Chapter 8

[ A Lost Secret ]

“Psst… Can I tell you something? But promise me you won’ tell anyone?”
“Ok I promise.. I will keep this secret forever with me..”
“Really?”
“Really.. A secret is always a secret..”

Ever tell someone a secret?
Or ever been told a secret that you have to hold down your body to prevent it from leaking out?

I believe everyone has secrets.

It can be just about everything. About family, friends, wrongdoings, relationships..
One of the best secrets when we were young is involving secret admiration for someone.

Who would have forgotten the feeling you got when you finally let the secret out?

Was it guilt?
Was it a relieve that finally you need not bear the burden of knowing and can’t telling?


“Mel?”

Janice called Mabel when she reached home.

“Yes dear?”

“I’m sorry… I’ve told Ken about it”

“About what?”

“About you having a crush on him when we were in Secondary school. I’m sorry.. I know I’ve promised not to tell anyone. ”

“Its ok Janice, you don’t have to feel sorry about anything. It’s been so long, if you haven’t tell me about it. I properly would have forgotten him anyway.”
Mabel been so calm as always.

“Mel, I’ve given him your numbers too…”

“You what?! Thanks for the kindness!”

The calmness seem shaken.

“Ken said he’s got something to ask you, so I obliged his request mah.”

“Mel, can I ask you something?”

“Yes Jan?”

“Do you still like him as before?”

There was a paused at the back of the receiver.

“Mel.. still there?”

Then the line was cut off…

Ken was back at home with his mobile phone & a piece of paper in his hand.

“It’s been so long.. will she remember me?”

Weeks past, every night Ken would spend some time thinking of whether it’s appropriate to call Mabel.

“If I don’t call, I’ll never know what happened 10years ago… and even if she don’t like me now. I should be grateful that she once did…”

Ken finally dialed the numbers.

The voice he heard remain as sweet as her smile.

“Hello…”

“Hi.. is this Mabel?” Ken trying to subdued his nerves.

“Yes.. speaking.. you are?”
“Hey.. erm… it’s me.. Ken.. Ken Kuan from Sec 4H..”

“Oh.. hi Ken.. how are you these years?”

“I’m fine.. I’m been traveling quite a lot actually. From UK to US..”

“You want come out for coffee?”

“Now?” Mabel looked at her watch. It was about 9pm.

“If you don’t mind.” Ken softened his voice.

“Ok, see you at East Coast McDonald’s? I’ve been wanting to go there ever since I return.” Mabel replied.

As Ken drove towards East Coast, his heart sank as the destination gets nearer. Thoughts begin to wonder.

What am I going to say?
Should I tell her that I’ve only received her letter today?
Do I really like her in the first place?

Mabel was already at the café. She smiled when she saw Ken.
Everything could have changed but not the smile.

Not the smile that once caught the heart of Ken.

Ken sat down and they begin talking like old friends. It seems that 10 years is indeed too long for a catch up. Mabel have left for UK to study Banking and was found a job in UK followed by a stint of 5 years in US. On & off she will fly back to Singapore for her gatherings.

And so they talked. It was like the old times, when Mabel would always listen to Ken talking. Ken would always trying to tease her and she would always smile back.

They were walking along the beach after Ken suggesting to get a breather.

“Mabel…”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry…”

“For?”

“Making you cry that day.. and everything else…”

“It’s ok Ken, I’ve never once blame you at all”

“By the way Mabel, can I ask you something?”

“Yes…?”

“Are you S(43)M?”

“Eh…. Yes… but how did you know it’s me?”

Before Mabel could react, Ken shot another question at her.

“Do you ever liked me before?” Ken finally asked.

“…………” Mabel stopped walking.

“I….” Mabel tried very hard but words didn’t seems to come straight out from her.

“I don’t know Ken.. maybe I did… its been 10 years already. Even if I did during that time, all may be forgotten now.”

“It’s ok Mabel, I know it’s a bit silly to ask this question to you suddenly right now”

“Silly? So what if I do like you now? Will we be together now?”
Mabel turned to Ken with her eyes beginning to turn teary.

Ken was shot in the heart. He wasn’t expecting this.

