Book of Love 爱神の书

Chapter 8


“If you have one chance to go back to the past and correct one thing.
Which date will you go to?

Right…

Before your final exams?

Before both of you went separate ways?

Before you made the decision to take on certain things, certain responsibility and certain commitments?

Before the girl of your dream knows her current boyfriend?

To go back in time?

Though we’ve seen it on television and big screen and we all know this is not impossible.

But our little wondering minds somehow always raise this question when we are in the moment of doubt.

Can we change the past?
Can we redo the things that were wrong?

So what if we can?
Won’t we make another mistake again?

To live through a decision is a life experience gain. We will not know what will happen if we chose the wrong thing.

But we will overcome, that’s make us special.
As none of us live our life the same from the other.

I know I can’t do anything to save you.
But I will live well for you,

Because I love you.


Mark looked at Christine with the strangest pair of eyes.
It was unbelievable but there’s stopping him in asking the obvious.

“Is that friend of yours happens to be called Yang?”

Christine looked at Mark really surprised.

“I don’t know… I know him as Glen during our poly days. That was like Three years ago.”

“Three years ago? Then why are you reading this book now?”
Mark couldn’t understand.

“Oh... This book, recently we had a class reunion and people were asking about him as he was not around. Then we talked about old times and this book just appeared as we talked. I bought it out of curiosity as I’ve never read it before.”

Mark didn’t answer.

“Any problem?”
Christine looked at Mark.

“Is there any way that you can contact this Glen person?”

“Oh… I have his phone number in my organizer. You can help yourself.”

Christine pointed to the back of her car.
Mark flipped through the pages of her organizer.

“Glen Chong?”

“Yeah that’s him I suppose.”

Mark took down the numbers in his mobile phone.

As the car approaches the restaurant, Christine couldn’t help but asked.

“Mark, is there any problem?”

“No.. it’s no big deal.”
Mark replied as they went for dinner.
It was about nine when Mark reached home.

After washed up, Mark went online.

There wasn’t anyone who tagged on his blog.

Mark then decided to post an entry.

“I was often view as a weak person by those who don’t know me well enough. Being emotional and sensitive doesn’t make you a weak person. In fact if you ask me, I would say it takes greater courage for a grown man to cry in public than those who think they are really strong.

You don’t determine a person’s strength based on the reactions he developed.
I fell and am currently very determining to pick myself up.”

With that, Mark went to bed.

When he woke up in the morning, he saw a short message on his mobile.

“Sorry Mark, don’t think I can pick you up today. I scratched the rear of dad’s car when I parked yesterday night. Got a bashing from him and banned to use the car until further notice. Sorry”

“Women I know sure are bad in parking...”
Mark let a smile out.

Mark heads for the train as usual.
He chose the front cabin hoping to see Jade.
But his wish didn’t came true as Jade was nowhere to be seen.
Mark reached the office a disappointed man.
The pile of presentation slides he had to do for his project made his day worse.

All the concentration in his work made time go faster then before.
Mark was still digging when Shaun tapped his shoulder.

“Bro, since when are you so workaholic?”

“Why?”
”It’s almost seven already!”

“Wow… “

“You are wicked! You knew appraisal is coming next month eh?”

“Nah... Not really interested in the appraisal anymore”

Mark lay back on his chair and stretched himself.

“Arrrgghh.. I’ll call it a day then!”

As Mark left the company, he picked up his phone and dialed the numbers Christine gave him.

No one picked up.

“It’s really sucks man. Can’t even get a person that I want to find”

Mark head home after eating some finger food on the way.

As it was a tiring day, Mark fell asleep the moment he lay on his bed.

However his dream was rather short lived as his phone kept trembling on his table.

Mark got up and looked at his clock.

It was 3am in the morning.

“Yeah? Who’s that?”
Mark answered without looking at the caller.

“Who are you?”

“I’m Mark, who the hell are you then?”

“You asking me, didn’t you called me earlier?”

“I did?”

“Yes, I just dialed back a missed call.”

“Oh.. Are you Glen?”

Mark suddenly remembered.

“Yeah.. Do I know you?”

“Well.. You don’t actually but I know you”

“What is it regarding?”

“Hey Glen, I got your numbers from a colleague of mine. Christine”

“Ok, what do you want?”

“I need to ask you regarding a book, the title is calling ‘The book of life at 15’?”

“It’s a nice book, what about it? I wasn’t the author”

“No.. I just want to ask you… Are you Yang?”

There was no immediate reply this time.
When the reply came, the voice became hoarsen.

“Someone finally found the book. You found it?”

