

“Ok, you check for me and call the person for me. This way you won’t reveal any information to me and I can get in contact with him. Deal?”

“Alright.. you look urgent enough”
The librarian takes over the book and scans it.

Mark was waiting eagerly.

“Sir. Is your name Mr. Mark Lee?”

“Yes? That’s me”

“This book has only been borrowed once.. and the borrower is by the name Mark Lee”

[To be Cont]