“Mabel, I know you liked me all along. But I can’t tell whether is it Love between us.

I guess I’ve always treat you more like a younger sis…”

“Then maybe I shouldn’t have come back…” Mabel broke down.

It was the second time that Ken had made her cry.

To think getting your secret revealed by your best friend was painful enough.

To be rejected by someone whom you’ve liked for the past 10 years was even a greater pain to bear.

Mabel hugged Ken and just let it all out within her..

She was glad she finally said it out. Even though it didn’t meant anything to her now.

She just hugged Ken until her tears had dried up.

“Mabel, We are still good friends right?”
“Yes… we’ll always be good friends… forever”

They just sat at the beach throughout the night as Mabel slept on the arms of Ken.

Dawn has broke.

Everything looks clearer in the mist of dawn as the sun rose.

”Everything is clearer now…”

Ken looked at Mabel.

“At least now I know who I really liked…”

[To be Cont]

Chapter 7

[ The Class of 1997 ]

Have you ever asked yourself whether you like to go to school?
Maybe to most people, School is something that you never look forward but always looked back to.

Secondary school is definitely one of the best times that can happen to anyone.

It was the age of discovery, the age when boy girl relationship begins to etch and form. Secondary school was a place for the transition of adulthood where many of you will have your first kiss or hug and most importantly staying out late.

It was a time when you don’t really have to study as much as the remaining portion of your life. You will always remember your class.

The class beauty, the class hunk and definitely the class joker who never fails to make your day. Finally, the discipline master who was as irritating as always.

Is your school still around?

Have you gone back to a place where you spend 4 or 5 years of your life in?

Make a trip down today for it doesn’t really have to be Teacher’s Day to go back to your old school.

“Let’s go in”

“You crazy arh?! I’m wearing skirt ok?” Janice protested.

“Don’t worry, there’s no one here on Sunday mornings, besides nobody is interested in looking at your white colored panty.”

“Ken!!! You pervert. Since when did you..”

Janice wanted to kick him but Ken had already climbed up the gate.

Janice leaned against the side gate trying to figure out how to climb in.

To her surprise, the side gate was not locked.

“Ha! Ha! Ha! You stupid fool”

Janice said as she entered the school and hurried to find Ken.

“This is the assembly area right? A place where everyone will gather and listen to the principal’s daily motivation talk.”

Ken looked at the carpark.

“Yup! You were always sleeping in the morning then…”

Janice recalled.

Both of them walked into the school compound.

Everything was old & distorted. The garden that once flourished with Sunflowers had gone. The classrooms, the canteen and the sports hall looked haunted enough.

“Let’s go to our Class 4H” Ken said as he begin climbing the stairs.

“Janice, so when did our school closed down?”

“About 4 years ago due to insufficient enrolment for the newer batch. There was even a big reunion & class gathering, I called you remember?”

“Did you..? And what did I say”

“You said gatherings are meaningless and hung up on me!”

“Did I do that?”

”Yes you did! You always do that especially to me”

When they opened up the classroom, it was filled with dusk but amazingly it was still quite neat.

“Hmm… so surprise that after the school close down, the classroom is still so tidy.”

“Its because we come back once every year to clean it. After the school closed, the next consecutive years a few of us volunteered to come back with Mrs Siu to help move out the furnitures and tidy up.”

“That’s why I tell you I come back every year!”

“Oh.. You have nothing better to do huh?”

Ken reverted as he walked slowly towards his own table.

Everyone would recognize the table he/she sits during class.
No thanks to all the vandalism that was created during their time.
Each drawing or phases craved on the table have their own meaning.

Ken noticed some tables that was not neatly arranged at the back.

He walked up to have a closer look. He was browsing the different wordings that was craved.

Something caught his attention. A phrase that was written on one of the table.

“Do I really like him?, Will he like me? Will we be together?”
S(43)M

“S(43)M!!! S(43)M is really in my class?”

Ken tried to look for more clues and he found a tortoise like figure on the edge of the table.

“Make no mistake , this is Mabel’s table! So Mabel is S(43)M… after all”

Nobody would make out the tortoise except Ken as it was really badly drawn. The tortoise liked craving was did by Ken during one of the breaks to add to the misery of all teasing.