“Sorry I don’t understand you”

“I hid it well enough in between the shelves. Nobody would know the book is there unless the whole library is tearing down and the shelves are moved.”

“Hey Glen, can we meet up? I need to ask you something.”

“Regarding?”

“Regarding Ying….”

“Her name was June..”

“June?”

“Yeah, tell you what. Let’s meet at the park near Bedok reservoir tomorrow evening?”
“The park is so big, how do I find you?”

“Don’t worry, you look around the surroundings when you get there. You will know where to walk towards”

“Alright…”
Mark replied as he hung up the phone.

The night was long as he tossed around in bed.
What should he ask him?

“How did he manage to let go?”

Or is it simply because he wants to know the person who went through the same ordeal as him?

Mark sped through all his work in the day.
He had to leave office early as it was quite a journey from Yishun to Bedok.

It was evening when he got there.
The sun was setting and the park was rather quiet.

As Mark walked around the park, he kept looking high and low for the directions.

Something caught his attention.

It stood quite a distance from him.

As the sun continued to set, the rays set upon it and caused it to let out a glowing scene.

Mark walked towards it as he admires its beauty.

He had never seen such a thing in his life.

It was a tree full of red leaves.

[To be Cont]

Book of Love 爱神の书

Chapter 7

Someone ever tell me that love is like a maze.
Once you are in it, it’s very hard to come out.

When the two of you are in love, you walk through the maze together.
You will encounter difficulties that block your advancement.
You count on each other’s support.
All will be well because loving her means much more to you than anything else.

Then one day, one of you decided that life is probably better to walk alone. The two of you parted ways and seek other hands to hold.

You continue to walk through the paths that once lay previously by the two of you.
You begin to feel trap in this maze.
No one is there for you anymore.

I believe most of us would experience once in our lifetime.
A time when we felt all alone deep down in our hearts.
A time when even our closest friends don’t even understands us.

As times goes by, you’ve learned that trusting someone is a serious bet which you must bare the loss if one day the odds are against you. You tried to walk the road once again.

This time, you tried to hold others hands. Making people believe in you and trust you may not seems as easy as you think.

The responsibility of not letting go is much tougher than just holding onto one’s hand.

Finally a hand reached out to hold you in darkness.
You are now holding another person’s hand as you continue venturing the unknown.

Truth is... you’ve never walked out of the maze.

Because once you step into the maze of love, there’s not coming out.



He waited patiently for the reply.
But deep down Mark knew that she will not reply anymore.
That was her style.

Mark was affirmed that it was a ‘She’ instead of a male.
That was the least bit he could derive after the exchange of post.

The night ended like the few nights before.
There were more questions than answers each night.

As Mark lay on his bed, his mind wondered.

“If it’s not my fault, then whose fault was is?”

Mark had a good sleep that night.
It was one of the best sleep he ever fallen into since the incident took place.

Somehow he was touched by what ‘Psyche’ said.
Maybe he shouldn’t hold onto it, maybe he should let go.

The morning came and Mark was not woken up by his alarm clock.
Instead it was his phone ringing non-stop.

It was Christine.

“Yeah.. What do you want?”
Mark didn’t like to hear her sound first thing in the morning.

“Hey Mark, I’ve got my license yesterday and driving my dad’s car to office today. I come and fetch you to work?”

“It’s not necessary”
Mark’s ego took over.

“Oh…come on, I need someone to sit besides me. It’s on the way mah and you can save on the waiting time for bus and train.”

“Alright.. then..”
Mark reluctantly accepted the offer as he got himself up.

Christine was driving her father’s Volvo as she arrived earlier than the scheduled time.
Mark was rather surprised when he saw her waiting.

“So early?”

“It’s my first trip mah.. I have to drive slowly and safely.”

“Don’t worry, though I don’t drive to work. My driving skills are better than you think”
Mark said as he got into the car.

The internal atmosphere of the car was as cold as the morning as both of them did not shared a word. The air-conditioning only made it worse.

“Mark?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you still think about your ex-girlfriend?”

“What do you want me to say?”

“Oh.. nothing, it’s just a passing remark”

Christine switched her attention back on the road as she monitored closely.

“Sometimes..”
Mark replied as he looked away from her.

“Yes? You were saying?”
Christine couldn’t catch what Mark said.

“Nothing.. keep your eye on the road”

“Oh.. ok..”

That was the last conversation they had throughout the half and hour journey to office.

“Hey Chris, Thanks for the ride”

“Yeah.. can I send you home too?”

“See how.. “

“Ok”
Christine replied.

As Christine was taking her briefcase from her car, the backseat revealed a book hidden by a pile of notes.

It was the “The Book of Life at 15”

“Hey Chris, you read that book too?”

Mark pointing to the book.

“Yeah, the book of life at 15?”

“Yeah.. tell me.. how do you get to know? Which library you borrowed from?”

“Har? Library? You gotta be kidding me. I bought it”

“Oh…”
Mark turned disappointed.

“It was recommended to me by a friend who’ve read it countless of times”

“Really?”

“Yeah.. I have this ex-classmate who went round urging us to read, telling us how touching the story is. So I just got a copy”

Christine looked at Mark.

“The story’s very good you know… Have you read it too?”

“Yeah…”

Mark said as he opened the office door for Christine.

Both of them was quite surprise to see Shaun so early.

Shaun was even more surprise to see the two of them walking together.
“What happened to the two of you? Is there something that I don’t know?”

Shaun smiled cheekily.

“Idiot.. don’t be a pain”
Christine walked away.

“Wow.. that’s fearsome.. what did you do to her last night?”

“Shaun, don’t be a cock!”
Mark told him as he put down his stuff.

“Cock?”

“Yeah.. don’t start crowing in the morning unless you are told to.”

As Mark was loading the emails, he received an email from his customer.
The customer whose shipment was delayed few days ago.
The email was addressed to his boss but kept him in copied as well.

“To Mr Lee,

It is a pleasure to see such well dedicated staffs in your company. Our company recognized the effort that Ms Christine had put in trying her best to satisfy our demands.

It was not easy dealing with all the operations side, third party logistics and freight forwarding.
It was Ms Christine’s dedication that she stayed till the early morning to get everything resolved.

Though our parts did arrive late, we appreciated the effort.
Hope that our communications and relationships will further strengthen.

Signed Mr Andrew Bernard”

Mark thought back the words that Christine told him.

“If not for me, boss might have fired you already”

“Man.. I need to apologize and thank her”

As the day end, Christine walked over to Mark’s desk.

“So.. can be my guide?”

“Yeah.. why not we go for dinner first?”

“You treat?”

“Yeah it’s on me…”

As they got into the car, the mood was much better than morning.
Christine was rather surprise with the reception though.

“So how do you find the story?”
Christine asked.

“It’s very nice.. but I didn’t finish it”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I don’t know”

“Hey.. tell you a strange thing. This friend of mine, there was rumors that his girlfriend passed away due to some illness. He tried to commit suicide but was rescued. But seems like he’s got over it finally… after reading that book.”

[To be Cont]

Book of Love 爱神の书

Chapter 6


Sometimes you wonder, if life has an expiry date?
Does love has as well?

Will you wake up one day and realized that you no longer loved the one who is sleeping beside you?

Or you suddenly realized that the person who’s currently holding your hand is not the one whom you loved most?

It really depends on you.
Every organs in our body will spoil one day if we do not maintain it. Every relationship will part its way if they never maintain it.
Life & Love deteriorates through time.

I believe there’s an expiry date in everything for if there’s a beginning, there will be an end.

What matter most is the times that were spent among this period.
Love will expired one day but memories will not.
Hopefully it is this that keeps us going on till the day when we are all expired.
I can only sercertly hoped that my life will end first before my love.



Mark stared at the librarian.
“What do you mean by that statement?”

The librarian replied rather surprised.
“Nobody else has borrowed the book, any problem?”

“Eh.. Nothing then”

Mark walked towards the couch and sat down in daze.
“What could have happened?”Then he looked towards the rows of table that was opposite.
There were a group of students doing projects as reference books flooded across the table.


“Oh.. I get it.. He must have done that”

Mark thought as he realized how the person managed to write the wordings without borrowing the book.

It’s rather simple, as he didn’t borrow it.
He only wrote on it.
This ‘Yang’ person Mark was curious to find out.

Mark didn’t have any plans as he returned the book.

“Will he come back for this book?”
Mark wondered.

It took quite a while before the librarian placed the book back to its original location.

Mark waited.

No one came to the book.

After a while, he found it rather pointless, as there was no basis that he can approach anyone who touches the book to be ‘Yang’.

Mark then went for dinner before heading home.

After the showers, Mark sat down and looked at his computer.
His blog was rather pathetic as there wasn’t any reader.
The only person who ever tagged was Psyche.

Mark then went on to log in a post.

“Its rather strange lately, I have experience things that I’ve not seen in my life. Exciting it seems but everything seems to come back haunting. I know it was my fault and I know she’s not there to forgive me anymore.
Sometimes I wished to held her hands once more but I know I can’t anymore.
It’s a fact, she died in my arms.
I knew the waves were strong but insist on going scuba diving.
Jade was never a strong swimmer and yet she accompanied me because she didn’t want me to dive alone.”