“All the clues is pointing to Mabel as the one, except her confirming it..

Unless I bring this up to her if not we’ll never know”

Ken realized Janice was standing at the other corner of the classroom motionlessly.

“Ooi Janice, what you doing there?”

“Nothing much.. just pretty much looking at my table & staring into blank space”

“Want to go for lunch? Ken realized it was already 3pm.

“Oh.. I’m beginning to feel hungry again! Let’s go”

As both of them left, the table that Janice stood too have some scribbling on it..

“Happy Valentine’s Day to Myself”
S(43)M.1997

After lunch, as Ken drove Janice home, Janice remained silent all the way until her phone rang.

“Hello…. Is it? Really??? You’re back finally!! I missed you so much”

Ken tried to hear the conversation but couldn’t make out much.

“I’m actually with Ken right now, when you wanna come out?”

Ken looked at Janice surprised that his name was mention.

“Hang.. on”

Janice looked back at Ken.

“Its Mabel, she’s back from her US stint !!”

“Mabel’s back huh…”
Ken thought to himself..

“Maybe things will be clearer this time…”

[To be Cont]

Chapter 6

[ A Lost place in Time ]

Have you ever gone back to a place you after a long long time? A place lost over time, and is lost within your memories space.

It could be somewhere you used to go everyday. It could be the route to school.

The route to school for some is a short journey but for others is quite a walking distance as they do not have the same luxury of having people fetching them.

Do you still walk back the route to school?
Are the shops still the same? Are there people whom you will see everyday still there?
Take a walk down the memory lane of yours when you walked the same route once more. What has changed? What has remained?

Maybe nothing had changed, but yourself.

“*Yawn…* Yes….Hell…o…”
Janice picked herself up from the irritating ring tone from her mobile.

“You still at home?~?~!?~?! ”
An unbelievable voice of astonishment exclaimed over the speaker.

“Yeah.. Wassup? It’s a Sunday you know.. if not at home then go to work..?… ”

“Hey Ms Ja “ not so” Nice… We are supposed to go out today…. Didn’t you recall our appointment??”

“Ken.. is that you? KEN!!! Oh… shessssh… Sorry Sorry.. I guess I was totally knocked out clubbing yesterday. Where are you??”

“I’m down stairs.. … since 9am..and you got about thirty-seventh time missed call”

Janice looked at her clock.. it was 10am already.

“Arghh Sorry.. Hey why don’t you come up to my place first? Its at 9th floor #09-464” Janice suggested.

“I need to dress up mah, you know girls.. it will always take a long time for them to dress up”

“Don’t worry, I will definitely come up and please don’t spend too much effort in your dress up. It won’t make a difference!”

“Shit you jerk!”

“Hey Ken… sorry lah… don’t be angry ok?”
Janice trying her very best to be nice for once while opening the door.

“You go ahead and dress up, I’ll make myself at home…”
Ken said as he plunged onto the sofa like his own.

Something caught Ken’s attention among the shelves. There were arrays of photos of Janice being neatly arranged on display. There were photos of Janice in almost every year in her life.

As Ken browsed through the photos, he saw a familiar face among the photos.
It was Mabel & Janice and the photo was taken right outside the school gate with a
“To my dearest, Happy Valentine’s Day !” scribbling of words on the photo.

The dated displayed below the photo was 14th Feb 1997.

As Ken continued to browse through the photos , there was another photo of both of them. It was taken not long ago.

Mabel too had changed, looking more feminine than before. Her smile is still the same and can really melt your heart.

“Boo!” Janice sneaked behind Ken nearly made he screamed.

“What are you looking at? Pretty me?”

“Nope, I was wondering when did the Aliens abducted you and transform you. Guess they did it not long ago”

“Let’s go out.. I’m hungry liao..and you haven’t tell me where we going” Janice pleaded.

“Ok, let’s go, let’s go”

Ken drove through the Tampines town and finally he parked along the roadside.

“Get down, Janice.. Let’s walk..” Ken said as he undo his safety belt.

“Huh? Where are we going? Why have to walk…” Janice complained as always.