Mark couldn’t type anymore as his emotions took over.
He posted the entry and went for a smoke near the window.

Everywhere was quiet below his house except his heart was pounding strongly as he recalled the incident.

The strong current that came without notice washed Jade away.
Mark just watched as she struggled for oxygen.

He swam as fast as he could but the currents that came after kept forcing him away each time he got nearer.

After a while, Jade didn’t move.

Mark feared the worst as he continued to swim towards her.

“Jade!! Hang on!!”

Mark finally got to her and dragged her onto shore.
Jade didn’t response to the Cardiopulmonary resuscitation that came without stop.

Mark didn’t give up even though there was no pulse and breath for more than five minutes.
He just continued to rescue her even when the paramedics had arrived.

Jade was gone just like that.

“You killed Jade!! You murder!! I’ll never forgive you!! You killed my only daughter”

Jade’s mother came for bloodshed as her husband tried to restrain her when they were there to claim her body.

Jade’s parents didn’t allow him to attend her wake.
Mark can only sneak in during the night when her parents went to rest.

Mark put her favorite necklace and earrings on her as he dressed her for the very last time.
He cried when he laid the roses on her and he kissed her.
He will never forgive himself.
Someone who killed his love.
Her parents were right, he was a murder.

Mark thought he could lead a normal life bearing the workload that came each day.
He took up every project there is available to make sure he was really working his brains.

Not because of money as there was no point of having so much.

As Mark puffed his last breath of smoke out of the window, he sat down and looked at his blog.

He stared at the tag board before entering.

““If you love someone, you must learn to let go.If your love is felt, she will return one day.”

And he waited and Mark was surprised that Psyche replied immediately this time.

“So have you let go of Jade?”
Came the reply.

“No.. I haven’t and how do you know Jade?”

“You type in earlier right?”
Psyche replied.

“Who are you? Do I know you?”
Mark was really eager to find out.

“I’m Psyche”

“Do I know you?”

“No.. but I know you”

“How do you know me when I don’t know you?”

“I know everything about you.”

Mark felt a bit of cold wind swept across him.
Before Mark could type another question.

“It wasn’t your fault that day. Don’t blame yourself too much, what happened was not anyone’s fault. You can go on to blame yourself for your whole life or carry on living.”

Mark was lost for words as he could only asked.
“What do you mean that day?”

There was no reply.

[To be Cont]

Book of Love 爱神の书

Chapter 5

There was once a man who had a nightingale that could draw envy of everyone that heard it’s singing.

The man was very proud of his asset and vow to treat the bird with the finest food and best of living.

The one day, one of his sons asked.
“Father, do you think the bird love you?”

“Why not? I give it the best of the available there is. Its food and its living in the finest of cage to rest”

The son was puzzled.
“Father, if you love the bird so much why do you lock it inside a cage?”

The man had no answer.
He was afraid that the bird would fly away and never return.

“If the bird loves you, it will never fly away from you”
The boy continued.

The man looked at his son and did what he was told to.
He slowly released the cage and set the bird free.

The nightingale flew up upon the sky and circle around the man.
The man then tried to whistle and signal the bird to return.

However the bird did not comply.
It flew higher and further away from the man never once turn it’s head to look back.

The man was devastated.

Days passed, weeks went by.
There was no sign of the bird.
Every day the man would look up in the sky in vain hoping that the bird will return one day.

The man had given up all hopes of finding the bird.
Finally he realized that love is something that cannot be forced.
As the man slowly walked into his house, he heard the nicest chirping sound that ever produced.
It sounded like a beautiful ballad being played in the open.

He looked up and saw two nightingales flying towards his house.
It looked the same one that he had let go.

The nightingale had found itself a love mate and brought it with her back to the old man’s house. It was chirping merrily along with the male nightingale as they landed on the old man’s hands.

“If you love someone very much then will you let go of her?”

Cold sweat felt through Mark’s hand as he moved to the keyboard to type.

“Are you Jade?”

Mark knew it was impossible.
Jade had gone for such a long time.

There was no reply.

Again he waited, until the group was back from lunch.

“What happened to you man?”
Shaun looked at the pale Mark.

“You looked as if you’ve saw a ghost”

“Worse…”
Mark was trembling as he told Shaun about the ‘Pschye’ that replied his blog and the dream that he dreamt last night.

“Wow… that’s pretty exciting you know!”
Shaun exclaimed.

“I guess it’s just a coincidence because there’s no prove that implies these two events are directly related.”

Mark didn’t reply as Shaun went to fetch him a cup of warm water.

“Why don’t you take half a day’s rest? I’ll go tell boss on your behalf”
Shaun patted his back as he made his move into the boss’s office.
Mark slowly packed his briefcase and left the office.
He was still unable to recover from the events that had happened.

Was it really a coincidence?

Mark didn’t know for sure.

He had hoped it wasn’t.
He missed Jade very much.
It felt as if it was only yesterday when he last felt her hands.
But deep down he knew it was impossible.
He was the one who dress her up on her deathbed.
He was the one who put the roses in her cold hands.
He was the one who didn’t listen to her advice.
He was the one who caused her death.

Mark walked into a café nearby his office.
He just wanted a place to sit down and reorganized his thoughts.
As he tried to reach for his wallet in his briefcase to pay for his coffee, Mark felt something else inside.

It was the storybook that he borrowed yesterday.

“The book of life at 15”

Mark found a couch at the far corner of the café and began reading the book.

It was on her twelfth birthday when she was married to another family as part of daughter-in-law / servant deal.
Her mother-in-law was a wicked lady whose seventh year old son was a mentally handicapped.
The girl had to wake up in the wee hours to fetch water from the well that was several kilometers away.
She had to be back before five in order to prepare breakfast for the family.
There was once she was late due to the rain had caused a landslide somewhere near the well. She had to go further to fetch the water. However, she came back late and was severely beaten by her mother-in-law.

Mark took a yawn as he flips through the next page.
He then saw the same hand written quote somewhere below.

“If you love someone, you must learn to let go.
If your love is felt, she will return one day.”

Mark jumped up from his couch in surprised.

Mark was no longer interested in the story.
He then quickly flipped through all the pages to search for more hand written quotes.

Mark found the quotes.

“I know it’s my fault but I must go on, I must live for you”

The he eagerly flipped through again.

“I missed you very much, somehow I know you must be miserable alone”

Finally Mark came to the last page of the storybook.

It was supposed to be a blank page but there were paragraphs hand written on the page.

Mark began reading.

“Ying ,

“The same smile will always be there along with the rosy cheek that blushes each time happiness is felt within you. The eyes of innocent youth will look forever the same..”

Some things haven’t change isn’t it? I wish so much everyday that I could see you once more, not only in dreams but in reality.

I want to feel you so much but I guess it seems impossible now. The days that you’ve gone has come to a hundred and it seems like only yesterday we were having those little strolls along the park behind our house.

Sometimes I want to tell you how much I love you, how much I’m willing to do for you, how much I would rather give half my life to God in exchange for your presence.

But I guess all this ain’t gonna be true once more. You had left me to walk with God in heaven. The little angels send me a dream of you last night. It was about how we first met. Of course, I would not forget about it .. but yesterday was like history relived.

Knowing you was a blessing but having you by my side was a miracle indeed. Somehow I never thought I was of your standards.
You were like the angel with the most beautiful wings spread open whereas I was only a lowly being who look so inhumanly from young.
That’s why I’ve always treasure your attention so much.

Time… I think is a very strange thing. When you’re with someone you love. It always seems so short… but when you’re missing someone… time always seems so long.

One of the happiest moments in my life would be our first date.
Those days of being young are coming back to me once more. You looked great with the red dress with floral design all over.

I never think cosmetics make us a better person, especially you. For you had the rosiest cheeks without the enhancement of artificial product.

Remembering back the date.. when we said walking was a form of romantic expression when money was really the main problem? I remembered how we walked from the whole east coast beach to your house at katong. No one has ever calculated how much we’ve walked over the years.

Perhaps a few hundred kilometers ?

I think you must be lonely being alone in the clouds of heaven sometimes. You always dread about loneliness didn’t you? I could remember the times you often complained about the loneliness you felt being the only child in your family…

Loneliness is something which we all will feel throughout our lives. I do hope the angels above can spread their wings of love upon you. I will be strong, I will be mindful of my actions, my speech and my desire. I will lead life as much as you want me to, I will live for you.

Taking life each day as it comes, nothing will be too big a barrier, nothing will be too small to be left unnoticed. I will wake up each day a happier person because life itself is a gift, a gift from the creator of heavens.

As I looked back to the days we’ve spent, knowing that memories will only be there for me to relive once more.

I thank the lord above for the gift of life, even though sometimes life is miserable when we fall, the strength that we develop to pick ourselves up is something not things that are taught, these are the things that we are supposed to learn. Lastly, I love you, and you know I really do. Please wait for me….