After alighting from the car, they walk through some housing estate and found a coffeeshop.

“Hey it’s the coffeeshop we used to go for breakfast !!” Janice excitedly expressed.

“Now I know where we are going.. you want to go back to our old school?”

“Yeah, it’s been so long you know…since I last walk this route to school”

“Me too Ken, but at least I still comes back every year..”

“Why you come back for?”

“Why must you ask everything?” Janice getting annoyed.

After breakfast, they walked the same route which both of them took during their secondary school days. They walked past a few shops, some selling magazines, and a hair salon that Janice did perm her hair once and made herself the laughing stock of the school for almost a month.

Ken realized that not many things have changed, even after 10years..

As they reach the school gate entrance, Ken suddenly realized that the school was no longer functioning.

“Did our school closed down?” Ken turned to Janice..

“You mean you didn’t know? Where were you? In Mars?”

Ken stood at the gate for a moment, staring aimlessly at the locked gate.

“It’s been a long time, Let’s go in…”

[To be Cont]

Chapter 5
[ A Lost Name ]

Everyone have nicknames, as much as we want to deny it, we all have.
Some are nice, some are not.
Some are meant to be forgotten, some are meant to be remembered.
A nickname makes a person easier to be remembered because of the affections that we all put in when calling him or her.

A nickname can be anything that associates with him/her.

Whether is it a phase, an object, a cartoon character or simply some unbelievable names that only you can think of.

[ Do you still remember your own nickname & when was the last time you were called that way? ]


“ Hey Soo… why did your mother called you ‘Liao Liao’? Is her dialect hokkien?”

“ I don’t know Ken, I don’t suppose so. I’m don’t understand hokkien myself.
Why did you asked?

“ Because I won’t be calling my daughter that name in future! Don’t you know Su Liao Liao means ‘Lose everything’ in hokkien?”

Ken giggled and trying very hard to control his laughter during class.

“ Its not funny, Ken.. you better apologize to Liao Liao!”
Janice kicked his chair from the back almost making him fell.

Liao Liao wasn’t angry at all, instead she replied.

“ Whether what my name represents or signifies is not important. Most importantly this name is mine and mine to own and its name by my grandmother whom I will always remember.”

Liao Liao said as she smiled at Ken.
It was one of the sweetest smile he had ever saw in his life. The warmness can be felt through the heart.

“Ok, then I will call you Su Liao Liao from now onwards! You better don’t start losing things ok? ” Ken replied with a winked.

And so it goes, every time Ken had an opportunity to tease her he will gladly make his meal out of her. Whether its in the sports meet, during exams, doing projects.
Soo will always smile back… until one day..

“Hey Soo, are you joining us at Derrick’s place? I think we might be playing some poker.. wah.. bring you there I sure win.. because you will surely lose everything… So Liao Liao.. hahaha”

Soo stopped her walked, turned the opposite direction and walk away.

Janice sensed something wrong with her.. and ran after her while throwing her bag to Ken.

“Ken , You stupid Jerk ! You go to Derrick’s place yourself.. and take my bag with you”

For the first time, Ken felt some sense of guilt in him after teasing her so long.

“She was always fine with it right? What make her react this way today?”

From that day onwards, Liao Liao didn’t talked to Ken anymore.. everytime he wanted to apologize but she would turned away until the day when they graduated. LiaoLiao went to UK for her studies.. and Ken never saw her again..

“Ken… Ken…!! Snap!! Snap!!” Janice brought herself to his ears..
“Ken Kuan!! Why are you in a daze!!!!!”

“Ohhh… sorry.. I was thinking about something” Ken recovered from his thoughts.

“Janice, can I asked you a question?”

“Shoot!”

“Why did LiaoLiao avoid me from that day on? We’ve never talked since.. Did I really hurt her so much?”

“Argh.. you this pig head!” Janice screwed her fingers on his head.

“Who would want to talk to someone who tease her almost everyday in school? You think its really funny? You may think so but have you ever spare a thought for the opposite?”

“Well.. she took it fine for the first.. so I guess she was alright with it mah…” Ken expressing his guilt again.

“I always wanted to apologize to her.. but she won’t let me have the chance..”

“ Well.. since its been so long, I might as well tell you. Remember she ever told you how she got her name right? Well her grandmother died the day before we went to Derrick’s place. She didn’t have a chance to say goodbye to her as she was in Malaysia.”

“When she heard you teasing her, her thoughts for her grandma rushed her emotions. She cried for a long time that day.. I was there comforting her all along. You know, I’ve never seem anyone cried so hard in my life… She must have loved her grandma very very much”

“Then why she won’t talk to me?”

“Because everytime she sees you, she will think of her grandmother. She avoided you because she don’t want anyone to see her cry in school.”

“Ken, there’s one more thing I want to tell you…all along…….”

“What…”

“ Mabel had a crush on you before.. she told me during one of the girls night out at my place. She said you are always cheerful and full of crazy ideas to make fun of others. I believe she liked you since the day you start talking with her. ”

“ ………. Really?”

“ I don’t know when she liked you.. but you know, girls have sixth senses mah. From the way she react to you.. I would believe so.. Oh.. comeon.. who in the world can stand you and your stupidity!!!”

“……………. I don’t know……….how is she now?”

“ Oh She’s doing very well now, a personal banker..” Janice grabbed her final bite.

“ Hey its getting late.. Ken.. I need my beauty sleep…”

“ Ok Janice… by the way, are you free this Sunday?”

“Think so, what’s up?”

“I want to bring you to a place.. somewhere I didn’t go for a long long time…”

“Ok.. but you gotta pick me up again ok?”

“Done deal…”

After Ken sent Janice back home, he sat alone in his car and let his thoughts ran wild.

Turning the radio on, it was playing an old song.. It was Heaven Knows by Rick Price..

“Mabel always liked that song…”

“She liked me all along and I didn’t realized it?….
& She chose to confide in that letter?
& She ignored me because I didn’t go to the school gates?”

“How can this be….?”

[ To be cont ]

Chapter 4
[ A part of Lost Memory ]

It seems funny that some friends can lose contact over and over again without realizing how long. Maybe it’s the daily routine that made us behave this way. When we were young, it was always “friend” first. We could do anything any day for a friend. As we grow older, “friends” seem a distant word as we spend time for family, sometimes colleagues after work. Have you ever know someone all your life? Someone who studied in the same school throughout your education lifespan? If you do…

[When was the last time the group of you sits down and enjoys a cup of coffee & talk over the moon? ]


"So... how's life been going for you, Janice? I mean, look at you. A totally different person. What happen? You were abducted by Aliens or something?"

Ken bubbled with excitement.

"If that's your way of complimenting that I’m pretty then I will accept it without any guilt!"
Janice replied while taking a sip of coffee.

"We've all changed, Ken.... you, me and everyone around us... its whether you realized it or not that five years have past…"

There was a moment of silence from Ken.

"Looks like we've never stayed in contact after that incident…so how are you these years Janice?"

Ken tried not to look into Janice’s eyes, maybe he was still guilty about the incident that happened 5 years ago when they were still in University together.

“Its ok Ken, although I wish I could literally kill you during those times when Daphne kept insisting that we had something together and calling me a ‘slut’.
Thinking back, guess I was a bit too childish to get angry over such comments also. ”

“…. I’m sorry…”

Ken guessed that was the only words that were appropriate at the moment.

”…for ?”

”For what Daphne did, she shouldn’t have raised her hand towards you..”

“Its ok Ken, like what I’ve said, I was a bit childish to agitate her too. Looking back, it seems only like yesterday that we sat down and talked about this… Argh~~.. It’s been 5 years already… “

Janice stretched herself.

“What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger right Ken? Anyway Daphne is going to be my ‘Da Sao’ soon so I guess I have to start respecting her.”

“I don’t think you need to.. anyway Daph and I didn’t last as long as you would expect, we broke up 3 years ago…”

“What?~!?~?” Janice almost choked on her pasta.

“That’s very enterprising.. then what are you meeting me for? I thought you would want to pass me your wedding invitation.??”

“Oh… yeah I almost forgot my real intention too. Are you still in contact with the girls back during Secondary school?”

“Anyone in particular?”