Yang,”

The wreath inside him was released the moment he finished reading. Mark just couldn’t control himself as he cried in the café.

He knew there were eyes that were lurking on him as people surrounding him were surprised that a full grown adult crying in the middle of the afternoon in a café.

“Sir, are you ok?”
The waitress came on to check.

“Yeah.. I’m fine.. sorry”
Mark said while wiping his tears.

“Don’t be… it’s good to let your heart out once in a while. This book must really be a sad story.”

“No.. It’s not because of the book. It’s something within me. I’ve been bearing with it for a long time already.”

“Then you should let go. Carrying a heavy burden all by yourself is miserable”

“Yes.. I’ve finally thought through it.”
Mark let out a sigh.

“Great! Sir, please enjoy your coffee then”
Mark looked at the waitress’s nametag as he took a sip of coffee .

“Sharon, You know something?”
“Yes?”

“Coffee actually taste bitter when you are sad”

“Of course, when you are sad you won’t feel the sweetness”

“Oh before I forget. I’m Mark Lee”
Mark reach out his hand for a handshake.

The waitress smiled and shook his hand.

Mark walked out the café a happier person that day.
However, he was interested in finding out the person who wrote on the book.

Somehow he felt closeness to the person named “Yang”.

What had he been through?

Did both of them suffer the same fate?

The only answer was to trace the borrower from the library database.
Mark then proceeded to the library.

-------------------

“Hi, I would like to check the previous borrower of this book please?”
Mark approached the stern librarian.

“I’m sorry Sir, we do not provide such services”

“Why?”

“We do not review any particulars/information of any members to anyone”

“Look, I’m serious here. That person is a close friend of mine.
Somehow I lost his contact numbers and now I have something which I need to pass back to him personally.”

The librarian did not response.

“Ok, you check for me and call the person for me. This way you won’t reveal any information to me and I can get in contact with him. Deal?”

“Alright.. you look urgent enough”
The librarian takes over the book and scans it.

Mark was waiting eagerly.

“Sir. Is your name Mr. Mark Lee?”

“Yes? That’s me”

“This book has only been borrowed once.. and the borrower is by the name Mark Lee”

[To be Cont]

Book of Love 爱神の书
Chapter 4

If you weren’t existed in this world, how would the lives of the people around you be?
Will they be happier?
Will they be sadder?
Will this world still be the same?

All of us asked ourselves this question at least once in our lifetime. Some were asked upon by others.

What is the meaning of existence?
Why were you created to suffer at the point of birth?

Some people are born rich while others struggled to survive through a day’s meal.
Some people are born smart while others struggled to get themselves through colleague.

You looked at those who are financially stronger than yourself.
You envy their abilities to get what they want.

Then you would ask yourself
“Why were you born?”

Be it a mistake, a moment of extended pleasure or even planned for by your parents.

Your very existence means a lot to the people around you.

You give your parents someone to scold when you don’t well for your grades.
You give your classmates your notes to copy or normally it would be vice versa.
You give your friends moments of laughter when all of you get together.
You give your first love to your crush.
You give your first girlfriend your first kiss.
You give your parents their first allowance.
You give your wife her first wedding ring.
You give your child their first breath of life.

Then you looked back at all the memories that you’ve gain and all the others that people remember you for.

Isn’t it wonderful that because you are existed to experience the meaning of life?

“Love is you, you have to love yourself before you learn to love others”

“Do you know Love, Mark?”
The voice was familiar.
It came from someone whom Mark hadn’t heard a long time.

“Where are you Jade?”
Mark tried to sweep the white mist that was surrounding him.

“I’m nowhere or you can say everywhere”
The voice replied.

“You haven’t answered my question.”

“I… know Love..”
Mark replied.

“Love is you, you love yourself before you can love others”

“Then do you love yourself?”
The voice continued.

“I… I don’t know”

“Mark, if you don’t love yourself then how can you start loving others?”

“Why must I start loving others?”

“If you don’t love others, how can you go on?”

Mark didn’t answer.
“Mark, let go of me in your inner heart. Let me go, I don’t belong to this world anymore.”

“We promised to be together forever didn’t we? Isn’t that what love is all about? Eternity?”

“If you love someone very much then will you let go of her?”

His eyes were wide open by the sound of the morning alarm.
Mark tried to close back his eyes to go back into his dream.
As much as he wanted, he just couldn’t get back to the dream anymore.

Finally he picked himself up and washed himself.

Mark looked into the mirror and there were dark circles surrounding his puffy eyes.

He had dream about the past, something which he had tried to put behind after such a long time.