“Anyone with the Christian name that starts with ‘S’ and Surname with ‘M’? Or vice versa?”

“Wah… why you need that for?”

“Well, you won’t understand even if I would to tell you, you won’t believe even if I would to show you, you won’t accept if I would to explain to you”

“Ok… ok.. stop confusing me… Let me think…There’s Sally Mok… Samantha Ma, Melody Su, Mabel Soo and Sophie Maniz Lee. If you include her middle name… ”

Ken went into deep thoughts……

“Other than the 3 which I thought, there’s Melody See… and Mabel Soo… wait a minute, who’s Mabel Soo???”

“Hey Janice, who’s Mabel Soo??? Why I don’t any impression of her?”

“What you mean you don’t know her? She’s my best buddy ok? And come to think of it, you almost ruined her life during our school days!!”

Janice burst out laughing.. ignoring the attention that she got from the whole restaurant.

“Of course you don’t know Mabel Soo.. but guess you won’t forget her chinese name…”
“Please stop irritating me Janice and tell me who is she…”

“Her chinese name is Liao Liao. And you always called her “Su Liao Liao” – “Lose Everything” in translation…remember now?”

A bolt of static could have struck Ken’s brain as he felt some numbness in him…

Could it be her? Mabel Soo is SM43?

[To be cont…]

Chapter 3
[ A lost friend ]

“hey Janice, its me Ken! How's life been good for you?”
“Ken? Which Ken?”
“eh.. the one whom you regard as a brother during secondary school times?”
“Oh.. Ken Kuan... from sec 4H..”
“yups! You are right... you didn't forget me yeah ?”
“No.. i didn't.. but I guess you've forgotten the time....”
Ken looked at his clock, its almost midnight already....
“hey.. i'm really sorry to bother you at this moment, cos i'm too excited at this moment...”
“about what? What does it got to do with me?” Janice seemed hostile.

“I guess its abit too vague to tell you everything over the phone at this moment and with you only half awake.. can we meet up tomorrow?”
“okie, please give me a call after work okie? Promise you'll pick me up..”
“okie, let's confirm the time tomorrow okie?”
“okie Ken.. goodnight...”
“just one more thing Janice...”
“yeah what now?!”
“Before the clock strikes twelve.. just wanna wish you a happy valentine's day....hope it isn't too late...”
“Its too late brother!... but happy valentine's day to you too...”

Ken put down the phone.. The clock had just struck twelve as the house was filled with the sounds of coo-coo. The time was 00:01 15th February 2007.
It had been a unbelievable valentine's day this year... maybe he will get lucky if he finds his sercert admirer, maybe next year's valentine's day, he will not be alone... anymore...

Everything seems to be going in his way during his work as Ken easily past through tons of documents and put his plans into place.

Sooner enough, knocking off never seems so early in his life.

Ken received a sms, it was from Janice...
“Hey bro, when are you picking me up?
My workplace is at Suntec by the way .”
“06.30pm if you're okie...” Ken replied.
“okie, see you there”

Ken arrived just in time after fighting through the gates of gantries with a whole parade of cars at the waiting lobby. He didn't see Janice anywhere in sight as he alight to have a better view.
There was still no sight of Janice anywhere..

Ken got a little pissed and just about to call her when he heard a familiar voice behind him.
“Ken Kuan Kuan Kuan Kuan” each “Kuan” with a different tone in hanyu pinying.
Nobody in the world would have called him that... except Janice.
Ken almost dropped his phone when he turned back.

The nerdy specs is gone,
The short spikey hair have grown...
Jeans have traded for skirt...
Canvas for heels...

Five years isn't a long time to forget someone but to see the same person in a totally different style is almost unbelievable.
“Eh... Janice?”
“Abuthen or you were hoping for some chicks to pick you up?
Wait long long arh...!!”
“Goodness.. at least the character is still the same...”
“What were you saying??? I only talk this way infront of you okie? Nobody in my office will have a chance in their lifetime to see me behaving this way”
“Let's talk over dinner okie?”

Ken drove his car away with a smile. It looks as if he have rediscover an old friend... someone whom he can always count on... and what a blessing in disguise that she have become so different.

[To be cont]