As he log on to his blog, Mark looked at the phrase that Psyche had left.

“Do you love yourself in the first place?”

Mark stared blankly until a knock on his door brought him back to reality.

“Are you going to work today?”

“Yes mum, I’m changing now”

As Mark left the room, a picture of Mark and Jade was hanging behind the door.
The picture was taken a long time ago.

Mark went out quickly after taking a quick breakfast.
It was later than his usual time.

The MRT was still as packed as always. Mark had board from the front cabin as he tried to avoid the girl from yesterday. More importantly he was trying to avoid the middle age women who gave him a dress down.

As Mark squeezed into the middle area of the cabin, one of his files knocked onto someone and dropped on the floor. Mark bended down and tried to pick up his file.

“Sorry…”

“It’s ok..”

As both eyes met, both pair of pupil expanded with surprise.
It was the girl from yesterday.

“Are you trying to look at my underwear today?”

The girl’s glared could instantly kill him.

“Eh… hey, I didn’t mean it yesterday. It wasn’t purpose.”

“So you mean you are on purpose today?”

Mark was lost for words and sweat came rolling down as he was afraid that she will scream and calling him a ‘pervert’

“Nah.. I don’t think you are such a person”
The girl pushed up her specs and smile.

There was a feeling of relived felt through all the veins throughout his entire body as his blood continues to flow once more.

“Phew… I’m glad you understand”

“Of course, I’m not a beauty anyway, even if you want to prey, you would have prey one someone wearing less, someone sexier?”

“Don’t say yourself like that ok? Well these aren’t the most encouraging words but if I’m really a pervert I will surely and definitely prey on you”

The iceberg seems to crush in between them.

“Why are you in the front cabin today?”
Mark asked.

“To avoid you loh! You know how embarrassed I was yesterday?”
The girl tried to cover her face as she blushed once more.

“Ok, you deserved an apology. I officially and sincerely apologized to you”

Mark spoke as he bow down his head for a moment.

“Next stop…Yishun station”
Announced over the announcement system.

“I would be alighting next, so where do you alight?”

“My workplace is at Raffles place”

“Wow.. office lady yeah?”

“Yeah.. kinda, I’m an accountant.”
The train had stopped and the doors had open.

“Oh.. before I forget, my name is Mark, see you tomorrow at front cabin?”
Mark handed her his namecard as he made his way out.

“See you Mark… my name’s Jade”

Mark stood at outside the platform as the door closes.

“Her name’s Jade?”

----------------------------

“Hey bro, you are late today… “
Shaun greeted Mark as he entered the office.

“Yeah, I had a bad night”

“Tell me about it man…”

“I dreamt about Jade last night”

“Jade? You mean your university’s sweetheart?”
Shaun stopped typing and turned to face Mark.

“Mark.. you still can’t let go?”

“I don’t know”

“I mean, sorry to say this but she had gone for so long”
Shaun walked over and pat on his back.

“You ought to get your life going”

“I did ok? I’ve got so many girlfriends after her”

“And all of them you really loved?”

Mark didn’t answer as he knew Shaun had saw through him.

“Come on bro, don’t think too much”

“Ok, let’s get started on this busy day”
Mark replied as he switched on his desktop.

He logged onto his blog.

Mark then keyed in.

“I used to love myself very much, then something bad happened. I realized that I do not love myself anymore.”

Before he got electronically buried in the tons of emails that clients all over the world sent.

Soon it was noon.

“Hey Boss is bringing us out for lunch today”
Christine announced after she came out of the boss office.

“Great! Let’s have a good lunch!”
Shaun cheered.

“Please leave me out… I want to catch a short nap in the office”

“Ok loh, you don’t want to see him right? After he screwed you yesterday?”
Christine trying to bitch.

“Nah. Work is work. I’m just very tired”
Mark replied.

“Ok, maybe we will get you something when we are back later”
Shaun looked at his tired friend.

“Yeah…”

Mark went to make himself a cup of coffee as the group left for lunch.

As he came back, he log on to his blog once more.

As Mark looked at his tag board, there were full of unanswered questions as the next reply came.

“If you love someone very much then will you let go of her?”

It was sent by Pschye.

[To be Cont]

Book of Love 爱神の书

Chapter 3


You flip open your wallet, a picture of the two of taken together stands out.
The both of two were smiling and hugging like the end of the world in front of the camera.

To him, you had the most beautiful pairs of eyes.
To her, you had the sweetest of smiles.

Then you look at the mobile phone, the wallpaper being decorated with the unity of bonding picture of the two of you.

You keep all the messages that you’ve sent to each other.
The history of records goes as far as the birth of the new phone.

A special ringtone differentiates that someone from the rest as you will always be happier with that ringtone coming out from your phone.

You would start missing that person the moment you can’t settle your heart. Every happiness and sadness he/she would be the first one to know.

Someone who shared your memories, someone who walked you out of your darkness moment in life.

Then finally you ask yourself.

Is that person someone whom you loved the most?

Is that what Love is all about?

I don’t know.

I only know the person that who I loved the most on the very last moment I’m alive.


Mark stared at the screen with blankness.

“Do you know love?”

Those were the words that he was always asking girls that he’s dating.

“They don’t know about love as they probably only want companionship, they want attention and someone to pamper them.”

As Mark continued to look at the monitor, he realized too that he was not able to answer the question outright.

“Love is something that hurts you the most.”

Mark turned around and saw Christine behind him.

Christine tried to divert her attention to the neatly arranged files that she was trying arrange.

“Sorry, I just took a peek”

Christine apologized and made her way to the ladies.

“Love is something that hurts you the most?”

Mark keyed into his tag board, he couldn’t explain why but he just had no answer at the moment.

“Maybe Christine is right.”

Mark thought, hoping that ‘Psyche’ will reply.

As the day goes, Mark waited patiently and constantly checking on his blog.

There was no reply.

The day of an office work life comes to an end when their boss decided to leave the company at five. The dull spirit awakens through the loss of authority and control.

“Arghh… Let’s go for a drink tonight?”

Shaun offered some condolence.

“Nah..”
Mark rejected the offer.

“Oh.. Come on buddy… You had a bad day already”
Shaun tapped on his shoulder.

“Nah it’s ok pal, I’m ok man. Tomorrow is another brand new day right?”

Mark packed his bag and moved on.

Nothing seems to be in the way of obstruction for someone who is knocking off from work.

Not even a heavy rain, thunderstorm or earthquake can shattered the feeling of calling it a day at work.

The streets are bubbling with the peak hour crowds as everyone was making their way home on any form of transport available.

Mark moved against the flow of traffic.
As his small steps stroll through the crowds, his mind was still thinking about the question.

“What is Love? How much I know about Love?”

Mark recalled all the girls that he dated.
All of them claimed they loved him very much.

“How much?”
Mark would always ask them back.

“As much as you loved me”

“What if I don’t love you at all?”

“It’s ok, as long as you continue to go out with me. Whether you love me or not it doesn’t really matter right?”

“Why are we together when I don’t love you?”

“Because I love just being with you”
Mark always didn’t understand what they meant.

What’s the point of being together when one party doesn’t feel the same as the opposite?

Shouldn’t Love be equal?

As his thoughts began to settle down, Mark found himself standing in front of a rather old building.

It was the library as the signboard suggested.

Mark walked in thinking that the place would offer some silence in the crowded areas.

The library was peaceful and quiet as always.

Mark examined through the arrays of neatly arranged books on the shelves. He wondered through the fictional section, as stories would excite him as much as he remembers.

“The book of life at 15”

It caught Mark’s attention as he took out to read the synopsis on the back page.

“What do you know about life?
Have you ever taken a step backwards to look and reflect on the things that you have encountered?
Do all the things that happened to you change you to another person? What is the life of a 15 year old to you?
Do you still remember how it is like to be 15?”

Mark took out the book and started reading.

The beginning of the story was talking about a 15-year-old girl’s life in a poor family. How the family wanted to give her up to another family in bid to allow her to be raised properly. In the end her parents didn’t as they couldn’t bear leaving their child.

As Mark flipped through the pages, he came to a page with some hand written scribbles on the book.

“Love is you, you have to love yourself before you learn to love others”

Mark had no idea who wrote the sentence on the book but that sentence really struck him like a landslide.

Mark quickly borrowed the book and headed home.

After finishing his showers, Mark checked his blog once more.
There was no reply again.

Then Mark typed on his keyboard.

“Love is you, you have to love yourself before you learn to love others”

Then he waited.
There was no reply again.

Feeling down, Mark went to his couch and continued reading the book that he borrowed.

The story of the 15-year-old girl began with her childhood different other people. She has lesser to eat, lesser to wear from her brothers as they were fed to grow strong. It was a male dominant society as boys were raised proper and good with prospect of supporting the family later on. Girls were just eating the leftovers as the only thing they can do was the house chores.

Mark closed the book as it was rather late and the sleep bugs seems to start biting on him.

As he moved to switch his computer, there was a reply on his blog tag board.

It was Psyche.

“Do you love yourself in the first place?”

[To be Cont]